What Makes Us Human
by OverMaster
Summary: The Unequally Rational and Emotional Mundus Magicus saga. What? But I haven't even finished Mahorafest yet, you say? Yes, I know, but there's a reason for it, exposed in the first chapter's Notes. Proofread and Edited by Shadow Crystal Mage.
1. Louise

"It's no good!" Anya gasped loudly as everything crumbled down around them, large chunks of rock falling everywhere. "They've destroyed the gate's keystone… the link between the worlds is broken, with us caught in the middle!"

"The displacement magic is going out of control!" Negi observed. "Everyone stay together!" he commanded to his forces and the confused hangers-ons. "Join hands tightly, and-!"

Then everything surrounding him exploded in an onslaught of light, smoke, flying marble, rubble, shattered ice and, for some reason, the taste of a bell ringing and the sound of baby cologne (synesthesia was a bitch). His lungs were filled by dust, and a massive impact hit him in the chest and sent him flying back and away from the others as his whole world went black.

He still could hear Chisame's voice desperately crying, "Negi! Take my hand!" before losing his hearing in addition to his sight. And then everything became quiet.

* * *

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and owned _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Yamaguchi Noboru and Media Factory created _Zero no Tsukaima._

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for the proofreading and edits.

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter One.**

* * *

 **Louise.**

* * *

"I think I will call him…" announced the shapely and dark-skinned bespectacled young blonde with dog ears and a furry tail, as she lifted the small yellow animal in her hands, "… Jean-Luc!"

A slightly taller and bustier dog girl with longer blond hair, standing at a side of the summoning field behind the Academy, raised an eyebrow. "Jean-Luc?" she echoed dubiously.

"Pika-Pika?" added the yellow mouse-like creature (although more similar in size to a small cat) the dog female with glasses was holding, cocking its head aside, its lightning-shaped tail twitching.

The girl holding him nodded and smiled. "Doesn't he just look like a Jean-Luc? And I believe it's a lovely name!"

The gathered students standing behind the other dog-like student chuckled, giggled and chattered amongst themselves before the plump, short human woman in the dark purple robes and hat silenced them with naught but a calm gesture (proving this really _was_ a fantasy world). "It is as valid a name as any other," she said. "Miss Farandole, if anything, I think you should be commended on managing to summon such a creature. There are no records of anything like it in any menagerie I ever remember seeing, so you will get points on reaching past the boundaries of this realm. However, that also means you will have to be extremely careful in handling it, as we don't know the extent of its powers or its moods…"

Collet Farandole laughed at that. "Oh, Miss Chevreusse! You worry far too much! Just look at how lovable Jean-Luc looks, and how friendly it acts! How could he possibly ever—"

"Pika! Pika!" Jean-Luc, after shaking his short legs desperately in an effort to be put down, clenched his teeth and then released a large electric discharge from his body, knocking Collet on her back on the grass, her eyes spiraling quickly.

Professor Chevreusse sighed. "Very well, I suppose now we all are done with… Oh, my apologies," she corrected herself, looking at a nervous, gulping pink haired little beauty the other girls had just stepped away from, as if to give her free berth for the sake of her shame. "I don't know how I could forget about you, My Lady. Louise Francoise Le Blanc De La Valliere, please step forward and summon your Familiar."

The girl she had just addressed nodded firmly, but then just stayed still where she was.

The middle aged teacher waited for a moment before gently adding, "Miss La Valliere, the summoning has to be performed at the middle of the ceremonial grounds."

" _Not like it will help her any,_ " whispered a tall, buxom, brown skinned redhead to a much shorter and smaller blue haired girl with glasses and a stoic bland expression standing at her side, holding a long wooden staff in one hand. A well-traveled and educated observer might be forgiven for wondering if a mass-produced angel had somehow shrunk in the washing machine. Louise stared fire and hissed poison in their general direction before reluctantly walking forward to stand before the teacher in the middle of the gathering.

"I know this might be difficult for you," Chevreusse said, greatly understating the situation, "but I'm confident you can do it if you just put your heart into it. We know you have certain problems… accessing magic, but you have a lot of spirit, and summoning a Familiar relies, more than anything, on willpower and drive. It should play to your strengths enough for it to work. Do you feel prepared?"

"As much as ever, I imagine," the girl sadly said, convinced by now she would fail no matter the time, so why keep stalling her ultimate defeat anymore? She had led a good… well, a moderately pleasant life, and she was sure she always could escape or throw herself off a bridge before being shipped back home a failure to face her mother and older sister's wrath.

"That's excellent!" smiled Chevreusse, who was much better at teaching students with any talent than at recognizing the signs from those who didn't. Either that or she was just a sadist rubbing in the failures of her students. It was hard to tell with teachers. "Well then, show us your majestic Familiar, My Lady!"

"Oh, this will be good," the short haired, elegant Tomoe Marguerite chuckled to herself under her breath, maliciously. The pony unicorn with light purple fur and a darker mane and tail standing on all fours at her side, wearing one of the Academy's official black capes, gave her an angry stink eye Tomoe pretended to ignore altogether. Stupid sexy ponies.

Louise gathered the deepest breath of her young life, raised the magical wand in her right hand, and chanted with a voice that tried its best to sound brave and not shaky, _"Pentagon of the Five Elemental Powers! Heed my summoning! And bring forth my Familiar!"_

 ** _Nothing… Nothing Happened._**

Somewhere else in the Mundus Magicus, a certain green haired swordsman and pirate sneezed loudly, then rubbed the snot off his nose with the back of a solid hand.

"I knew it," Nina Wang shook her head in somber and disappointed dismay. "There was no way it could work…"

"Like, that is weird," the short duck girl with blond hair at her left blinked. "I was like sure my readings on today's events so totally said she'd do well for once…?"

 _"Sacred! Beautiful! Powerful Familiar!"_ Louise yelled as she waved the wand high. _"Come to me already! For we are fated for great things together!"_

"Now this is just sad…" Irina Woods, a brainy looking petite redhead, placed a hand on her own face, pushing her glasses up. She'd always found La Valliere standoffish, rude and unlikable, but seeing her at her most pathetic was still gut wrenching. And gut turning.

 _"Listen to the pledge radiating from my heart!"_ Louise called loudly. _"SO WE CAN SHOW EVERYONE!"_

"Oi," a tiny demoness from Venus began waving her small hands towards Louise, "don't you think that's enough now? Even a high maintenance student like you should realize by this point—"

Raspberyl's usual confused declarations on what made a good student and a delinquent or underachiever were interrupted this once when the skies suddenly grew much darker, almost as much as those back in her homeworld, making her step back as she took notice. So did the teacher and the rest of the students and their newly summoned Familiars, who instantly looked up in several different levels of alarm. One sensible soul drew out an umbrella and opened it. They were so greatly worried they failed to notice the blue pentagon starting to glow under Louise's feet, surrounding itself with a circle and runes until it became a fully fledged Pactio circle. Even Louise had failed to see it, as her head had snapped back and she gasped, staring in terror at the black clouds that had just appeared all over Mundus Magicus, shooting lightning at each other.

"Pika…" a fascinated Jean-Luc stared at the beautiful electric lights.

"Oh my gods!" Emily Sevensheep gasped. "Louise the Zero's ineptitude actually BROKE the Magic keeping the world together!"

"What the Hades?!" Louise snapped at her. "It's my fault now?! Wait, wouldn't that mean I'm just TOO GOOD at magic instead?!"

"Zero, you idiot!" Tomoe screamed while a fierce wind began blowing the skirts of Class 3-C's students. "What have you brought upon us?!"

"It, it it must be a total coincidence!" Louise cried, waving her stubby arms around now she had briefly transformed into a panicking Chibi. "I can't even make a Light spell right, how do you now believe me able of… this?!"

Shirley the duck, keeping her aloof coolness even now, simply frowned at the clouds. "Weird, right? Like I never saw this coming at all."

"Everyone regroup and head inside!" the teacher commanded. "Headmaster Seras will know what to do! I don't want anyone to-!"

"Miss Chevreusse! Look!" shouted Twilight Sparkle, pointing up, way up, with a fore hoof, while the purple and green baby dragon on her back squinted, following her gaze as best as it could. So did the others, and they saw a quickly approaching twinkle plummeting from the middle of the celestial extensions at a maddening speed, hurling down towards terra firma.

"It's a bird?" Arika Yumemiya asked.

"It's one of those flying machines from Vetus?" Jessica de Alkirk wondered.

"No! It's... It's… a boy!" the dark skinned and red haired Kirche said.

"Huh," the blond Montmorency huffed. "Well, you're the expert on boys here, so you should—GET DOWN!" she shrieked as the object from above gained even more speed, then slammed down brutally, right on the face of a paralyzed and utterly terrorized Louise.

In the split second that only Raspberyl's inhuman eyes could register next, she could get her first clear glimpse of what had just hit her unfortunate classmate, no doubt to smash her skull open in contact. Except because there wasn't any gore and fragments of skull flying and splattering all around, and in their place she could see, just for that most fleeting of moments, the face of the falling boy had just mashed against Louise's, their lips awkwardly coming together in a no doubt extremely painful collision course.

There was an overpowering blue glow that swept all across the Academy grounds, and everybody was tossed around like pins.

Louise dropped like a dead weight and fell unconscious, the softly grunting boy landing on top of her lithe body.

* * *

In his dream (although he supposed it was rather a nightmare, since it felt like one) he was standing alone in a wide, white featureless space with no limits in sight. There was not a clear divide between the floor and the rest of the place either, no walls anywhere; and if he had to guess, he would have said what there was above him was a sky, but only because it seemed to lack the feeling of depth the boundaries marked by a ceiling should have had.

The boy walked in silence across that antiseptic, eerily silent field, until he reached an ice sculpture. It depicted a very pretty girl with glasses and two side braids, wearing an open lab coat over a high school uniform. Another ice statue of a happy looking girl holding two pom-poms and wearing a miniskirted cheerleading outfit stood close to it.

As the boy kept on walking, he saw more of such figures. Only a few were male, including a young man holding a steering wheel in his hands and a lanky man in a hakama and sandals, holding a hangman's noose in hand. There rest were all female, and rather attractive. They included a short haired girl in another hakama, a short girl with long hair and round facial markings, a long skirted innocent looking girl who looked pulled straight out of a John Tenniel illustration, and a busty girl with long hair carrying a gigantic spiked mace.

Then the air around him became suddenly cold, very cold, to the point just taking a breath felt like filling his lungs with cripplingly chilly vapor. An ethereal cold mist swept through the surroundings, enveloping the ice figures, and another girl stepped out from behind the sculpture of a freckled young woman riding a compact four wheeled vehicle. She had pale skin and very short gray hair, and dressed in a military fashion, almost boyish, golden buttons on a dark gray shirt and pants.

"Negi," she said, her voice low, even and toneless, her tranquil ice blue eyes fixed on him. "Aren't you ashamed? To fail your students, no, your partners, like this…"

"Who… Who are you?" he heard himself gasping, taking a step back in instinctive fear.

Instead of answering his query, she shook her head sadly. "The son of that great man, and such a disappointment. You got them all involved in your quest, when even you were not sure where it would take you. Look, now, at the results of your hubris. Their lives are all in your conscience, Negi."

"I, I don't know what are you talking about!" he said, shuddering. "Why are you—"

"No," she said, reaching over to grab the head of an ice girl with glasses and a ponytail, which brandished a heart-topped scepter of sorts. "Why are **_you_** here, Negi?" she asked.

And she crushed the head between her fingers, sending sharp shards everywhere. Negi screamed in pain as several of them sank into his left shoulder and chest, and then into his eyes, blinding him…

* * *

 **"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"** he screamed, bolting upright on the bed.

"Oh, good," said a beautiful mature woman with long light hair, sharply dressed in a white suit with tie, and sitting beside his bed. "I knew the medication would work eventually. You should lie down for now, however."

The startled young man with the wild, reddened eyes snapped his head aside to look at her, filled with dread and confusion. "Who, who are you?!" he asked. "And where am I?!"

The woman smiled softly and bowed her head. "I am," she said, "Headmaster Seras of Ariadne Academy. I came here as soon as I heard you had fallen from the skies during a sudden freak storm. How are you feeling?"

"Huh?" he moved his eyebrows before flinching, putting a hand to his lower left shoulder, feeling the fresh wound under his fingers, and shuddering while the closed gap itched and burned at his own touch. "What is this…?"

"Apparently," the woman said, "you had been grievously wounded before falling on us… well, rather, on Miss La Valliere. We think you had been healed and quite thoroughly right after that, but seemingly the drop and your... landing reopened the wound. We have treated it as best as we could, but it was difficult even for our medical team. Whoever did that to you should have, for all rights, murdered you, my boy."

"I am not your—" then he stopped, as he realized he did not truly know if that was correct or not. He looked all around, disoriented, and saw Chevreusse sitting by a nearby open window, with a moody, grumpy cute girl with pink hair sitting on the chair next to hers, arms folded over her flat chest. The room they were in was fairly simple but clean and well lit, and judging from the position of the sun in the sky, it was still early in the morning. "So this is… Ariadne Academy?" he weakly mused out.

Seras nodded. "And they are professor Chevreusse The Red Earth and Louise Francoise Le Blanc De La Valliere, the girl you fell on."

"I fell on—Oh my!" he gasped. "I, I, I'm so sorry!" he stuttered. Now he seemed to remember dropping directly on someone before falling unconscious. "Did I hurt—"

"DON'T MOVE ANY FURTHER, YOU FILTHY DOG!" the pink haired beauty shrieked, and Negi halted his rise from the bed to realize he was naked under the bedsheet that right now only covered him up to his waist. Yelping in embarrassment, he sat back and covered himself further up, placing his knees right under his chin.

"I'm sorry…" he timidly mumbled, averting his gaze from them.

The Headmaster chuckled for a moment, faintly amused, before regaining a serious expression. "Don't worry about her. Her injuries were much less serious than yours, and we have fully healed her back by now. What is your name?" she asked him.

"Negi," he said. He remembered that much, at least.

"Negi what?" the young girl growled.

"I can't remember," he admitted.

The girl slapped herself on a knee, clearly frustrated. "Just my luck! Not only a commoner, not only not a majestic and powerful beast, but an amnesiac to boot!"

"My Lady, please, let us not misjudge before knowing every fact…" the plump woman said.

"My apologies, you are right," she replied. "Who knows, he might be a spy playing the amnesia card to fool us!"

"That, that is not exactly what I meant…"

Seras kept on looking at Negi. "Around the same time you showed up among us, there were reports of Gateports to Mundus Vetus exploding or shutting down all over Mundus Magicus. Would you happen to know anything about that?"

"No, Ma'am," he shook his head, which felt like it was going to explode from the inside any moment now.

" I see," Seras said. "Who injured you, then, and why?"

"I don't know that either, sorry!" he lamented, taking a hand to his forehead.

"What do you know, then? What do you remember about yourself?" the Headmaster pressed on.

"W-Well… My name is Negi… and… I… I think, no, I KNOW… I know I like… I like…"

The three women edged closer, curiously, as the boy seemed to have a dawning epiphany that lit up his face.

"I **_love_** tea!" he brought his hands together. "And dinosaurs! And collecting antiques!"

The three women all facefaulted on the wooden floor.

" **You idiot**! That…that's not relevant at all!" Louise yelled at him while springing back to her feet.

Negi blinked. "I suppose it's not, but… it's all I can remember. Didn't I have anything on me? Documents that prove my identity? A cellphone? I seem to remember I might have one, or was that my roommate? Wait, I had a roommate? I guess so, but I can't place their face…"

"What is a cellphone?" Louise grumbled.

"A personal communication device used by many across Mundus Vetus," Seras answered. "Well, I suppose that answers our first question about your place of origins, at the very least, Negi. And judging from your accent, I would say you hail from the hills of Wales. Curious and curiouser…" she rubbed her chin in deep thought before asking, "What do you know about Evangeline A.K. McDowell?" she asked.

At the mention of that forbidden name, Louise and Chevreusse both recoiled in fear, their skins crawling. They had not been expecting that, but Negi only blinked cluelessly, oblivious to their terror. "… who?" he innocently asked.

Louise swallowed, pointed a finger at him, and waved it irritably. "D-D-Don't play the fool now, you, you fiend! As if anyone could be ignorant about Evangeline McDowell, the Mistress of Darkness, the Queen of Puppets, the-!"

"Miss La Valliere, please!" a horrified Chevreuesse asked.

Louise realized what she was saying and bit her tongue, then blocked her mouth with both hands. "Ah, that's right! I'm so sorry!"

Negi blinked slowly and thought it over. Finally, he answered, "That… sounds like she's some sort of mean person? I guess it should ring some bells, but it doesn't. My apologies…"

"Then please see if this jolts your memory back," Seras said, pulling a card out of her breast pocket and showing it to Negi. Louise and Chevreusse were close enough to look at it too, and once again they almost fell on their backs, scared out of their wits. "We found this in the pockets of your pants, along these ones," she began to pull one card after another, in a quick succession, dropping them on the sheet covering Negi's modesty until all sixteen of them were on display before them. The boy's jaw loosened considerably. "Are those bells ringing yet?"

Negi gulped the thick knot in his throat and moved his head from a side to another reluctantly. He recognized a few of the girls in those cards as the ice sculptures from his nightmare, but as much as he tried, he could not remember their names, or what did any of them mean for him. "Are all of these… mine?" he asked. "Who knows, maybe I was holding them for someone else…!"

"Don't try to sneak out of it now, you filthy commoner! Casanova! Cheap Don Juan and ally of darkness!" a livid Louise cried to him, pulling out a black riding crop and threatening Negi with it. "It disgusts me so much, knowing I've become your latest intended victim…!"

"Whu-What?" Negi said, growing very scared of this girl. He had the sensation she would have started whipping him with the crop long ago if only the two adults had not been with them. "I have no idea what are you talking about! I fell on you, yes, but it could have killed me, so I'm sure I didn't intend to do it! And what does that have to do with these cards, please?"

"Oh dear," Seras said. "Do you mean you don't remember HOW exactly you fell on Miss La Valliere?"

"Well, to be honest, no, I don't know that either," the boy had to say.

Seras half sighed. "Miss La Valliere, please show it to him."

Louise cringed. "But, Headmaster…!"

"It's an order," the woman coldly said, and with a shudder of fear, Louise nodded and reluctantly pulled another card from a pocket on her cape. Then she held it before Negi, hands trembling, as she tilted her head aside, making as if she wanted to suck in and eat her own lips, eyes tightly squeezed.

Negi paled as he saw the card. It showed a standing figure of that girl in her student uniform, stretching a hand ahead in a dynamic, arrogant action pose, a leg slightly flexed up, cape frozen in mid-flow around her. And it read as thus.

 _Louise Franciscae Le Blanc De La Valliere_

 _Maga Inanem_

"I have no idea why I keep doing this so often," Negi pondered aloud, "but I think I should start thinking about how to stop it?"

 _Now,_ before the women could act fast enough as to stop her, Louise angrily bashed her crop between Negi's eyes.

 **"STUPID DOG!"**

* * *

A small, panting figure moved swiftly between the trees and bushes, stopping only occasionally to regain some breath.

She thought she had, somehow, escaped her pursuers for the time being. Although she had no idea how, in all honesty. She had only started running and then never stopped, using every trick and stratagem learned in Library Exploration to move across the treacherous woodlands, following an erratic path as to throw them and their hounds off her scent. Good thing she had not lost her memory after landing pretty much on her head, or anything like that. She would have been lost in every sense, had she lacked her survival skills in this strange, inhospitable world where apparently she had been branded some kind of outlaw almost immediately after her arrival.

After crossing two narrow rivers, she had started growing seriously tired, but forged on ahead drawing strength from sheer drive. Oh, if only she had listened to Haruna for once and made a Pactio with Negi-sensei, or even Inugami-kun. That way she could contact Nodoka and the others even from a long distance! Damn her stupid, stubborn shyness, if she escaped out of that one with her life, she wouldn't keep on doubting and act on her romantic impulses like Haruna kept on babbling about. She had just truly realized how short life was…

No, she couldn't and wouldn't think negatively. This had to be some sort of mass misunderstanding, but soon the cameras at the Gateport would prove they had been the victims back there, and they would be cleared up, and now, if only she could keep herself out of trouble until everything settled down, then maybe she could just—

Ayase Yue stopped after reaching the end of the woods, halting before a steep hillside and looking down at a majestic castle of stone built at the valley below. She breathed in, impressed, and drank on the fascinating sight of the massive building stretching over several blocks' worth of ground. It looked like a civilized fortress inhabited by reasonable people, not barbarians or warlords. Maybe, if she approached them and asked nicely, making clear her intentions were peaceful, they could help her to…

Then she saw a smirking blonde with dog ears and a tail swooping down towards her on a witch's broom, her intense blue eyes squarely focused on her.

"Well, so here we have another one!" the stranger said triumphantly. "You are under arrest in the name of Ariadne Academy, intruder! I am Emily Sevensheep, Cadet in Training, and you have just violated our academic boundaries!"

* * *

 **Next: Yue.**

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Yes, well, sorry. I know I haven't even finished the Mahorafest saga already (it's in the middle of a rewrite to make it less of a confusing mess, believe me. I wanted to capture and boost the 'Anything Goes' Sense of wackiness the original Mahorafest had, with many things happening at once, but... I really overdid it. Yes, I read the reviews. The burning white hot knife through my heart reviews, even if I kinda deserved them). I know there are even a few pre-Mahorafest holes left to fill (working on those as well, I swear).

But I might not have much time. The situation here in Venezuela is very dire, and I might lose literally everything any time now. I at least wanted to leave everything I've got written posted in the worst case scenario. I'm literally afraid for my life and future, or likely lack of one.

In the event things go well, look for a full compilation of the Unequally saga from start to finish eventually, rewritten sections included, so the whole epic can be read as a single mega fanfic. If not, well, it's been a pleasure, everybody. And sorry about everything.


	2. Yue

Finally, Yue decided on saying something. She'd been sitting on the bunk of her small cell long enough by now, silently thinking about her current situation, and she'd decided that, since nobody was coming to her with any answers, she might as well just start asking herself.

"May I have some juice?" she asked the dog-girl standing right out her barred door.

"Why? So I have to take you to the bathroom once again?" asked this blonde, leggy, somewhat haughty girl with a scoff, keeping her arms folded and her back to Yue.

"I can't help it, my bladder is small," Yue said. "And I get thirsty easily. And you wouldn't have to escort me to the toilet if you had one in here anyway."

"We don't have prisoners often, so that's hardly a common concern for us," the girl with dog ears and tail muttered. "What kind of juice would you like?"

Yue thought about it. "I don't know. I like my juices to be as exotic as possible, but since I'm in a different world, I suppose any juice you bring me will be exotic enough. I'm not picky."

The beastgirl sighed, then gestured towards a passing taller and slightly older girl, this one fully human-looking and wearing light silver armor, who was trying to get a good look at Yue's cell while pretend she wasn't doing so. "Marianne, please," the blonde told her. "Bring the prisoner a carton of juice, any variety, from the vending machine, will you? It'll only take you a moment."

"Y-Yes, Miss Sevensheep, Ma'am!" this girl gulped before quickly heading out of Yue's field of sight despite Ayase's attempt to see where she'd just gone. She could use the reference, after all.

Since she didn't get it, Yue leaned back on the bunk and asked this Sevensheep girl, "Shouldn't she be your junior?"

"I skipped two grades, so I'll be graduating this year," the stranger humorlessly said.

"A genius, I see," Yue understood. "That explains why they gave you this solo duty, but then, don't you think you should be actually looking at the prisoner you're supposed to be watching?"

The beastgirl growled, baring her sharp little teeth. "Don't think so highly of yourself! You're unarmed, they found nothing on you that suggests you're any sort of danger, and if you had any magic, you'd have used it to try and escape us in the first place. Anyone could have been given this assignment."

"You have a valid point, I guess," Yue admitted as the other girl returned with a carton of juice that she handed very respectfully to Sevensheep. Yue's watchwoman grumbled, opened the carton, poked a straw in it, and gave it to Yue as Marianne hastily excused herself away. "Thank you," the Mahora student said while accepting the drink. There was something written in badly bastardized Latin on the carton, which Yue guessed roughly translated as 'Cryberry Spiced Juice'.

Well. As long as it wasn't poisonous. As she drank it, she realized it was actually very tasty, a bit tingly on the tongue perhaps, but she had tasted them far spicier. "What's a Cryberry?" she asked after finishing the last drop.

Sevensheep hissed in frustration. "Are you serious? Everyone knows that, next you'll be asking about kooka plants, I assume?"

"Well, I wasn't going to, but now I will," Yue calmly said. "Is their juice as good as this?"

"Stop kidding around and hand it over," Sevensheep gestured for the empty carton and discarded straw, which Yue handed obediently. After tossing it into a trash can by her side, Sevensheep asked, "What did you say was your full name, again?"

"Ayase Yue. Yours?"

"Emily Sevensheep."

"What am I accused of, anyway? I told you, I didn't mean to enter and break in, I was simply lost, that's all. If this is the way you treat anyone in need who happens to wander around your school, then..."

"The current circumstances are... special, and no doubt you're well aware of that," Emily bitterly told her. "Don't try to play dumb with me, even if your face looks the part so much."

"If you think you're getting under my skin with that," Yue warned, "please stop wasting your breath. Back at home, they called me 'Idiot Black'..."

"Black Idiot, you mean."

"No, you'll see, it's a nod to sentai... right, right, you don't even know what sentai is, do you?"

Sevensheep gave her a blank look. "Should I?"

"I guess not," Yue sighed, crossing her legs. "Um, can I use your restroom again, please?"

Emily facepalmed, giving Yue a chance to verify that gesture was, indeed, universal. "I think I'll just ask for adult diapers for you. I think Mistress Beckysworth, the chief cook, should have a few to spare..."

Before Yue could ask how old this cook was and be surprised by the answer, two fully armored guards, who also seemed female judging by their general shapes and built, stopped by before the door, saluting Emily, who stood up and returned the gesture.

One of them lifted the visor of her helmet a bit, allowing for her icy blue eyes to be seen. "Ayase Yue?" she asked.

"Yes," Yue said. "Who wants to know?"

"Headmaster Seras wishes to talk with you. Do you know someone named Negi Springfield?"

Yue gasped, bolting up from the bunk and rushing for the bars, gripping them. "Negi-sensei is here?!"

"Someone with that name literally just dropped from the sky on a student during the Familiar Assignation Ceremony and claims having suffered a bout of partial amnesia because of it," the other armored guard said, gesturing for Sevensheep to open the door, to which the beastgirl answered with a nod and a pulling out of large rusty keys. "We'd like you to come with us, so you could verify his identity."

"Amnesia...?" Yue swallowed in disbelief, stepping back so Emily could open the door comfortably. "You must be kidding, that sounds like some kind of convenient cheap plot device, not something that would happen out of a fantasy novel or manga..."

Emily frowned at her. "What kind of self-professed idiot begins resorting to literary references as soon as she gets news about a friend's misfortune?"

"I'm a special kind of idiot," Yue informed her.

"Yeah, well," Emily nodded, "I can see that much, I'll admit it..."

* * *

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and owned _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Yamaguchi Noboru and Media Factory created _Zero no Tsukaima._

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for the proofreading and edits.

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two.**

* * *

 **Yue.**

* * *

When they finally took her there, she found him sitting on a small, simple wooden chair, in the middle of an otherwise empty room. Ayase Yue felt the door clicking closed behind her, but she knew better than to think they were truly alone- no doubt they'd placed some sort of surveillance device or another in the room, even though none was visible in the first place. She resisted the urge to throw something at him to check if he was an illusion.

Still, it wasn't like she could fault them, given the circumstances, so she sighed to herself, grabbed the other chair that made the whole of the rest of the furniture in the room, and pulled it around, sitting down so she could face the softly smiling boy.

"Good morning," he gently greeted her, with his hands on his knees. "Professor Seras told me you're supposed to know me, Miss?"

Such a strange question to hear, Yue thought before nodding calmly, something very few other 3-A students could have done at the time. "Yes. I'm Ayase Yue from Class 3-A, don't you remember me?"

"I'm afraid," he allowed, lightly scratching the back of his neck, "I don't remember anything but my own name right now. You look vaguely familiar, but... I've been told I suffered amnesia after landing on Miss La Valliere's head. Which confuses me, since amnesia shouldn't work that way in real life, and Miss La Valliere didn't suffer anything but a mild brief concussion, but I suppose it might be a side effect of the magic ritual I interrupted..."

"Miss La Valliere?" Yue echoed.

Negi nodded. "I fell directly on her while she was summoning her intended Familiar, and... looks like I qualified as such somehow as a result, even though this also appeared at the time..." he added, pulling a familiar looking card out of his breast and showing it to Yue. "So, I'm slightly confused on whether I'm her Master or she's mine, or both. I imagine both things are true, but in different ways due to an unintended mixture of procedures-"

Yue choked in her saliva as she saw the image on the card, that of a small girl with long pink hair. "Sensei! You kissed another girl?! You went and kissed a complete stranger, even before touching the ground, in an alien world, just like that?! Chisame was right, you're a threat to all women everywhere!"

Negi blushed, looking down. "It was an accident, b-but yes, I seem to have too many of those cards in my person, so I guess I am a menace to society after all. Maybe that's why I'm a public enemy, apparently?" There was a pause as he pulled another card out and held it up. "You mean this Chisame, right? Hasegawa Chisame?"

Yue nodded, frowning. "She's your first partner, and your roommate."

Negi blinked. "Why would I room with a girl?"

"Because there was no room for you anywhere else."

"Anywhere else where, exactly?"

Yue hissed. "At our academy, naturally! Sensei, you clearly remember enough about magic as to know what results from Pactios and what do they mean, so you must remember being a teacher, too!"

Negi rubbed his chin. "W-Well, not to be arrogant, but I think I hold enough scholastic knowledge to hold a teaching job, yes. How about you, Miss Yue? You sound and act like a very cultured person, you surely were one of the best in your class..."

"Actually, I was one of the five worst."

Negi flinched. "Oh. Well, we definitely need to do something about that, then!"

Yue sighed. Normally her answer to that would have been a vehement negative, but sadly she couldn't outright refuse Negi when he was giving signs of his standard teacher behavior. "Listen, we were your students in Mahora Academy, from Japan. You remember what's Japan, don't you?"

"Of course I do, Miss Yue. I'm amnesiac, not ignorant."

"Then please call me Yue-san and not Miss Yue, you used to be careful with our honorifics, remember?" While Negi nodded respectfully, she nodded back and continued, "Now, our Headmaster assigned you to live with Chisame and Hakase Satomi, whose card you no doubt hold as well." When Negi nodded and showed her Satomi's card, Yue half-smiled in approval. "They and Kasuga Misora first helped you against, um, a powerful enemy so you had to establish Provisional Alliances to stand a chance. It wasn't your choice or theirs, but something you had to do to survive, so please don't feel bad about it."

"Who was that enemy? Is he still a threat? Was he who threw me here? Is he still endangering my students?" Negi blurted out quickly, as worrywart as ever.

"Why do you automatically assume it was a male?" Yue muttered, folding her arms. She lowered her voice and gestured for him to lean closer, which he did. "Listen, I don't want to say the name loud enough our hosts could hear it, but it was Evangeline McDowell, the Immortal Witch, Dark Evangel. Does that bring you any other memories?"

Negi, perplexed, shook his head.

Yue sighed sadly, pushing him back gently and retaking her normal tone of voice. "I feared so. Well, Sensei, a lot of other things happened ever since, and you were forced into alliances with many other people just to stand a fighting chance at each turn. That doesn't mean you were a bad fighter and mage on your own, far from it, it's just... well, the odds were simply that bad, understand?"

Negi swallowed. "And I was so much of a magnet for trouble they kicked me out, right?"

"No, nobody kicked you out!"

"They chased me out?"

"No! We all lov- We all liked you, Sensei! You brought us here because we were on a, a vacation!" she sputtered, thinking better than to reveal the true purpose of their excursion where they could be heard, too. Although now that she had phrased it that way, it was no longer surprising things took such a disastrous turn.

Negi frowned. "Was that the kind of teacher I was? I'd rather put my students through a summer extra course than a vacation, especially you if you really had one of the worst performances. I'm shocked and appalled I was that lax about your studies!"

Yue pouted. "Sensei, a mind that only studies all the time without taking breaks will just collapse and break down! Especially minds like Makie and Asuna's!"

"Who is Makie?" Negi asked. Asuna, he guessed had to be that girl with bells in her hair present in another of his cards.

"Another Baka Ranger, pink, just a bit taller than I, has two moms, gymnast, shoots like an action hero, you know?"

"Baka Ranger?"

"All five of us worst students are called that, Sensei."

"Why would you call yourselves something that silly?"

"Other students gave us that collective name, okay? Makie thought it was cute, Kaede and Ku Fei didn't mind, and I was just too apathetic to care, even if now I know Asuna was right and we should've shaken it off! That's not the point! The point is, we may be bad students, but so what, not everybody can be perfect like Chao!"

"That's the best student in the class, right?"

"Oh, so you remember something now!"

"Not really, but it was easy enough to deduce from your context."

Yue exhaled and ran a hand down her face.

"I'm sorry if I've upset you somehow, Yue-san," Negi sheepishly offered.

"I feel a lot more sympathy for Chisame now," Yue admitted. "Never mind that, now you basically know who am I, and what I should mean to you. I might fall short of your expectations, Sensei, but I still respect you and will make everything in my power to help you regain your memories."

"Thank you so very much for that, Yue-san," Negi said. "So, um, you wouldn't happen to know where the rest of your classmates are, right?"

"Sadly, no. I fell to this world all alone as well."

"Ah. And what made us drop that violently in the first place? I overheard something about sabotage in the Gateports linking us to our own world, but-"

"That's probably best left for later discussion, Sensei," Yue adviced.

"But-"

"Please trust me. You won't understand the reasons until you've remembered enough about your own life."

Negi frowned. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that... but fine, you seem and sound like a reasonable, trustworthy person, Yue-san."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence. Now-"

That was when the door flew open, and in walked the same beast girl who had visited Yue in her cell. Emily Sevensheep. "Okay, that'll be enough, you two. The Headmaster wants to see you immediately, so please come with me and don't give us any trouble, okay?"

"Can we stop by the bathroom first?" Yue asked as they stood up.

"Again? Didn't you just go in, right before you came in here?" Emily asked.

Yue shrugged. "I have my own special needs."

Negi blinked. "Are you a diarrheic person, Yue-san?"

Yue clenched her teeth. "Okay, you definitely need to recover those memories as soon as possible..."

* * *

"Basically, we have a complicated situation here," Headmaster Seras smiled from behind her desk, which was just as large as Headmaster Konoe's, Yue noticed, but all white. Otherwise it looked like pretty much a repaint, which briefly made Yue wonder if the Merdiana Magus had one just like them too before the more pressing matters claimed her attention back. "You, Negi Springfield, are a fugitive from the law. And please don't try to deny it, as we have gotten official confirmation. You are accused of terrorism on a global scale."

By the way, yes, the Merdiana Magus had such a desk, but in black. It's was from a catalog, which explained a lot

Negi paled horribly despite, or perhaps also partially because of, the attractive woman's casual delivery of the information. Standing behind his seat, the same pink haired girl from Negi's most recent card gasped loudly, going blue with shock, as Ms. Sevensheep, who stood behind the chair given to Yue instead, simply kept on with her hostile, contemplative silence.

"Not that I want to tell you how to do your job, Ma'am," Yue calmly said, grabbing Negi's hand and giving it a squeeze to keep him from freaking out further, "but I don't believe that's the way to break such news to a child. Do you truly believe someone like him is capable of performing mass scale terrorism?"

"You've obviously never had to deal with Fairy Tail or Lina Inverse. I know who he's the child of, Miss, please don't try to undersell his capabilities," the tall, curvaceous and fair skinned blonde with long light hair and two curved horns sprouting from the sides of her head smiled pleasantly. "And I haven't said he's guilty, just that those are the accusations against him and, well, against everyone depicted in those cards he's holding, except for Lady La Valliere, naturally."

"D-Do you mean I've just been sexually assaulted by an internationally wanted criminal?!" the pink haired girl screamed. Yue hadn't liked her from the moment she walked in, and from the way that girl had looked at her, it had been clear the feeling was mutual. Besides, her voice reminded Yue too much of Tsukuyomi's.

Emily let out a muted chuckle. "What did you have in your mind while performing your summon, I have to wonder?"

"S-S-Shut up, shut up, that wasn't my fault, don't even try implying otherwise!" Louise screeched. "I'm the victim here!"

The Headmaster frowned. "Girls," she said, and that single measured word was more than enough to silence them instantly, much to Yue's relief.

"If, if those are the charges against me, even if I can't remember ever doing anything of the sort," Negi swallowed, "I'll surrender to the proper authorities without any-"

"Sensei, no!" Yue told him. "Of course what happened at the Gateport wasn't your fault! Our expedition was attacked and framed by the real terrorists, a team of superpowered would-be-murderers!"

"Sure, that's what they all say," Emily casually commented, making Yue wonder if she would be more grating than the pink haired girl or not.

"Now, now," the Headmaster said, "it wouldn't be without precedent. I hear such things happen regularly in Zootopia and St. Canard. Anyway, Miss Ayase, if that _is_ your real name, we have no record of you being part of the list of wanted individuals in this sordid affair, so you are welcome to walk out as soon as you want after you help us clear this matter out, as long as you wish so, of course."

"I'm not?" Yue blinked. "Why? I was right there with them!"

"We only have apprehension orders on Negi Springfield and his Ministra, plus one Itoshiki Nozomu, Lala Satalin Deviluke, Skuld Jottunsdottir, Kaga Ai, and someone called 'the Dreaded Perverted Beast of Mahora'," Seras said with a mere shrug of shoulders. "We were told this 'Beast' was the most dangerous of all, by the way."

Yue sweatdropped. "I, I guess he is, from a certain perspective..."

"What is exactly your relation to this band of alleged criminals?" Sevensheep asked icily. "Were you their hostage, or willing accomplice?"

"Neither!" Yue hotly argued. "I am their friend, and I'm telling you, they did nothing wrong! Not even Haruna or Rito-sempai, this time! Probably! A great injustice is being carried out here, and I won't allow you to lock up Negi-sensei unfairly!"

"As if you could stop the legal system of the Magical World so easily!" Louise huffed. "When you landed, it was headfirst on a big rock, wasn't it?"

"I... I'm sure I'll be given a fair and impartial trial, and if I'm innocent, the evidence of it is sure to appear..." Negi gulped as he lowered his head.

"Oh, you would be surprised at how crooked our legal system can get," Seras commented. "It doesn't matter much if you're innocent or not, if they really want you as someone's scapegoat, you'll go to jail all the same. Most likely turned into an ermine."

"There you go again, making that sort of cruelly careless comments so lightly!" Yue accused as Negi blanched out even more.

"Neutered ermine, even, for a crime of this level," Seras added, making Negi eep and put both hands to his crotch.

"You're only making it even worse, do you have no heart?!" Yue gasped.

"H-Headmaster!" Louise cried, scandalized. "What kind of seditious, anti-establishment social commentary is that?!"

"Miss La Valiere," the woman said very seriously now. "Ariadne Academy owes no blind obedience to any government of this world, and that includes even the whole sum of them. I know your grades are ghastly bad, but surely even you know Ariadne has a policy of complete independence, to such a degree we are perfectly entitled to grant amnesty and sanctuary to anyone, even including suspects of felony, as long as their guilt isn't fully proved on a court of law, and they ask for a stay as disciples of our ranks."

Negi blinked. "Can you really do that?"

Seras nodded. "We're a house built on the premise of enlightenment and education for everyone. Our precepts declare we cannot deny access to anyone who asks to stay as a student among us."

"That sounds like an open invitation for evil geniuses to enroll themselves here free from the law, but I don't care, we take on your offer, thank you," Yue said.

"Ah, you've heard of our distinguished alumni!" Seras said happily.

"We do?" Negi doubted. "Aren't we just abusing these people's noble precepts?"

"She made the offer, and you were never one to reject a lady's offer, that would be like insulting her," Yue summed up.

"But what if I'm guilty after all, you might have just misinterpreted what you saw back-"

"You're not!" his student growled.

Emily frowned. "Technically, she just expressed a fact, she wasn't specifically extending any invitations!"

"H-H-Headmaster!" Louise protested. "You know this is an Academy for GIRLS!"

"For girls and their Familiars, as a matter of fact," Seras corrected her. "And we can't deliver a Familiar to a court or police office, that would be simply absurd, don't you think? Those departments have no jurisdiction over Familiars and such creatures, so Mister Negi is still bound to you as your Familiar, established and approved by the Great Spirits of Magic themselves..."

"So you're telling me it's MY fault this guy gets to stay here?!" Louise despaired.

"In your room," Seras nodded.

"IN MY ROOM?!"

"That's the proper place for a Familiar to stay, as long as they aren't bigger than the room itself, isn't it?" the woman asked. "Or have you forgotten that part of your studies as well?"

Louise whined miserably and stamped both hands on her face, and Yue thought she really liked this Headmaster a lot better already. "Thank you, Ma'am, we promise we will not be any sort of- Oh no," she suddenly stiffened, eyes widening, as she saw Negi's nose starting to twitch.

"Ah... ahh..." Negi said out a corner of his mouth. "Sorry, could someone give me a handkerchief, please? I, I think I'm about to-!"

"Run! Everyone please RUN OUT!" Yue demanded, jumping off her chair, but too late, as just a second later there was a resounding, thunderous even,

 _ **AT-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-!-!**_

And another moment later Louise and Emily screamed in sheer agony.

"This won't make you reconsider your generous offer, will it, Ma'am?" Yue said with a small sigh, sitting back down and pressing both hands against her bare crotch while Negi fainted.

* * *

"You have a pretty room," Yue neutrally observed after Louise closed the door after them. It was meant to be an honest compliment, the first she could think of to give the girl since her arrival.

Negi nodded. "Indeed it is. Do you live here all by yourself?"

"Not anymore, I don't, thanks to you!" Louise snapped.

"Sorry!" Negi winced.

"Don't be, Sensei," Yue said, walking over to the large bed with white sheets and looking down at it. "A bit too large for a single person, though, don't you think?"

Louise sneered. "A daughter of the La Valliere family cannot sleep on a lesser bed, naturally!"

"Well, since you don't have any bunks here, it should fit both of us well enough," Yue pondered. "You'll have to get the side by the wall. I need to go to the bathroom at least thrice a night."

"Eeeeeeeehhh!" Louise said. "Whoever said you'd be sleeping in the same bed as I?! Just because we were told to be roommates, it doesn't mean we have to be bedmates! I've heard people in your country sleep on the floor like mutts, so why don't you do just that?!"

Yue shrugged. "Fine. Would you happen to have a futon handy?"

"A what?" Louise blinked.

"Well, that settles it, then," Yue said. "We Japanese will sleep on the floor gladly, but only as long as a futon is involved. Otherwise it'll be just plain unhygienic, especially in these environments, where you walk all over your rooms with shoes on." She slightly wrinkled her tiny nose for a moment, in a way that struck Negi as rather reminiscent of Louise's own mannerisms, which of course only further annoyed the pink haired noble girl.

"Are you implying that I keep my footwear dirty, and that my floors are too filthy for a weird-acting foreigner like you?! The nerve of you!"

"Don't fight, don't fight!" Negi requested, and felt a strange sense of familiarity.

"You stay out of this!" both girls warned. That was also strangely familiarity.

Negi recoiled back from this, but almost immediately bounced back with a firm, "No, I won't! I know I'm only a Familiar here, but, well, I guess I'm also Yue-san's teacher, and on top of that, I owe it to Headmaster Ceras to help with the discipline of this school, and that includes-!"

"La la la la la, not listening, I'm not listening to the stupid Familiar who will sleep on the floor too!" Louise covered her ears with both hands, turning around and swinging her hips around as if in a mock dance.

Yue blinked. "What are you, eight? Not even Fuuka and Fumika act that childish! What does pink hair do to people's brains, anyway?"

Louise stared back at her venomously. "Are you seriously daring to mock my hair while having that ridiculous hairstyle on your head, you Leaking Imp?"

"Huh, Leaking Imp, I hadn't heard that one before," Yue impassively said. "Why are you so scared of sharing a bed with a girl, anyway? Don't worry, not only will we'll be gone as soon as we can, but I have no interests whatsoever in anyone like you, and neither does Negi-sensei. Right, Sensei?"

Negi gulped. "But Yue-san, as a Familiar, I can't leave my Master's side that easily...!"

"She isn't your Master! Your Master isn't a tiny, tyrannical, demanding, abusive, full of herself pink-haired girl! She's a tiny, tyrannical, demanding, abusive, full of herself _blonde_ girl!"

"... oh!" Negi said. "Well, at the very least, I have previous experience in this field after all! Now if only I could remember it!"

Louise snorted, sitting down on the bed and hugging a large, very soft pillow against her flat chest. "I think I won't care about letting this idiot go, but only if he can get me a better replacement Familiar that gets the Academy's approval. So what's your story anyway? What did you do before coming here? Maybe if you start talking about that, you'll help this moron get his memory back."

"That... is not that bad an idea, actually," Yue admitted, pulling the chair from the nightstand and sitting down on it. "Well, I guess it won't hurt to tell you about it, since in this world everyone knows about magic anyway. Negi-sensei came to us less than one year ago, from Wales' Merdiana Academy... You have heard of Merdiana, haven't you?"

Louise huffed. "I have. If it's from the Old World, it's not that good a magical school, so what?"

Yue paused before saying, "Sevensheep-san told me you're so bad at school they call you Louise the Zero, do you really think you're qualified to speak about academic standards?"

"S-S-Shut up, I heard you were supposed to have awful grades too!" Louise growled, and Yue was inwardly pleased she had been right on her guess about her conversation with Negi being overheard and likely recorded.

"Yes I do, but then I don't throw accusations about other schools' standards," Yue pointed out. "Besides, I'm not the absolute worst in my class, that's Asuna-san. I heard you were the nadir of yours, however."

Louise blushed crimson and fumed. "Damn that know-it-all Sevensheep! Someday I'll show her! I'll show them all!"

"Now, now," Negi tried to reason with her. "Swearing revenge on your classmates is bad, even if they bully you and call you names. I promise I'll make that stop, but you can't-"

"Mutts don't get to nose into conversations between women!" Louise shot him down.

"I'm not a mutt!" Negi pouted, offended. "Why, that would imply I'm a rude, pushy, cocky black furball who never shuts up and- Oh wow, I think I almost remembered something for a second, did I, Yue-san?" he had suddenly gasped, lowering his head and rubbing himself vigorously, up and down the bridge of his nose.

"- maybe," Yue droned. It WAS rather annoying that Kotaro-kun apparently was the first person he could remember with minimal prodding. Good thing Paru wasn't here right now, or she'd just have a lot of freaking field days with that...

* * *

Yue was woken up very abruptly, by the closely linked sounds of a cracking whack and a loud cry of pain. She knew what had happened even before she got to fully open her eyes, which was when she glimpsed, through the darkness of the bedroom, Negi-sensei sitting on the large gap in the bed between her and Louise, nursing his reddened face in a hand and softly whimpering to himself.

Louise sat with her back to the wall, holding a riding crop and still pointing it at Negi, her cheeks red like tomatoes. "Wha-Wha-What did you think you were doing, you deviant, sneaking into a bed with two women at once?! Are you sure you're eleven years old after all?!"

"Uwaaaa!" Negi complained, averting his gaze aside. "S-Sorry, but I don't know what just happened! I'm not even sure I got here on my own! Last thing I remember was falling asleep on the floor as far from you as possible, like you wanted! I'm convinced there is a perfectly rational and sound explanation for this!"

Yue let out a small sigh as she sat up on the mattress. "I'm sorry, Sensei. I guess this was my fault. I should've known better."

"What do you mean, Yue-san?" Negi inquired.

"Wh-Why, you harlot!" Louise cried furiously. "You mean you're so desperate you'd pull a man into bed with you while another woman sleeps on that very same bed?! Which, by the way, is **my** bed to begin with?!"

"It's not like that at all!" Yue protested, then sighed. "You see, Negi-sensei is a sleepwalker. During his childhood he suffered from some serious trauma, so his big sister would let him sleep with her whenever he had nightmares. He got so used to that, he would do it even in Mahora, and Chisame and Hakase-san eventually allowed him to sleep with them, too."

"So my Familiar is a coward _and_ incestuous, as well?!" Louise was further scandalized.

Yue scowled. "Bite your tongue! I haven't ever met a braver boy than Negi-sensei. He's fought many powerful enemies who would easily crush most grown men without a moment of doubt! It's just, well, he has a psychological Achilles' Heel, much like most of us do."

"I don't!" claimed the girl with crippling complexes of inferiority and superiority, performance anxiety, mood swings, pent-up aggression, older sister phobia, suppressed lesbianism, and likely dire need to get laid by man or woman. Much like Lina Inverse, actually.

"... sure, let's go with that," Yue said. "Sensei, I apologize since I might have saved you this trouble if I'd mentioned it earlier. I hoped your memory loss might mean you also would forget your nightmares, but it looks like I underestimated the power of your subconscious..."

Negi blinked. "So I do have a big sister? Sounds like a very gentle lady, if she would let me do that..."

"I'd show you the pics I took of her with my cellphone in Wales, if only it hadn't broken when I fell here," Yue exhaled.

"Don't I have a cellphone of my own?" Negi asked.

Yue shook her head. "You wizards are rather technologically apathetic, apparently, even though not as much as those magi guys. I mean, you took to the Internet rather well once Chisame taught you about it, and in truth you had a cellphone for a while, but it was shattered during the School Festival and you never bothered to replace it, so..."

Louise huffed. "Why should we have any uses for those Old World trinkets? We live just fine without them!"

"Don't you even have your own form of TV here?" Yue asked her.

"It's nothing like that thing with the boxes you have there!" Louise said. "It's a superior system of global transmission of magically recreated images, but what would you know about that, Forehead?!"

There were several bumps on the wall from the next room, and a girl's voice shouted, "Keep whatever perversion you're doing there down, will you?! Sheesh!"

"No, _**you**_ shut up, shut up, shut up, Montmorency!" Louise growled. Then she snorted at her new roommates. "Anyway, if that's your problem then the answer is easy! I'll just tie you before leaving you sleeping on the floor!"

"I won't allow for that kind of abuse or any other!" Yue warned.

"But, maybe that's for the better, Yue-san...?" Negi doubted.

"Of course it is!" Louise nodded. "And this is my bedroom, Ugly Braids! So, you will follow my rules as long as you live here!"

"Fine then, just sleep alone and undisturbed here!" Yue scoffed, taking her pillow and blanket before pulling Negi down to the floor with them. "I'll be close to keep Sensei company and support so he won't bother you, that's the least I can do to repay him!"

"Oh, no, Yue-san, you shouldn't!" Negi fretted. "What, what if I sneeze while-"

"Well, if that happens, I'm not lending her any of my clothes, so head over to Montmorency's and ask her for a spare!" Louise grouched, rolling back down on the bed and facing away from them, pulling her blanket up to her neck.

"Oh no, don't you dare wrap me in your weird nocturnal affairs now!" warned the voice from the next room.

And Yue sighed again. The more the things changed... the worse they kept on getting, apparently.

* * *

 _Next Morning:_

Negi took a very deep breath, walked to the blackboard, and wrote his name on it as the class watched him in expectant silence. As soon as he was done with that, he turned around and forced his best smile despite how awkward he was feeling.

"G-Good morning, everyone! Pleased to meet you! My name is Negi Springfield, and starting today, I'll be attending your class as Master Louise's Familiar! Please, let's all do our best here!"

For a moment, you could have heard a needle falling in the classroom. Everyone but Louise, Emily, Yue and Montmorency seemed to have turned into salt statues.

That was until a tall, buxom redhead with slightly dark skin who had the two upper buttons open for her cleavage sprang up with a high pitched squeal.

"HE'S SO _**CUTE!**_ "

That was the go sign for more than half of the class to charge forward and pounce onto him, tackling him against the teacher's desk and burying him into a cascade of hugging bodies.

Yue, sitting at the back of the classroom in an uniform lent from Louise, sighed to herself. "People really are the same everywhere, it seems." Then she gave the pink haired girl sitting by her side a bland glance. "Who's that girl?" she asked, pointer finger aimed at the tall, laughing redhead with light brown flesh currently squeezing a gasping Negi against her bosom while most other students struggled to pull him away.

Louise sneered with cold disdain. "Kirche Augusta Frederica Von Anhalt Zerbs, the school's biggest... well, I won't stain my mouth with that word. Suffice to say she's visited five different boyfriends during this year, despite the fact we study in an academy where no boys are allowed. And we're still in early June, mind! Honestly, I should have realized she was a pedophile too."

Louise's next door neighbor, who had properly met Yue and Negi on their way to the classroom, nodded pensively. Yue so far had the impression she was a less extreme version of Louise herself, personality wise; while she didn't seem to think so much of Mundus Vetus and plebs either, and she'd sounded quite prone to perfectly understandable anger and Chisame-esque sarcasm last night, she overall had not matched Louise's violent mood swings yet, choosing to treat Yue and Negi with uncaring but polite enough straightforwardness. "Well, yes, she says she's been just window shopping so far, but I think she's the one with her goods in display most of the time."

Montmorency-san was barely taller than Louise and Yue, and her figure was quite slim as well, but there was a certain fine grace to her figure and motions that Louise couldn't match, and that reminded Yue of Iinchou, in a way. And speaking of Class Reps... "Aren't you going to do something about it?" Ayase asked Sevensheep, who stood aside frowning at the scene of girls mobbing Negi while the middle aged, plump Professor Chevreusse gently tried to calm the girls down.

Emily shook her haed without looking at Yue. "I'm watching and learning," she replied very seriously. "Who is this young man, how he reacts to stimuli, how he behaves, how sincere or not he carries himself... that will allow me to see if he, and you, are just pretending innocence or meaning it honestly!"

Yue shook her head. "Can't you mages just read minds? What need is there for any of this?" Next she pointed at a small light purple unicorn hopping at the back of the mob, trying to get good close looks of Negi. "And the reason for the colored quadruped to be here is...?"

"She's Twilight Sparkle from Equestria, here on a scholarship granted by Princess Celestia," Montmorency explained. "Despite of her looks, she's actually very skilled, probably the most talented student we have right now." Yue guessed Montmorency had that much of a grasp on this horse-person's capacities, too, since the blonde didn't seem like the type who would easily defer to others' superiority in any field. "But don't worry, I'm sure she's only interested on your friend's family name and the unusual nature of his arrival. You'll see, she's just curious about magic and all of its manifestations..."

"And that black-haired girl?" Yue asked next.

"That's Zatanna Zatara, from your world," Louise grunted. "I think her father's affiliated to one of those alliances of super-defenders you have there or another, most of them wearing their underwear in the outside."

"Zatara... You mean she's the daughter of Zatara the Magician?!" Yue gasped, recognizing the name from American news. Nobody really believed that mature gentleman who strutted along fighting evil while dressed like a stage magician was a real mage, anymore than they would have believed that Scarlet Witch from Magneto's terrorist/freedom fighter/media posse Brotherhood was in fact a witch, but apparently he was after all! That wasn't all that surprising anymore actually, after all Yue had seen recently, but still. Oh, and Asuna would surely be very interested in this, too. She'd always had a minor crush on that girl's father, after all.

"Yeah, well, that girl with the doggy tail and ears is Collet Farandole," Montmorency kept on pointing at more members of the wacky troupe Emily was now pulling apart at last, "and the two catgirls are Jessica Von Katz and Sabrine Du Chat. The one who is helping Emily around while pretending she wasn't gushing about meeting an alleged son of an Ala Rubra member is her best friend, Beatrix Monroe, a major fan of that team..."

"She is?" Louise blinked.

Montmorency nodded. "She's always keeping it quiet, but yes, she is, trust me on it. You know what, I even heard she's a fan of Jack Rakan!"

Louise made a fan of crude disgust. "You're pulling my leg!"

"What would be the point?" Montmorency made an annoyed sound. "Just like Collet is ga-ga over the Thousand Master. You'd better keep an eye on her, at least Kirche will lose interest fast, but she's the type to latch onto anyone looking like-"

"Like hell I care!" Louise snapped. "I'll trade my Familiar for hers if she wants to!"

The small yellow rodent hanging around Collet's legs as she returned to her seat perked its ears up, looking towards Montmorency and Louise. "Pika pika-pika pi-pi-pi?" it asked.

Yue, realizing the animal's presence at last, blinked several times with an air of faint befuddlement. "Isn't that a P***mon?" she wondered aloud.

"A what?" Louise huffed.

Yue breathed out, taking both hands to her forehead. "This," she predicted, "is going to be a very long day."

* * *

"This," Yue said, holding the first of the cards up, "is Hasegawa Chisame, your first Pactio partner, and one of your roommates. She's a stern, strict young woman who loves computers. You remember what a is computer, don't you, Sensei?"

The young man sitting before her in the room they'd been forced to share with Louise La Valliere nodded. "Of course I do, Yue-san. I told you, I remember all generalities of life on Earth, it's just the details of my personal life that escape me."

"A computer… that's one of those devices with mirror-like surfaces you people from Vetus use to entertain yourselves, isn't that correct? I think I've seen pictures of those…" Louise mused aloud.

Yue nodded. "But I don't understand, why don't you have televisions or computers here? Your world is in direct contact with ours, after all."

"Oh, sometimes, someone will try to bring those machines to Mundus Magicus, but somehow they never function," the petite noble explained. "Our top sorcerers have theorized our atmosphere, charged with more magic, Mysteries and pure plasma than yours, interferes with that kind of transmissions. The closest things we have are the global spectra-emissions."

"I see…" Yue said, pulling out the next card for Negi to see. "Kasuga Misora, your second Ministra. Timid and even cowardly, a bit of an annoying prankster behind your back, but ultimately her heart is in the right place and she can perform amazing feats with her super speed Artifact when properly motivated."

"Wow, I kissed a nun," Negi weakly said.

"Two, actually," Yue corrected him. "They're only nuns in training, however. So, does it ring any bells…?"

Negi hummed, then shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry, I can't remember her either. Next, please?"

Yue sighed, resorting to the third Card. "Hakase Satomi, a scientific super genius, second best grades in our class. Kind of eccentric and unpredictable. She rooms with you and Chisame! Remember, the three of them helped you to defeat Evangeline-san!"

Louise rolled her eyes. "There you go again! He'll never regain his memory if you keep feeding him fake stories and delusions, idiot!"

"I told you already, he _did_ beat Dark Evangel in a duel!" Yue shot back. "I wasn't there myself, but I know it happened! Even Eva-san will admit it happened!"

Only after extreme amounts of prodding and reluctance, and phrased in ways that would make her look as good as possible, but she would!

Louise put a hand on her mouth and copied a short snobbish laugh from her sister Eleanore. "Oh ho ho, sure, and I'm the lost princess of Corona!"

"Think whatever you want," Yue told her, "but don't meddle in this if you aren't going to help at all…"

Negi snapped his fingers suddenly. "Ah! I think I remember something like that now!" he said with an air of great enlightenment.

"You do!" Yue's face lit up in a rare, beautiful smile. "That's it, Negi-sensei! Keep thinking of that!"

Negi stood up, tightening a fist and grinning. "A scientific genius without equal! Quirky and kind of erratic, but very competent, and a loyal friend to the end!"

"I knew you'd remember her! You were so close, after all!" Yue sighed happily while Louise started to look worried.

Negi slammed his right fist into his open left hand, growing excited. "And she's so pretty, too!"

The skin on the back of Louise's neck crawled, and she fingered around for her riding crop. "Oh, she is, is she…?"

Yue blinked. "… ah? W-Well, I guess she's more 'cute' than beautiful, but—"

"That long, pink hair, just like Master Louise's! That bubbly attitude bringing happiness everywhere!"

Yue turned very pale. "Oh, no…"

Negi laughed, putting his hands on Yue's shoulders. "And naturally, she loves you unconditionally! Yes, Yue-san, thank you for helping me remember… _Lala-san!_ "

"…!" Yue said.

Lousie raised an eyebrow. "Oh-ho, so you have a girlfriend back at home, Miss Ayase…?"

Negi kept on laughing good-naturedly. "Girlfriend? They're actually engaged to marry, Master!"

Louise's little twisted smirk became downright devilish, scarily so like Evangeline's, as she glanced at the trembling Yue. "Don't tell me…!"

And finally, poor Yue exploded.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER HER OF ALL PEOPLE FIRST?!-?!"

Like with so many other great mysteries of life, the answer most likely was 'boobs'.

* * *

"Then why do they call her Princess Celestia and not Queen Celestia?" Yue asked.

Twilight Sparkle frowned at the question.

"I mean," Yue elaborated, "she's the oldest being in your whole kingdom. She has no parents to answer to. She clearly isn't any sort of heiress, she already rules over you, and has done so for centuries now. So why not to call herself a Queen already?"

An uncomfortable silence fell over the lunch table. Negi actually began looking around for an excuse to quietly, well, excuse himself.

"Hey, yeah!" Louise finally nodded, which should have been Yue's first clue this might have been a good line of questioning. "Ayase's right, why not call herself a Queen? It's an age complex thing, right? Does she think it'll make her sound even older than she already is?"

"Most likely, but please don't discuss that kind of personal issue in the open like this, it's just plain embarrassing," Emily nodded calmly while pouring more sugar into her drink, then quietly swirling it around.

The frustrated pony delegate opened her mouth, thought about what she was about to say, closed it again, and then just mumbled through gritted teeth, "I don't know..."

"Oh-ho?" Louise looked fairly amused. "So there's something YOU don't know? Something about your precious Queen, even?!"

"Princess!" Twilight protested.

Spike shrugged while munching on a jewel. Yue thought once again how Tohsaka-sempai should never meet this little creature. Witnessing his eating habits would literally destroy her. "Maybe," he guessed, "she does it out of consideration towards Princess Luna? Like, she doesn't want to make her feel even worse by claiming a title technically above hers..."

"That's it!" Twilight quickly latched onto the explanation."Yes, that's surely it! Princess Celestia is so nice to her sister's feelings! And Princess Cadance's, too!"

Kirche half-pouted, half-frowned. "Isn't that just a hypocritical thing to do while you're hogging the throne anyway? Who does she think she's fooling? Won't that make Nightmare Moon feel even worse?"

"She's not Nightmare Moon anymore!" Twilight protested. "There was an epic battle and crying and hugs and everything!"

"Well, I wouldn't blame her if she were," Kirche said. "Knowing you'll have to be the second in command literally forever with no hope for promotion at any point, ever, that would be enough to turn me evil, too..."

"Hate to break it to you, but that ship sailed away for you long ago," Louise muttered.

"Ah, just like-" Negi thought he had just remembered someone who was just like that- flirty, the Token Evil Teammate, and rather... big-chested- but then realized he couldn't remember anything about that person past that point yet. As the girls looked at him in expectation, he sighed and shook his head. "Sorry, I lost track of that memory as soon as it came over, I think..."

"That's gotta be Haruna," Yue informed him.

"Oh, so Card Number Eight?" he asked.

She nodded. "She'll be glad you remembered her before the others, too. Although I'd rather think it was only because of Kirche-san's reminder, even if Haruna IS my second best friend..."

"Wait, are you saying your second best friend is much like me?" Kirche asked. "Then why don't you like me?"

Yue blinked slowly. "When have I ever said I don't like you?"

"Well, you always act cold and distant around me, so I figured..."

"That's just the way Yue-san usually is, don't read too much into it," Negi adviced.

Kirche made a joyful sound and lunged over the table to crush Yue into a tight hug between her breasts. "So you do like me, after all! That's so good to hear...!"

"Actually, I'm not that sure anymore!" Yue confessed, but unluckily her mouth was so firmly sandwiched between Kirche's mounds she just couldn't be understood at all. "Also, I feel I should warn you I have a violent and possessive fiance."

Yes, too much like Haruna for comfort, perhaps...

* * *

The training fields behind the large stone castle that doubled as the Academy's dormitories were wide and verdant, radiant in their well-manicured beauty. At some point everyone wonders why, when there has not been a week where it didn't acquire an interesting assortment of craters, burned out swaths, giant blocks of ice, acid damage and random trenches dug into it, and no one ever sees the gardener fixing it, yet at the start of each week it was back to being wide, verdant and radiant as if nothing had happened. It was kind of creepy, really.

Now Negi, Yue, Louise, Collet, Jean-Luc, Kirche, Montmorency and Gosalyn had gathered there, under a bright morning sun, for the girls to practice their broom flight. Each of them held a regulation broom that fit their personal sizes, plus a standard star-shaped magical wand issued to all students.

Almost as soon as they had stepped out of the building, a duck girl who was even younger and shorter than Gosalyn ran to greet them, wearing the same white sports jersey and black bloomers PE ensemble as the other girls. This definitely had to be a custom imported from Earth, Yue thought, as Negi looked mostly uneasy and flustered in a simple white tee-shirt and shorts.

"Hey there, Webby!" the red-haired duckling high-fived the smaller one, who sported a classier pure white hairstyle with a small lavender bow at one side of her head. "Do I deliver, or what? This is the mini-Thousand Master I told you about!" she pointed a thumb towards an even more uncomfortable now Negi. "Negs, this is Webbigail Vanderquack, grandkid of a frenemy of Aunt Morgana, and—oh, you're here too, Lena," she finished in a considerably blander tone.

"Yeah, that's me, wassap," dryly waved a third duck girl that was slightly lankier, taller and older than Gosalyn, with a pink dyed streak in her white hair. She looked up and down at Negi. "Then this is the guy? I was expecting for someone, I don't know…"

"Taller? Cooler? Heavily armed and dangerous? Bursting with pure undiluted sex appeal in human form?" Collet finished the idea for her.

Lena shrugged. "And broader and older and bulkier and with less of a babyface and not smelling of old milk, but other than that, yeah, I guess he's okay…"

"What are you saying, Lena, he's identical to all surviving pictures of Nagi Springfield!" Webby excitedly cooed, quickly spinning around Negi to examine him from all sides, bombarding him with questions. "Then, you're the leader of Ala Alba? Who was tougher, Sukuna the Demon God, or Count Wilhelm? Did you really meet Konoe Eishun? Is it true he can't fight anymore? Is it true he killed Zolgen Makiri in the Fourth Heaven's Feel? Is it true you fought a magic-revealing terrorist but then you let her go? Is that why they're hunting you down?!"

Yue's eyes bugged out. "How do you know all of that?!"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking!" Webby peppily said.

"No! I mean… how do you know about Ala Alba, the Count, the Demon God, and the Holy Grail War in the first place? Those are supposed to be secrets!"

Webby blinked. "… secrets to you mundanes, yes, but we're mages!"

"M-Maybe, but even so, we were told to keep a very low profile on all those things! I mean, Ala Alba were!" Yue protested. "And now you're telling me all of that is known all the way here?!"

Webby blinked again. "… did you really think you guys could beat a demon god, an elite demon potentate, and a global order-threatening terrorist without any info about it ever leaking out? _Really?_ "

"Apparently Batman does it all the time, so yeah! I thought mages who knew things had to keep them quiet, or they were turned into talking animals!" Yue said, then squinted at Webby's smiling face. "Unless…!"

"We were born like this, genius," Lena deadpanned. "And we aren't animals, any more than you are apes!"

"That's correct, please apologize to the ladies, Yue-san," Negi politely requested.

"Please, not now, Sensei," Yue groaned.

"To be fair." Gosalyn said, "Webby's got better connections to learn stuff than most. Her grandma works for Scrooge McDuck, one of King Mickey's main supporters. But it's not like Grail Wars are a big secret! Sure, the Clock Tower tries, but those old wheezers are so outta touch with reality they don't even know when Lord El Melloi is publishing tell all books under their noses masquerading them as biographies of Alexander the Great…"

"Ahhh!" Kirche and Montmorency swooned, hearts fluttering out of them. "Professor Charisma…!"

Negi blinked. "Actually, it looks like you girls know more about my life than I do. I'm sorry, Miss Webbigail, but it seems I suffer from Hollywood Amnesia…"

Yue sighed. "So it would seem. To think we'd be celebrities in another world but nobodies in our own…"

"Who are you?" Webby asked her.

Yue facefaulted.

"No, seriously! I've heard of Perverted Artist Speed Grapher, the Enigmatic Winged Samurai, the courageous Mysterious Sister, the Sinister Screaming Death Man who might be related to Ala Rubra's Sissy Screaming Death Boy, Yuuna the Kid, Kuro the Terror Who Walks like a Child, and of course the two greatest ones, Nelly the Lovely Devastator and The Deadly Deep Loving Assassin from Beyond! But I'd never heard of someone like you!"

"She's the Leaking Imp with an Ugly Haircut," Louise explained.

"No! I'm Baka Black," Yue picked herself back up. "Well, that explains why I don't have a bounty on my head. My own fault, really…"

"Nah, don't think of it that way. Not having bounties on you is a _good_ thing," Lena told her.

Negi rubbed his chin. "Yes, now I remember those books from Lord El Melloi II. Iskandar was a great warrior and conqueror, of course, but he still doesn't compare… to… King Arthur?!"

Yue tensed up, startled, as Negi's eyes widened. "Sensei! You remember…!"

"Y-Yes, I think I do! Saber-san, right?" Negi gasped. "I can remember Saber-san now!"

"You've met _a Servant?!-?!_ " Webby squealed almost orgasmically. "And of the Saber Class to boot?!-?!"

"We've met _several_!" Yue said proudly, and Webby fainted with a wide grin into Lena's arms. Then Ayase frowned at Negi. "But Sensei, while regaining any bit of your memory is good progress… could you please remember one of us, your students, next time? Preferably Nodoka?"

"Saber-san is part of 3-A too!" Negi pointed out. "Besides, it's very difficult to forget King Arthur once you've met her!"

"King Arthur is a girl, for real?" Collet asked.

"Of courrrrrrse! Another ggggirrrrrrrl!" Lousie growled, already pulling her riding crop out of God knows where, making Montmorency lift an eyebrow. "And I'll bet she's verrrrry attrrrrrractive too!"

"You've just been revealed a major historic shocking truth, and your first reaction is being jealous of your boyfriend?" Kirche asked. "And they call _me_ boy-crazy?"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, he isn't my boyfriend!"

Webby chuckled from Lena's arms. "Please! I already knew that! Merlin once told Uncle Donald…!"

"Your uncle has met Merlin? _The_ Merlin?!" Negi almost panicked.

"Well, he's not actually my uncle, he's my boyfriends' uncle, but anyway, yeah, he's King Mickey's court wizard, and once traveled to this island of fairies where Merlin was imprisoned long ago…"

"Wait, did you just say 'boyfriends'?" Yue recoiled. "As in, plural?"

Webby nodded while Lena looked aside, visibly upset all of a sudden, although Webby didn't seem to notice at all. "Yeah! I'm dating triplets!"

"I repeat, and they call _me_ boy crazy?" Kirche asked.

"You don't date them by trios; you date them by the dozen!" Louise reminded her.

"Pika pika pi pi pi pi pichu! Pikachu!" Jean-Luc, the sanest person present, opined.

* * *

 _"Practe Biginar… Ardescat!"_ Yue repeated, and once again shook her wand, a tiny flame jumping out of its tip at last. "I… I did it! I finally did it!"

"Yay, way to go, Yue…!" Collette clapped. She, Kirche, Montomrency, Lena, Webby, Negi, Yue and Louise had assembled in the latter's room after dinner to see the newcomers try their hand at basic spells. It had taken Yue around a full hour, during which everyone else but Collette, Negi and Webby had grown bored and simply started to flip through Louise's magazines, but she had finally mastered the beginner's incantation.

"Oh, wow…" Yue breathed out. "I, I never imagined I could do it! Paru could do it after a while, and it was easy for Nodoka, but I never even tried…!"

"You should have, Yue-san!" Negi smiled. "You actually did it in a far shorter time than the average!"

Kirche grinned, looking up from the magazine she'd swiped. "And that flame is bigger than those Zero can do even now!"

"Sh-Shut up, that's easy for you to say! Fire's your element, not mine!" Louise screeched.

"And neither is water… or air… or earth… or lightning…" Montmorency observed calmly, a ground-based wizard herself.

"Negi-sensei's element is lightning," Yue explained, "but he's still rather apt at all—"

 _"Practe Biginar, Ardescat!"_ Negi was saying at the same time, holding the wand Collet had just handed him and waving it around.

A moment later, the whole castle trembled, and everyone in the room had a blackened face with huge, unblinking eyes.

Collet finally coughed some gray smoke up. "Okay… lil' Negi certainly is the Thousand Master's son, after all…"

"He… He only needs to remember how to control his power…" Yue weakly squeaked.

Kirche stiffly sniffed at Lena and Webby. "I hate to admit it, but you guys smell really delicious this way…"

* * *

"You should start taking advantage, you know," Kirche said, interrupting the blessed peace of the library. Normally Yue would have been greatly appalled at such a transgression, but the implied meaning of what the tall well endowed girl had just said blew her mind just too much for her to feel anything else.

Sitting by her side, bespectacled face barely rising from the very thick volume she had been reading, the petite and light blue haired Tabitha asked "?"

Kirche chuckled fondly, putting her steamy novel down. "No, not you!" she told her longtime friend, a truly mismatched pair if there ever was one. "I mean Yue!"

"What about me?" the girl from another world asked, warily glancing up from a tome on Magephysics by Professor Kent Nelson.

The buxom redhead casually pointed out the nearest large window. Yue looked out, and saw Negi coaching Louise in the castle's courtyard. The pink haired heiress was in full Pactio regalia, joyfully waving the long wand she had for an Artifact; the fact she was smiling meant it took a couple of seconds for Yue to recognize her. Below Louise, an invisible force was lifting her and the broom she was riding, while Negi clapped and cheered from the ground where he stood, his sleeves rolled up, showing his toned arms off nicely. Yue's gaze lingered mostly there until she heard Kirche's mock sigh.

"If you lose to Louise the Zero, they'll start calling you Yue the Sub-Zero!" Kirche said. "And I wouldn't wish that nickname upon anyone! Much less on a perfectly nice girl like you…"

"Say what?" Yue asked. "Sensei is only helping Louise-san master her Artifact, that's the least he should do as her Magister. And it's not like I was ever his girlfriend anyway. For that, you want Chisame."

"Yue dear, I hate to break it to you, especially this way," Kirche shook her head. "But your friends, this 'Chisame' included? Even if they somehow survived a drop all the way down from a Gateport, they'll have all of Mundus Magicus after their tails. By now they must be either dead or jailed, I'm so sorry…"

Yue smiled defiantly. "You don't know Ala Alba at all. They're all resourceful and as hard to kill as cockroaches! Especially Itoshiki-sensei! I have faith they're all okay!"

"That's good to know," Kirche shrugged. "That means 'Chisame' will steal Negi away from you a soon as they meet again."

"W-What if she does?" Yue stammered. "I shouldn't get in the way of their relationship…!"

"Is this Chisame a very good friend of yours?" Tabitha quietly asked.

"N-No, we've never been very close, but what does that have to do—"

"Is your best friend another of Negi's suitors, then?" Tabitha asked again, this time using more words than Yue had ever heard stringing together before. Previously, she'd been as untalkative as Zazie, or Nagato-sempai.

"N-No!" Yue gasped. "My best friend, Nodoka, she had a stage of sort of liking him, but… lately, she's been… more into another boy…"

"Then you don't owe Miss 'Chisame' anything!" Kirche grinned. "The Sis Code only applies between sisters! I can tell you like him, so go for it! Whoever snoozes, loses!"

"Whatever gave you the impression I like him!?" Yue protested.

"Oh? So you hate him?" Kirche leveled a glare at her. "You don't act like you do…"

"No!"

Kirche grinned again. "So you like him…!"

"Why does it have to be one way or the other, no middle points?!"

"You do make a cute couple, and care for each other…" Tabitha approved with a subtle nod.

"Yeah!" Kirche said. "You're always behind him, protecting him whenever Zero tosses a fit! C'mon, girl! The only reason why I'm not jumping on that boy is because you've earned my respect! If you aren't interested, then just tell me so I can move in!"

"W-Wow. Don't get me wrong, guys, I'm thankful… I think. It's almost like being with Nodoka and Haruna again," Yue said. "It'd still feel wrong, though. I'm no homewrecker."

Kirche clucked her tongue. "Tch! Think nothing of it. Love is a battlefield and anything goes! I could brew a love potion for you, you know. Free, even! I'm that nice!"

Pro Hint for Life: If someone feels the need to tell you they are that nice, then they generally are not actually that nice. This was something Yue knew well enough.

Yue cringed. "No love potions, please! Last time someone used one of those in Mahora, almost the whole class ended up serving detention for public nudity!"

Kirche and Tabitha glared at her, surprised. At least, Yue thought Tabitha was surprised too. It was difficult to say for sure.

Yue blushed deeply. "N-No actual sex was involved, okay?" she quickly looked around, but found all students at the nearby tables, Raspberyl and Twilight Sparkle included, were absorbed in their own reading, sound blocking spells deployed around themselves. Yue frowned at that. It meant the librarian could just sit back at her desk doing nothing but flipping through fashion magazines, which was a gross breach of proper librarian behavior in Yue's opinion. Forcing herself back to the topic at hand, she mumbled, "It was all just a big misunderstanding…"

"Okay," Kirche shrugged. "I think I understand now. You play for the other quidditch team, right? Now I remember Zero mentioned you had a girlfriend, one 'Lala'…"

"Th-That's not it either!" Yue overheated. "She fell in unrequited love with me after I accidentally grabbed her tail, which is a marriage proposal for her species, and don't think it's made up, you have plenty of weird customs around here too! That's all!"

"Okay," Kirche said. "We don't think it's weird you'll have to marry another girl because you grabbed her tail. We'll accept it's perfectly logical and sound."

"No, it's still weird, I'm just saying it's not something I just invented to justify why I'm engaged to her! It's not because I like her or find her sexy or anything!"

"Wow, girl, be careful," Kirche warned. "Now you're starting to sound like Zero. Maybe it's contagious after all?"

Tabitha quiet and discreetly pulled her chair away from Yue's just a liiiiitle bit.

Yue facepalmed, face bright red. "No, please don't leave me, Nodoka, I mean, Tabitha-san, I swear I'm not a—Wait, you play quidditch?!"

"The books became a big hit here, too," explained Tabitha, who just thought them to be okay even though she always was first in line for each premiere sale. It was a matter of principles, blast it. "So we adopted the game as a popular sport. I understand your 'Rowling' gets a large sum from each tournament held, too…"

"Wow," Yue blinked. "Talk about taking literature to a whole new level."

"That's got nothing to do with literature and everything to do with money," said Kirche, who didn't like the books at all, finding them too commercial to have any true literary value. Although she did like that Daniel Radcliffe guy a lot, from the smuggled pics she'd gotten from Vetus, particularly those from the stage play about horses, yum yum. "So, can I move in then?"

"No," Yue said.

Kirche pouted. "But you said you wouldn't be moving in…!"

"It wouldn't be fair for Negi-sensei to have anyone, myself included, making romantic advances at him while he's vulnerable and missing his memories."

Then Louise's crystalline laugh came from the outside. "Not bad at all, Familiar…! Maybe I didn't make such a big mistake summoning you after all…!"

"Oh, Master!" came Negi's voice. "Please don't say that, the merit is all yours!"

"Ah ha ha ha, you think so? Well, I guess you're right…!"

Yue shivered deeply as Kirche casually said, "Yeah, well, try telling that to _her_."

"Professor Negi must be saved from Louise the Zero," Tabitha stoically declared. "If not by Yue, then by Kirche."

"Or you," Kirche casually said.

"… no, not me."

"We could team up. I don't mind sharing as long as it's you, how long have we been BFFs anyway?" the redhead chuckled.

"…" Tabitha said, on the stern side.

"It's for a good cause!" Kirche smiled.

Yue sighed. "Let's go back to that completely hypothetical plan we won't be exacting where I would be the one to deliver him from her. What would it be about, then?"

Kirche batted her eyelashes innocently. "Did I sound like I had any sort of plan…?"

Yue glared fiercely. "You always have a plan, Paru. I mean, Kirche."

She smirked and pulled out a roll of paper from her Victoria's Secret Compartment. "Well, now you mention that, maybe I had some sort or another of generic selfless project at hand just in the event a good new friend ever needed to rescue a poor innocent soul from the clutches of a shrieking pink haired harpy or another…"

* * *

 **Next: Mayu.**


	3. Mayu

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and owned _Mahou Sensei Negima!_ and _UQ Holder.  
_

Takeuchi Naoko and Shueisha created and own _Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon._

Fumizuki Kou and Hakusensha created and own __Ai Yori Aoshi._ _

Sunrise created and owns _ _Mai HiME.__

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for the proofreading and edits.

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Three.**

* * *

 **Mayu.**

* * *

"Master?"

"Hmm?" Evangeline murmured, her chin resting on a fist. "What is it, Chachamaru?"

The girl in the meido outfit glared angrily at her.

"Ah, that's right; Chachamaru's gone with Boya and the others…" Eva yawned under the blazing heat of the summer. Karin had no idea whether she was just cruelly teasing her or she was going senile already just like Lady Dana, but it was just as irritating either way. "What is it, Karin?"

The black haired immortal sighed. "You haven't done anything but sit there looking miserable all week long, Master. Why don't we go take in the sights for a while? The exercise would do you well…"

"I have taken in enough sights of this school for fifteen years now! That's why I'm miserable!" the little vampire snapped. "You don't need me as your tour guide, what are you, five? Will you get lost without me? Go on your own and find yourself a date, or something like that!"

A vein bulged on Karin's head. "You haven't changed at all, I can't believe it! I'm kind enough as to stay here to serve you again while your doll chooses chasing after a child! I even call you 'Master' once more, something I swore never doing again! And these are the thanks I get?!"

Eva looked the opposite way, grumbling. "I never asked you to stay! And it's not like I need a babysitter, I only took Chachamaru in to humor Chao and Hakase!" Then the cup of pudding she'd been morosely and slowly eating slipped from her hand on to the floor. Very little of it spilled out. "Wah! Pick that up, will you! It's still edible, I can't let any pudding go to waste!"

Karin frowned steely. "You don't need anyone to help you, do you?"

"No, but my limbs are short! I can't reach it from here!"

"You always could stand up and crouch down!"

"I'm tired! The sun weakens all vampires, even Daywalkers!"

"You don't have any vampiric traits under sunlight, you're just lazy!"

" ** _I_** am lazy? Who is lazy enough not to bother to find a house of her own? You implied I was indebted to you, but you're shameless enough as to do it after I give you a ceiling under which to sleep!"

"Oh, so I'm indebted to you, instead?"

"Yes, once again!"

"Then I suppose you still remain indebted to Lady Dana, as well! Or did you finally repay for your stay at her castle and your education during my absence?"

The Dark Evangel flinched in disgust. "How many times do I have to remind you I don't want to hear of that woman ever again? That cow is the reason why I can't even watch The X-Files!"

"I suppose you would've forbidden _my_ name being mentioned as well had there been anyone who ever knew me during your stay here!"

Evangeline flinched even harder this time, but now the sentiment behind it was different. "That… That isn't true, you idiot! I never held any real ill will towards you. All the same, you shouldn't have stayed with me again. It seems we are bound to only hurt each other."

Karin smiled sadly. "That may be correct. And yet, for all your company hurts me, your absence hurts me far worse."

The tiny blonde finally looked back at her. "Karin, no…"

"Master," she softly said, reaching over and tenderly touching her cheek. Then, slowly, she lowered her own face towards hers, blushing like an innocent maiden as she did so.

Evangeline shivered and closed her eyes, yet also puckered her small pink lips. Which then felt a touch they hadn't felt for so long. Literal centuries. The sensation lingered there, the lips if anything only deepening against hers, a warm tongue entering her mouth and immediately looking for her canines (just like back then), and a hand began feeling up her chest, and…

"Oh dear," said a dry, mature, feminine voice, breaking the spell like a dagger. "Sorry to have chosen such an unfortunate time to visit."

Eva and Karin, startled, pulled away from each other, almost falling on their backs. Professor Akashi, blushing, adjusted his glasses and shifted his legs in place just a bit, while his Caster, standing by his side before the porch of the lovely cabin in the woods, chuckled behind the hand primly shielding her mouth.

"Y-You never saw any of this!" a beet-faced Eva shouted at the visitors—no, intruders, in her opinion. "B-Because none of this ever happened! It was a mirage, for this place's forbidden magic messes with mere mortal heads! Even mere mortal heads from the Age of Gods!" she anticipated Medea's next words before she could voice them. Then Eva seethed venomously at Karin. "See, Chachamaru's sensors would have warned us against these interlopers in time!"

Karin smiled proudly. "So worth it," she said, licking her lips.

"There's nothing wrong in dressing up a lovely young warrior up and then enjoying her company, My Lady," Caster gently told Evangeline, the politeness only making the sting worse. "I am so glad to see we share the same sophisticated tastes, at least to some degree, since I prefer blondes past puberty…"

"I think I didn't hear that either," Akashi sighed. "I… I'm not going to judge what two women of consenting age," _and then some_ , he thought but wisely left unsaid, "do in their spare time, but as a teacher, I have to ask you not to do it in the open. Even living in the forest, some explorers might pass by and see a grown woman French kissing a child…"

"Zip it up, you raised a grown woman who French kissed a child," said the centuries old woman who had French kissed this same child to the father of that not-fully-grown-yet young woman who had not kissed the child THAT deeply yet. "What in the world are you doing here? I already told you, I can't make any new Gateports, and the one in the mountains wasn't even working anymore already!"

The man shook his head. "I know that. I've already accepted all I can do is wait and hope for the best, and trusting Yuuna-chan and Negi-kun. But in the meantime… I've still got work to do."

"I tried telling him to take a week off," Medea said, "that he shouldn't be working under that much stress, but he won't listen…"

"I can sympathize," Karin nodded. "I know someone else who won't stop brooding, barely touching their lovingly cooked pudding, tormenting themselves over the fate of Negi Springfield's expedition…"

"Who's that?" Eva scowled, pushing the cup of pudding under her rocking chair with a foot.

Professor Akashi breathed in stoically. "I'm sorry, Darling, but if anything, the job further helps me not to go mad with grief. I can't leave all that weight on your shoulders, dear. Anyway, Evangeline-sama, I'd like to consult your opinion on a new case that has begun troubling us and Mahora City. They already call it—"

* * *

"The ghost bride?" Akira blinked, sitting in a wide circle along Minako, Artemis, Rei, Shiho, Ami, Fuuka, Fumika, Satsuki, Zazie, Ako, Mami and Tate. All of them had gathered by the swimming pool to enjoy what Minako had called a meeting of the Non-Ala Alba Committee for the Safety of Mahora, but the rest of them had decided treating as an invitation for a picnic.

"Nooo! Not a ghost story…!" the twins wailed, taking the chance to jump into a mutual tight embrace of terror and nervous wandering hands. Tate would have been interested in the sight had he not rather favored big breasted women overall. In contrast, Zazie only sat juggling colorful balls as if she'd just heard nothing, and Satsuki only nodded absently while buttering another sandwich which then she handed over to a thankful Mami. Ako sighed; since Akira couldn't abandon her post as a Sailor Senshi, she'd decided to be a good friend and keep her company, not to mention not to further bloat Negi-sensei's traveling party. It had been her own decision, since Makie and Yuuna couldn't do it, but at times like these, she couldn't help but wonder if she'd made the right call.

Minako nodded. "That's right! They say it's been haunting the Lexcorp Mall area since the Festival ended, but I hadn't minded since it never hurt anyone. But now, young men have started disappearing during nights, so it's time to get dangerous! Our yummy young men are a valuable natural resource we can't allow ourselves to lose! Without them, what would we do? Go to Honnouji for dates?"

"Of, of course not!" Shiho cringed, clinging to Tate's right arm.

"… eh. I think we could cope," Fuuka said, giving Fumika's ass a squeeze.

"For the love of Kami-sama, at least wait until you're in private!" Rei scolded them, then sighed, taking a delicate bite of her sandwich. It was very good. "But yes, I've heard of that too. I feel negative energies whenever I walk by that place, but I just assumed it was because it was Lexcorp Mall." She had started hanging with them shortly after losing her Servant during the Holy Grail War, making especially good friends with Mizuno, since there was nothing else of any interest to do around anymore. "Wait, why didn't you look into it from the start?! Did you really have to wait until people begun vanishing?"

"Rei-san, Rei-san!" Aino wagged a finger. "Most ghosts are harmless 'Plus' like Sayo-chan and Oshizu-chan! If we investigated them all we'd never get anything else done! But after Rukia-san left to go save Kurosaki-kun from Soul Society, and Nanoha-chan went into space to save Testarossa-chan from yellow-powered space Nazis or something, only we can stop this boy stealing fiend now!"

"Not to mention Negi-sensei and the others disappearing in that magical world, and Emiya-sempai, the Tohsaka-sempais, Himemiya-sempai and Archer-sama leaving to join that 'Chaldea' organization…" Ako sadly looked up at the sky. "Mahora's wellbeing is left up to us secondary characters…"

"Ako-chan, we aren't secondary characters, we are all the protagonists of our own stories," Minako chided her. "Well, _I_ am, at least! I mean, I was already doing the heroine gig in England back when Negi-kun hadn't graduated yet, Emiya-sempai only repaired machines, and Nanoha-chan hadn't noticed girls yet! Right, Artemis? Artemis…?"

The white cat was standing apart from the others now, staring wide eyed towards the old music hall building one block away. "Can you hear that wonderful music…?" he said.

"We don't have keen animal senses, so no, we can't," Shiho told the cat. "What about it, anyway?"

"Let's go there! I have a good feeling about this!" Happily, he sprang forward, rushing towards the conservatory.

Everyone stared after him.

"Oh look, a completely obvious and convenient clue," Tate deadpanned, since it was so blatant even _he_ picked up on it.

"How I wish all the forces of evil were this subtle," Minako said.

Ako blinked. "Should we…?"

"It would be rude not to, wouldn't it?" Satsuki asked, quietly starting to pick up the basket of snacks.

"Yeah, most ghosts only show up at night, don't they?" Tate stood up, dusting his pants off. "Plenty of time 'til then…"

"Let's just hope curiosity doesn't kill those who follow the cat," Rei observed, going after the Mau.

* * *

While the music hall's front doors were unlocked, it still seemed mostly empty, but that was hardly surprising; during summer vacation, most students left the campus, which would resemble a ghost town until the return of the inmates, er, students. Nonetheless, there _was_ someone inside; the music Artemis had talked about was clearly audible to all now, a beautifully executed piano solo of exquisite harmony.

"Huh. I was expecting it to be some kind of ominous ghostly music," Tate said. "Anyone else? Show of hands? Yeah, that's what I thought," he said when everyone else raised their hands.

"Should have known it wouldn't be this easy and convenient," Minako muttered.

"Maybe it's to put off us off our guard for when the actual ominous ghostly music starts playing?" Akira suggested.

"In the absence of Chisame, I feel obligated to be the one to lament that this has become a non-ironic topic of conversation for us," Ako sighed.

They moved through the building slowly, following the fascinated cat, until they reached a wide practice room where a quite short girl apparently around Shiho's age sat at a piano, producing the magnificent solo that had brought the Committee there in the first place. She wore a simple but elegant summer dress; her skin was fair and flawless, and her hair long and silky, flowing around her slim shoulders and framing them nicely.

"Ah…!" Ami gasped in recognition. "How fantastic! This… This is Miyuki Mayu-sama!"

"… who?" Shiho, Tate and the Narutakis asked at the same time, while the music stopped suddenly, much to Artemis' disappointment.

The petite girl looked up from the piano. "Huh? Who are you? What do you think—Ahh!" she smiled widely. "Rei-san!"

"Mayu-chan!" Hino laughed lightly, rushing ahead so they briefly could share a friendly hug. "I had no idea you were in Mahora!"

"I'm in college, you know!" this 'Mayu' beamed with pride, patting her on the arm. "But, you're in Mahora too? What a happy coincidence! I thought you still were in Ohtori!"

"I transferred very recently, that's all," Hino smiled, even as her face momentarily turned wooden and her eyes stared at a spot a thousand yards away to the traumatic flashbacks that came with the reminder. "Everyone, this is Miyuki Mayu, heiress of Miyuki Enterprises and a concert pianist! Our fathers are friends, so we've known each other since childhood!"

"Shut up, Haruna," Akira said.

"Pardon?" Rei said, confused.

"Oh, sorry, I'm used to Haruna making some sleazy comment about 'childhood friends' at this point," Akira said.

"H-H-How do you do, Miyuki-sama!" Ami gushed. "I'm Mizuno Ami, a fan of yours! I have all your discs, gosh I wish I had brought one! Ah! This is my best friend and roommate, Aino Minako-chan!" she added, pulling the blonde along.

"N-Nice to meet you, Ami's always listening to your music…" Minako, not a big fan of classical music herself to say the least, said a bit stiffly.

Mami bowed, smiling sweetly and holding Artemis in her arms. "Pleased to meet you! I am Tomoe Mami, and this is your biggest fan, Artemis-san!"

Ami looked a bit stung and shocked by that statement for a moment, before quietly muttering to herself, "… _second biggest_ at best…"

Shiho, as per the norm while meeting new girls, only hugged Tate's arm and eyed the pianist carefully. "H-Hello, I'm Shiho, and this here is my Oniichan Tate Yuuichi…"

"'Sup," the boy said with a noticeable lack of interest.

Akira smiled. "And we are Izumi Ako, Zazie Rainyday, Narutaki Fuuka and Fumika-chan, Yotsuba Satsuki-san, and Ookuchi Akira from junior high Class 3-A."

Mayu blinked. "You're all from Naba-san's class…?" but before anything else could be said, a gorgeous, mature looking, serious woman with long and way lavender hair walked in, wearing a fine business suit in gray, with high heeled black shoes, and instantly pulling on Tate's gaze, to Shiho's great annoyance. "Oh, Miyabi-san, good afternoon! Look, look, it's Rei-san! Rei-san studies here, too!"

The newcomer bowed very deeply. "So I see, Mayu-sama. Hino Ojou-sama. So honored to see you again."

Rei bowed back. "Miyabi-san. It's been a while." She stepped back. "Guys, please meet Kagurazaki Miyabi, Mayu's bodyguard and secretary. Miyabi-san, these are the friends I've made since my arrival to Mahora."

Fuuka blinked. "Kagurazaka, for real?!"

Rei's smile faltered a bit. "… no, Kagurazaki, with a 'ki'. Completely different family name, I'm sure there's no relation at all…"

And there was not, so please don't look for any Decadent ties HERE IN THIS PARTICULAR PIECE.

Miyabi blinked slowly as a dark-skinned and white-haired girl with a bird perched on her head, a goofily smiling young man with thick sideburns, an angrily staring girl with red octopus hair, a cat with a crescent moon on its head, a pale and blue-haired short non-entity, a chubby girl and a girl as tall as Miyabi herself despite being more than a decade younger all waved at her. Then she smiled faintly.

"Good to see you have opened so much, Hino Ojou-sama. You used to be so withdrawn…"

"Miyabi-san will be driving me over to see my fiancé, Hanabishi Kaoru-sama!" Mayu smiled in a way very reminiscent of Shiho at her haughtiest and brattiest, moving towards the door. "You can come over if you wish, friends of Rei-san! You'll never get to meet a finer man, after all!"

"Oh, yeah?" Shiho's frowning grip on Tate only tightened.

Mami blinked. "Thank you, Miyuki-san, but… are you sure? There are so many of us, your car—"

Mayu put a hand to her mouth. "Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!" she laughed. Ako, Fuuka and Fumika sweatdropped, wondering if all really rich girls were taught that laugh in kindergarten, or something like that. From their experiences with Iinchou, Tohsaka-sempai's rival, Kanzuki Karin-san from the fighting tournament, Daidouji-san, Tenjouin-sempai, Haruna's aunt Kodachi and a few others, it looked like Konoka and Chizuru were the sole exceptions to the rule. And they weren't very sure about Konoka. The jury was still out on Hino-san; so far she hadn't done it yet, but she barely ever smiled, much less laughed. "Don't you worry… Tomoe-san, right? There'll be plenty of room in my limousine!"

And there was, as a matter of fact.

* * *

"I want," Tate decided, "to live in this limousine forever."

"I think it's bigger than our whole dorm," Ako said, more uneasy than relaxed inside of the extremely long vehicle with the finest seats, air conditioning, and classical music playing much to a frowning Minako's silent chagrin. How did that thing even turn around corners?

Mayu sat crosslegged, casually tossing a lock of hair behind her ear. "This is nothing! My father's is far bigger! Please don't make such a big deal out of it; you'll make me blush…"

"Shut up, Haruna," Ako said.

"Pardon?" Mayu said, confused.

"Oh, sorry, I'm used to Haruna making some sleazy comment about 'compensating for something' at this point," Ako said.

"So… who is this Hanabishi Kaoru-sama we're going to meet?" Minako asked reluctantly.

"When Mayu was little," Mayu sighed happily, "Mayu met a most honorable dashing young gentleman, heir to the powerful Hanabishi clan. This charming person won Mayu's heart over! With his kindness and protectiveness, he brought a new light to Mayu's lonely life! Then Mayu promised someday she'd marry Hanabishi-sama!"

"Oh, Shiho understands! That's Shiho's favorite kind of love story!" Shiho gushed, hugging Tate's midsection as he flinched. "Shiho's heart beats to the rhythm of a similar tale! Oniichan also once saved Shiho from a lonely destiny, becoming Shiho's soulmate!"

"Uh… yes, about that…" Tate began.

"Can Shiho have more of Mayu's biscuits, please?" Shiho smiled, extending a now empty tray towards Mayu.

"Of course Mayu will be glad to please Shiho!" Mayu snapped her fingers. "Miyabi!"

Dutifully, Miyabi pulled out a colorful can with Swedish labels on and poured several extra chocolate and vanilla biscuits on the giggling Shiho's tray.

"Oh, Shiho is so thankful, Mayu-sama…!"

"Mayu will do anything for a fellow follower of Deep Love, Shiho-chan!"

"Shiho can tell we're going to be good friends, Mayu-sama!"

"Mayu will be honored to be Shiho-chan's friend, too!"

"Oh my God, they're multiplying…" Fumika whispered fearfully.

"I remember when Tsunetsuki-sempai was the only one," Ako said wistfully. "I miss those days."

"The halves that shouldn't have met have met…" Fuuka predicted ominously. "Ah, can… could you please cut back on the third person stuff already?" she added through clenched teeth, voicing what everybody else was also thinking but were too polite or too Poyo to say out loud. "It's kinda creepy once you grow past the nine mark…"

"We've arrived, Ojou-sama," announced the chauffeur, Ruka-san, stopping the white limo before the gates of the college area. "Right on time, as well," he added with steady professional pride.

"Ah! Hanabishi-samaaaaaa!" Mayu cried, looking out the window and kicking the car's door open, running towards the small crowd leaving the special summer classes. Especially a tall, muscular, incredibly handsome young man with ice blue eyes and straight brown hair.

"Wowwww!" Minako drooled, her eyes turning into hearts. "That's Hanabishi-sama? Now I get it!"

Rei lifted an eyebrow. "That's… not bad, actually!"

"He… He's no Oniichan," Shiho gulped, but…"

Tate snorted. "Feh. I bet you he's gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that… except for that kid, that is, but… Soooo gay!"

"I… I'd give him a try regardless… Sorry, did I say that out loud?!" Ami blushed, mildly panicking. "I, I didn't mean it, I was just joking, I-!"

Mami, Akira and Ako shared the same sort of jaded look that conveyed once you've gone Springfield there's no turning back and nothing else really compares. Fuuka and Fumika shared the same sort of uninterested look that conveyed they really didn't see the appeal, being some combination of lesbian and incestous as applicable.

Then Mayu actually got to this boy, carelessly tossed him aside without a second thought as if he were a mere carton prop, and latched firmly on the boy who had been walking behind him the whole time. This one was a plain looking student who'd been talking with an attractive blue eyed blonde of Dangerously Short Skirt and very tight white tee-shirt, nicely accentuating her large bustline. Tate perked up in attention again, right before Shiho huffed and slapped the back of his head. The boy Mayu had clung onto looked pretty much like Keiichi, but somewhat taller and with much less thick eyebrows. Everybody in the car but Miyabi, Rei and Ruka sweatdropped.

"Hanabishiiiiii-samaaaaaa!" Mayu glomped adoringly on him. "My darling, how was your day…?"

"Ah-ha-ha, oh wow, Mayu-chan!" he ruffled her hair much like one would do to a kid sister, or a very dear pet. "P-Please, not so rough! You'll topple me over!"

"Oi, Mayu…!" screeched the blonde. "What do you think you're doing?! Let go of Kaoru! You're making a scene… again!"

Akira looked at Miyabi while Ako and Mami simply looked vindicated to almost smug levels. "I take it this is a recurring occurrence?"

Miyabi sighed stoically. "Ojou-sama is a true teen genius, but…"

"We understand," Satsuki smiled warmly. "Those tend to have their eccentricities, after all. And they'll do anything for love."

Shiho scowled. "A lovely girl, but her taste in men leaves a lot to be desired…"

* * *

"This," Mayu said somewhat coldly, as Hanabishi and the blonde now sat in the limousine with them, "is Tina Foster-san, a classmate of Hanabishi-sama, from America."

"Actually, I spent most of my childhood in Kyushu!" Miss Foster said peppily with a very strange accent that sounded like someone had grabbed a Texan accent and a Kyushu accent, mangled them savagely, then blended them together with little care or reason. We are not going to render it phonetically. Be glad. Despite it all, she mostly gave a positive vibe and smiled in a way that seemed quite sincere, at least at anyone in the car not named 'Miyuki'. This included Tate, despite the fact his eyes seemed glued to her chest, and Shiho included, despite the evil jealous glare the smaller girl was giving her. She was well used to that kind of things by now. "Nice to meet y'all!" she waved. "I'm Kaoru's g-g-g-g-gi!"

Ako blinked. "… excuse me?"

Tina laughed, slapping herself on a knee. "You know, like his g-g-g-g-gir!"

The Keiichi-lookalike sighed. "It's taking her some time. At the rate we're going, she'll get to the 'l' in a month and a half or so…"

"I see, the apparently outgoing but inwardly shy and restricted type," Fuuka nodded sagely.

"It's what happens when you mix American upbringing and Japanese upbringing," Fumika nodded. "That's just like Natsumi-chan, who can't decide if she's going to be Tsundere or Shrinking Violet Yamato Nadeshiko. I blame her mom…"

"I don't have the slightest clue what you two are talking about," Tina muttered, looking aside.

Mayu frowned bitterly. "Tina-san is a part-time zookeeper, so she's more skilled at communicating with animals than with people, much like Tarzan. That's why she isn't a good match for Hanabishi-sama, who is, you know, _human…_ "

"Why don't you let him decide that, _Mayu-chan_?!" Tina said.

"Wait, we have a zoo?" Fuuka said.

"News to me," Fumika said.

Aoi grinned at her. "What, have I touched a sensitive nerve, _Tina-san_?! If so, I apologize with all my heart…!"

"Don't fight, don't fight…" Kaoru said with a very familiar air of Zen resignation as the two stared sharply into each other's eyes, sparks flowing between them and causing tiny explosions, at least in the eyes of the especially sensitive Rei. She actually winced at that, unnerved.

"Wow, he even sounds like Keiichi-sempai," Ako said.

"Reminds me of Emiya-sempai, actually," Akira said.

Tate shook his head in disapproval. "Hanabishi-sempai, sorry to tell you this, but a man should always put his foot down on these matters and set the record straight in these kinds of affairs, or else women will always trample all over them…" he elaborated on while his unwanted love interest clung to his side and nodded eagerly.

"Wow," Minako said with a faint chuckle, "that's so self-sabotaging I don't even have to point out how wrong it is…"

"More biscuits, please," Zazie extended her own tray over to Miyabi.

Minako sighed. "Anyway, Mayu-sama, I think we'll have to part ways now. We have to go visit the Lexcorp mall, so we'll just leave you to your, uh, date or whatever, and thanks for all the—"

"Oh! The mall?" Tina said. "B-But haven't you heard about the Ghost Bride?!"

"Yes, that's why we're going there…" Zazie said.

"Because we are, uh, doing some research for the school paper!" Ako hastily added. "We're covering urban legends for a friend while she's on summer break!"

"Are you going to snoop there for that thing?!" Foster shuddered. "Those are things best left untouched!"

"Sempai's right!" Fumika whined. "Why don't we just forget about it?"

"Um, technically, no one ever said you had to come along," Shiho pointed out.

"But we're bored!" Fuuka whined. "And all our usual strolling places are to hot to go to!"

"Oh, ho ho!" Mayu laughed, petting the head of Artemis, who now sat on her lap purring. "Tina-san has always been so afraid of what she can't understand, and sadly, that's such a wide area! I still remember the time she visited Mayu's summer home and got terrified thinking she'd heard a ghost! But it was only a mouse…!"

Tina ground her teeth against each other, blushing. "Maybe if you hadn't kept that house of yours so unkempt, nothing of that would have happened!"

"The Miyuki family keeps so many houses around the country you can't expect us to keep an extremely close eye on them all at once," Mayu smiled. "That's easy for you to say since you live in an apartment small enough to cover by taking four steps in any given direction. But it's still early and ghosts only 'show up'," here she made a taunting gesture of air quotes with both hands towards Tina, "after dark, so what's the matter? Mayu's never been there, so why don't we go, Hanabishi-sama? It could be fun!"

"Um, I have to study for a test, but—" he said.

Minako cringed. "I, I am not that sure that's such a good idea, guys…"

"Well, we can't stop them from going on their own if they want to, can we?" Satsuki quietly observed, and bit delicately on another biscuit. She still was, after all, a follower of Chao's 'let everyone find out the fuck about magic' doctrine.

* * *

"Don't you think," Mayu said, looking out one of the large windows of the fine mall restaurant where they had been eating, on the floor where management had placed the really pricey stores and businesses, "it got dark awfully early for a summer afternoon?"

Fuuka ate away happily, all prior fears forgotten by now, even if Fumika still looked troubled. "As long as the sky isn't red, don't worry, that's my motto!" the feistier twin said. "Thank you for paying for all of us, Mayu Hime-sama!"

"She isn't a princess, she just has delusions of being one…" Tina grumbled.

"Anyone who pays for my food is a princess to me!" Fuuka gleefully dug in again.

Tina pulled out a handkerchief and began pouring from a salt shaker on it, then neatly folded it into a small bundle. "They say salt scares away evil spirits, right? So I'm not taking any chances, 'cause for once Mayu was right, it got dark way too soon…"

"Please don't do that, it's bad etiquette in a restaurant," said Minako, despite being the one keeping a cat hidden in her handbag at the time.

Rei was visibly on edge for some reason. "I'm getting a bad feeling about this. Maybe we should leave already…"

"My, my," came a smooth voice from a nearby table, "you've raised your profile quite a bit, haven't you, Red Bow?"

Minako cringed, her face going slightly greenish. "Oh, no…"

Rei blinked, looking towards the table where a sharply dressed, handsome young man with short and well-combed black hair sat on his own, enjoying his dinner. Her purplish eyes lit up. "Minako-san! Who is this gentleman, and where do you know him from…?"

Minako groaned, her right hand very tightly gripping her fork while Ami patted her on a shoulder. "A gentleman? Tell me where he is, Rei-san, maybe this guy is blocking my view of him…"

"Bow never told you about me?" he gave a roguish smile. "I can't imagine why she'd do that. Good evening, Yotsuba-sama, Miyuki Ojou-sama, Miyabi-san, Tina-san, and Kaoru-kun."

Mami blinked slowly at Yotsuba. "Wow, everyone in every campus really knows you, don't they?"

Satsuki only smiled modestly before waving politely at the dashing young man Rei was blushing over, feeling a strange sort of warm familiarity to him.

"Yo, Mamo-kun!" Tina waved. "Hanging out all alone like always, huh? You really need finding yourself a girlfriend already!"

"Don't you mean a g-g-g-g-gir?" Mayu said snidely.

"Ah!" Akira perked up. "Chiba Mamoru-sempai, right?"

"Hmmm?" Chiba looked at her. "Oh, that's right, sorry I forgot you. You hang out with Bow sometimes, don't you? You too…" he looked at Ami, Ako and Shiho. "Aren't you classmates of Konoka-chan? She called me over to tell me she'd be going on vacation to Wales. I assume she made it safely?"

"Y-Yes…" she did," Ako gulped, since she hadn't been asked on what had happened afterwards. "N-Nice to see you again, Sempai."

Minako squinted in distrust at Mamoru. "And why are you so familiar with Konoka-san, huh…?"

He laughed her concern off. "Her grandfather was a good friend of my parents, that's all! There was some talk of pairing us up, but really, Kono-chan is more like a little sister to me, and besides, if you're her classmates, you should know she's, well…" He made a limp-wristed gesture.

"Oh, you have no idea, Sempai!" Fuuka waved a hand in the air. "She got married to her girlfriend in Ohtori and everything!"

At the mere mention of Ohtori, Rei's left eyebrow twitched.

"Yes, she mentioned something about that too," Mamoru said, smiling. "Well, it's Ohtori, so odds are the wedding isn't valid anyway…"

Rei's eyebrow twitched again, her face paling just a bit.

"Really, from where do you know this punk?" Minako asked Tina.

"He goes to the same Photography Club we do," the other blonde said. "Why are you blushing?" She gave an evil catty smile. "Oh, Mamo-kun! This is her, isn't she? What a small world…!"

Minako pulled back, stammering. "W-W-What?!"

Tina laughed loudly. "Mamo-kun's always talking about some really cute blonde he kept stumbling into and who was Tsundere for him, but we always thought he was making it up! Sorry we doubted you, Mamo-kun! Isn't she too young for you, tho'?"

Shiho and Mayu pouted. "I don't think it's a large age gap at all," the latter said.

"Not at all," the former agreed. "Ideally, the man should always be a few years older than his lady…"

Ako, Akira and Mami frowned at that.

" _I'm_ Tsundere for you, you stalker?!" Minako yelled at Mamoru. "What kind of vile lies have you been feeding these poor people!?"

"Mina-chan, please," Ami begged. "We're in public!"

"I'm perfectly willing to take this outside, then!" Minako growled. As a waiter approached her, she added, "Sorry, good man, but I'm on my way out right now! I think the air here's getting too—"

Shiho and Rei were the first ones to spring into alarm. "Aino-san!" the latter warned first. "Look out!"

"Wha-?" Minako blinked, half a second before the waiter punched her squarely in the face.

"… hot damn," Fuuka said. "This place's got a real zero tolerance policy about misbehavior, doesn't it?"

"I don't think that's quite it," Hino said, tensely standing from her chair. Since Mayu had reserved the largest table in the restaurant for so many people, they'd been sitting right in the middle of it, and so they were now surrounded from all sides as all the other patrons but Chiba rose with dead, vacant eyes, shambling towards them like zombies, just like the staff pouring out the kitchen, all picking up knives and forks as they growled inhumanly.

"Maybe we should have eaten at the McRonald's like Foster-sempai suggested," Mami calmly said, primly scooping up the rest of her meal into a small paper bag and then putting it in her purse. She left a few yen on a plate as a tip, and forced a smile at her friends. "Well? Run madly for the door on the count of three?"

"Why bother counting?" Fumika said.

"It won't be my first time running outta a restaurant," Tina swallowed, "but-!"

* * *

A vague, mist-like haze wafted through the whole mall even as the front doors of the building locked themselves from the inside as if with a mind of their own, sealing the massive, sleekly L-shaped building (because of _course_ it was L-shaped). Sitting in the limo solving a crosswords puzzle and listening to relaxing jazz, Ruka-san blissfully ignored that, while his young mistress and several others now raced through the first floor, dozens of rabid, possessed customers and employees alike in hot pursuit, flowing out of every business in their wake.

As if by an extra twist of Fate, a tall, lanky woman in clown makeup lurched out of the McRonald's, extending her arms towards Fuuka and Fumika. _"Oh, you're both so cute! Lil' Ronnie could just eat you up…!"_

Minako just kicked her back onto a table. "Okay, so coming here would've been a bad idea too," she said. "Stay together, gang, we're almost at the front entrance, we've been doing fine so far…!"

"Wh-What's with all these people, are they all crazy?!" Mayu cried as she ran, looking at her cellphone. "Damn, it's dead! Yours, Tarzan-san?!"

"Mine too!" Tina pocketed her own phone back in. "What's this, some sorta biochemical terrorism? I heard that Scarecrow guy from Gotham was in town, wasn't he? I knew hanging out with so many rich people was a bad idea! They're here for you, no doubt!"

"I'm not even that rich!" Rei said, screeching to a halt as they reached a dead end between stores and a horde of lurching living… uh, living. "Curses! Aino-san, you might have to…!"

"Why hasn't anyone called the police?! Why isn't the whole mall cordoned off!?" Mayu sobbed, hugging Kaoru's arm in terror.

"If everyone but us has been taken over," Mamoru said, flipping a guy charging him against a wall, "no wonder they haven't called the authorities or pulled any alarms yet. I'm sure the Mahora Police Commissioner himself would be here already if he knew, he's a good friend of my family—"

Then he grabbed a tray from a McRonald's table and threw it like a Frisbee at the head of a girl with long honey colored hair, who was corralling the twins while hysterically giggling, "Imoutos, Imoutos…!" and knocked her out.

"- and besides, that is his daughter," he sighed. "And here I thought Kirino-chan couldn't ever get any creepier than she already was…"

"You're a much better fighter than I expected, Mamoru-san," Kaoru remarked, with the sang-froid to violence and pain of someone who had been brutally tortured by his grandfather all through childhood, or something like that. "All those times you're away with no explanation, you're spending it at the gym, aren't you?"

"… sure, let's go with that."

Ako crouched down, picked up a rock from a potted plant along the hallway and flung it against a closed window shop, shattering it. "Audacia Paula, for 3-A and Heroic Vandalism!" she cried out, then pointing at the assaulted sporting goods store. "Forward, troops! We won't drop without a fight!"

Mayu blinked, paling. "… what? But… the door was right there…"

Tina joined her. "The stories about junior high 3-A were true after all?!"

Ako already was running out of the store with a baseball bat, whacking at a large man lunging towards her. "What are you waiting for? It's a matter of survival!" she hit another man. "I'm a nurse, a disciple of Nightingale, and I'll save your lives even if I have to kill! Just remember not drawing blood out, I faint when I see blood!"

"… you really wanted to go on that dangerous trip, didn't you?" Akira said.

"I'm not useless, Negi-kuuuuuuun!" Ako cried, frantically hitting on all men who came her way. Tate had already grabbed a bokken, made of solid wood unlike a lightweight practice sword, and had joined the melee, while Mami emerged from the store with a paintball gun in a hand, a dart gun in the other, and a red hairband wrapped around her head.

Mami smiled beatifically. "Izumi-san, Ookuchi-san. When you see Akashi-san and Sasaki-san again, please tell them of how much I've practiced since Mahorafest, will you?" And she began expertly shooting around, in all directions.

"Izumi-san is right!" Miyabi howled viciously, holding a stolen bat of her own and brutally pummeling a man trying to jump on Mayu. "I'll protect Ojou-sama even at the cost of my life! Let us fight on!"

Fuuka and Fumika couldn't help but be reminded of Roberta-san then.

Minako looked around. "Where did Chiba-san- I mean, that annoying jerk go?! What if he got himself hurt?! I, I can't let him, I mean I can't let that stain go on my resume…!"

Akira's hands pulled her away from the fight as Shiho's voice snapped angrily. "Cut the Tsundere act already, won't you?! We've got a job to do, Leader!"

* * *

"A ninja is born from the shadows!" Fuuka said, slamming a woman down with a shinai.

"A ninja walks through shadows!" Fumika said, walloping on a security guard with an oversized mallet.

"A ninja sticks to the shadows!" Fuuka said, pushing a big man down the automatic stairs, which were going up so he ended up just looping in place comically while uttering 'Ow, ow, ow, ow' soft and blandly.

"A ninja embraces shadows!" Fumika said, making a young couple rushing her slip and fall with a leg sweep.

"A ninja kills in shadows!" Fuuka said, tying a man up with some rope, thus taking all the dramatic weight off her grim statement.

"A ninja ends in shadows!" Fumika said, stuffing a kicking boy much bigger than her down into a trash can.

"A ninja INSTALLS TELEPHONES! In the shadows!" Fuuka declared, throwing a stack of display cellphones like shuriken to incapacitate a shambling group.

"But mostly… a ninja kicks ass in the shadows!" Fumika said, literally punting another up in the derriere.

She and her twin highfived each other. "The Shinobi Sisters of 3-A, yo!"

"… you're enjoying this too much, aren't you?" a visibly disturbed Kaoru panted, from where he was keeping a pair of crazed men at bay with a bench he and Miyabi had managed to rip off the floor. His shirt was mostly ripped apart by now, and Ako blinked, looking at several large scars running across his back, even wider and older looking than hers. He also was the only one in the group currently undergoing any sort of Clothing Damage, which he thought was terribly unfair, but we prefer thinking of as progressive and egalitarian after so many sequences of girls being stripped off. As much as we love those.

"You know," Tina wheezed, pushing back a portly woman by shoving the butt of a potted plant against her chest, "what this reminds me of? _Dawn of the Dead!_ "

"Isn't that the one set in the military base?" Tate asked, disabling another attacker with 'his' sword while Zazie easily dispatched more with beach balls. She was just toying around, really, putting on minimal effort. _So boring, poyo…_

"Nooooo, that's _Day of the Dead_ , and it sucked! Dawn was a real deal, one of the few truly inspired follow-ups to _Night_ …" Tina began.

"I thought you hated scary stuff, Sempai?" Ami blinked, trying not to display too much of her Nudist Beach training as she fought down a couple hobos with knives. It was kind of amazing they'd been let into a Lexcorp Mall of all places to begin with, but there they were.

"I can handle anything just fine as long as it's just a movie, it's just the real-life supernatural things that freak me out!" Tina explained, knocking out the large woman at last with one final kick to the stomach. "So we're done here already, right?"

"Yesss… I think, I think we just cleared the whole floor," Miyabi gasped for air, relaxing at last.

Tate looked all around, unconscious bodies littering the floor everywhere. "Damn, we're good! Why do we need the local vigilantes again, exactly?"

"These guys aren't actual zombies, are they?" Mayu flinched, rubbing herself up and down an arm. "Because they've bitten me several times…!"

"Ah! Ojou-sama!" Miyabi panicked. "I'm so sorry, it was all my fault, for taking my eyes off you however briefly!"

"No," Zazie said. "They are just perfectly average people mind controlled into murderous mania."

"How are you so sure of that?" Tina asked.

Zazie said nothing.

"So they're all innocent people?" Miyabi asked now, still checking on Mayu's bite marks with concern. "We didn't have to kill anyone?"

Zazie said nothing.

Mayu blinked. "Miyabi-san! Did you… Did you kill any of them?!"

"No… of course I didn't, Ojou-sama!" Miyabi said very quickly as she looked away, dearly hoping she hadn't hit that guy by the jewelry store _that_ bad. "A-Anyway, where are Munakata-san, Aino-san and Ookuchi-san? D-Don't tell me we've lost them too!"

Zazie said nothing.

"I'm pretty sure they're fine…" Rei sighed. "In any case, I think we should now… Oh, no!"

"Now what?" Ami half-moaned, half-groaned, a bit less primly than she usually did. It had been a difficult day after all.

* * *

Rei pointed towards Tate and Kaoru, both of whom now looked mesmerized out of their right minds (or looking at porn, which is the same in any case), stiffly shambling away from the group, turning a corner and disappearing behind it. Mayu, quite predictably, gasped in shock "Hanabishi-sama!"

"It's the call of the Ghost Bride!" Tina shivered. "Kaoru, noooo!"

"We've got to rescue Young Hanabishi!" Miyabi growled, spinning the armed arm once again.

"Yes, definitely!" Tina nodded, trying to steel herself past her fear for her b-b-b-b-boy's sake.

"—and the other Sempai?" Satsuki added after a moment.

"I **did** notice the way he was looking at my chest and Miyabi-san's, you know…" Tina replied.

"It'd be sad for Shiho-chan, but she can do better, it could be argued we'd be doing her a favor in the long run…" Mayu reasoned.

"I'm sure the Mai HiME fanbase would be mostly thankful," Zazie very quietly said.

Being the All Loving Heroine of the Campus the Four Schools Needed but Did Not Deserve, Satsuki gave them the All Loving Stern Koala Stare. Which, incidentally, she had been using through the whole fight scene to ensure no one would come close to her. It had never failed, not even once. It did not fail now.

"No one is left behind! That is Ala Alba's motto!" Ako said, then rushing after the path of the Sempais.

"Ala what now?" Mayu blinked, confused.

"Um… hello?" a badly battered Usui Kagero gasped, shuffling behind them, unnoticed by anyone. "I was a few tables away from you in the restaurant, I've been trying to… hellooooo…?" he helplessly gurgled before being hopelessly left behind. _"Uwaaaaaaa…"_

It didn't take them long to find the boys again, as they had stopped before a large bridal shop at the end of the next long, long hallway, where a tall, skeletal figure in a wedding dress stood at its doorstep, with a large bouquet in a decaying hand. She looked like the fiendish lovechild of a Hieronymus Bosch painting and an Arthur Suydam illustration come to unlife, and that appearance was pleasant compared to its smell, a pungent stench of death wafting from her elegant white gown.

So no, this fic has not suddenly become a **Corpse Bride** or **Nightmare Before Christmas** crossover, just so we're clear. We realize this might be a legitimate concern, given the history of this fic, and so we're definitely saying this isn't the case. This was a completely generic zombie ghost corpse monster in a wedding dress. Moving on.

Ako decided she'd never complain again about Negi-kun's hygienic habits, but all Mayu could think of was at least this monster didn't smell as bad as Fukawa Touko-san, whom she'd forced to keep with company at a few events. A white miasma floated around this strange woman, her eyes sunken and pitch black. The Narutakis shrieked with horror and predictably hugged each other, Shaggy and Scooby style. "A-a-a-a-a-a ggggggggggggghooooooooooost!"

Instinctively, Mami put a hand to her neck in a protective fashion.

"Kaoru!" Tina rushed towards the boy, pulling him away from the bride with Mayu's help. Then she hid behind his paralyzed form. "S-S-Snap out of it will you, Kaoru?! I'm too scared Kaoru, react already, won't youuuuuuu?!" she wailed, rattling him back and forth.

Mayu's right eyebrow twitched. "I don't think that's going to help at all, Tina-san…"

"Oeoeoeoeoeoeoe…" Kaoru babbled dumbly, perhaps in agreement. On the other hand, Miyabi thought with a sweatdrop, it was the smartest thing she had ever heard him say until then.

The Ghost Bride cracked her neck up, with a mechanical motion. She spoke, in a haunted, strangled tone straight from the grave, **_"The Master… give your life energies to the Master…"_**

"Oh, for God's sake, if they add Who lore to the crossover I quit," Mami muttered under her breath.

"Hey, Satsuki-san," Ako gulped. "Can't you Deep Stern Koala Stare that thing into submission…?"

"I'm sorry, but there are limits as to what that technique can do, Ako-san…" Satsuki apologized.

"Limits?! It works on EVA!" Fuuka argued.

Then a small red blur flew down and impaled itself, tall sharp heel first, into the Ghost Bride's forehead, making it howl in pain and trash around with its claws.

"What in the…?!" Mayu gasped.

Indeed, from the railway of the mall level above hers, to the tune of a soft melody coming from a store's speakers, three beautiful girls in miniskirts stared down, arms folded sternly. The miracle happened and the boys revived, blinked and staring a second or two or three at the tiny corners of white cloth peeking under those skirts, then looked aside awkwardly. Blushing a bit, Sailor Mercury took a moment to subtly smooth the crotch of her skirt down. This had to be why Supergirl and Setsuna-san wore biker shorts under theirs…

"Halt, foul creature of darkness!" cried out the blonde, less concerned about modesty. "Your mindless rampage stops here!"

"No evildoer should disguise themselves as a symbol of love!" the tall one shouted, falling back into the usual grove of the business. "That is unforgivable!"

"The sentence from all young dreamers is upon you!" proclaimed the barefoot one, Yuuichi's eyes nailed on her again, especially on her legs. _Oniichan, I'm glad you noticed me at last, but must it be only when I'm wearing this thing…? Will I have to wear it all through our honeymoon…?_ "Ahem, I mean, and so, we will punish your predations in the name of Mars!"

"And Venus, the Planet of Love!"

"And Mercury!"

They all posed together. "We are the Sailor Senshi, out to protect all romance!"

"No way. Not only do they really exist, but they really _are_ that corny?" Tina murmured.

"Actually, this is them on a good, non-corny day," Rei quietly remarked. When Ami shot her a subdued side glare, Hino went on the defensive. "What? You know I'm right! You and I wouldn't ever be caught dead saying something like that out loud…!"

* * *

The Ghost Bride threw an arm upwards, the decaying limb extending like pull taffy, whipping away at the Senshi's legs. "Stay out of our way!" she roared. "This world is ours to ravage! Your era is gone, your time past!"

The three Magical Girls leaped down to land on their feet before her. Sailor Venus smiled. " _Our_ time is past? Someone hasn't looked into a mirror of late!"

The mouth without lips smirked devilishly. "I shattered mine long ago. I like shattering things."

And then she waved her arms ahead, and the three of them were hit and sent flying black, flung through another shop's front window.

"Mi—Sailor V!" Ami screamed.

The Ghost Bride laughed hysterically. "I think I'll turn you into mannequins when I'm done! And the others had so many problems with you? You children are so weak!"

"A roast for the bride," a voice said coldly from a side.

"Huh?" she looked aside, only to see Rei walking out of an American hardware import store, straining to heft a large flamethrower. The girl smiled, aimed it at the apparition, and sprayed.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" the monster screamed, running in loose circles as her gown burst in flames, and Rei, pushed back by the recoil, dropped butt first on the floor.

Ami and Tate rushed to her side. "Had you ever used one of these before?" he asked, helping her up.

"No," she admitted, pulling a small booklet out, "but it comes with instructions, and I'm a speed reader…"

"Praise be to Elon Musk," Ami said flatly.

"Actually, it's a Lexcorp product," Rei said, "There was something in the terms and conditions about being legally required to use it to kill Superman-sama."

Half-burnt into further hideousness and ripping off fiery chunks of herself, the Bride stomped back forward. "Miserable rats! You won't ruin a girl's most special day…!"

"Venus Love-Me-Chain!" Sailor Venus cried, bouncing back out that shop window, tossing her special attack ahead, grabbing the Bride and smashing her against a pillar.

"Something old, something new, something bloodied…" the monster hissed, tugging back on the chain even as it charred her hands off, flinging Venus around and onto Mars and Mercury. She grabbed two unconscious bodies of mall visitors and tossed them at Miyabi and Tate, knocking them down. Zazie stood back, watching silently as if standing in judgment as the fiend lurched towards Kaoru, who had stepped before the trembling Mayu and Tina, shielding them with his body. He held up his fists.

"Do your worst," he challenged.

"Gladly," she said, grabbing him by the face and single-handedly slamming him against the floor like a ragdoll. She sniffed. "Puny human."

"Hanabishi-sama!" Mayu cried, trying to pull him away only to be slapped aside by the Bride. As she did so, however, the demonic being paused, noticing a brief burst of golden light coming from the girl's forehead, outlining the fleeting vision of an astrology sign flashing on her skin. The Bride twitched in fear for a second, before recomposing herself just as quickly. But then she only could yell in agony as Tina shakily threw the salt she'd gathered at dinner on her face.

" _ **AHHHH!**_ SALT! No, anything but salt!" Grabbing Tina by the neck and starting to squeeze, her sunken face melting, she gurgled bestially, "Bitch, you'll pay for this…!"

But then, a red rose was nailed in between her eyes from a pinpoint throw, pushing her back from her prey, who fell back coughing and taking both hands to her throat. "Now who-?!"

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" Venus cried joyfully, disentangling herself from Mercury and Mars.

"Well, at least it isn't Black Rose Baron-san this time," Mercury sighed.

Tuxedo Kamen heroically stood up perched on the railway above, his cape for once not flapping in the wind since he was indoors, but nonetheless managing to look fittingly impressive and mysterious even under direct artificial light. Take that, Batman. "There's nothing more unpleasant than a cranky bride. What happened? Your groom stood you up? I can't imagine why…"

He jumped down in a single bound, making sure to flap his cape around his body as he tipped his top hat and swung his cane in a fast spinning circle. "But no matter what, now we stand joined against you, your party is spoiled, vile wretch! Depart, or suffer the punishment meant for the wicked!"

Venus stood enthusiastically by his side, in a well choreographed battle stance. "And nothing else needs to be said, sister! I hope you enjoyed your fifteen seconds of bridal fame!"

"I can't believe it, not only does he exist too, but he's even cornier than the girls! Right, Mayu-chan? Mayu…?" she looked around, blinking cluelessly, but Mayu was nowhere in sight anymore, Miyabi looking for her in all directions desperately.

* * *

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?! Let me go!" Mayu cried, kicking and throwing invariably futile punches at Zazie as the latter held her by her collar and carried her away from the others effortlessly, taking her behind the bridal shop. "Hanabishi-sama needs me! Ah! Pervert, don't tell me you're trying to-!"

Without a word, Zazie just dropped her on her butt before the white cat sitting on the floor as soon as they were out of everyone else's sight. "Ow!" Mayu cringed, rubbing her bum with a hand. "Are you insane, this is kidnapping!"

"Please listen to me," the cat said.

"W-What?! Aaaahhh!" Mayu shrieked, pulling back on her ass, and waving her legs and feet aimlessly. "The devil's cat!"

"ANIMAL ABUSE!" Artemis cried as one of Mayu's feet hit him across the jaw, sending him flying two feet back. True to form, however, he landed on his feet and looked back at the terrified girl who stared at him with hugely round eyes. "Please calm down, Miyuki-san! I am—"

"Oh!" Mayu's head snapped back towards Zazie. "I-I get it! V-Ventriloquism, right? I visited the Nightmare Circus during the Festival, but only once, so I might've missed the show with that trick…"

Zazie shook her head.

Artemis sighed. "Okay, the girls really could use your help right now," he said, pointing with a paw towards the roof of the store, from where a column of Mars Fire could be seen rising from the other side, "so let's make this quick. You're one the chosen to be one of the Sailor Senshi."

Mayu blinked. "Like Sailor V?"

The cat nodded. "Minako is Sailor V, Akira-san is Sailor Mercury, and Shiho-chan is Sailor Mars…"

"Oh! And Tate-san is Tuxedo Kamen, then?"

"Tate-san… No! Haven't you just seen the two of them in the same place at the same time?"

Mayu shrugged. "If these girls have Mahou Shoujo superpowers and you have the superpower of talking, he might have the superpower of casting illusions or being in two places at once, right?"

"… anyway, no, he isn't. The power of a Planet Guardian lives in you as well…" he paused, noticing a fine, blueish mist flowing in from the other side. "Aw cripes, Mercury Mist, really, Akira-san?" he mused. "You know that one's pretty useless on its own, unless…"

* * *

As the Ghost Bride coughed and tried to slash and stab with her claws through the mounting mist growing thicker into fog, Sailor Mercury sank a fist into one of the fountains of the mall, shouted "Mercury Cannon Spray!" and redirected all of its water into a huge, hard hitting stream that flew off and struck the Youma directly in the chest, slamming her against a wall.

* * *

"My powers won't be useless, right?" Mayu doubted.

"No Senshi is ever useless," Artemis said, "it's just some powers are more… versatile than a few particular others, which are more… situational! Now, what you need to do—"

"Which planet am I? Not Uranus, right? I don't want all the cheap jokes that come with that…"

"No, Uranus is already taken. S-Sorry!" he panicked, as he saw her angrily glaring at him, her point proven. "I mean, there's a Sailor Uranus already! Now pay attention, you must—"

But she interrupted him again. "I won't have to become Tuxedo Kamen's girlfriend, right? The rumors say the Sailor Senshi are Tuxedo Kamen's harem, but I already have Hanabishi-sama!"

* * *

Tuxedo Kamen suddenly winced, even as he ducked under the latest attack from the Ghost Bride. He struck forward with his cane, only for it to be blocked by a bony but viciously strong arm, and then he was unceremoniously snapped aside with enough force to snap a normal man's neck in the spot.

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" Venus, Mercury and Mars gasped all at once.

Kaoru blinked at that shared level of concern and alarm. "So… You girls are his harem after all? The stories were true?!"

"We are not!" all three Senshi protested.

Tate grumbled, folding his arms. "That'd better be true…"

"Ah!" Mars gasped helplessly at him. "Oniich—I mean, handsome bystander-san, don't say that! Unfounded jealousy is a serious character flaw you should be above of, after all!"

In the floor, Tuxedo Kamen stirred. "They… They actually say that about me…?!"

 _Cool!_ he thought, since he was a heterosexual man after all. Sorry, Fiore.

* * *

"Hear that?" Artemis pointed at the direction of the indignant shared cry. "They are not! Now pay attention, because I'll only say this once, what you need to do is…!"

* * *

"M-Mayu Ojou-sama!" Miyabi cried desperately, trying to wave and stumble through the mist, searching around for her young mistress. "Where are you, Ojou-sama?!"

"I'm right here, Miyabi-san," Mayu said, somewhat unsteadily, walking stiffly from around the corner, and slowly gesturing around with both arms. By her side walked the white housecat of Aino's as the young girl breathed in and out heavily, as if readying herself for something. "Please don't be afraid. I'll try my best to protect you and Hanabishi-sama." She paused again, coming to a halt much to Miyabi's puzzlement. "It goes like this, right? Jupiter… Power… Make… Up?"

She said that with the air of someone repeating something she didn't really believe in, but whatever her thoughts were, the miracle still happened. Everything around her seemed to explode from within her, showering the whole area with blinding electric sparkles.

"Oh, dammit, now what?!" Tina cried out, shielding her eyes with a forearm.

"M-Mayu-chan…?!" Kaoru stammered. "Mayu-chan, are you okay?!"

"No way…" Sailor Mars swallowed. "Oh… Oh, I get it now! Of course, it should've been so obvious, blast it!"

When they, Youma included, could see again, they saw a girl just as tiny as Mayu, standing right where Mayu had stood a second ago, and yet clearly not recognizable as Mayu at all. She wore a variation of the Sailor Senshi battle fuku, with a green miniskirt, short green boots, and a short, thin antenna coming out of her golden tiara.

The Ghost Bride shook in confusion, then jumped at her, pushing the masked man out of her way just as he lunged for her again, trying to protect the newcomer. "No! This is MY special day! Only mine…!"

The girl in white and green pointed a hand at her, shouting something that partially came to her as a long forgotten and now recovered part of herself, or a long dispelled dream, but that mostly she made up on the spot from cobbled together memories of old Mahou Shoujo anime. "Jupiter, the planet I guard, brings forth a storm! And I bring forth its thunder and judgment! _JUPITER THUNDERBOLT!-!_ "

The Ghost Bride gasped, reaching her target even as the gigantic discharge of lightning struck her, and then, just as quickly, it reduced her to a crumbling skeleton that was nothing but falling ashes in a matter of instants. Mayu then dropped to her knees, blinking vacantly, head bobbing aside. "What… What was that about…"

"Ojou-sama!" Miyabi rushed to her side, followed by Kaoru. "Is that… Is that really you, Ojou-sama?!" she said, for the heart can see even through certain most powerful things.

Ami swallowed. "One hit…! It only took her one hit…!"

Sailor Mars humphed. "Yeah, well, I one-shot-ed my first few Youmas too! Let her enjoy it until they start getting tougher! But, I wonder why they don't just send the stronger ones to begin with…?"

"I knew it!" Artemis beamed. "She's the fourth Inner Senshi! Sailor Jupiter!"

"… did, did that cat just talk?!" Tina gulped, giving a few steps back in fear.

Sailor Venus gave Artemis a very pointed and upset look, which he just shrugged. "I know, I know," he said. "I used to make such a big deal out of that, didn't I? How did we ever get to this point, I wonder?"

"Yes, he did," Zazie nodded at Tina. "Of course, that's the least of our concerns now…"

"Indeed it is," said a male voice as all televisions in the nearby stores turned themselves on, showing the face of a handsomely elegant man with long dark hair, apparently wearing some sort of gray army uniform with golden buttons. "You are wise as one would expect; if only the same could be said of the rest of you!"

"Nephrite!" Venus recognized him instantly.

Tina blinked. "That's his actual name, for real? Sounds like a kidney disease to me…"

Nephrite laughed. "You were fortunate tonight, Guardians! But luck only can carry you so far! I set this building up on a hunch, waiting until you would show up, and it's paid off richly! Now I know your true faces; from here, it's only a matter of time until I find and kill you! What a happy thought to dwell into…!"

"Why, you filthy bastard…!" Mars seethed.

Mami blinked. "Um, you're aware you're pretty much signing your death sentence, aren't you, Evil General-san?" she asked, actually sounding somewhat concerned for him. "You know what actually happens to villains who learn the heroes' secret identities, don't you…?"

* * *

Somewhere, Ra's al Ghul and Bane sneezed. Shut up, there are exceptions to every rule. Norman Osborn is long dead in this continuity, before you ask.

* * *

"That only works in anime. You've watched too much television," Nephrite told Mami. "You'd better watch out, that vile stuff rots good children's minds."

Mami sighed with a sad small shrug. "Whatever you wish. Your funeral."

Nephrite smiled again and snapped his fingers. "I will delete all security footage in this mall, since this secret must belong only to me, so I expect my kindness to be repaid accordingly. When I contact you again, assuming I don't just have you stabbed in your beds, I better get a quick answer. Until then, I take my leave, Sailor Senshi. Princess."

The television sets went black, and that was it.

Even Tuxedo Kamen was gone now.

"… princess?" Satsuki finally asked. "Who did he mean by that?"

Again, Zazie said nothing, but Rei looked very intently at her. The rest of them were just too aghast and, in Mami's case, faintly disbelieving of someone's lack of Genre Savviness as to even realize what Yotsuba had just wondered.

Not knowing about the Hero Secret Identity Protection Clause, really! That was like ignoring the Mentor Occupational Hazard!

Then Chiba Mamoru came stumbling back into sight, holding his head. "Ohhhh…" he gurgled. "What, what happened, anyway? Is everyone okay?"

Sailor Venus huffed. "Aaaand here's the louse, see? Only the good die young, there was nothing to worry about!" When Artemis opened his mouth again, she just blocked it with a foot. "No, not him. I draw the line there!"

Mamoru blinked. "Did you… just talk to that cat? Isn't that Red Bow's pet?"

"Yeah, yeah, well, she and her friends had to leave, you know, this is a disaster area after all!" Venus said, gesturing at the others to keep their traps shut or else. "And from what I see, you were hypnotized by that demon too, but you were so clumsy you just wandered away until we killed it! Man, do you have the devil's own luck, or what?"

Mamoru blinked again, very slowly. "Ah… so, that is what happened?"

Zazie, Rei, Shiho and Tate shared a very obvious _C'mon, are we surrounded by this many idiots?_ glance as the rest of them just nodded, deciding to go along with it.

Chiba hummed, then smiled. "I see! Well, all's well as long as it ends well, anyway! Now let us see if we can force the doors open before—"

A faint green mist began flowing through the mall from the air vents. A pleasant recording of a female voice said, "For your safety, LexCorp has just initiated the next stage in the defense protocols for this building. Synthetic Kryptonite, harmless to humans but deadly to the vile alien invader, has been dispersed into the mall to repel all likely attackers from outer space. A distress call has been sent to the local police force and our Mahora City Lex Security Department, please wait in place for their arrival…"

"Um," Tate said, "isn't this crap supposed to be poisonous to humans too? Like, it gives people cancer or something?"

"Oh, no, you'd have to be exposed to its radiation nonstop over a period of months or years," Ami lectured. "For instance, doing something incredibly stupid like carrying a Kryptonite ring on you at all times. That's why real thinking men carry their Kryptonite safely held in lead-lined compartments in their utility belts."

"Okay," Venus said, "I'm just leaving all the same, just in case," Venus casually flipped a hand aside and broke though the mall's front entrance with a half hearted "Venus Love-Me-Chain. Um, I guess it was kind of fun, thanks for everything, I suppose…?"

As they followed her out, Rei wondered aloud, "It was more like a Zombie Bride rather than a Ghost Bride, wasn't it?"

"Well, it came from a mall, of course it'd be labeled wrong so it would sound cooler!" Venus shrugged. "Next time we hit the Naba Mall, okay? Their ice cream parlor it's to die for…"

"Shouldn't we be more worried about Nephrite-san right now?" Sailor Mercury wearily asked.

Staying at the rear of the group, Tate muttered with his hands in his pockets. "He doesn't even bother to wear a wig, really! What is this world coming down to…?"

* * *

One day after, they sat by the pool again, this time with Mayu, Miyabi, Kaoru and Tina added to the group from the day prior. "… so it's not as easy as just passing the powers on, is it?" Miss Miyabi asked coldly.

"No, it's not," Artemis said. "The Star Seed is unique and can't be transferred by anyone short of the Moon Princess herself, and even that is a longshot guess. It's a cosmic duty that will pursuit a Sailor Senshi wherever she goes."

"Well, screw fate then!" Miyabi argued angrily. "I'm not going to let Ojou-sama risk her life night after night just because you can't do this on your own!"

"If the guy already knows who she is, does it make much of a difference anyway?" asked Ako.

"Well, then let's take it to the police!" Miyabi said.

"But who would believe us?" Kaoru asked.

"We can let her transform in front of them! There'd be no way to deny that!"

"I don't like the idea of spending the rest of my life as a test subject for the government a whole lot, Miyabi-san," Mayu calmly said, yet bristling under the surface.

"Uh…" her caretaker paled.

"You get used to this lifestyle eventually," Akira said philosophically, staring into the pool. "It was more difficult for me when I still tried to fight against it."

"It's okay, I don't mind if I can use these powers to protect Hanabishi-sama!" Mayu smiled. "Now you know why I'm much better and stronger than any other woman, don't you, Hanabishi-sama?"

Kaoru sweated. "Mayu-chan, I'll be eternally thankful to you, and I'll always treasure our friendship dearly, but the fact still remains, Tina is my g-g-g-gi-gir."

"Well, she isn't your **girlfriend** yet, so I still stand a chance! Good thing it's such a long word!"

"I thought superheroes were only married to their jobs!" Tina said.

"Reed Richards," Ami said.

"Well, yeah, but anyone can tell he's a terrible husband and it's a sham marriage—"

"I heard a rumor Frozone is married," Ako piped in.

"Isn't that guy long retired? I barely remember him!"

"Doctor Pym," Mami pitched in.

"C'mon, you hardly can call that a healthy marriage and—"

"Isn't the Elongated Man happily married?" Tate asked.

"Who's Elongated Man? Don't you mean Plastic Man?"

"No, that's another guy," Ako said.

"You mean there are four superheroes with the power to stretch?! What's even the purpose of that?!" Tina asked. "What's next, a stretching pirate?! A stretching dog?!"

"Why do we always end up bickering over nothing?" Rei said. "It's like we all are a collective old married couple…"

* * *

 **Omake:** ** **Good has a Bad Sense of Humor.****

"Hey," Sailor Jupiter smiled. "Do you know what happens to a Youma when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everyone else!"

And she fried the demon down with a Jupiter Thunderbolt.

"Oh ho ho ho!" she made the Ojou Laugh with her hand on her mouth then, only to find the other three Inner Senshi and even Artemis frowning at her instead. "Uh…" she said. "That's a joke from a movie, you know…"

"Yeah, we saw the movie too," Sailor Venus nodded. "That's why we aren't laughing."

* * *

 **Omake:** **Like Sisters**.

"So," Sailor Uranus said, cocking a fist on a hip and raising an eyebrow, "I've been noticin' something. You two are like the best of friends to each other despite being very harsh to everyone else, right?"

Venus' own eyebrow twitched. "You and Neptune aren't the best people to talk about that kind of thing, you realize that, right?"

Jupiter and Mars themselves didn't seem offended, for once, though. "Why, of course we've become good friends!" Jupiter said. "Why wouldn't we?"

"Yeah!" Mars nodded. "After all, we're so much alike!"

"We appreciate the true beauty of a slim body with no huge, bothersome bags of meat!" Jupiter ran a hand over her flat chest, while Mars nodded vigorously.

"We share the pain of parental abandonment, but both came out stronger and better from it!" Mars wagged a finger at the rest of the Senshi.

"And mostly, we are perfect matches in our respective loves for older trusty gentlemen, the pick of choice for the knowledgeable Japanese girl!" Jupiter declared firmly.

"Which means," Venus told Uranus and Neptune, "they are so entranced by their respective men, they're the only ones each other can't see as competition for themselves."

"Ah!" Mars swooned. "Tate Oniichan!"

"Ah!" Jupiter swooned. "Hanabishi-sama!"

"Okay," Sailor Neptune said, "but which one of them is the best?"

"Why," they said at once, "of course that's Tate Oniichan/Hanabishi-sama..."

Then they stopped briskly, realizing their unison at that last part had been perfect in timing, as usual, but horribly discordant in the content of the spoken words. They stared silently at each other, and a chilling wind blew over the rooftop.

A second later, they were at each other's throats, viciously.

Pluto stared at the smirking Neptune and madly guffawing Uranus. "Again, I feel I must insist we're supposed to try and improve team spirit around these parts. Not going the other way around."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Neptune observed. "Look at how Venus and Mercury are working so hard, together, to pull them apart! That's part of teamwork as well, isn't it?"

* * *

 **Next: Tsukuyomi.**


	4. Tsukuyomi

The underground chamber was not dark, smelly and wet, against all expectations and all cliches, which was probably against some kind of law, and was certainly a sign of lowering standards all around. Ironically, that only made it all the scarier for Louise, especially right after squeezing through so many tunnels and hallways that were indeed dark, smelly and wet, not to mention filled with traps of all sorts and manners. Most of them had ended up thrusting her and Negi together into some compromising position or other, after which she'd invariably whip or explode him, triggering further traps, so they were both pretty battered by now.

Louise thought it was terribly unfair that, while he'd taken more hits, he still looked quite fine and didn't appear half as pummeled and disarranged as her, who had one black eye and winced every time she moved her right leg to take a step. What was this guy made of anyway?

They had regardless survived, among other things, shrinking rooms, falling boulders, flying buzzsaws, pits of spikes and quicksands, golem crocodiles that breathed fire, a living stone jaguar, a hall of laser beams, and finally a metal sphinx that... actually, it had done nothing at all, so Louise supposed it had broken or something over age. But still, after all of that, who needed anything else, right? And now they had finally arrived in a huge, well lit room full of ancient books and a few token strange artifacts, most of them very dusty and apparently non-functional or missing parts. There were no candles or lamps anywhere in sight, making the source of the light even more inexplicable. It didn't even seem to come from any specific place, but from every corner of the chamber at once.

"I never thought I'd say this," the girl wheezed, resting against a wall, "but power and knowledge just aren't worth this effort!"

"I'm sorry if this troubles you, Master," the boy smiled gently, "but once we made it past the first trap, it was pointless to turn back, wouldn't you say? I had no idea I was this good dodging death traps. I wonder where I learned it from...?"

She whacked him across the head. "What are you talking about?! We fell into so many traps along the way I lost count of them!"

"We didn't trigger even half of them, believe me," he said, casually catching the next swing of her riding crop. "The actually deadly ones? They all missed us."

"Obviously, otherwise we wouldn't be talking about it now! But I could have died! What if I had died?! This better be worth it!"

He cringed, letting go of the weapon and then rubbing the newest bump on his head. "Umu.. You know, that kind of reminded me of someone, but... never mind. We'd better start searching for something useful now; in the meantime please don't lean back against any of the walls, this room must be rigged too. I'll take the right half of it, you'll stay behind me doing nothing and keeping your hands very still, and after that-"

Then he tensed up and spun around, instinctively striking a martial arts stance. Swiftly moving before the confused Louise, protecting her while squinting, his breathing hissed.

"Wh-What now, you idiot?!" Louise swallowed. "P-Please tell me it's just a rat, a scorpion or-"

Out of shadows that Louise could swear had not been there seconds ago stepped a petite girl in a maid uniform with shiny glasses and a wide smile. Her hair was a long light blonde, falling down to her shoulders and framing them nicely. Her small feet in shiny black shoes tapped against the floor rhythmically as she walked towards them, speaking in soft, somewhat mischievous dulcet tones, "Good evening, children. What are you doing here? Don't you know this area is off-limits for all students...?"

"T-This wasn't my idea!" Louise gasped. "My Familiar convinced, I mean, forced me to come here! I didn't even know this chamber was forbidden! P-Please let me go and I'll punish my reckless Familiar accordingly, and this won't happen ever again! Negi, lower your guard! You absolutely cannot fight a staff member!"

But Negi did not lower his guard yet. "Master, do you know this person?"

"Well..." Louise looked carefully at the girl's face, noticing she was around her own age, something odd in itself for Ariadne staff. Siesta had been the youngest maid present before leaving for Mundus Vetus, but after her, the staff had been mostly adults with only a few older teens in service, and most of those were older students on some kind of work program. "Noo, but I've never been down here, so..."

"What," Negi said between clenched teeth, "is the point of assigning a very young maid to a chamber where no one is ever supposed to come?"

The maid giggled in a truly disturbing way, pulling out two swords from behind her back, one long and the other short, one in each hand. Louise gave a choked yelp of panic, while Negi growled. "I know you, don't I...?"

In the blink of an eye, the girl had dashed forward, sinking each blade into the wall behind the duo, stabbing at each side of their heads and trapping them between her arms. Her smile turned downright demonic as her tongue snaked out, licking over her own lips lecherously. Her hands still firmly clutching the handles, she laughed. "What? Are you really amnesiac after all? I should have known a whitebread white hat like you couldn't pretend even to save his life!"

 _"Adeat!"_ Louise yelled, pulling her wand out and blasting at the girl's midesction with a miniature explosion of concentrated void that sent her flying back against a shelf of heavy books that dropped on her like bricks. Only for the girl to slice through them savagely, cutting her way free as she bounced back, tomes exploding in all directions while her swords spun around flashily.

"Not bad!" she chuckled. "Louise the Zero, right? I've heard of you! Maybe, after I kill the brat, I'll kidnap you and ask for ransom from your family! Never say 'no' to some extra cash on the side, that's my motto!"

"And your name is...?" Negi grumbled.

The girl looked wounded. "My beauty hasn't jolted your memory back? Oh dear, you offend me!" she briefly made a curtsey with a saccharine smile. "My name is-"

* * *

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company created and owns _Duck Tales_.

Hasbro created and owns _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_.

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Four: Tsukuyomi.**

* * *

"Tsukuyomi-san!" Negi gasped. "That's the name, isn't it! You're... You're somebody's sister..."

She nodded. "Yes, Sensei, I'm glad you remember at last. I am, indeed, your sister..."

"Say WHAAAAT?!" Louise and Negi cried at once, greatly startled.

"No!" Negi cried. That's not true! It's impossible!"

"Search your feelings," Tsukuyomi said with sudden solemnity. "You know it to be true."

Then she started cackling like a mad hyena, and only the fact she had a sword in each hand prevented her from slapping her knee. "Ah ha ha ha, gotcha! What a fool! I'm not your sister! I'm Setsuna's sister!"

"... who?" Negi asked.

Louise frowned, and slapped the back of his head, hard. "The pale girl with wings on that card, moron! Even I remember that one, sheesh!"

"Oi! Oh yes, that's right, her, sorry!" Negi winced, rubbing himself on the aching area once again. "Amnesia is a very tricky business, that's all..."

Tsukuyomi lost her smile. "Yes, you know. Setsuna Onee-sama. Your student, very pretty, black hair, kickass with a sword, a really nice tight as- UGH!" she screamed as Negi rushed her and punched her in the stomach.

"I know!" he said, following on that with an elbow to her jaw. "I was just playing so you'd lower your guard, but of course I remember Yue-san telling me about her!" He kneed her in the chest, further pushing her against a wall. "So you're her sister, huh? Then why are you-"

"Our relationship is beautiful and complicated!" Tsukuyomi claimed, pushing him back and away from her with a foot. "Wait, which one is Yue?"

"Umm, you know, very short, large forehead, really thick and ugly purple braids?" Louise supplied from the sidelines.

Tsukuyomi frowned, swinging her blades before herself to keep them at bay. "I don't remember her. She was one of the useless loads, wasn't she? Oh yes, I remember now!" Her bright smile returned. "I remember seeing an eyesore like that at the back of the Gateport! I thought she'd have died from the drop!"

Louise blinked. "The Gateport... Then, you are one of those who framed Negi and his group!"

"Guilty as sin and just as pretty!" the swordswoman giggled, thrusting ahead with a direct stab. "As I was saying, my bond with Onee-sama is complex," here she cursed inwardly as they both dodged her in time, even if clumsily in Louise's case, "but yours and mine is simple enough, Pretty Boy! You took her away from me, so now I'll kill you!" She swung only for him now, even as he jumped over her slash, "Maybe this runt too, and the rest of us will live happily ever after!"

"I don't think so!" Louise snarled, taking advantage of the opening to place the tip of her wand against Tsukyomi's temple. "Calm down now or I-I'll blow your crazy head off!"

Tsukuyomi smirked evilly. "You don't have the guts!"

"I do!" Louise insisted.

"No, you don't anymore!" she playfully said, slashing aside with the shorter sword and barely missing Louise's stomach, slicing through her already damaged nightrobe and taking a piece of it off. Negi grumbled gutturally, tackling her away from Louise and onto a large table, headbutting her. "Ooops! I like a man who plays rough!"

"Don't you ever hurt my students or Master... again!" Negi roared, holding her wrists in his hands and pinning them down above her head, on the table's surface. "Who are you working for now?!"

"Negi!" Louise gasped. "So you'd hit a woman after all!"

"I don't hit ladies, but trust me, this woman isn't one," Negi muttered darkly.

"Definitely not," Tsukuyomi herself shook her head in agreement. "I'm a dirty, dirty girl."

Louise blinked. "Then... why do you let me hit you?"

"Because _you_ are a lady, naturally," he told her, making Louise blush.

"Now, now, I wouldn't go quite as far as to say that, believe me, one can recognize another," Tsukuyomi snarled. "As for my current allegiance, well, you could say I'm flying solo this time, Negi-kun," she smiled up at him wickedly, eyes half-closed. "Sextum-han and I had a... not so loving not-lovers' spat, and those crazy fangirls of hers certainly didn't make things any smoother. You know, I'm not too big into harems. I'd rather have a person all to myself, just like this..." she cooed provocatively.

She lifted a knee, but before Louise could yell a warning, instead of kneeing him, she caressed his crotch with the knee. Negi flinched visibly, and Louise flushed crimson, but Tsukuyomi only licked her lips over wickedly. "We had a falling out because she was obsessing too much over a boy, namely you, while having the gall of accusing me of obsessing over a girl, namely Onee-sama. But you know, I might be starting to get the attraction now. Up close and personal, you feel a lot more lively, but that doesn't change she was too much of a stuck up little sexy bitch about it..."

"W-W-Who is Sextum?" Negi stammered, while trembling from scalp to toes.

"Oooohhh, is it getting hard...?" Tsukuyomi huskily said, rubbing further while Louise overheated and twitched randomly. "You like being touched by your Onee-chan while she purrs to you about Sexy little stuck up bitches,don't you...? Well, you're a boy, it can't be helped, but you remembered me that quickly, but not her? Why, I'm soooo flattered, hmmmm..."

He nodded stiffly. "I-I know you're a sword for hire... You're wanted by the law both here and in Mundus Vetus..."

"And now, so are you, isn't that funny?" she laughed on his face. "What a joke! After you worked so hard to be the perfect lapdog for the old mages, this is how they repay you! Your bounty's even way higher than mine! If I could find you and sneak in here, they'll also know and send someone before long. Those guys can pay for the best, after all, and not even the walls of Ariadne will stop them. You're just lucky the Magus Killer is out of business, or they might have sent him after you."

Negi growled and let go of her, pulling back just as Louise was about to explode them both. "I see. Then, you aren't under any sort of contract at the moment?"

"I was thinking of killing you and claiming the bounty under a false name, but-"

"Too risky. What if I hire you to be my bodyguard for the next few weeks instead?" Negi coldly asked, interrupting her. "Do I have something to pay you with?"

"Whaaaat?!" Louise screamed. "Are you serious, imbecile?!"

Tsukuyomi herself barely was any less surprised. "You... You want me to do what?!" for the first time since this encounter had started, she sounded and looked actually shocked. Even so, her surprise subsided relatively fast compared to Louise's babbling, stunned perplexity. "Are you crazy?!"

"Just answer my question, please," Negi asked patiently. "Do I have anything you would accept in exchange for such hypothetical services?"

"Have you lost your flipping mind?!" Louise shook the riding crop around. "How can you ask for protection from the madwoman who has just tried to skin us alive?!"

"Don't exaggerate, Master," Negi said. "Cut and stab, that's all."

"Oh my God, you're serious," Tsukuyomi breathed out. "And insane too, I love it! W-Well, your father left you properties in Kyoto that you could sell for a small fortune or two or three, but I don't know about any other-"

"Then you're hired," Negi told her, with a small harsh smile. "You'll take any job for money, won't you? And you just said it yourself, I can't stay here without endangering everyone in the Academy, my Master included. So I have to leave soon, and I'll need taking someone who knows what's going on and can look after herself."

"And who is expendable!" Tsukuyomi pointed out with a sly smirk.

"No life is," Negi said very seriously, "but I'll admit your demise wouldn't hurt me as much as Yue or Master's would..."

"I'm glad we're being honest with each other then," the mercenary nodded sagely. "That's always the best kind of beginning for a working relationship. Not a sexual one, though. Those are more exciting when based on lies! But i'll thrown that in for free, since if we'll be on the run we'll need something to do a night!"

"…!-?" Negi said. "I feel like I'm waiting from someone to tell me something."

"Negi," Louise told him then, tense and dryly.

He turned around to look at her. "Yes, are you okay, Master?"

Then she exploded them both.

"Oh, I like your new girlfriend!" Tsukuyomi said. "She's got spunk, and a very cute voice!"

* * *

"You remembered Tsukuyomi?!" protested Yue, while Negi hastily gathered up whatever little belongings he had into one of Louise's suitcases. "You seriously remembered Tsukuyomi but you haven't even remembered Chisame yet?!"

"What can I say, her sword was all but pressed against my throat at the time," Negi apologized, taking only one moment to neatly fold his Bob the Builder underpants.

"That wasn't exactly the only thing she had pressed against you!" Louise snarled venomously, while Tsukuyomi laughed at it with a hand primly over her own mouth.

"W-Well, yes, both of those things tend to jolt a person's memory, I suppose," Negi rasped, blushing his discomfort. "Anyway, please stay here and out of trouble until you receive further news from me, study hard and don't make things any harder for Headmaster Seras."

"No! I'm going with you!" Yue said.

"No! You aren't going anywhere! Well, maybe you, Ugly Braids, and the psycho definitely, but not my Familiar!" Louise disagreed violently.

Collet, Jean-Luc, Twilight Sparkle, Spike and, of course, Tsukuyomi herself were all in Louise's room with them, the latter carelessly swinging her legs back and forth while sitting on the large bed. "After I'm gone, there won't be any reason for my enemies to come here anymore," Negi reasoned. "Even looking for hostages to lure me would be more problems than I'm worth. So it's for the best I leave alone... I mean, with Tsukuyomi-san."

"That's way worse than being alone!" Yue argued, and for once Louise had to nod at her words.

Negi sighed. "Please try to understand! None of you are dumb, I'm sure you can see my point clearly!"

"Maybe she just isn't that bad? Come on, there's some good in everypony after all!" Twilight tried to smile, glancing amiably at Tsukuyomi one second before pulling back when she playfully yet viciously chomped the air in her and Spike's general direction, the tiny dragon rushing to hide behind the unicorn. "Um, sorry, but that didn't really scare me, believe me, I've stared Discord himself straight into the eyes!" Twi gulped.

"What I'm understanding is you want to leave with one of our worst enemies!" Yue told her teacher. "What if this is her plan to take you to Sextum?"

"It's a risk I'll have to take, but not you," Negi firmly said.

Tsukuyomi scoffed. "What a dumb idea! If I could get in so could Sexy-han herself, there'd be no need to send me if she knew you were here... yet! Of course, she's fairly clever herself, so I figure it won't take her long..."

"How did you even know he was here anyway?" Collet asked suspiciously.

Louise shrugged, poking the tip of her tongue out. "Maybe I have a mole somewhere? You don't make it far in my business without establishing connections everywhere, you know. Ah! Now that I think about it, Sexy-han should have one as well! She and her brothers gathered young war orphans all over this world and planted them as spies in every country, I remember her mentioning that once! I think at least ten people study here because of her money."

Negi paled and gasped. "Then I must leave even faster than I thought!"

"You aren't going anywhere, you... you reckless idiot!" Louise sputtered. "Because... you... you... you have my suitcase!"

"I'll pay for it later!" he said.

"If I leave him any money after this," Tsukuyomi made clear, boredly examining her fingernails.

Twilight sighed, tapping a hoof down. "This is all so pointless! All we have to do is deliver this girl to the teachers and be done with it!"

"That's it! Finally, someone with some common sense!" Louise approved. "My opinion of you has improved, Grass Muncher!"

Twilight glared at her. "I prefer 'vegan', thank you very much!"

"I know the rules! Rat me out if you want, I'll be free again in no time anyway! All I have to do is say I want to study here!" Tsukuyomi pointed out. "Not my fault if your system is just that ridiculously lax! And hey, maybe killing people with magic will be fun too..."

"Don't you dare!" Twilight gasped. "Friendship, not Murderous Intent, is Magic!"

"No, Courage is the strongest magic," Negi corrected.

"No, it's Knowledge and Clow Cards, everything else is just rubbish," Yue said staunchly.

Louise scoffed. "The fact she equals 'being in an academy' with 'being free' makes it obvious she's never been in a school before..."

Collet and Yue only could nod at that, their dire differences with the pink haired heiress not withstanding.

"What? No, schools are just plain awesome!" Twilight was even more horrified now.

Tsukuyomi giggled. "I'm sure I'll get to be an excellent Black Mage...!"

 _Somewhere else in Mundus Magicus, a psychopathic short figure in a dark robe and face concealing pointy hat sneezed, while traveling along a stupid red-haired Fighter, a greedy Thief, a destructive Red Mage and a long suffering female White Mage._

 _A whole town thus somehow exploded. Thanks, Tsukuyomi._

"No, you won't!" Negi, Twilight, Spike, Collet, Yue and Louise told her all as one.

"Pikaaaa pika pika pikachu chu!" Jean-Luc added, just as angry.

Tsukuyomi blinked. "Is that seriously a Po**mon?"

Then an explosion shook the whole castle (no, Black Mage hadn't been close enough. Different explosion. No, it's not time for Megumin or Lina Inverse to show up yet either, sheesh), and several screams and trumpeting alarms came from the North wing.

"See? I'm sure that's her!" a vindicated Tsukuyomi smiled.

"... I hate all you freaking people!" Louise furiously decided.

Yue looked sternly at Tsukuyomi. "Do you swear on whatever honor you have as a professional you didn't lure her here?"

"Not meaning to, at least," the mercenary shrugged as Negi frantically slammed the suitcase close and rushed for the door, Louise tackling him against the floor.

Yue asked again. "And did you make sure nobody was following you when you left Sextum-san?"

"No, I didn't! Why should I? What do you think I am, some sort of coward?"

"I'm going to kill youuuuu!" Louise roared at her from where she was whipping down Negi into submission.

"Let me go, Master!" he protested from under her, kicking around. "I must find those enemies and lure them away, it's not like they'll-!"

Then the room's front door exploded from the outside, wrapped in flames, and in jumped a naked slim young woman, her body sheathed in fire, her hair made in long twintails literally spreading flames behind her.

* * *

Cthuuko briefly appeared in a small inset at the lower right corner of the screen and shook her head. "Sorry. It's not me this time either..."

* * *

"Ah!" Tsukuyomi smiled. "Homura-han!"

"Who?" Negi asked.

 _Somewhere back on Earth, Makie's stepmon sneezed._

"Wh-Why are you breaking into MY room naked?!" Louise shrilled, pointing her wand at the newcomer. "The Fire Nation just keeps getting worse and worse!"

The girl with the small horns on her forehead gestured around with both hands, setting Louise's window and bed curtains on fire. A second later, the bed itself, the wardrobe and the carpet also went up in flames, much to the aristocrat's shrieking terror. As Louise began blasting at the fire with bubbles of void to snuff them out, the intruder lunged forward and grabbed Negi by the throat, surprisingly fast. "The hiding game is over, gnat. Master Fate wants to see you!"

"W-Who?!" Negi coughed, feeling the touch burn his skin, which even began sizzling.

 _Somewhere in outer space, Hotaru's stepsister sneezed._

"Leave him alone!" Twilight shouted, shooting a massive blast from her horn and slamming Homura out of the room and against a wall of the hall outside. Then she gestured towards the door with her head. "Come on, let's go!" she urged. "The teachers will know what to do!"

"Your teachers can't save you!" Homura growled, leaping back to her feet. "They must be statues right now…"

"Oh, just be quiet already!" Twilight blasted her down again, Spike jumping onto the young mare's back. "Louise! I meant you too!"

"B-B-But I'm not done yet…!" Louise protested, trying to put the last fires off even as Negi grabbed her by an arm and pulled her out of the room with the others, taking an instant to kick Homura in the face as he did so. "These are my things, I just can't leave them to burn…!"

Negi sighed, forcefully stuck a finger within his nose, twiddled it, and loudly sneezed into the room, being careful of not hitting the girls. "Better now?" he asked then.

Louise pouted. "You've just destroyed all of my bedsheets and the clothes hanging on the pegs, but otherwise, yes, thanks… you idiot!"

Tsukuyomi giggled, finding the experience hilarious as they ran down the hall, leaving a slowly recovering and groaning Homura behind. "You guys are a riot! They're better than the last supporting cast you had, Negi-han!"

"You make my head hurt," Collet told her, only for them to screech to a halt when a very beautiful girl with long, light-greenish hair, a white dress decorated with ribbons everywhere, and two long horns jutting out of her head stepped into their way, blocking it. Her eyes were closed, and in her hands she held a violin with the poise of an accomplished player. Just as soon as she saw her, Tsukuyomi, who had just laughed at Homura's appearance, dropped her smile and fell into a tense fighting stance, swiftly pulling her blades out. That didn't escape Negi's attention, the boy taking a good mental note of it. Whoever this young lady was, she clearly was more dangerous than Homura.

"Halt," the stranger commanded, her tone gentle but detached and cold. "All your base belongs to us. It is absurd trying to resist Lord Fate. I am Shirabe—"

"Jean-Luc!" Collet pointed ahead and yelled. "Thunder Shock!"

"Pika-Pika!" Her Familiar gathered electricity up in himself, then just as quickly discharged it into a gigantic bolt that hit and rattled the new foe, making her convulse madly as she was tossed back unceremoniously. "PIKA-CHUUUUU!-!"

Yue blinked. "Collet! That was some fast reaction!"

"It, it was?" the blonde gulped. "S-Sorry, I just have this instinctive reaction to violinists!"

Louise nodded. "Well done. You know what I hate? Musicians!"

As they ran past the twitching and gurgling Shirabe, with Tsukuyomi even taking a moment to step on her and kick her in the head, Negi was the only one to pause briefly to look down at her with fleeting pity. Yue was more concerned about asking, "Who is this 'Fate' they're talking about? We know someone named that, but she couldn't be—"

"Oh, this one's a he, trust me. One of Sexy-han's brothers!" Tsukuyomi answered easily. "Didn't you know?"

"There are more like her and Quartum?!" Yue gasped.

"Well, duh, the numbering theme naming made it obvious, didn't it?" Tsukuyomi shot back with contempt.

Yue groaned. "I hoped the others would be all dead already, or something like that…"

"They aren't as easy to kill as that, don't you know that, dummy?" Tsukuyomi chided her. "Oh, sorry, I guess you wouldn't know because every time Negi-han has to fight one you stay behind being completely useless, tee hee hee!"

"You know," Negi grouched as he ran, "maybe we should reconsider our agreement of— Oh, feathers!" he swallowed in horror.

* * *

They had just reached a large conference room that had just been wrecked by a massive fight, or perhaps a massive one-sided massacre instead. Negi was paralyzed by a sight eerily similar to that of his nightmares; the destroyed room was full of teachers, including Professor Chevreusse, turned into stone figures, all petrified in the middle of acts of attack or defense. And in the middle of all those sculptures and assorted pieces of smashed furniture and broken floor stood a boy.

He was around Negi's height and build and apparent age, probably just a bit taller than him. Now he stared blandly at them, wearing the same uniform as the girl in Negi's nightmares, who could have passed for his twin sister. "Is this... Is this Fate-san, Tsukuyomi-san?" Negi asked with a slight gulp.

"Of course he is! Hiiiiii, Fate-han!" Tsukuyomi said, reaching into her frilly white and pink purse and pulling out a severed, slender arm, waving its pale hand at him, much to the students and Negi's disgust and horror. "Your sis' arm waves you hello! Oh, you came for it, didn't you? Too bad, because I won it fair and square, I'm not giving it back!" she stuck her tongue out at him, shoving the arm back into the purse.

"I hadn't come for it but for the boy, but since you have it... well, yes, please hand it back, no pun intended," he said emotionlessly, gesturing with an arm towards her. "Do so and I'll allow you walk away unscathed."

"Oh, but where's the fun on that?" she pouted. Then she gestured graciously towards him, telling the others, "Fate Averruncus, Prince with a Heart of Stone! His real name is Tertium, but he hates it, and who wouldn't, so please don't call him that," she advised, the girls too terrified out of their wits to reply.

"Your decision," Fate shrugged. He then extended his open hand to Negi. "What about yours? Are you going to surrender?"

"What for? Why are you even hounding me like this?" Negi demanded. "What have we ever done to you?"

"Nothing, and for that, I apologize," the enemy said, in a tone that was flat but somewhat sincere. "But we need you and Kagurazaka Asuna no matter what, and fighting us would be pointless. So we trust you to be reasonable and give yourself up without offering any further resistance. You must have learned at the Gateport, your opposition would only hurt those around you."

"Sorry," Negi braced himself for a fight. "But I'm afraid I've forgotten those lessons."

Collet finally found her voice back. "Jean-Luc, Thunder Shock!"

"Pika-CHUUUUUUUU!" the small Familiar repeated its earlier attack, but without even a blink, Fate Averruncus stopped it completely, just lifting finger and creating an absolute barrier in the air before him. The shield simply absorbed the electricity of the bolt, reducing it to nothing as Collet, Jean-Luc, Spike and Louise all gasped in horror.

"That was unwise," Fate stated in a flat voice, waving an arm before himself and smashing everybody else present against the walls, without even actually touching them, just by virtue of whatever generic wall-pressing magic they apparently gave out to villains like free candy he'd just invoked without chanting.

"PIKA!"

"Oh, dear!" Collet gasped in pain.

"Uuugh...!" Twilight Sparkle winced. "My leg!"

"Which of the four?" Yue whined, rubbing herself on an arm.

"No...!" Negi growled.

"H-How did you get here?" Louise asked Fate as she slid to the floor. "A spy got you in...?"

"That," Fate calmly said, walking to Negi and grabbing him by the shirt, pulling him up, "is an useless thing to ask. Soon I will be gone and will not bother you ever again, Miss La Vallierre, so there is no need for you to concern yours-"

Then Negi surprised him with a punch straight to the face, sending him flying away from him and across the room. "I'm NOT going anywhere with you!" the boy teacher shouted.

"Sensei!" Yue said.

"Awesome! What a punch!" Spike marveled.

Negi readied his fists and legs. "Master, Yue-san, flee right now! I'll keep him at bay until-!"

"You will do nothing of the sort, Negi Springfield," Fate coldly said, pulling himself back up. As Tsukuyomi charged him from a side angle with a high pitched cry and a dual sword swing, he easily ducked her strike, grabbed her by the head, and slammed her against the wall. "Sextum went easy on you, mercenary. I will not. As for you, Negi Springfield, while I now see Sextum's reports did not exaggerate, you cannot prevail against me any more than you could against her. Now I am going to give you a final chance-"

"I fight on!" Tsukuyomi shouted, jamming one of her blades between his ribs.

He only sighed deeply, pulled the sword out, and slapped her back against the others with a lightning-flash snap of a wrist to her face. "I grow tired of your insanity, mercenary. You must learn I am not Quartum, since-"

"Oh, suck it, Pretty Boy!" rang a different voice as a black round portal appeared on the floor between Negi's group and him. Out of it rose Lena and Webby, the former holding a shiny golden medalion in one hand, the latter sporting thick nightvision goggles on her face, and carrying a large magical gun in each hand, not too visually unlike the kind of weaponry Deadpool would have on him in a particularly Liefeldian issue, although these were in a lovely pink and lavender. Both of them were squarely trained on Fate.

"YO! AVERRUNCUS!" Webby shouted at the top of her lungs. "REMEMBER ME?! REMEMBER MY MEN YOU PETRIFIED IN PEKING!?"

Negi blinked, stunned, just like the other girls and Spike, although they were too baffled to speak at all. He could, however, utter a weak, "... what?"

Webby smirked, never losing sight of her target. There was an odd glint on the red glasses of the goggles. "It's part of my character's backstory. 'Grizzled ex-Special Forces pulled out of retirement for revenge!'"

".. pika pika," a disgusted Jean-Luc opined.

Fate tilted his head aside the slightest bit. "Your family's shadow magic cannot compare to Cosmo Entelecheia's superior craftmanship, De Spell. You should know that."

Lena snorted. "Who says I'm gonna waste my time fighting you?"

And then, with a loud whoosh, the portal expanded suddenly, exploding into thick, quivering tentacles in all directions and swallowing the yelling Negi and companions whole within their mass, which contracted back just as quickly. Fate rushed towards it with an arm outstretched, but right when he was about to touch it, the last thing he saw of was Lena smirking, casually flipping him off and winking before the black mass collapsed into itself, disappearing altogether along with the whole junior party, and leaving the Averruncus alone again.

"Well played, De Spell," he softly admitted, processing what had just happened in silence for a moment, and next putting two fingers to his temple, as elegant and composed as ever. "They escaped. I apologize. There's no reason to stay here anymore. I will assume all responsibility, Lord Dynamis..."

* * *

When they reappeared, and for Negi and Yue it felt too much like they'd stopped existing and then started existing again, they did so in the middle of a forest clearing. It didn't look like any forest clearing that could be seen from Merdiana Academy, so Negi guessed they had to be far away. Much to Yue's surprise, when the shadows dumped them back into reality, Negi didn't fall into a compromising situation with anyone, actually being deposited at a safe distance from the others. Yue herself, however, had landed with her head stuck between Louise's legs, her face pressed into the heiress' lacy pink panties.

Naturally, Louise kicked her away and against a tree. "Eeeek! Pervert!"

Yue rolled down from the trunk in pain, rubbing her hit spots angrily. "I'm not Rito-sempai!"

"Who?!" Louise shouted back.

Spike had also fallen with his face stuck against Jean-Luc's posterior, and immediately pulled back, blanching out in disgust. "Gah! Gah-gah-gah! Electric rat butt! _Electric rat butt!_ "

"Wh-Where we are?" Twilight Sparkle looked wildly in all directions. "Why did you bring us here?!"

"We're as far from Ariadne as I could take you," Lena sighed, helping Webby up as the dazed but goofily smiling duckling pulled her goggles up and off. "We've got to keep moving. You heard him, these guys are Cosmo Entelecheia. Those guys are relentless fanatics! Once they want something they won't stop until they've got it."

"H-How did you know where they'd be?! You tipped them off in the first place, didn't you?!" Louise accused.

Lena glared at her. "Sure, and that's why I just saved your tails from them right when they had you, amirite? Get real, Zero. My shadows could hear those freaks trashing the place and fighting half the staff and students as soon as they broke in, and you weren't too hard to track either. Now follow me. I'll take you to Webby's grandma, the old goose may know what to do, but we've gotta make a brief stop somewhere else first..."

"B-But what about Tabitha, Montmorency, Gosalyn, Kirche, Class Rep, everyone?!" Negi babbled. "We must make sure they're okay! We can't just-!"

"They'll be okay now that you've left," Lena said. "They've got no reason to stay there without you, I heard all of your conversation. I knew something like this would happen since I learned you dropped on us..."

"Yeah, I bet you did," Louise mumbled, nonetheless following her through the woods. "Let's go, Familiar. The sooner we clear this up, the better!"

"Ah, ah, yes, Master! Come on, Yue-san, Tsukuyomi-san!"

"We're actually taking her along?!" Spike gasped, pointing a tiny claw at the merc.

Webby blinked. "This is Tsukuyomi? _The_ Tsukuyomi?! Cool!"

Tsukuyomi bowed to her with a gentle smile. "At last, someone who appreciates class when she sees it! A pleasure, fellow insane person!"

Yue took a moment to glare at her. "You'd better earn your pay. So far you haven't been enough help to justify having you around."

"You bet I will, I always do!" she said proudly, skipping ahead with great merriment. "I was under the impression you hadn't actually accepted me yet, what with all the threats of ratting me out to the magic cops, and Negi-han had just mentioned having second thoughts about poor little me, so I hadn't gone all out. But if you really want me on your side, you won't find a better friend than me!"

"I thought you'd be taller," Webby frankly told her.

"Don't kill anyone," Negi instructed.

"Sometimes murder is the only option in battle, Negi-han," Tsukuyomi cautioned, catching up to him and slowing down as to march by his side idly, sliding an arm around his much to Louise's bristling indignation and Yue's great concern."You still have so much to learn...!"

Webby elbowed Collet's side discreetly and chuckled conspiratorially. "Ohh, I get it! The classic ship of good and evil! This could get really interesting, hoo-hoo!"

"Life is all just a big game for you, isn't it?" Collet quite correctly deduced.

"We absolutely aren't killing anyone!" Twilight said. "We aren't going to leave a trail of violence behind us!"

Tsukuyomi rolled her eyes. "Just like a disciple of Celestia. Boy, is this going to be a fun trip. Is this a bad moment to mention I've eaten horse before? And duck, of course. Even rats, those were desperate times. Never dogs, but only because there weren't any around at the time. They say horse meat drives people mad, but nuts to that, I'm fine...!"

"I wouldn't even be shocked if you've eaten human flesh, madwoman!" Louise accused.

"Well, _that one_ depends on if my Sensei was joking that one time in China or not. But he never was much of a joker..."

Negi sighed inwardly. Hopefully these memories would go away as soon as he regained his prior ones...

* * *

"Shouldn't we just head back already?" Louise asked. The group had finally stopped to set up camp by a riverside under a still, starry sky, Collet starting a small campfire and then Lena pulling out a large bag of chips for everyone to share.

"That'd just take us back where we started," Lena replied, taking a bite from her latest chip. They were very tasty, but unlike anything Yue had ever eaten before, flavored more like meat than like the chips she was used to. She was an connoisseur when it came to drinks, not solid food. "Whoever the mole is, they must still be in the Academy."

"You're mages," Yue said. "Why don't you just read everyone's minds until you find the traitor?"

Webby shrugged. "I'm sure the teachers will try, but it's not that easy, Yue-Yue. There are many ways to get around mind reading; from what you told us about Nodoka, that's what makes her Artifact so special, that it can't be fooled, but standard mind reading can be blocked or misdirected by a skilled enough sorcerer, no matter if that's the mole themselves or the Boss of Evil who prepared them for the Evil Task at Hand. You know, it's a real shame we didn't think of bringing hot sauce," she added, munching on happily.

"This isn't a field trip!" an exasperated Negi said. "Twilight-san, you can contact your Princess Celestia easily enough, can't you?"

Twilight Sparkle nodded. "Yes, I could send her an instant letter through Spike right now. But unlike Ariadne, Equestria's got extradition treaties with the rest of the world. Should she learn about your location, she'd be legally bound to deliver you for imprisonment."

"We aren't doing that," Yue strictly said.

"Definitely not until I'm paid," Tsukuyomi nodded.

"Maybe, if we get him a good enough lawyer...?" Louise mused.

"I said absolutely not!" Yue insisted.

"My family can pay for the best!" Louise insisted in turn.

"But, would they be willing to?" Tsukuyomi smirked.

Louise frowned. "No... probably not," she admitted darkly. No way they'd move a finger to help the Familiar wanted by the law of a daughter who had only been a disappointment.

"Can't your Princess just hide Negi-sensei away from the rest of the world until our situation is cleared out?" Yue tiredly asked Twilight. "We know he's innocent, and nobody would have to know we have him there..."

The unicorn gasped loudly, scandalized. "Of, of course not! That'd be _dishonest!_ Our Element of Honesty would be ashamed of us!"

At this point there's no cutaway to Applejack sneezing because she isn't an Element of Harmony here, if you want to learn who are they just wait a few more chapters. Let's just say half the team comes from the canon and the other half doesn't.

"It's basically what you're doing right now by not reporting Negi-han on the spot," Tsukuyomi told her.

Twilight huffed, looking aside. "That's different! I'm not a princess or an Element of Harmony, I'm just an apprentice. And I'm out of my jurisdiction here... wherever we are right now, this obviously isn't either Equestria or my post as a representative in Ariadne. I'm not doing the most legal thing, no... but I suppose I'm still doing the most morally correct thing instead."

Negi nodded slowly. "Thank you very much, Twilight-san. You've barely have gotten to know me, so your trust means a lot to me..."

"Think nothing of it," she shrugged vaguely. "I've just got a solid hunch you actually are one of the good guys. A friend once taught me to trust my Pinkie Sense!"

"Your what?" Tsukuyomi asked.

"Her intuition," summed up Collet, who had heard that story and its moral once.

Negi looked up at the slowly dawning sky, and its dual moons. "Okay. If anyone wants to turn around and back, this is the time..."

"I'm going back, as long as you go back with me," Louise sharply said.

Negi shook his head. "Sorry, but I'm not going to do that."

"Well said," Yue nodded. "We aren't going to find Ala Alba simply sitting at Ariadne doing nothing but getting the best magical education an absolute lack of money can buy."

" _Second_ best," quietly corrected Twilight, who had studied under Celestia after all.

Webby threw a fist up, positively thrilled. "It's an adventure! We're on the run! With a shady, dangerous and very unstable person and no money on us! I'll have to give Grandma a million explanations! We'll eat hamburgers along the way! Maybe shawarma too! I can hardly wait!"

"Ah ha ha ha ha, I like you already!" Tsukuyomi said.

Spike morosely chewed on a rock he'd just plucked from the ground. "You know... it's sort of funny, but the stress is making me imagine things... like a familiar scent coming from the north..."

"F... Familiar?" Twilight asked.

Her best friend nodded. "It's a smell that, well, I don't know why, but it makes me nostalgic for some reason..."

There was a loud, brutish roar in the distance, one that chilled Yue, Louise, Collet and Twilight to their bones.

Negi blinked. "Is that... Berserker-san? No, he's dead, isn't he?"

"You remember Illya's Servant now?!" Yue asked.

"I just did... huh?" Negi rubbed his chin. "It seems Servants are just that hard to forget in general. Well, they are larger than life existences, so that's just logical. Who is Illya, by the way?"

"You even remembered the nigh-unkillable giant with no personality who tried to kill you before any of us!" Yue faintly said.

"I see a pattern where you tend to be more ready to accept those who have tried to murder you, Negi-han," Tsukuyomi sagely diagnosed. "You should have a shrink take a look at that. You don't have the excuse of being Japanese..."

"Shhhh!" Lena hushed them. "Don't make any noise, you idiots! We're on the hunting grounds of an adult dragon!"

"Yes, but it sounds like it is far enough for us to be safe for now," Negi argued. "And daylight is coming, so it must be about to return to its cave to sleep."

"'He', not 'it'," Spike huffed. "That's clearly a boy. The 'it' is desophontizing, Teach."

"Pika, pika!" Jean-Luc nodded.

"You're right, of course," Negi bowed to his fellow Familiars. "My apologies!"

Collet shuddered. "I only hope we aren't punished over this after getting back!"

"My family will kill me," Louise bitterly predicted, "but that's already sounding more like a mercy kill..."

* * *

"So... exactly why did you part ways with Sextum-san, Tsukuyomi... san?" Yue asked as they marched through the forest, with a yawning Louise clutching Negi's arm and looking everywhere warily, and Webby happily riding on Twilight Sparkle's back, Spike sitting in turn on the duckling's head.

The swordswoman shrugged. "Oh, just creative differences! Specifically, I wanted to be creative and she didn't."

Lena rolled her eyes. "So we have an artist," she said dryly. "That's good."

"Wait for it…" Yue muttered, knowing a cue when she heard one.

Tsukuyomi primly pushed the glasses up her nose with a middle finger. "Hey, what's the point of having a job and the talent for it if you can't lose yourself into it? That being said, Sextum-han's plans... aren't something I could get behind. It's not a matter of morals, please try to understand. It's just... it's difficult to explain, so let's just say she only follows someone else's cue, and that someone wishes for a world where people like I aren't needed."

"I thought she was the bad guy?" asked Collet, who by now seen and heard enough of her as to feel good at all about her proximity.

Tsukuyomi cracked a smile. "She's a visionary, but she follows a dream that isn't even hers, and that just isn't healthy or admirable. I'm a blue collar working girl who rejected aristocracy despite being born from it, so I couldn't be happy with the kind of pampering utopia she aims for. We couldn't see eye on eye, so I cut her arm off, then her brothers and girlfriends and the brothers' girlfriends... well, Fate-han's anyway, I think Quintum-han's just asexual... went after me. What's an arm or two between friends or former friends, right? They are just being petty about it! In a nutshell, we had a nasty breakout."

Negi grew worried. "Pampering utopia?"

Tsukuyomi nodded. "Yes. I couldn't learn exactly how they plan doing it, but their goal is to plunge the whole world into some kind of shared artificial paradise. A place where individuality and strife, the things that make life worthwhile, won't exist anymore! It's... like living in an illusion, I think. Or being trapped forever in someone else's dream."

"That... That doesn't sound too terribly bad, actually," Louise mumbled.

"No, even if it's because of the wrong reasons, she is right about it being wrong," Yue differed. "Even assuming they could achieve it, mankind isn't supposed to exist like that. It would take away any and all sense and spirit of achievement and effort from us. It's a philosophically repulsive stance, in my opinion. And yes, I'm feeling queasy at agreeing with her about a philosophical point."

Tsukuyomi nodded. "Quite. But of course the little princess would think different, Yue-han! Maybe you've resigned yourself to live under others' desires and decisions because it's easier, Miss La Valliere, but I'd rather follow my own path forever, thank you very much!" the mercenary said, as sweet as venom.

"Quiet, all of you," Lena instructed flatly, pausing before a tall cliff just ahead overlooking a gigantic drop. A just as huge rock formation rested at the bottom of the valley below, surrounded by even thicker and darker forests than those they had left behind. "I know this place. See that?" she pointed at a comparatively tiny round opening on the top of the titanic mass of gray stone, mostly covered by moss and large fungi.

Negi adjusted his bifocals, staring down at what seemed to be a narrow cavernous tunnel drilled into the rock, perhaps wide enough to allow for four or three of them to walk in together side by side. "Is that some sort of entrance?"

"Yeah," Lena confirmed with a nod. "Through it, we can enter Traverse Town, a secret hideout for... well, people who have lost everything, fugitives, outcasts, those with nowhere to go. It's a good place to stop by and gather provisions for the rest of the trip," she said, summoning a huge shadow to start slow and safely lower Webby and herself down the cliffside.

"W-Wait, don't leave us behind!" Louise gasped. "We didn't bring any brooms along, remember?!"

"That's no problem, I can lower us all with telekinesis," Twilight Sparkle smiled, her horn already glowing, then enveloping them all with a bubble of invisible force and beginning the long way down carefully. "Just don't make any sudden movements or cry loudly, or you'll make me lose my concentration..."

"It's just like taking an elevator," Yue marveled. "Even Nodoka's magic is more brusque than this..."

"Thank you, but please think nothing of it," the unicorn nodded a bit stiffly, putting most of her attention on a safe descent and stoically ignoring Tsukuyomi as she playfully swatted her rear end with a hand, as if actually attempting to break her concentration and suffer a deadly fall along with everyone else. "Don't ever do that again!" Twilight warned at last as soon as they reached the stone surface, glaring angrily towards Tsukuyomi.

"Sorry, your Cutie Mark is simply too pretty!" The killer for hire placed a hand on her own heart after giggling that. "But I won't anymore, since now I know I can't get a raise out of you that way," she promised, while the group began moving towards the tunnel's pitch black mouth, following Lena and the thrilled Webby inside and quickly disappearing from the view of any onlookers outside, had there been any. Swallowed whole by darkness, in a way.

"You promised!" Twilight's voice quickly snapped in the middle of that very same darkness, indignantly.

Tsukuyomi's voice rang giddily like rapid Christmas bells. "I'm so sorry, I had to see if it had an effect in the dark! And lo, it did!"

* * *

 **Next: Rin.**


	5. Rin

_Chaldea:_

Doctor Romani smiled, standing between Rin and Shirou and placing a hand on their shoulders. "Okay, now everyone's finally calmed down enough, let's do this fast, before they revolt again. Everyone, these are Tohsaka Rin-chan and Emiya Shirou-kun, Masters from the Singularity we've just pulled Ritsuka-kun out of." Then he gestured towards two other girls standing by the sidelines, both of whom waved and smiled at the large crowd of mostly perplexed Servants. "And those are fellow Masters Himemiya Anthy-chan and Tohsaka Sakura-chan, Rin-chan's little sister."

Orion perked up visibly from his perch spot on Artemis' head. "I like what I see, I really do...!" he cooed ecstatically, before Artemis forced a giggle and roughly shoved him back down with a thumb.

"Ohhhh, Darling, you're so funny, but please don't be again, hmmm?"

"Why do yuh look jusht like Ishtar?" Shuten-Douji slurred, drunkenly pulling a large goblet separate from her drooling lips and erratically pointing it at Rin. "All three o' yuh...?"

Romani laughed nervously, now pointing towards the three new Servants standing by the podium. "We'll hold a short round of questions after we're done with the introductions so you can get to know your new co-workers better, okay? But first, let me introduce you to Saber, Archer and Berserker. They are the Servants of Emiya-kun, Himemiya-chan, and Sakura-chan, respectively."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," Saber stoically greeted, bowing her head.

The Archer smirked, flashing perfect white teeth that made many a female Servant weak at the knees, and Caster Cu flinch uncomfortably, struck by bad memories. Medb began humming to herself at the sight of the white haired man, rubbing her chin in calculation...

"Uuuuu," Berserker bowed as well.

"Ahhhhh!" Nursery Rhyme clasped her hands together, happily. "I remember you now! The girl from Londinium! I'm so, so glad your story could have a happy ending after all...!"

Berserker cocked her head aside. "Uuuu?"

Andersen pushed his glasses up his nose with an annoyed sigh. "Please, it is obvious this is not the same Berserker. She just happens to be a different manifestation of the same Heroic Existence..."

The tiny Caster pouted angrily at him. "N-Nobody asked for your opinion, you... you meanie!"

"You're familiar too, aren't you..." Nitocris pondered, gazing in concern at Saber while wondering she'd seen that face before, and then she gasped loudly. "Ah! Lion King!"

Saber blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"Y-Yes, the body's completely different, but there's no mistaking that face!" Hassan of Serenity gulped. "Nobody else could have such a face...!"

"Heyyyyy, now...!" Jeanne Alter growled, while Ruler Jeanne simply tried to look aside innocently. Off to the side, Okita had another explosive cough, spewing out blood and keeling over to lie on the floor as Nero poked her face.

Sitting at the back of the crowd along the other Chaldea Servants who had made it back alive from Mahora, Mordred snorted. "Did all that poison kill that little runt's brain, or what?"

"Is it true what I just heard?!" a handsome man in armor rushed into the conference room, all but ripping the doors open as he pulled them open with desperate vigor. Then his eyes grew impossibly wide and fixed as he stared at Saber, and in a blink he was right before her, falling to a knee before her, his forehead all but touching the floor. The gathered Servants just blinked as one, collectively perplexed he'd just gotten past like all of them just like that, before they could even notice. " _It is!_ You... Your Majesty!" he said with an emotional voice that would have been extremely majestic and noble if only it hadn't sounded that broken. "I never thought I'd see this day, but that only speaks of how weak my faith was! I should have fully trusted your capacity to make it here, even past the oceans of time...!"

"Oh brother," Mordred groaned. "Gawain! Stop making such a show, it's not even like she's the first one you've seen since you started working here!"

Mordred father's only smiled benevolently, placing a hand on the kneeling fellow Saber's scalp. Shirou leaned closer, squinting sort of jealously. Rin grumbled and pulled him back, muttering something about not making any dramas. "My good Gawain. I am so pleased to see you again, as well. Why, this brings back so many memories of-"

 ** _"RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!"_** the newer, much taller and darker figure who had just appeared at the doorstep roared, just as melodramatically, taking what remained of the doors down with another, even more vicious pull, a large black aura constantly swirling around his armor. **_"RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!"_**

Saber's face twitched just a little, not-so-happy memories of the Fourth Grail War flowing back to her, too. "Ah, and Lancelot's here too, I see..."

 ** _"RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!"_** the Berserker bellowed, dashing forward and sending a few unfortunate Servants flying in all directions as he charged through them, in a direct line for the groaning, head-shaking blonde. **_"RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!"_**

Saber was about to pull Excalibur out while pushing Shirou behind herself, when someone stepped into Lancelot's path and strongly hit him across the head with a rolled up _Chaldea Swimsuit Illustrated_ magazine (Scathach cover), forcing him to a sudden halt. "No, Dad!" Mashu harshly scolded him, waving the magazine around one more time. "Bad Dad! Behave, Dad, or else!"

 ** _"RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!"_** Berserker said in his defense.

"I know who she is!" Mashu shouted back, stomping towards him just one step. Accordingly, the gigantic Black Knight backed away, with a shaky wave of clanging shoulders. "All the more reason to behave before her! Honestly, what am I ever going to do with you?"

 ** _"rrrrrrthhhhrrrrr..."_** the Black Knight muttered, sitting down on the floor and slumping ahead, clearly defeated.

"...!-!" Shirou, Rin and Sakura were saying, pale and wide-eyed, although Anthy only chuckled to herself as girlishly as possible.

"Okay, can we start with the questions now?" asked Blavatsky, raising a hand.

"Um, but I still haven't introduced Ruler, who-" Romani said, gesturing towards the black haired female standing shortly behind the other newly arrived Servants.

Helena waved it off. "Pfffft, so what, we already know who is she, we have records from Orleans, remember? But, if she's a Ruler, that means she's got no Master, correct? Then, if she is a Master..." she pointed at Rin, who gulped and sweated a single big fat drop, "who is her Servant, and where are they?"

* * *

Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon created and own _Fate Grand Order_.

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Five: Rin.**

* * *

"My Servant," Rin seriously explained while Bedivere joined Gawain in greeting Artoria, the blonde girl with the twin tails and the huge metallic glove replacing her left arm bowing to her king, "was not the strongest or most imposing of Servants, but he still was brave and selfless, and fought for me to the bitter end. I have nothing but gratitude for him, so-"

"Oh my my my, oh dear...!" Mephistopheles chuckled with a quick, exaggerated blinking of twisted mischievous eyes. "So you came to Chaldea without a Servant...?"

"Yeah, sorry to tell you this, but while you look like a nice girl and all, all of us are already taken, you know?" Jing Ke asked.

"I'm sure Tohsaka-sempai is very well aware poaching anyone else's Servants away would be a very despicable and vile act that any twisted and merciless Master would punish with swift and cruel death, were there any such evil Masters in Chaldea, so we don't have to worry about her ever doing anything that low, Jing-chan!" Ritsuko happily said. "Surely she'll just get her own Servants as we go on, won't you, Sempai...?"

Sakura looked aside, whistling innocently as Rin nodded at that, feeling the sort of icy shudder she used to feel whenever in presence the of Kotomine for some reason or another. Gah, this girl...! "It's not like I'm in any hurry or anything, mostly I came over to further my studies in magic and make sure Sakura won't get over her head..."

Ritsuko nodded. "Well, that certainly puts my mind at ease! Even if the possibility you could ever be stabbed or strangled by any evil Masters within these walls is null anyway, Sempai!"

Sakura gave Ritsuka a concerned stare. "Are you sure she's actually your blood sister?" she asked him in a low voice.

He nodded. "Da Vinci-sensei demanded for a DNA test after fifteen minutes of first meeting us..." he confided.

Then Sakura's head whipped around as soon as she heard Shirou gasp loudly. So did Rin's head, actually. They followed Shirou's gaze with theirs, and while at first they were simply annoyed at seeing his eyes drawn towards a shapely woman entering the room, they just as quickly realized Shirou's shocked gaze was not fixed on her large bustline, but on her pale face, complete with quiet red eyes and framing long silvery white hair. A face nearly identical to that of Illya's.

"Sorry I'm so late!" the newcomer sheepishly said, even as Romani only ushered her in with a vague 'don't worry' hand gesture. "I'm still getting used to those facilities, and... oh!" she blinked, looking at Archer, who was for once just as dumbstruck as Shirou, looking at her with complete awe and confusion. "Oh my, you're almost the living image of-!"

And then Shirou's gasping only increased as a tall, lean man in a dark armored bodysuit walked in, definitely not following the albino beauty in and just casually strolling in a darkly cold and completely composed way. A red hood shadowed most of his face but the area around his eyes, and while what little flesh could be seen was as tanned as Archer's, Shirou could recognize his eyes immediately, even if they said nothing to Rin and Sakura except maybe a casual 'fuck you'. Saber's face, on the other hand, had started twitching violently, much to the surprise of Gawain, Mordred and Bedivere. "Who... Who is that Servant, Doctor?" Shirou was about to ask, when he found himself beaten to the punch for it by... Archer of all people? What? Archer could even emote bafflement? Since when? Weren't his only emotions trolling sarcasm and better than thou aloofness, then?!

"Hm? Ah, he's the Assassin of Fuyuki City, and the lady is Caster from Fuyuki... oh, that's right, Emiya-kun mentioned he was born in your universe's Fuyuki, weren't you, Emiya-kun?" Romani turned to smile at the younger man. "I seem to remember you mentioned that when we were introduced and I asked about your backg-"

"SABER!" Caster from Fuyuki all but flew past them then, tackling Artoria against a wall while Gawain and Bedivere gasped loudly. Then she tightly hugged the shorter Servant against herself, head nestled in her bosom. "Oh dear goodness, Saber, is that really you...?!"

Saber sighed, although Rin noticed she wasn't exactly trying to get Caster off herself yet. This was a new development in what concerned to Saber and Casters, truly. "Yes, Irisviel, it's me... in a fashion, I suppose. I am the Saber who fought under another like you in another realm, but I imagine you wouldn't be her, Irisviel never dressed... well, like this."

"Don't you like it?" Caster pulled back, blinking adorably, adjusting her large hat, which had grown slightly askew after her tackle. "It's what I've been wearing since becoming a Servant!"

"It's not that I don't like it..." Saber admitted, staring up and down at her in a way that Rin also found to be somewhat lingering and appreciating, "But... clothes like those were never your style, or rather hers, I suppose, but-"

Caster giggled, patting Saber's head fondly. "You're the same Saber I knew and was so close to, I can tell! I just can feel it in my heart!"

"... very well, if such is your decision, my lady" Saber said in a rather unusually subdued tone, and now Shirou was starting to worry a wee little bit, at least until he turned back to look at the familiar Assassin again. But the mystery man gave no signs at all of recognizing him or the frowning Archer in the slightest.

Liz Bathory glanced back and forth between the men, curiously. "Ooooo-kaaaayyyyy... what's the big story here, then?" she asked finally, eyebrows furrowing.

"None at all, I'm sure," Assassin icily said, taking a spot at the back of the crowd, a spot isolated and dark enough only Edmond Dantes currently stood there, back against a wall and staring away from everyone else. After that, the closest one was the Phantom of the Opera, who played suitably ominous background music on his organ. "So... these are the new reinforcements from that Singularity. Don't look like much to me..."

Saber seemed to seethe at this, much to Mordred's interest. She shared her father's general dislike of the man, in all truth, since he seemed to have some sort of unwarranted contempt for her, even if part of him also reminded her of Kairi in a way. Whatever the source of the bad blood between them was, however, Saber chose to simply not reply to the slight, instead making sure to step closer to Caster of Fuyuki, which in turn somewhat rattled Assassin nanoscopically for a picosecond or two.

Liz looked on again. "... no, definitely there's a very big and juicy story behind this!"

"There isn't!" Archer protested, and wow, Shirou thought, he could get indignant too instead of just making others indignant at him?! Who would've ever thought it!

* * *

"By the way, Nee-san..." Sakura said much later that night, both sisters taking the upper bunk of the room they'd been given, with the much heavier Fran taking the lower one all to herself. Apparently Servants in Chaldea usually had rooms and beds of their own instead of just spending most of their time being immaterial, which Rin found to be somewhat impractical, especially with so many of them around to share mana. On the other hand, perhaps it was necessary for them to work as a more or less cohesive army, to make them think of themselves as more of heroes and less of tools, so she also guessed there was some logic behind that as well.

"Hmmm?" Rin said, opening her eyes just a bit.

"I'm scared," Sakura confessed quietly.

Rin sighed. "Sakura, please. Berserker, Emiya and I won't allow anything bad to happen to you, and besides us, you're now surrounded by most of mankind's greatest heroes and, admitted, dangerous villains who are fortunately on our side, so-"

"Uuuu!" Berserker agreed from below.

"I don't mean that, Nee-san," Sakura said. "I mean I'm scared about what will happen as soon as those heroes and dangerous villains... well, at least the heroines... about what they'll do as soon as Kiyohime-san and Tamamo-san tell them they made Pactios with Ritsuka-sempai..."

Rin's eyes snapped open in sudden stark terror of her own.

Then another room all the way down the hall exploded loudly enough to rattle the whole building, which was a neat trick since they were in an underground complex.

* * *

The Tohsaka sisters had just taken part in a Holy Grail War, and as such were no strangers to acts of violence between Servants, or the overwhelming sensation of unrestrained might said acts inflicted upon any mere humans who happened to be in their proximity, magi included.

However, all prior conflicts between Servants they had witnessed before had some greater purpose behind them. Even Gilgamesh's fits of cruelty severed an ulterior plan of his to subdue the Earth. This, on the other hand, was just a catfight that was much bigger than it had any right to be.

Barricaded behind their door, with Berserker closely watching their backs, they were now peeking out to see Tamamo-no-Mae and Kiyohime, rivals brought together by necessity, duking it out in the hall, not with each other for once, but teaming up against the red clad Saber of roses, the horned and dragon-winged Lancer (as opposed to the horned and dragon-winged Saber), and that impossibly huge-breasted Berserker with long black hair whose name yet escaped the sisters. Outnumbered, the duo was being pushed back steadily, the Saber taking the offensive forefront as her huge twisted blade kept on smashing against the large mirror the Caster was using as a protective barrier.

"Truly, such perfidy and malice had I not witnessed since my mother's rule!" Red Saber shouted, pushing back against the insolently grinning but clearly physically outmatched Tamamo, who held her ground regardless. "To think that you, jackal, would resort to stealing Praetor's virginal lips behind our backs, instead of competing fairly here against the whole lot of us!"

"Tch, they knew they'd stand no chance then!" Lancer sneered, swinging her spear against Kiyohime once more, only for the Berserker to spin back and out of its way right in time. Unluckily for her, that also sent her into the other Berserker, who slammed her down with surprising and obviously trained skill. "Well done, Raikou!" Bathory cheered. "Pin her down and hold her still, now, so I can stab the scaly pig...!"

"Okay, they're getting too out of hand now," Sakura decided, her heart moving her to side against the team with a Saber in it and in favor of the underdogs. Besides, she sort of liked Kiyohime-san. "Fran! Save Kiyohime-san, will you!"

"Uuu!" her Servant nodded, leaping past their door and joining the fray from above, swatting Raikou back with her mace and throwing Liz off balance, allowing Kiyohime to quickly stand back up. "Uuu, uu?" Fran asked her rescuee, which roughly translates as 'Are you okay, Miss?'

"I'm fine, thanks!" Kiyohime smiled, pleasantly surprised. "I knew you'd back us up, Fran-chan! After all, your Master is obviously a fellow nice Japanese maiden of class and elegance!"

While Fran nodded briefly and Sakura blushed at the praise, the fight was cut short abruptly. Red Saber stopped swinging at Tamamo, and Raikou and Liz pulled back uneasily when Doctor Roman, Leonardo Da Vinci, Ritsuko and Florence Nightingale strode quickly onto the hall, no doubt alerted and ready to lay the down law. "Now what's the meaning of this nonsense? And you're even involving our new guests! What will they think of us?" Da Vinci chided them. "They will think Chaldea is some sort of chaotic psychiatric hospital, that's what!"

"Nobody asked the mechanical doll to join in!" Lancer hissed, giving Fran a poisonous sideways glance. "I'll bet she was a part of the conspiracy that started all of this! It happened in _her_ world, after all!"

"What happened?" asked Roman. "And what conspiracy? Are you sure you aren't just blowing things out of proportion again, Liz-chan?"

"Excessive bursts of anger induced stress are highly harmful to the nervous, cardiac and digestive systems," the tall, busty combat nurse lectured sternly. "In the event you don't calm down immediately, I'll be forced to sedate you all on the spot."

Nero pointed at the smugly smiling Kiyo-Tama couple and protested, "Umu! While you are at it, Physician, give these two courtesans some medication to control their libidos! Do you know what they did? They dared to kiss Praetor behind our collective backs!"

"Oh, this is so rich, now a Roman emperor is lecturing us on morality, ufufufu!" Caster chuckled dryly.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait and then wait some more, WHAT?!" Ritsuko cried out. "You guys kissed Oniichan, for real?! And he let it happen?! I'll bet he wasn't even conscious, was he, you sick freaks! ... also, well done, 'bout damn time!"

"They even had the gall to boast of how they'd gotten some stupid collectible cards because of it!" Lancer huffed.

Berserker Nightingale frowned. "Kissing indiscriminately is a highly risky way to contract numerous infections and diseases. I'll have to put all the involved in prevention quarantine. How many of you exposed yourselves to this foolish gamble with contagion?"

"Um, it was the two of us, Marie, Mashu-san, Mo-san and Anchin-sama," Kiyohime confessed.

"Mordred, seriously?" Leonardo hummed, intrigued. "Who would have thought it possible, he never seemed the type..."

"It's always the ones you least expect them to, right?" Roman mused aloud.

Ritsuko's eyes bugged out. "Whaaaaaat?! MY dear little shy eggplant, too?! Onii-chan, you aren't cool anymore, you're a rotten treacherous fiend! I'm gonna rip your freaking balls off!"

Da Vinci sighed wearily, glancing towards the door of the Tohsaka quarters. "Rin-san, Sakura-san?" she called out, calmly enough. "Would you happen to know anything on this subject?"

Rin sighed as well as she stepped out with a reluctant Sakura in tow. "Sorry about that, Ma'am... or sir... whatever. As a matter of fact, we do, sort of, but you'd be better off asking Emiya-kun and Saber, er, Arturia. They did it first, so I guess their example might have moved Kyrielight-san and the others to do the same..."

Sakura gasped. "Onee-chan! You're throwing Sempai under the bus, how cold!"

"Well, Rin means 'cold' after all," Raikou observed.

"Ah! I was going to say that!" Tamamo objected.

"You can call just call me Maestro if you want to, Rin-san," Da Vinci told the honor student. "So, could we see those cards that were mentioned? Would they be Class Cards, by any chance?"

"How do you even know about Class Cards?" a puzzled Rin asked.

"I'm Leonardo Da Vinci, that's why."

"Ah, it's like saying 'I'm Batman'," Sakura nodded, understanding.

Dan Vinci started. "Oh, you know of him! How was he looking when you met?"

Rin blinked. "Wait, you know Batman-sama, Da Vinci-sensei?"

"Who doesn't," Nero sniffed.

"Rotten busybody," Bathory muttered. "I'm not sure why, but I'm sure I'd have gotten away with it if it wasn't for him!"

"Who?" Raikou said, looking confused.

"I don't know what those Class Cards are, but these are even better!" Kiyo smiled, pulling her shiny card out. "Behold! The fruit of my youthful passion with Anchin-sama! Kiyohime's ultra-powerful Pactio Card!"

Nero stared dubiously at it. "And what's that trinket supposed to do? It looks like a cheap conversation piece to me."

"What a thing for an ignorant harlot to say!" Tamamo bristled. "Pactios are one of the great mysteries of magic! Even I, who don't favor Western mysticism that much, readily recognize and admire their value for a warrior... of love!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's all too nice and cool, I'm sure," Ritsuko grumbled, snatching Kiyo's card right off her hand to stare closely at it. "This isn't even Riyo's art, what a ripoff! Let me guess, you kissed Onii-chan and these crappy looking things popped out, right? How is that? Onii-chan is a complete zero when it comes to magic.

 _Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, Louise La Valiere... ahhh, forget it._

"He's still our Master, though," Tamamo shrugged, "and that's enough to make the miracle work!" She smiled mischievously then. "You should try it as well, Ritsuko-sama. I'm sure you'd have no shortage of partners to practice this noble art with...!"

"I thought you were against harems?" Raikou asked her.

"Only when it's my man having them! If Ritsuko-sama wants one of her own, who am I to contradict her?" the fox faux piously said.

Ritsuko smiled very slow, creepy and lecherously. "A harem of kissing 'Pactio' beauties and hunks, huh...?"

"Oh God, you actually _did it!_ " Liz said in disgust. "Fool, you just damned us all! Daring her of all people to go around kissing others... even moreso than usual!"

"Oh, and now it's the Blood Countess lecturing us on morals!" Tamamo scoffed. "That's even worse!"

"No, she's completely right this time..." Roman groaned while Da Vinci, Raikou, Nero and Kiyohime only could nod stoically.

Rin grimaced. "So... should we be worried, too?"

"No, worry is only of any use against things that can be prevented or avoided," Nightingale coldly replied. "Against something like Master's depravity, however, even we can do nothing but prepare for it with the honor of the doomed."

Ritsuko looked at her, surprised. "So that's how you really feel about me? You should have told me before! I'd never have pegged you for the uke type, Flo-chan!"

* * *

A short while later, in Shirou's new room, which he wasn't sharing with Saber because they weren't married and he was a gentleman and her Knights would skewer him alive Jesus, Emiya uneasily explained things over to Da Vinci, Roman, Nightingale, Ritsuko, Raikou, Nero and Liz, with Artoria, the Tohsakas and Fran sitting patiently at the sidelines.

"Well you see, I suppose it all started with Negi-sensei, who teaches English in our school. Well, the Junior High Female division of our school, but everyone knows him, and apparently his father and mine were friends..."

"Even though Irisviel never mentioned Nagi Springfield, but I am sure she had her good reasons," Artoria took a moment to digress. She felt tempted to ask Dress of Heaven if she'd ever met a Nagi in her timeline, but she was wary that might be a touchy subject for Irisviels everywhere in general.

Shirou gave a token nod. "Negi-sensei is a wizard, basically a variety of magic user who don't abide to the same codes most Magi like my father and Tohsaka's are supposed to uphold."

"Even if your father was mostly known for going against those codes to kill his own kind," Rin pointed out. Before Shirou could protest, she gestured for him to wait with a hand. "Although I can understand why he might have done it. I've been in Clock Tower for years, remember? If someone knows how wicked and twisted the average magus can get, that's me..."

"I'm already dreading the moment the Association comes in to seize the organization," Roman mumbled while nodding. "Odds are they'll just order a purge without even listening to us..."

"Let the bitches try. Do they have over one hundred Servants? No? Well, then I'd like to see them pull that off!" Ritsuko boasted.

"Dammit, girl, you don't have to tempt Fate that badly!" the doctor shot back. "Think of what you're saying for once!"

Shirou sighed. "Like I was saying, Negi-sensei is a campus celebrity, and while of course most students don't know he's a mage, he's still gathered a large group of followers around him. Saber and I both kind of have joined that team of late..."

"From your words I assume this teacher is a great leader, able to inspire obedience from even a Heroic Spirit of flawless beauty and her Master," Nero said, seemingly inspired and even impressed. "I would like to meet this man myself."

"Um, he's not a man," Rin said. "He's only ten years old."

A blunt silence fell all over the room.

"... excuse me?" Raikou finally said, a twitching starting to develop on her right eyebrow. Twisted as her maternal instinct was, it was still very powerful, and that included a strong dislike of hurling children into harm's path. Children who actually were books, serial killers, de-aged conquerors or old literary authors did not count, naturally.

Shirou nodded, seemingly oblivious to her quietly rising outrage. Rin began discreetly sliding back towards the door just in case. "He's also got a Familiar, this ermine partner who arranges Pactios for him and his Ministra Magi, and Saber and I were convinced one would increase our chances for victory in the Grail War..."

"One with each other, not with the child, I would hope," Da Vinci said.

"Geh, of course not with him!" Shirou gasped. "Who do you take us for?! Anyway, after Kiyohime-san and the others learned about that, they in turn also wanted Pactios with Fujimaru-san, and in truth we went through many dangerous situations where we needed every advantage we could get, but none of that was Saber's idea or mine, so please don't blame us on for what's going on between you!"

"Exposing children to all the health hazards involved with indiscriminate kissing is an abominable crime," Nightingale opined in a steely, unforgiven tone. "Exactly how many corrupters involved themselves in that debacle?"

"Um, let's see," Shirou recalled, "there's Chisame-san the hacker and Yukihiro-san the class rep. Then there's Kakizaki-san the singer and Misora-kun the apprentice nun and her partner Cocone-chan and-"

"Wow, the kid even kissed nuns?!" an overly-excited Ritsuko said. "That boy's dynamite, isn't he?! I want to meet him already! I'll bet he makes anything around him burn!"

"What a darkenned way to phrase it," Liz huffed. "You make it sound like he's some sort of conquering stud monkey instead of the victim of those girls' decadent habits. And believe me, if someone knows about decadent habits that's me..."

"You're still a pure innocent soul compared to Carmilla-san, dear," Raikou fondly patted the area between Liz's horns.

"Gahhh! What have we talked about mentioning that name in my presence, you cow?!"

"- and Shiina-san the cheerleader and Asuna-san the Baka, although she says she hates children, but honestly, who is she fooling..." Shirou kept on counting, absorbed into it by now. "And Konoka-san and Setsuna-san, even though they are also into each other and even got married in Ohtori... and I even heard a rumor he has a fiancee who's also his cousin…"

"I need to meet these friends of yours, Sempai!" Ritsuko said, eyes gleaming with anticipation.

* * *

Fortunately for the mental and physical well-being of all those on whom the continued existence of human history hinged, the next Singularity alarm came the next morning before Ritsuko could enact any daring schemes to exert her will over breakfast. Da Vinci had said it seemed to be a relatively small and contained Singularity so far, so she had seen fit to send only Ritsuko herself, Mashu, Assassin of Fuyuki and Dress of Heaven, plus Shirou and Saber, and Anthy and Archer, to give the newcomers a crash course on how to cruise into Singularities (as opposed as acting from within the one you came from).

And then, as if an afterthought, Da Vinci had added, "Oh, and Rin-san should probably go as well."

"Me?" Rin had blinked. "But, I don't have any Servants of my own yet..."

Da Vinci had shrugged it off. "This is as good a chance as any other to contract with another Heroic Spirit while you are there, don't you believe so? I'm sure you'll be fine, you have a very balanced team that I have carefully selected to protect you at all times."

"I don't need to be protected, thanks," Rin had muttered, "but I was under the impression I was to study a bit more on the situation before being sent as another field ag-"

"Leyshifting is almost done, please move into position, Tohsaka-san!" Roman cheerfully called out from the crystalline Leyshift coffins at the other end of the chamber, all but one currently sealed and humming, the final one still open and hissing out wisps of cryogenic gas. "You don't want to be left out, do you?!"

"No, seriously, why do you keep on jumping the gun like this?!" Rin protested, but then, seeing Sakura about to add her own opinion with a concerned expression, the older sister just straightened up and stormed towards her unit haughtily. "On second thought, if you're so convinced I'm needed for this mission's success, so be it!" I-it wasnt a-as if she was trying to s-save face in front her sister/lover or anything! It was merely out of pity, hmph!

"But, Nee-san!" Sakura gasped. "If you're having a bad feeling about this, you shouldn't-!"

Rin smiled and gave her a thumbs up while Roman helped her into the coffin. "Don't worry, your big sis can take care of herself! We'll be back before you even realize it! In the meanwhile, obey the Maestro and Doctor here and stay away from all the mass murderers, will you?"

"I will, Sister... p-please be careful..." Sakura gulped, seeing Rin's coffin being shut down before their eyes, then waiting with her heart in a figurative fist as the complex machinery took her, Sakura's beloved sempai, the Servants and the unsettling Ohtori girl away, not only from the base, but from that plane of reality altogether. Then she heaved a sad sigh. "You know I'll never forgive you if anything happens to them, don't you?" she asked Da Vinci and Roman. "Fran-chan and I should have gone with them..."

"After the massive waste of resources we had in your Singularity, I'm afraid we must focus on smaller incursions for the time being, Sakura-san," the Caster told her, sympathetic enough but also leaving no room for doubt. "I apologize, but it is true I selected that team suspecting they are the absolute best fit for what I have observed from that Singularity. And whatever is troubling Archer, Fuyuki's Assassin and Emiya-san about each other, it is for the best if they settle it away from meddling troublemakers and plotters like many of our Servants, and as soon as possible. I trust they will all be mature enough to work their unspoken issues out through necessary cooperation in the battlefield."

Sakura winced, rubbing herself up and down an arm. "Y-yes, well, I'm not too sure I would gamble Sempai and Nee-san's well-being on _that_..."

"I'm Leonardo Da Vinci, I know better!" the Caster smiled proudly.

"That is going to be your answer whenever I criticize anything about your decisions, isn't it..." Sakura gloomily, and quite correctly, predicted. "I'm telling Batman-sama you stole his catchphrase."

"How do you know he didn't steal it from me?"

"He's Batman."

"… okay, I concede your point…"

* * *

"Sempai, wake up, please," Mashu moaned as she began to unbutton her shirt. "Honestly, it's always like this with you..."

"Mashu-chan, what are you saying?" asked a curious Ritsuko, standing a a few feet apart from her along the rest of the just materialized field team. "I'm right here, up and conscious, we all are!"

"Oh, sorry, force of habit!" the Demi-Servant quickly apologized. "It's just, normally I'm sent away with Ritsuka-sempai, and he always faints when we make the jump..."

"Yeah, I'm kinda worried about his health, too," Ritsuko said, looking up at the clear blue sky. "What's the problem with this place anyway? It all looks fine to me! I was expecting to see a red blood sky, a ruined academy or something, perhaps a joint of tyrannic weirdos in fetish gear coming out to greet us upon arrival, but this field's just doll looking, what's with that?!"

Artoria looked all around the pristine fields of flowers they had just appeared on, a single large tree visible in the distance. "I cannot feel any hostile presences either. Maestro Da Vinci seems to have had the presence of mind as to send us away from immediate conflict. That is good, as we can formulate a strategy much better this way."

"How can we do that when we don't even know what we're going up against?" Ritsuko complained. "Okay, as the leader for this raid, I guess I'd better command three of you to go around and do a sweep of the surroundings while we set up camp here. How about you, Archer, you look like a good scout, and take Assassin with you..."

"Fou! Fou, fou!" Fou nodded vigorously, leaping out of nowhere to sit on Rin's head.

"What the-?!" Tohsaka gasped. "Who let this little animal into their coffin, and why?!"

"Hmm, I think you did?" Shirou told her. "I know he wasn't in mine, and you were the last one to get in, so he must've had more time for it with yours..."

"Fou fou fuuuuuuhh!" Fou nodded again.

While Rin only scowled bitterly, Mashu said, "Don't worry, Sempai, Fou's never a load in our operations. He's able to look after himself, after a while you won't even notice he's around..."

Then the Servants all tensed as one. "Look out!" Saber cautioned, pulling her invisible sword out. "Something is coming our way from the North...!"

"Say what?!" Shirou blinked, catching a glimpse of a red and white blur zooming towards them through the sky, then dive bombing them, only to clash against Mashu's shield, the girl's clothes changing into the blink of an eye to her snug Servant attire, her defensive weapon being pulled up swiftly, intercepting the small but fast projectile right in the nick of time. There was a small but strong explosion that sent Anthy, Rin, Shirou and Ritsuko dropping to their butts on the grass and a bright flash of light, and when it was over a small stick with a red handle and white wings on each side of its circular head twitched on the ground at Shielder's feet like a fish out of the water, and whining in a high pitched, cutesy voice.

"Ow! Ow, owww, owwiiieeeee!" it said, much to Shirou's utter bafflement. "What was that fooooor?! Who are you, and what do you want from me! Ah! Surely you aren't out to take advantage of a poor, virginal and maidenly wand in dire need, are- YOU!" it flapped back, seemingly terrified as it appeared to take notice of Rin, somehow, despite its complete absence of visible eyes. "What are you doing here, and with Illya's Oniichan to boot?! Are you dating behind her back?! I'll tell her, I'll tell her!"

"Illya?!" Archer and Shirou shouted as one, the male Servant's usual aloofness once again shattered in a blink.

"A... A Kaleidostick!" Rin gulped, taking a few steps back in terror, dreaded lessons from the Clock Tower flashing back into her mind. "Everyone, look out! This thing's highly dangerous!"

"That's my line, 'Master'!" the stick indignantly said, standing straight and pointing an accusing wing at her. "The nerve of you, wasting time on dates while Illya and Kuro-chan and especially me are in danger! What a lustful woman, and you didn't even invite us to join in! This is unforgivableeeeeee!" it cried out as Ritsuko plucked it up, pulling on its wigs hard and holding it relatively still. "No, no, not there, that's a sensitive area!"

"Okay, from the context I'm assuming this crap's some kind of deceptively powerful magical tool, right? Caster, I assume you're the biggest specialist in magic out of all of us, so can you-"

"Mama!" the stick gasped at Dress of Heaven now. "Um, this isn't what it looks like! I'm not Illya's wand, I mean, I haven't dragged Illya into anything dangerous behind your back, Illya's a big girl now anyway, please don't kill me! This is all but an act of ventriloquism from, um, some troll!"

"Illya is in danger?!" Archer and Shirou cried in unison, the former already pulling his short blades out, both too worried to be annoyed about their strange synchronicity.

"Well, um," the wand made a gulping nose, "I wouldn't go as far as to say it's immediate, completely lethal danger or anything,... but, we were just intercepted while flying by a very powerful enemy and got blown out of the sky, so... maybe, I suppose?"

"Illya was flying?!" Shirou added, confused out of his mind right now. "She can use brooms and staff like Sensei now, too?!"

"... what?" the stick asked back. "Which sensei are you talking about, are you high, Oniichan?"

The Servants readied themselves again, weapons now fully deployed as something else approached from the very same direction the wand had come from. Anthy and the other Masters looked up, and saw a handsome blond man in a militaristic gray uniform floating slowly towards them, surrounded by a dozen grotesque winged demons, all of the female variety. "Harpies!" Artoria growled, eyeing the emaciated, monstrously drooling and cackling female fiends flapping their wings in formation around their leader, who only sneered coldly at them.

"So, the stick has found reinforcements? It doesn't matter," grumbled the man. "Step aside, dogs! Don't dare stepping into the way of Jadeite, former General of the Negaverse, and current Commander of First Lady's forces! To cross me is to court Death itself!"

"Jadeite...?" Saber flinched, remembering the name from some of Ala Alba's stories. "That's impossible! You're dead!"

"Well, technically, so am I," Archer reminded her.

"And I," Assassin dryly added.

"Me, too!" Caster offered.

Saber clenched her teeth. "I know... But, unlike you, there is no way he can be counted as a legend worth entering the Throne of Heroes!"

"Neither am I," Archer admitted. "I had to find another way into it."

"In my case, it's more like the way forced me into it, but yes..." Assassin all but hissed.

Caster blinked, then smiled with a shrug. "I wasn't a big heroine either, I was just too linked to the Grail, I suppose!"

"Enough nonsense!" Jadeite sneered. "I don't care how you know my name, woman, but you shall not live to see another day! Soldiers! Seize them!" he gestured down with a hand, and the harpy squadron swooped down on the party, clawing and slashing, more than ready to do battle...

* * *

 _Meanwhile, in Mahora City:_

"Very well," Darjeeling calmly said, finishing pouring the tea for herself and the other two, "let us discuss, then, the terms of this competition."

Tomoe Mami nodded, just as politely, but with the firm smile of someone who has an edge on being the only one in the room who knew about Negi's secret. "Of course. I am glad we could discuss this like civilized people, but then again, our refined taste on these subjects of the heart should make us sisters in arms who would not resort to underhanded tactics against each other, shouldn't it?"

"Quite, quite!" Goutokuji Miyako nodded as well, taking a first elegant bite out of her biscuit. "Of course, we face a hard road ahead of us regardless, but I'm still sure we can succeed through our sheer drive and determination, right...?"

The three of them were too charming to engage into the boastful Ojou Laugh, so they simply shared a joint Saintly Smile over the tea table, and their combined radiance almost blinded the other seven girls sitting in the room, by the door and respectfully behind the conference table. It was a most holy and pure light that bathed the whole room for a moment, as the three young blondes began planning a Plot Relevance Counter Attack for the ages...

Out of the seven other girls, Matsubara Kaoru winced. "Man, I thought Miyako was over that already... I mean, sure, Sensei was impressive as heck during that martial arts tournament," this was said with a small blush that did not escape the notice of Assam and Momoko, "but still...!"

"You're blushing," Akatsutsumi Momoko pointed out accordingly, thus. "Why do you blush when you talk about Sensei, hmmm, Kaoru-chan...?"

"I do not! And shut up, before they heard you and kill me!" Kaoru threatened her with a fist.

"I only come for the snacks and tea," Sakura Kyouko blandly said while stuffing her mouth with even more delicious biscuits. "I want that to stand for the record."

"Honestly, you Mahora people," Rosehip sighed.

"What was that supposed to mean, CLAMP wannabe?" Miki Sayaka squinted at her, angrily. "At least we don't go around pretending to be British, unlike you!"

"Should I remind you we hold the advantage in numbers in this room, which also belongs to the Commander to begin with?" Pekoe asked in turn. "As if you could leave this room alive after invoking our-"

"A- _hem!_ " Miyako, Darjeeling and Mami all quite loud, but no less politely, coughed at the same time then, without glaring at their companions but nonetheless conveying the intent just as well.

"Sorry, Ma'am!" Momoko, Kaoru, Sayaka, Kyouko, Pekoe, Assam and Rosehip all rushed out to answer then, with a submissive bowing of their heads, after which the trio's radiant smiles and nods of gentle acceptance returned.

After a moment, Kyouko glanced furtively at Kaoru and whispered, "Wait, wait, why did we just do that?"

"Survival instincts, don't you realize it, geez...?" Kaoru hissed between clenched teeth.

* * *

Saber resolutely raised her sword, took a quick deep breath, and chanted, _"The breath of the planet-"_

Meanwhile, Rin activated her family crest, utilizing one of the gems engraved in to to conserve her gems as she sent fire up into the sky to keep the harpies back.

 _"- converges into a brilliant torrent of life-!"_

At the same time, Assassin just calmly tugged out a submachinegun, spraying fire up into the enemy contingent, further keeping them at bay while Saber's sword grew visible in a massive burst of golden light.

 _"Take this! **Excalibur!** "_

Even as Archer also joined in the efforts to keep the harpies roughly in place while Saber prepared her trump card by shooting blades at them from his bow in quick succession, Artoria's Noble Phantasm roared into life like a proud dragon, blazing up and rippling through the sky, engulfing the whole dozens of enemies in a single massive beam of burning light consuming them. At once, they were vaporized into dust, and only Jadeite's instincts making him pull back and away in the nick of time prevented him from being killed... again. Aghast, the blond man gaped at the sight of the Noble Phantasm slowly subsiding right before his eyes. His whole platoon had been annihilated before they could inflict even a single strike upon the adversary!

"What... What manner of monsters are you?!" he demanded. "I wasn't told there'd be people like you here!"

Saber smiled, keeping Excalibur trained on him. "I am Arthur, King of the Bretons! Comrade to Ala Alba's brave warriors! Do you see now, why I would know of your perfidy? Surrender now, evildoer! You are no match for our forces, anymore than you were for those children!"

"You feel better not having to hide your identity anymore, don't you?" Rin observed. "Good thing we're all on the same side now..."

"Ala... Alba?" Jadeite seethed, as if having difficulties remembering the name at first. "I see! Those boy's ragtag bunch! However, I lost to the Sailor Senshi, not to them... and I will not lose to you either! I will have my revenge!" he promised, sweeping a hand before himself and then vanishing altogether from sight right before a knife thrown by Assassin could go straight through his head.

The enigmatic Servant only scowled grimly. "I should have nailed him sooner..."

"That's okay, we understand. You must have wanted to learn about his superiors from him, am I right?" Caster smiled gently at him, his gaze not bothering to meet hers. "But that's fine, since Saber seems to know him, I'm sure she can tell us about his allegiances..."

The King sighed, lowering her legendary sword at last. "I am sorry to say I have no idea why he would be alive by this point, Irisviel. Ala Alba's reports stated he was, quite definitely, dead beyond any salvation. Of course, evil often has a way to return from where we least expect it..."

Anthy nodded, saying something at last, rather quietly. "That much is right, but... there is something else about this realm that troubles me. It feels... familiar, and yet..."

"And... yet?" Shirou asked when she only rubbed her chin softly, deep in thought, only to end up shaking her head at him.

"It's like living a fairy tale, that's all," she finally said.

"What is that even supposed to mean?" Rin groaned. "Archer, can you translate, please?"

The tanned Servant just smirked at her in that arrogant way she found so unnerving. "Master's ways and background are more complicated than you could imagine... Tohsaka-san," he pronounced her name with a certain playful teasing, which only further annoyed her and made Shirou and Saber further jealous, although the latter tried her best to keep it reigned in before Irisviel. "But she's from Ohtori, of course she would be familiar with environments like these."

"That guy was gay, wasn't he?" Ritsuko asked. "Nothing wrong with that, of course, but he was just so flaming!"

"If I remember correctly, that was supposed to be his Berserker Button," Shirou reminisced. "Asuna-san and the others said he hated being called that..."

"Oh, so he's in denial. No wonder he's so bitter," Ritsuko said.

Saber rasped. "I would rather not have you demeaning anyone's gender issues, not even a foe's, in my presence, if you please." Then she glared coldly at the wand, which had moved around to half-hide behind Shirou, warily. "What is your business with that fiend, and what does Illyasviel have to do with it?"

"Oh, your master is called Illyasviel, then?" Dress of Heaven asked the wand. "What a coincidence, that's just what I would have liked to name a daughter, if I ever had one...!"

Shirou and Rin uneasily looked aside, while Assassin only muttered most likely quite cynical something to himself.

"Very well..." the wand relented. "Are you sure you are ready for the incredible bombshell of my secret identity? Can you withstand the awesomeness of my reveal? Then I shall tell you! They know me across the worlds of magic as the mighty staff that pierces the barriers of reality! I am... The Magical Stick of Love, Peace and Justice! The Incredibly Wholesome but Coquettishly Sexual, Irresistible Kaleido Ruby!-!-! YES, IT'S ME!"

Rin winced noticeably at that, her disgust evident in her face.

"Ohhhh, she's a dearie...!" Caster giggled cutely. "So happy and full of life!"

"Thank you, Mama!" Ruby said. "Good to see you're still the same, even if you've forgotten Illya somehow!"

Rin sighed. "Listen, if you are an actual Kaleidostick, then you must have figured this out already, so stop playing around, will you? I'm not the Tohsaka Rin you knew, and this isn't the Irisviel von Einzbern you are familiar with either. So, only because you belong to some Illya, it doesn't mean it's the same Illya that we-"

"Well, duuuuuuuhhhh!" Ruby interrupted, quickly fluttering around her. "What do you think I am, dumb? Of course I've figured it out by now, that you aren't the same shrill, abusive, incompetent and bossy Tohsaka Rin I had to suffer under until I met Illya! And how could I tell? Because... your hair is a little bit lighter!"

Rin had, in a flash, grabbed Ruby and slammed her down brutally against the ground, yelling, "DO YOU MEAN I OTHERWISE LOOK LIKE I'M ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS?!"

"ARTIFACT ABUUUUUUUUSE!" Ruby wailed.

"Tohsaka! Don't fight, don't fight!" Shirou chided. "I mean, just look at yourself now! You're picking on a stick, for Kami's sake!"

"You don't know anything about these... things, Emiya!" Rin told him. "I had to train in their use! I know perfectly what they are able of! Believe me, they are pure evil and not worth any pity!"

"Seriously?" Caster asked. "But, she's just so cute...!"

"That only makes it even more deceptive in its evil! And don't call it a 'she', call it an 'it'! These contraptions don't deserve to be humanized!"

Right then, however, the usual bickering between mankind's finest (and Shirou) was interrupted when a little girl in an elementary school uniform came running into view, making Saber and Shirou's eyes widen greatly. At first she only seemed to have eyes for Ruby, stopping by her and not really paying much attention to the rest of the party.

"Geez, Ruby!" she complained in an all too familiar voice, panting as she placed her hands on her knees. "You made me run all the way here for you! I know you were hit too, but... aaaaaahhhh!" her pale face blushed beet red as she finally caught a good view of the baffled Shirou, and she took several quick steps back, stuttering, "O-O-Onii-chan?!"

Before anything else could be said, however, she was caught from behind in a crushing hug by Dress of Heaven, her face abruptly smothered between the woman's large breasts. "Oh, dear, what a cuuuuuutie!" Irisviel said in extremely joyful tones. "I'd never seen a child as pretty as you...!"

"M-M-Mama?!" the child with long white hair panicked, struggling in her grasp. "What, what are you doing here?! Ah! And why are you dressed like that?! What would Papa... uhhh..." she caught a glimpse of the expressionless Assassin next, and squinted at the masked man, paying special attention to his eyes. "Do we know each other?"

Assassin shook his head in silence.

The child breathed out in relief. "I thought so, that's actually a- ahhhhh, Rin-san, too!" she grew panicky again as Rin just facepalmed and exhaled. "Sorry, Rin-san, I never intended to goof up this much! Too many things happened, and all too fast, and I don't even know why- Why- Why is the Saber card here too?!"

"The Saber card..." Artoria said with a small sigh of her own.

"And why are you wearing Kuro's clothes, they just look wrong on a man!" the child pointed at Archer. "Well, at least you wear pants, thank God!"

Archer couldn't help but making a small smile. "I wouldn't dream of not wearing them, Ojou-chan."

"And why do you have this huge evil aura around you, what in the world!" she finally pointed at Ritsuko, now even more freaked out, if that was possible.

Ritsuko smiled very slow and widely. "I have no idea whatsoever what do you mean with that, Imouto-chan..."

"Calm down, Illya, relax!" Ruby said, going over to fly around her head. "This has a perfectly straightforward and simple explanation! You'll see..."

* * *

 _Half a hour and metric ton of questions and answers later:_

"That, that wasn't straightforward or simple at all!" Illyasviel von Einzbern protested heatedly, her eyes running around into spirals. "You mean Kuro isn't my only double!? And Miyu's brother isn't the only double of Onii-chan!? And how could the universe support two Rin-sans without exploding, anyway?! Does this mean there are two Luvia-sans too?! And what's the deal with these mysterious men in red, you still haven't explained anything about that!"

"We are the mysterious and cryptic type, sorry," Assassin offered dryly.

"I have partial amnesia, it seems..." Archer innocently said, looking aside.

"What, did you hit your head or something? You're a Class card, Class cards can't get amnesia! Can they?" Illya then asked Ruby.

The Kaleidostick shugged its wings. "Maybe? How should I know?"

"He's a Servant, not a Class card," Anthy patiently reminded her. "As for Luviagelita-san, yes, she was a rival of ours in the Holy Grail War, but she stayed behind in our world after losing her Servant. Right now, she's running some sort of wrestling league in Mahora City, isn't that right, Tohsaka-sempai?"

Rin grouched. "Don't even remind me of that madwoman. Look... Illya-san, I don't know what my Evil Universe Counterpart did to you, but you don't need to fear me! I assure you I'm a perfectly reasonable and logical woman who wouldn't ever dream of hurting a child, right, Saber? Emiya-kun?"

Saber just nodded firmly, but Shirou paused for a moment before saying, "... sure, let's go with that."

"What was that supposed to mean, Emiya-kun?!" Rin growled. "You're the one who hangs around the Dark Evangel, why don't you accuse **her** of that to her face?"

Illya blinked, worried. "Dark Evangel? And who's that...?"

"Pssst!" Ruby whispered, leaning onto her and nudging her shoulder. "Illya-chan, this is the chance of your lifetime! This is your Oniichan, but it isn't your Oniichan, and neither is Miyu-chan's! Do you know what that means?" As Illya blushed in realization, the stick giggled, "Yes! It's got all the charm and forbidden allure of incest _without_ being incest! Or Bro Poaching! You have no excuse for not making a move now!"

Illya absently punched her aside, although her face had twisted into a vacant goofy grin even as Saber and Rin looked at her sternly.

Shirou was too concerned thinking of another thing to pay attention to that, humming lowly. "What's that you had said about some Miyu's brother, who is like me...? Ah, now I remember, that kid who helps Luvia-san around is named Miyu, isn't she, Tohsaka?"

"Yes. Yes, she is, Emiya-kun," Rin grumbled.

Illya blinked. "There's another Miyu-too...?! Then, does that mean there's another Taiga-sensei!? And another Kuro-chan?! And another Sella and Leysritt?"

"Sella and who?" Rin frowned.

"You know, the maids at my house...!"

"I don't know any Sella or Leysritt, sorry," Rin shook her head. She hadn't gotten a chance to meet up with Lelouch during Mahorafest, after all. "The only maid your counterpart has is named Sayoko. As for Fujimura-sensei, well, yes, she's Emiya's guardian..."

"Why would Oniiichan have a guardian?" Illya asked. "What happened to Mama and Papa?!"

Shirou flinched, quite uncomfortable, while Saber only looked down. "Well, you see, the thing is-"

Ruby rasped cutely. "Maybe we should finish this conversation in the citadel, Illya? We're sitting ducks out here, and it's a miracle that gay guy hasn't brought reinforcements against us yet. I guess he thought we wouldn't be stupid enough as to stay here this long..."

"Citadel? What citadel?" Mashu asked.

"Why, the last bastion for Magical Girls in our battle against the forces of darkness, of course!" Ruby replied. "The City of Mahou Shoujo, ruled by wise Queen Setsuna! She'll know what do do, I'm sure!"

"Queen Setsuna?" Shirou asked. "Um, let me guess, she's short, pale and very strong, has wings and is married to Queen Konoka, isn't she?"

"... of course not, Oniichan, what kind of weirdo world do you come from?" Ruby asked back. "Queen Setsuna, the guardian who came from beyond time! That's who I mean, naturally!"

"... Okay, sorry I asked, then..."

* * *

After marching across a couple of flowery valleys, along a small river, and through a narrow passage between mountains, with Ritsuko making dirty comments about how it was all sexual and Freudian, the Chaldea party finally arrived at a small city fully surrounded by tall, pastel colored walls decorated with fancy hearts, stars, rainbows and flowers. Ritsuko, Rin, Assassin and Archer all winced at the terribly bad taste on display while Illya walked up to the closed gates and knocked on them.

"The Pani Poni Empress of the Meguca Suffering lays her arms down at the breaking of a new dawn," a voice said from the inside.

"As sure as the Mau meows, Hope will rise again. Do not ask what your Meguca can do for you, but what you can do for your Meguca," Illya replied.

"The Pink Goddess is in her Heaven, all is right with the world," the voice said. "From above she smiles upon us, and we shall have tea and pastries after classes."

"Seriously? Well, that's nice. Now and ever and forever happily ever after! Now open the fucking door," Illya said, making Shirou and Archer flinch, right before the gates were opened from the inside for her. She giggled apologetically at them. "Sorry, but what better secret code for Mahou Shoujo than a foul word? They'll never suspect we use them!"

"They?" Rin asked as they followed her in. "Who are 'they', exactly? Someone has you under seige, right? What kind of- huh," she trailed off, looking around, as the whole city seemed to be made of candy houses, with streets paved on what looked like chocolate, and populated with nothing but cute girls warily peeking out of each window, several of them quietly gasping and gawking at the sight of the men in the entourage. "Okay, _now_ the day officially got weird!"

A girl hidden behind a large and square green shield that was as tall as herself waddled closer to them, light body armor clearly clanging with each step. Only her shy eyes were visible through a narrow slit window in the shield, as she stuttered, "G-G-Good morning, Illya-san! Um... you're aware y-you've brought outsiders to the city, r-right...?"

"That's okay, Sana-chan, they're friends!" Illya said. "They rescued Ruby from Jadeite, I feel we can trust them! Besides, these are my Mama and my Oniichan!" she smiled, gesturing at Shirou and Dress of Heaven. "Well, sort of anyway..."

"P-Pleased to meet you!" the girl bowed quickly to them, banging her forehead against the shield, and Mashu had to bite her tongue to keep herself from lecturing the girl on how to hold a shield. "Uwaaa, I'm Futaba Sana, Puella Magi, and sentinel of the gates, h-how do you do..."

"Howdy there!" Ritsuko waved happily. "I'm Fujimaru Ritsuko, history's greatest heroine, and these are my Servants, Assassin, Caster, Saber, Archer, Shirou, Rin, Anthy and Eggplant!"

" _We_ are not your Servants!" Rin growled.

"... Eggplant is now my official Class designation?" Mashu asked in faint dismay.

Sana looked with mounting concern at Illya, who just shrugged. "Look, just trust us on this, okay? We need an audience with the Queen and we've wasted too many paragraphs as it is, so please take us to her already, we've gotta keep the plot moving fast..." Ruby told her.

Sana blinked. "I need to stay at the gate, th-though!" She then turned around and called out, "Felicia-chan! We need someone to take Illya-chan's new friends to the Queen, can you please d-do that for me, if it's not a bother...?"

"Yaaaayyyy!" a blond girl around Sana's age, wearing a midriff-showing outfit with a horned helmet, and carrying a gigantic hammer attached to her back, merrily skipped ahead from a nearby surveillance seat to greet the others. "Screentime at last!" she grinned dumbly and waved. "How do you do, I'm Mitsuki Felicia! My favorite animals are cows! I am thirteen years old and my blood type is O! I go to school in Kamihama Academy..."

Sana sighed. "Felicia-chan, I don't think they're too interested in all that stuff right now, s-sorry..."

"Ah, but it's my Defining Character Moment! Without a fight scene, how am I going to estabes- stabli- set myself as a strong presence in the narraout- narratin- narrowti- in the story?!"

"She's absolutely right," Ritsuko said as Anthy sagely nodded. "If you don't start strong, then odds are you'll just fade away as yet another throwaway character, like Hyde or Billy the Kid or Darius. Fight on, Felicia-chan! You can pull it off, I'm sure!"

"You two can understand her language?" Rin snorted.

"Everyone around here is convinced we're living in some sort of fairy tale, so for them it's very important to follow the rules of a story," Illya explained as they followed Felicia down the main street, and Sana weakly waved them goodbye from behind the shield. "I guess they're all a bit loopy, but Ruby is a lot of help to... mediate, should we say? She can understand them far better than I can..."

"So that's the way it is, huh..." Assassin huffed. "We should have brought Nursery Rhyme then. This isn't my kind of battleground at all."

"I think it's all lovely!" Caster beamed, looking all around her in awe. "What a pleasant and nice society, who would be evil enough as to want to destroy it...?"

"Um... maybe this Solomon guy we've been fighting of late?" Ritsuko exposed. "You know, the one we were gathered to fight and we've been opposing this whole time, Iri-chan?"

"Solomon? Like the king in the Bible?" Ruby asked. "Nope, our enemy is someone called First Lady. We don't know that much about her, she's fairly secretive and Illya and I haven't been here that long either, but looks like she's got a mad-on against all Magical Girls, and whenever an enemy of them dies in one world or another, she pulls them into her forces. Suffice to say, over time she's gotten quite a large army..."

"That's funny, this world doesn't look like it's in a state of war," Ritsuko shrugged, ripping a bit of candy from a window and munching on it while passing an especially delectable house by, ignoring the angry protests from the Mahou Shoujo poking out its front door. "Why, everything just looks so... um... Disney!"

"That's because we still control this area, but rumors are the First Lady's domains are a hellish landscape of torture, fire, pain, and Stephanie Meyer imagery," Illya cautioned. "Every day their forces grow larger and bolder, and today Jadeite's crossed a line, none of them ever came this close before! Of course, it might be because he's still new and doesn't know any better, but..."

Archer frowned to himself, as if troubled by something about that history. Anthy seemed to realize it, as she had been thinking the same thing, and took a moment to gently touch his arm as they walked.

His eyes never left Illya's petite figure, his expression filled with a deep concern...

He also didn't notice everyone noticing and start uttering about lolicons. Silly workaholic heroes…

* * *

The royal palace was not really a palace or a castle, it was more like a big fancy house set before the city's main square. And it wasn't made of candy but good old concrete, blocks and bricks. Which was good, since Ritsuko and Saber had eaten from like half of the city's houses along the way there. Even now, as they were ushered into the royal chambers, Saber was still gulping a large portion of chocolate, then politely wiping her mouth with the back of a hand before the Magical Maid in charge opened the doors of the large throne room.

The throne was technically not a throne either, but a big comfortable office chair on which sat a tall, somewhat tanned (although nowhere as much as Anthy) woman with long, very dark green hair, who had a tall stack of papers by each side, and wore a simple, functional set of black shirt and light gray pants, her feet in open sandals. Ritsuko was actually fairly disappointed at the lack of pomp and ceremony.

"Ma'am!" Felicia bowed as she walked ahead. "These are the intruders, ah, sorry, gaijin, uh, I mean visitors who saved Illya-chan from General Jadeite!"

"Actually, it was technically Ruby-san whom we saved..." Shirou began, before getting a discreet elbow to the stomach from Rin.

"How do you do, Your Majesty!" Ritsuko took it upon herself to greet her with a grand bow and showy gesture of flattering hand motions. "I'm Fujimaru Ritsuko, dimension-hopping heroine supreme from world saving organization Chaldea! And these are my Servants-"

"- _and_ colleagues," Rin made sure to point out this time.

 _Somewhere, the boys of the United Magical Girl Association sneezed._

"- Shielder, Caster, Assassin, Saber, Archer, Shirou, Anthy and Rin!" Ritsuko went on as if she hadn't been interrupted. "Your world has just been labeled a Singularity, which means it is on the brink of collapse, but never fear, we're here to save it!"

"We know it's a lot to take in from a single sentence, but please trust us, we are experts on this," Anthy bowed even moreso, but much less flashily. "Well, not me, I have just joined, but... Before we said anything else, may I ask if you have seen a young lady named Tenjou Utena, please?"

Rin and Shirou were utterly baffled at this weird non sequitur. "Excuse me?!" the former asked.

"She is tall and slim, rather athletic, with beautiful long light pink hair, very courageous and driven, might be wearing men's clothing..." Anthy continued, also acting as if Rin hadn't spoken at all.

"That's your girlfriend, right?" Rin asked. "Why would your girlfriend be in a place like this at all?!"

The Queen looked evenly at them, then half-sighed. "The Rose Bride of Ohtori. I never expected to see you here, what is the history behind this?"

Rin did a shocked double take, while Shirou only cocked his head aside, question marks floating over it. "She's known _across dimensions_?! What in the-?!"

"I originally came from your dimension, and so I know everything about you, Tohsaka Rin," the Queen said, quite on the cold, distant side. "Well, everything up to the point I was forced into this realm. I am sorry, Rose Bride, but your husband has never been sighted in these lands. Were I to hazard a guess, I would say she still must be somewhere back in our world."

Anthy nodded pensively at that. "Thank you very much. That... is a relief for the most part, actually..."

"Okay, I always knew you were kind of weird, but not this much!" Rin gasped. "Are you even human at all?!"

Felicia coughed into a fist, since apparently the kingdom didn't have much of a budget and there were no other guards in sight to intimidate loud guests from being disrespectful. Saber thought those were terribly low standards from a fellow sovereign, even if their chocolate was still superb. "Mind your manners before the Queen, will you?!"

Said Queen rose from her seat, taking hold of a very long staff that had been resting by her side. "It used to be I was one of the Sailor Senshi, Sailor Pluto, Guardian of the Gates of Time. However, once, very long ago, I sacrificed myself to save our world from a crisis beyond compare, and somehow, my esence drifted into this world, where I gathered many a lost, stranded warrior of hope and peace. Together, we founded this city, a haven for all sisters in arms against the forces of evil and darkness. We call it..." there was a long, dramatic pause, "Gensokyo!"

More silence ensued.

"Wow," an impressed Shirou said at last. "That's a really cool name!" And he actually meant it!

The Queen shrugged. "Most of my subjects are very young, many of them were videogamers, the name was well liked and stuck during discussions on what to name the city, we had elections and everything. I see you have not asked what a Sailor Senshi is. Have my companions appeared in your world already?"

"Yes, well, actually, we are friends with a few of them," Shirou offered as Saber nodded. "We've met Sailor Venus, Mars and Mercury, all of them quite nice people..."

" _Especially_ Sailor Mercury," Saber felt like stressing.

"Mars is a very debatable case," Rin grumbled, folding her arms.

"However, I have to assume you were replaced or something," Shirou added, "because I clearly remember them saying Sailor Pluto is a blonde lady?"

"I know," the Queen nodded. "When I thought I was about to be obliterated from existence, I passed my Star Seed to another, the most suitable candidate in the vicinity." Or rather, the only other woman left alive in the world by then, but, details. "I have high hopes of her stopping what I couldn't halt, and bringing a conclusion to the destructive cycle of time recursions..."

"Oh, do you mean that thing where Chao Lingshen-san would keep on going back in time again and again?" Shirou asked this time. "If so, yeah, Negi-sensei convinced her to stay so she wouldn't do it anymore, so that should work fine from now on..."

"That is good to hear," the Queen approved with a nod and a smile. "I know I can stay here forever, in that case, since I am not needed there any more. Besides, Gensokyo needs me now more than ever. No doubt you have already heard of First Lady, who keeps tightening her forces around us day by day. Perhaps you are the heroes we need to turn the tide around..."

"Man, this shit's just so chuuni, it's great," Ritsuko commented on with a huge shit-eating grin. "I have no idea about more than half of what you guys are saying, it's like a trippy drug trip! Ahem, or so I have heard, anyway, it's not like I took anything from Holmes-san's stuff while we were in Londinium, that's only for losers..."

"... on second thought..." the Queen began saying after hearing that.

* * *

 **Omake Time!**

* * *

 **What's in a Name?**

"So, what's your team called, anyway?" Sailor Mars after them after the dust of the battle settled. "Because you have a name, right?"

"Of course we do!" the busty blonde said. "We are RWBY! See, it's an acronym for our initials," she pointed at her teammates one by one and finally at herself. "Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang!"

"R... W... B..." Sailor Jupiter began going through the name phonetically. "Ah, how egocentric!" Mayu gasped and pointed at Ruby. "You named the whole team after yourself!"

"I didn't!" Ruby protested. "It wasn't my idea! I wanted to call ourselves... The Fantastic Four!"

"She also wanted me to call myself Catwoman, then Black Cat, then Chat Noir, then Cheetah, then Black Panther..." Blake began reminiscing not that fondly.

"Wildcat, then?" Ruby offered hopefully.

"Can't you ever think of a name that isn't taken already?!"

* * *

 **Little Red Public Domain Hood.**

"Well," Sailor Mercury smiled amicably, "you're much more agreeable than the last girl wearing a red hood I met..."

Ruby, instantly, lost her own radiant smile and took on a small concerned frown. "S-Seriously? Who was she...?"

"Oh, just someone we ran into in Kyoto, while we... hmmm... while we tried to help a friend. She called herself both Bulleta and Baby Bonnie, and while she certainly could fight, well... I imagine you wouldn't know about her, right? I mean, the secret world of magic and superpowers is so big, no doubt there's more than enough room for two adventurers with Little Red Riding Hood motifs..."

Ruby nodded, her silver eyes now as wide and round as saucers, her face suddenly quite on the pale side. "Y-Yes... Although..." she said very slowly, "She doesn't seem to think that..."

Then her expression simply froze, and Akira grew really worried.

"..."

* * *

 **Coaching- by Shadow Crystal Mage.**

"Uuu," Fran said.

"Umu..." Nero coached patiently.

"Uuu..."

"Umu..."

"Uuu..."

"Umu..."

"Mikon..."

"Damn it, that's not even close!"

* * *

 **The End of the Unequally Rational and Emotional Moon Silver Millennium.**

"So this is it..." Beryl weakly cackled, coughing some blood up. "All is lost for both of us now, but I at least die happy! For I die knowing I have gained my revenge on you! Princess Serenity, this is what you get for taking my man away from me!"

The barely any less injured Princess of the Moon blinked, supporting herself on Venus' sword. "What-What did you just say?"

"You heard me well!" Beryl snapped. "What point is there on keeping pretending anymore? I know perfectly well about you and Endymion!"

 _"- Endymion?!"_ the Princess gasped. "What the hell, you stupid cow! Endymion and I were only friends! Pals! Buddies! Bros!"

"Why do you keep denying it?!" Beryl sneered. "Everyone knew you snuck out of your kingdom to go meet him here!" she stomped on the debris of the Earth kingdom still smoking beneath their feet. "And in secrecy, you would whisper sweet nothings to each other under the moonlight!"

"Out of all the idiotic-" a livid Serenity said. "Okay, if everyone knew about it, then how it was a secret, you moron! And way to miss the point, jackass! If you'd been keeping really close tabs, you'd know Mars kept on disappearing from her kingdom just at the same time Endymion and I were 'meeting' here!"

Beryl blinked several times. "-you had a threesome going on?!"

Serenity facepalmed."He was my beard, you bloated whore! My parents were all against me liking girls, they wanted grandchildren so much, and so I only could see Mars in private! Endymion was a good bro, so he supplied his castle for our, ahem, romantic escapades, and we kept the appearances there was something going on between us, but I've never liked men that way!"

"What is this, I don't even," Beryl gurgled in an increased daze. Then she seemed to briefly snap back into venomous anger. "N-No, you won't fool me with your pointless lies, you witch! In his final moments, while turning my never ending love down, Endymion told me he loved another! A gorgeous blonde who had stolen his heart!"

"- that was Venus, you imbecile."

"What."

"First of all, I'm not the witch, you are," Serenity growled. "And second, while Mars and I were doing things that are nothing of your fucking business, Endymion had his dates with Venus, where they likely did things that are not my business and certainly were never yours either. So there, happy now, bitch?! You threw this exaggerated tantrum that wasted the lives of millions all for nothing but a stupid misunderstanding you could have avoided if you d just stopped to ask before siccing a fucking army on us!"

"... oh. Boy, I feel stupid now," Beryl lowered her head. Then she shrugged. "Well, same difference. I still had to kill the Venus slut, and I had to punish you over being a fucking lesbo supporter of my Prince's infidelity, so what? All's well when it ends well!"

"Skank, those were my friends you just killed!" Serenity roared, then ran her through with Venus' sword.

* * *

"Soooo," Nephrite finally said, sitting along his fellow surviving Generals and a portrait of Jadeite around Beryl's throne, here and now, "it's really Sailor Venus, and not the Moon Princess, you are after now, right? To engage your vengeance on the-"

"What? Oh, no, how pathetic you think I am, Nephrite?" the Queen shook her head. "That was then, this is now. It's been thousands of years, for fuck's sake! Do you really believe I'd still be pining after a man and hurting because of his bimbo lover after all that time? No, I can live and let go when it comes to that. My issues with Endymion and the Princess of Venus right now are strictly business, that's all. The bitch who killed you, however... now that's something you just don't forgive, **ever!** "

"Okay, I can't say I disagree with anything of that, no," Zoicite nodded, quite reasonably, he thought.

* * *

"I'm afraid I'm not as good with these things as Mother was, Luna," the dying Princess admitted with a faint smile, standing on the wreckage with the shining Star Seeds in her hands. "I might miss the mark with some of them, but please look after them all the same, won't you? Sorry to bother you with this assignment, but-"

Artemis nodded while Luna could do nothing but weep for her dear mistress. "No matter how the Guardians reincarnate, we will be there for them, Your Majesty," he assured her. "Please trust us."

"I always will, dear friend. Thank you," Serenity warmly told him, then closed her eyes and concentrated, shooting the Seeds up into space, sensing the souls themselves separating from the powers in a few cases as all of them gained height. Some of the powers would go into different souls that would be compatible enough, and the souls of those friends she knew- and more than a friend, in one case-would go on to live completely normal lives instead, hopefully.

But with her final breath, she made sure of keeping Venus and Endymion s souls attached to their respective powers. It was the least she owed them, after all, since this had all been her fault to begin with.

Then Princess Serenity passed away in blessed out peace.

And that was how the next Age of Man came to a start.

* * *

 **Peak Profile Patient.**

 _Honnouji:_

Mako's father stood up, pulling on the lapels of his stained coat and puffing his flabby chest up with pride. "You doubt me, huh?" he asked the prone but recovering Ryuko, with an air of great yet comical dignity. "Girl, I've treated many a famous patient! I used to be a bigshot doctor for the most famous of Gotham City..."

"Gotham?!" Ryuko blinked, startled, sitting up on the dirty bed of the tiny clinic.

Barazo grinned goofily, eyebrows wiggling. "That's right! Impressed, huh? I worked there for a few years, before moving back to Japan. Why, I still remember my first successful surgery...!"

* * *

Barazo finished unwrapping the bloody bandages off the man's face, and then pulled back with a disgusted hiccup, his cheeks swelling up from the inside as he took a hand to his own mouth.

 _"Mirror,"_ the man in the chair gurgled, eyes unfocused.

"Gah-!" Barazo gagged. "Dah, dah, dah duh-!"

 **"Mirror!"** the patient shouted, before a sweetly smiling Sukuyo, in her white nurse uniform, gave him a hand mirror.

"You- You must understand..."Barazo gulped, "the damage to the facial nerves was very intense, and we didn't have the best resources at hand-!"

"Heh..". the man chuckled, looking into the mirror.

Barazo fidgeted in place, terrified. "I, I'm sure we can improve on your condition with further treatment, I just need-!"

"Hee hee hehh hehhh!" the man stood up jerkily. "Bwa! Ha hah! Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HYAAA HAAAHHHH!" he laughed madly, first smashing the mirror against a table, and then pushing Barazo aside and stumbling out of the clinic and into the icy urban night.

* * *

"I take no responsibility for Harvey Dent, however!" Barazo sneered, looking aside with an upturned nose. "They took him to Gotham's most expensive clinic instead! Feh! For all it did for him! He'd have been better off with me!"

"Well, yeah..."Ryuko mumbled. "I'm sure both sides would've been left the same, at least..."

* * *

 **Gothamite.**

"So you're a Gotham kid, Mako?" Ryuko asked as they sat on the hole-filled roof of the Mankanshoku family. Holey rusted metal, Batman!

"Aaaa-Yeeep!" Mako smiled. "'Dad moved there right after that whole mess with the childbirth of the Ichijou family's heir. I was born shortly after, and so I studied Elementary School abroad, how cool is that?! Why didja think I landed a studentship at Honnouji? I'm an expert in English, bomb making, AND criminal psychiatry!"

"- okay," Ryuko blandly said.

 _"My thesis on Satsuki-sempai and the Elite Four is going to revolutionize the psychiatric world as soon as it's done, assuming I'm not assassinated first,"_ Mako conspiratively confided her, leaning closer and whispering in Ryuko's ear. _"Well, the Elite Three anyway. Gamagoori-sempai is perfectly normal and nice!"_

"- sure, let's go with that."

"Anyway, once the Ichijou-gumi finally moved on, learned to accept losses as a normal part of human life, and pardoned Dad, and things got ugly in Gotham with that sad mess of trying to revive Mr. Freeze's wife, we moved back to Japan just in time for Matarou to be born here! And I'm sooooo glad, 'cause I got to meet Ryuko-chan instead of having my parents killed and being adopted by Bruce Wayne!" she happily said, glomping Ryuko very dearly.

The other girl hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know why, but I just felt as if the universe had shuddered in terror for just a second, right now..."

"Oh, I'm sure that's only the sensation of my body sexily rubbing up and down against yours, Ryuko-chan!" Mako panted.

* * *

Somewhere else in the Honnouji Prefecture, the patriarch of the Shuei Yakuza Group turned around from the large portrait of his beloved wife to face Kirisaki Chitoge again, exhaling a heavy sigh. "And that's why you shouldn't ever ask Raku-kun about his mother. I hope you understand..."

The young blonde gulped. "Y-Yes, sir. I'll keep that in mind...!"

* * *

 **Extra: A Few Facts on Chaldea's Servants and How They Lived in the Unequally World.**

 **Assassin Mata Hari:** As seen in the _Read or Die_ OVA, Miss Deep is her modern day clone. The small chested Mata Hari who was apprehended and executed was actually a scapegoat she pinned the blame on before escaping to carry on with her last mission, although she still died shortly after finishing it. Mata Hari thinks it was a necessary thing to do for the greater good, but still regrets it deeply to this day.

 **Caster Merlin:** Much like in _The Once and Future King_ , he actually ages backwards, Benjamin Button-style, so while he was a wacky old man when Artoria knew him, under his _The Sword in the Stone_ apperance, by now he's looking and acting more like the hormonal vital young man seen in Grand Order canon. Still keeps Archimedes around, though.

 **Rider Astolfo:** While quite effeminate and ambiguous, the story of Astolfo actually has him to be as quite a ladykiller and sleep-around stud. It is likely that through one of his many one night stands, he might be the distant ancestor to a certain other absent minded, pink haired, quite profficient in battle scattered petite idiot who, in the other hand, is not actually related to Sasaki Kojiro at all.

 **Assassin Doctor Jekyll:** While normally he looks the same as in GO canon, in this setting, whenever he transforms into Hyde he gains his appearance from _The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen_ (the comic books version, not the movie's). Is too polite to ask Vlad Tepes what's the deal with this Mina Harker lady he used to know and who claimed being attacked by him.

 **Lancer Vlad Tepes:** Never was a vampire. In this continuity he's not a Berserker and still sticks to the Apocrypha characterization. The vampire who attacked Miss Harker and killed Lucy Westenra was actually one Count Orlock, a Nosferatu using the name of Dracula. The Mina Tepes who currently plans to establish a vampire nation in an artificial island named The Bund is actually a descendant of Orlock, not of him.

 **Ruler Sherlock Holmes:** It is actually a little known fact his housemaid, Mrs. Hudson, was actually one of the last few demi-men of the canine variety who once populated the British isles during the ages of magic (like the fox-man who was one of those to assume the mantle of Robin Hood). As a favor to her after she saved his life in one of his first cases, Holmes pulled a few strings with brother Mycroft, who in turn resorted to his contacts with the Clock Tower so Mrs. Hudson could lead a public life under the protection of an amulet granting her the illusionary appearance of a human woman. Mrs. Hudson was actually a very accomplished driver and pilot of experimental aerial ships who served as Holmes' chaffeur; while her role is greatly downplayed in the accounts from Conan Doyle, further details can be found in the secret chronicles from Japan's Miyazaki Hayao-sensei.

 **Archer James Moriarty:** Much like Holmes, Moriarty also employed hired help from some of the last dog-people in Britain, namely two henchmen named Smiley and Todd. They would prove being far too incompetent for Moriarty's comfort, yet he would feel obliged to keep them around out of some strange sense of duty. Or perhaps just sheer pity.

 **Ruler Jeanne D'Arc:** She never made a Contract with Kyubey, although she _was_ offered it, and she _was_ known under the nickname of 'Tart' (much like Artoria's 'Wart') in her childhood. Her friends Melissa de Vignolles and Riz Hawkwood _did_ take the contract, however, and naturally it ended badly for them. Even so, Jeanne being Jeanne, she still can't bring herself to hate Incubators, even though her Alter counterpart despises them even more deeply than she despises everything else, for some reason she cannot understand.

 **Archer Robin Hood:** Not related at all to the fox-man Robin Hood who lived nearly a century before him, other than sharing on the same popular name for bandits roaming the area of Sherwood, and they never even got to meet each other. He _did_ get to meet a jolly little pig-man friar who annoyed him by ever refusing to accept the fact he was Robin Hood despite all of his best physical displays, however...

* * *

 **Next: Rito.**


	6. Rito

_Mundus Magicus:_

The small city built within the rock was a confusing hodgepodge of architectural styles, a potpourri of different buildings crammed into a darkness broken only by the street lamps posted alongeach sidewalk, none too far away from the next. It made sense, since there was no way the town could get direct sunlight through its main entrance, and so far Negi had not seen any apparent sources of secondary light coming from the outside world.

The streets themselves were just as uneven, mostly built on the rock foundation itself, with very few that were muddy, sandy or grassy instead, and none of the buildings were too tall, even though the domed ceiling of the subterranean formation was extremely high. Yet three or four stories high seemed to be the absolute top limit for all residences or businesses. The atmosphere was rather colder than it had been out in the open, however, and so far all the streets they had toured seemed to be deserted.

"I wonder if there are any Terra Firmians around?" Webby wondered excitedly, looking at left and right. "I need to find one, then send Huey evidence they do exist, he'll never believe otherwise...!"

"Terra Firmians?" Collet blinked. "But everyone knows they're just a myth, like AIDS vaccines and binary genders!"

"Yeah, if there were any underground civilization like that below Mundus Magicus, the Ursa Major would have destroyed them long ago..." Twilight Sparkle said with a thoughtful nod.

"Y-You haven't led us into a trap, have you?" Louise asked Lena while sticking close to Negi's side. The boy was looking at the windows they passed by; most homes and shops had lights coming from inside them, but he also got occasional glimpses of people peeking out warily, as if spying on them with both apprehension and curiosity alike.

"Again with that? If I had, it'd be a bit late to ask now, wouldn't it?" Lena casually asked back, still leading the march. "Relax, Cotton Candy. I didn't save you from a freaking Averruncus just to throw you to a different set of lions. I-"

Then a female voice called at her from a nearby corner just around the street. "Lena? Oh, is that really you, Lena?"

They looked across the narrow street and saw a young woman with a lovely face and figure, her light brown hair made into a very long braid, wearing a functional pink dress with a darker pink, almost red jacket over it, and sturdy black boots on her feet. She had been pushing on a small cart of flowers, with a long staff strapped to her back. Her eyes were large and emerald, very beautiful at the light of the pole under which she stood now.

"Oh, hey, but if it isn't Aerith!" Lena waved at her with a casual smile and shrug. "Been a while, still waiting for that boyfriend of yours?"

* * *

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

The Walt Disney Company and Square Enix created and own _Kingdom Hearts._

Yabuki Kentaro, Hasemi Saki and Shueisha created and own _To Love Ru._

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Six: Rito.**

* * *

The flower girl crossed the street to approach them, seemingly ignoring the instinctive steps back Louise, Twilight, Negi and Yue took just in case. She instead frowned slightly at Lena's choice of words. "If you mean Cloud... no, we still haven't found him. What happened to you, Lena? We all were so worried!"

"Ah, heh heh, sorry I never wrote, it's a long story," the young duck gestured at the rest of the party. "Let's just say I began studying somewhere else, and... this is my new best friend Webby, and this is a student of Princess Celestia, and this is the worthless youngest daughter of the La Vallieres Louise the Zero, and you won't believe this! This kid's the son of the Thousand Master!"

"Heyyyy! You ruffian!" Louise growled at Lena, baring her teeth.

Collet gasped. "Lena! Are you sure you should be-"

Lena gestured at her to be quiet. "It's all right, believe me, Col. You can trust Aerith far more than you can trust me."

"That doesn't sound like a very high bar to clear, even if maybe I shouldn't talk," Tsukuyomi said cheekily. "But I'll do it, all the same!"

Aerith the flower girl bowed for the others. "Pleased to meet you all. Students of Ariadne, I assume from your uniforms? I'm Aerith Gainsborough, would you like to buy some flowers?"

"I'd like four sunflowers, but sadly I don't have any money on me, sorry," Twilight replied. "As you'll see, I have no pockets."

Aerith smiled, pulled four sunflowers out of the cart, and offered them to the pony. "Since you're a friend of Lena's, these are for free."

"Oh, thank yu so very much!" the equine quickly began munching on them. "I'm Twilight Sparkle from Canterlot, and this is my best friend Spike..."

 _"Enchante, Mademoiselle,"_ the tiny dragon smiled sort of suavely, bowing deeply to the lady. "Your presence is such a soothing balsam in the middle of our long trip..."

"Long? We just began yesterday!" Tsukuyomi said.

Louise sighed in exasperation. "And now you've just jinxed it...!"

Twilight rolled her eyes at Spike. "What about Rarity?"

Spike gulped, falling back in line. "W-What about her?" he repeated, trying to play innocent. "I'm just being polite, that's all!"

"I'm Negi Springfield, Miss Gainsborough," Negi bowed far more respectfully. "And these are my student Ayase Yue and my Master Louise La Valliere. Last but no least, the charming young lady with glasses is Miss Collet Farandole," he added softly, making Collet blush while Jean Luc just hung back, sweatdropping at being ignored so thoroughly by everybody. "Um, have we met before? I have amnesia, so I can't be sure, but I have the nagging feeling I should know you."

Aerith tilted her head. "I… don't think so? But it's strange, you feel familiar to me as well. Perhaps we met in a previous life?"

"Oh, now you're remembering complete strangers you haven't met before?" Yue exclaimed, sounding beyond exasperated and well into 'done with this shit'. "Did you secretly hate us or something, Sensei? Is that why remembering us is hard for you?"

"I'm sure I didn't hate you, Yue-san," Negi said. "Sorry to ask you this so suddenly, Miss Aerith, but could you please tell us if there's been any more lost travelers wandering into this village recently, let's say during the last week or so...?"

Aerith paused at this, very surprised, before nodding. "As a matter of fact, yes. We rarely have visitors, but just last night three arrived claiming to come from Mundus Vetus..."

Yue and Negi gulped in shock. "A-Are you sure?" the former asked. "W-Were they a shy girl with short purple hair and a tall girl with glasses, or-?"

Aerith shook her head. "I'm sorry, but no. They are a red-haired girl with bells in her hair, a shorter girl with black hair and tattoos on her face, and some little punk who keeps groping women and then protesting he didn't mean to..."

"Rito-sempai!" Yue gasped.

"Asuna-san! Skuld-san!" Negi followed suit immediately, just before looking at Yue and blinking. "Rito who?"

Yue frowned. "Sensei, Asuna, I assume you recognized her because of the card," while he nodded at that, she continued, "but you actually just remembered Skuld-san right now, am I correct?"

Negi nodded again. "The shock of the news, I suppose."

"But you still don't remember Chisame, your own Alliance partner, as anything but a picture on a card!" Yue protested.

Negi scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "... I apologize? But, just like with Saber-san, Skuld-san is my student as well, it's important I remember her too..."

"Please start remembering the original thirty-one before everyone else under the sun!" Yue came as close to crying as her unwavering stoicism allowed, which meant she only put a weirdly cute face shaped like a funny Internet icon on.

"... would this be a bad moment to mention I'm starting to remember Haruka-san too, now you bring the topic up?"

"Yes! Yes, it would! Next you'll tell me you remember your fiancee!"

"WHAT!-?" Louise and Webby both cried.

Negi frowned. "Yue-san, you know I don't have a fiancee."

"Whew," Louse sighed in relief.

"I have an older counterpart from another universe who pretended to be my fiancee as an excuse to accompany us to Kyoto," Negi said matter-of-factly.

Yue gave a strangled screech and leaped on Negi, hands going for his throat in frustration.

Aerith looked at the others as the attempted teachercide took place. "What's this supposed to be about, anyway?"

"Don't be fooled by his innocent looks, Professor Negi had a harem of loving girls, but he hit Miss Zero's hard head and lost his memory," Webby recalled without malice, even as Louise bristled at her. "Apparently he loved King Arthur the best though, since he remembered her _first_..."

"... that only poses more questions than it answers!" Aerith had to say.

Louise was rolling her sleeves up. "You're begging for a headbutt from this hard head yourself, aren't you, Chuuni Duck?!"

"Actually, I remembered Lala-san before Saber-san," Negi corrected through ue's rather feeble attempts to either strangle him and shake memories lose, whichever worked. "Ah! Maybe I liked _her_ the best...?"

"D-Don't say that ever again, she's already taken by the boy we're going to see right now!" Yue stammered, then sighed, letting go as the murderous frustration passed. "And if Iinchou and the others ever learn you ever said that, they- uhhhhh-" she winced, glancing at Tsukuyomi and realized she'd just spoken too much.

Tsukuyomi whistled, innocently looking aside. "I didn't hear anything. I mean, there are lines even I won't cross!"

"I find that very difficult to believe," Collet flatly said.

"No, seriously, I wouldn't!" the swordmistress promised piously, crossing her fingers behind her back.

* * *

"Heeee-eeeeyyy, Cid!" Lena called out as soon as Aerith ushered them inside of the small workshop and store that had seemed locked and barricaded from the outside. "Still wary of thieves, huh? You're never going to get any customers like that."

The man standing behind the wooden counter huffed, still keeping the grotesquely huge, three-barreled cannon gun he had on him trained at the newcomers. "Not thieves, you know that, kid. There are far worse than thieves. How's your aunt, by the way?"

Lena shrugged indifferently, looking aside. "Still kinda caught up in her business, you could say. C'mon, Cid, you're scaring the children here but Webby, and she's not afraid of anything at all..."

"Not of a worthy death by the quick burst of a gun anyway," Webby smirked. "Better that than a slow demise in a sick bed any day...!"

"You're quite morbid, did you know that, sweetie?" Aerith chided her before going on to chide the man instead, grabbing his gun and forcing it down. "Enough of that already, Cid, those are Miss Asuna's friends, what would she think? Honestly..."

Only then did all those not named Lena, Webby or Tsukuyomi breathed any easier, Louise still hiding behind Negi in shaking shock, never mind that he was smaller than her. The rugged man grumbled, the cigarette held between his teeth twisting at a corner of his mouth, but never dropping. "I'm just saying it's pretty weird Lena's still alive after last time we saw her, but whatever. You brats are really friends of Asuna, seriously? You don't look it..."

"She and I are part of the same club of underachievers," Yue explained. "Can we see her now, please?"

"Get real, Cid, do I look like a zombie or revenant or vampire?" Lena swagged over to the counter, supporting herself on it on an elbow. "Now you're just being paranoid...!"

"You're a goth, that's enough for me." The man hadn't let go of the gun yet. "How do I know you're not just your aunt posing as you after boiling and skinning you alive?"

"A _very_ interesting family!" Tsukuyomi quietly observed.

"I-I'll say!" Spike gasped. "Now, please let's be reasonable, sir, Miss Aerith announced us before letting us in, so why did you still react that way after that?!"

"What if you'd been taking her as a hostage, huh, smart guy?" the man shot back. "Is your newest project an orphanage, Aerith? Didn't you have enough little punks already? And what's with all the animals too? First the dog, now these...?"

"Dog...?" Negi said, right as a medium-sized, lean dog with short light yellowish fur and black floppy ears, not to mention a quite long and thin tail, rushed out of the back of the store, barking and heading directly towards the suddenly outstretched arms of a very pleased and surprised Webby. "Oh, I see."

"Pluto!" the duckling said, welcoming the pet into her embrace as he licked her face all over, wagging his tail. "Oh, you remember me! It's really you, boy! Ah ha ha ha, no, don't do that, it tickles!"

"Pluto?" Yue asked, leaning closer to read from the collar on the dog's neck, which had a small golden tag on it. "Well, this is world where Latin is the main language, so this is hardly that surprising..."

"Pluto?" Collet blinked, then her nose twitched and she leaned down to sniff the dog's butt, the dog then quickly turning around and sniffing her posterior in return. After several moments of that under the weirded out stares of everybody else present, Tsukuyomi and Webby included for once, they shared a smile and stepped back from each other, their formal greetings concluded. "Oh yeah, that's allright, he's on the level! Who's a good boy, you're a good boy, Pluto!" she patted his head.

"Arf, arf!"

"..." Negi, Cid, Louise and Yue said.

Lena coughed into a fist. "Webs, where do you know this mutt from?"

"Oh, we met once when I visited the King's court, see?" Webby casually showed off the dog's collar, and the golden tag hanging from it, sporting an emblem made of three joint circles, vaguely resembling the silhouette of a mouse's head. "Pluto's he King's own pup! For him to be here, the King must be near, so we're in luck!"

"A, a king! King Michael himself!" Louise swallowed. "And, and I haven't showered in hours!"

Webby frowned. "It's Mickey. King Mickey. Don't ever call him 'Michael' or 'Mike', he really hates that..."

"You don't want to see the guy angry. Anyway," Lena said, "this barrel of fun here's Cid Highwind, a real handyman when it comes to any kind of machine, magical or not. If anyone can build us a vehicle to get where we're going as soon as possible, that's him..."

Cid grumbled, putting the massive weapon down at last. "I don't work for free either, did that stay in your memory too? And it's not like we're swimming in materials here lately, so..."

Then there was a loud gasp from the door leading to the back of the store. "Negi! Baka Black!"

Yue's face lit up at the sight of Kagurazaka Asuna standing there now, still wearing the same clothes she'd had at the Gateport, with a surprised Rito and Skuld standing right behind her. "Baka Red! Rito-sempai...!"

Asuna's face twitched a bit, then it looked like her eyes were watering, and next she ran over to tightly hug Yue and Negi at once, dropping to her knees and pulling them against her body, struggling not to bawl. "You... You're still alive...! I'm so happy! We all are, right, Sempai, Sku-chan?"

Skuld blinked. "Uh, of course we are! But, how did you ever get here? And... and furthermore... WHY THE NIFELHEIM IS SHE WITH YOU?!" she panicked, realizing Tsukuyomi's presence and pointing frantically at her.

"GAH! You're right!" Asuna leapt back, summoning her gigantic sword out and leveling it at the smiling assassin. "The hell are you doing here, Four Eyes?! Don't move a muscle, you freak!"

"Don't fight, don't fight!" Aerith requested. "At least not here! Take it outside if you must!"

Negi, meanwhile, was blinking extremely slowly, as of recovering from a shock. He adjusted the bifocals on his face, staring widely at Asuna. "I remember..." he weakly mouthed, his attention fixed on her face. "A-After you touched me, I suddenly remembered everything about you, Asuna-san...!"

Asuna took a second to look at him again, although her blade was still trained on Tsukuyomi, just as Skuld's grenade launche and a big key-shaped weapon Rito was holding now for some reason. "Huh? Whaddya talking about, Negi?"

He sighed sadly. "Worst grades in the class, how depressing..."

"Of course," Yue said, "that'd be the first thing you'd remember about her."

"And then there's that attraction towards... Takahata-sensei, right?" Negi ellaborated as Asuna blushed crimson, face twitching again. "I think he's a decent fellow from what little I can gather through your association with him, but still, romances between teachers and students are absolutely off-limits for any proud members of Mahora..."

"Oh, like you of all people could talk, you-!" Asuna began roaring at him, only to be interrupted as the roar had left her.

For at the same time, Rito was tripping and falling on Louise with a troubled yelp, being blasted through the back wall immediately with a sharp yell of, "HOW DO YOU DARE, FIEND?!"

"Well, at the very least now we know _he_ isn't an impostor," Yue observed.

* * *

"So that's the way it is, huh," Asuna huffed, all of them sitting around a large table at the back of Cid's store, which reminded Yue a lot of Yuuna's room since Skuld had moved in there. No wonder she looked so comfortable now. "Then you only really remember me, Lala-sempai, Saber-san, Berserker-san and this witch, right?"

"And bits and odds of Haruka-san, now," Negi nodded. "Sorry about that."

"By the way, I'm a bitch," Tsukuyomi pointed out. "She's the witch," she pointed at Louise, who sneered at her, "and she's a female dog," she pointed at Collet afterwards.

"I like those working for me to hold onto some standards of basic decency in their language, especially before my class," Negi calm but firmly told her.

"Sorry, won't happen again, Boss!" Tsukuyomi promised, with an innocent face and a hand on her heart.

"Never mind that now," Webby said, "the real question here is, what in the world are you doing with a Keyblade?!"

Rito blinked, hefting his new weapon up a bit. "Oh, so that's what this thing is called? I don't know, after I regained consciousness from my landing I had it in my hand. Is it important?"

"Important?!" Twilight said. "Keyblades are priceless relics from the Ancient Wars! Nowadays, only King Mickey is supposed to have one! If one chose you as its bearer, you must be some sort of fated warrior foretold to save the world!"

"...me?!" Rito's eyes shrank down into tiny bitsy dots.

"It sounds more like the type of weapon Sensei would receive for a quest, doesn't it?" Yue mused. "But, what is it even supposed to do? It doesn't look exactly dangerous, but-"

"Well," Rit said, aiming it at another small door at the back of the room, "So far, I've found it can open any doors, no matter how well locked they are. Look at that, for instance..."

"Sempai, no!" Asuna gasped. "Remember, Yuffie-san went in there!"

"Whoops! Forgot!" Rito said, but way too late, as he'd already waved the Keyblade that way, and the door flipped open to reveal a small bathroom. In it, a petite young girl with short black hair had been showering with her back to the door, and was already toweling herself dry. Rito and Negi did a joint spit take at her bare backside. Then she noticed a draft, looked back over her shoulder and shrieked, wrapping a towel around herself hastily and pulling several black shuriken out of God knew where, tossing them directly at Rito, who could barely duck under them in time, so they were embedded into the wall behind him instead.

"Damn, good job, you little clumsy bastard...!" Cid growled, using a chair to shield himself. "Now look at what you've done, moron!"

"Why you! Damn pervert!" the nude girl leaped out of the bathroom and over the table in a single bound, socking Rito across the face with a bare foot and smashing him against the wall, leaving several large cracks on it. "Don't you ever get tired of this?!"

Yue blinked, even as Negi only could blanch out silently, "Wow, Sempai. And you've only known each other for one day? How many times have you-"

"Who are you?" the girl in the towel interrupted her, squinting suspiciously at the newcomers. "Do you have bounties on your heads too? Cid, I'm starting to think we should just cash in on these guys already! Dammit, they even have Lena with them! They're up to no good!"

"Hi to you too, Yuffs," Lena waved blandly.

"What? No!" Webby protested. "He's a Keyblade wielder, and that's the Thousand Master's son, and this girl here is Speed Grapher Paru-sama's best friend! Obviously they're ultra-awesome spiffy heroes, except for the creep with the sword, who is a cool villainess instead!"

Tsukuyomi nodded. "Thank you. There's nothing I hate more than being mistaken for a white hat."

Yue looked at Asuna. "So you knew about the bounties already."

"Yeah, hard not to when the first people you meet in this world are a platoon of guards yelling at you to surrender," her classmate sighed. "We had to run for our lives into the woods and luckily we found this place, and Skuld knew the way in."

"Yue doesn't seem to have a bounty on her, at least," Collet offered. "But, this young lady would be...?"

Said young lady in the towel smirked proudly, folding her arms. "I'm Yuffie, ninja for hire! Brave freedom fighter! The best bodyguard money can buy! And don't you forget it! And no, I don't do tentacles or porn, so don't bother asking!"

"Oh, yes?" Tsukuyomi was clearly unimpressed. "This is the first time I've ever heard of you. On the other hand, if you really are in the business, you must have heard of Aoyama Tsukuyomi..."

At those words, Yuffie paused, then went stark white, a disgusted shade of green, and finally pale again. "... okay, Cid, Aerith, we really need to turns these freaks over to what passes for justice right now. If they're hanging out with her, or anyone willing to pass herself off as her, they must be out to destroy the world indeed..."

"No, they have a Keyblade, and nobody who has a Keyblade could be a villain!" Webby protested, since she really didn't know a lot about Kingdom Hearts lore.

"We should ask Leon for his opinion first," Cid grumbled, lighting up another cigarette. Asuna looked at him with mild interest, being the closest thing to a really handsome cool older man she'd met in quite a while. "Let's just chill out until he comes back from his patrol, okay?"

"Who is 'Leon'?" Spike asked.

Cid smiled. "Why, the greatest warrior from our city of origin, that's who..."

Aerith made a sullen face. "Second greatest, I would say," she corrected him.

"I thought you didn't like Sephiroth?" Yuffie said innocently.

Apropos of nothing, a flower basket hit her in the face.

Cid sighed. "Okay, second greatest after a kid named Cloud who ran away after a power mad evil motherfucker to avenge his dead girlfriend."

"Now that sounds like a real hero," Rito said. "Why couldn't he get this Keyblade thing instead of me?"

"Real heroes aren't born out of a desire for revenge, but from a wish to protect others, Yuki-san," Negi opined. "No offense, Miss Aerith."

She looked down with a small sigh. "None taken, Cloud's main goal has always been protecting us too..."

"That's good to hear. Anyway, I'm not sure we should just stop by, not when all our friends might be in peril," Negi said. "If you don't mind, we'll just shop around for some provisions and then be on our way out..." he added, getting up from his chair.

"With what money, exactly?" Louise reminded him.

Negi sighed again. "Which stores around here accept credit, Mr. Cid...?"

"None!" Cid, Yuffie and Lena all bluntly stated at the same time.

"You're taking this remarkably well, brat," Asuna said. "I guess it's a good thing you got Hollywood Amnesia, or else you'd be freaking out like a madman over everyone, especially Chisame."

"Their cards are all okay, so they must be alive, but..." Negi flinched. "Please don't say that either way, you're making me feel like a complete heel, and I'm sure I'll suffer enough guilt over that after recovering all of my memories..."

Skuld breathed out. "If we're stuck with a Keyblade, I suppose we first should go to Yen Sid, the mage of Symphony of Sorcery. He's this world's greatest living authority on Keyblades, and he also might help us locate everybody else." She clenched on a grin. "A Keyblade might be extremely useful in freeing Belldandy, too!"

"Yen Sid, of course!" Webby said, her eyes sparkling. "Unca Donald speaks the highest gibberish about him! Or so I think, who can understand him? By the by, you haven't seen Unca Donald or King Mickey or Captain Goofy have you? If Pluto's here, so are they!" she added, petting the panting dog's head.

"'Goofy', that's a real name around here?" Rito asked.

Yuffie sniffed. "Oh, so your not just a pervert, you're a namist too?"

"No!" Rito cried, then paused. "What's a namist? Is that anything like a trap?"

"You just won't let up with the slurs, will you!" Yuffie said indignantly.

Rito stared, and decided this was an angry-girl thing he should just try to ignore. "Um, okay. Truth be told, we ran into that dog in the woods, not too far from here, and he followed us all the way in, I don't know why. He was all alone, sorry."

"He's the King's dog and the King's got a Keyblade like yours, do the math, genius," Lena rolled her eyes. "Okay, just take us to that place, then. The King's lifelong pals with Webby's sorta uncle, so odds are he won't turn you guys over to the other governments. Maybe."

"Are you sure?" Tsukuyomi asked. "I heard he's a really huge rat..."

* * *

"Can't we go yet?" complained Negi.

"Of course not, from what you've said you children have been up nonstop for more than a day now," Aerith said, leading them to the bedrooms behind the workshop. The building was deceptively larger than it looked from the outside. "First you need to rest properly."

"Uh-huh, and where will _she_ be sleeping?" Asuna pointed at Tsukuyomi. "I won't feel safe in the same room as her..."

Tsukuyomi raised her little nose haughtily. "I can sleep on the roof if Little Miss Coward is unnerved by my presence!"

"Even then, I'm sure you'd just burn the house from the outside!" Asuna snapped.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Sextum-han severed our contract, Onee-sama isn't around so I can use you as bait to lure her back in, and I'm working for Negi-han now, so I don't have any reasons to attack you yet!" argued the assassin. "Sheesh, you sure are dense! No wonder you're a baka!"

"What about your blood lust?" Yue asked suspiciously.

"Don't worry, if I get the urges I'll just go around town carving up nobodies," Tsukuyomi smiled. "NPCs don't count!"

Yue and Asuna turned to Negi. "Sensei!" they urged him.

Negi nodded, walked up to Tsukuyomi, and simply plucked the glasses off her face in a single fast and elegant yank.

"Ah! Ah, no, don't do that!" the girl whined, helplessly flailing around to try and recover her glasses, which Negi held up, smiling, over her head. "My glasses! I can't see anything without them!"

Collet pouted. "Sensei, now that is cruel. A shortsighted girl's glasses are as sacred as her maidenhood..."

"There is nothing sacred at all about that girl," Asuna disagreed.

"I'll give them back in the morning," Negi explained, "in the meanwhile, you'll be a well-behaved girl, won't you?"

Tsukuyomi sobbed inelegantly. "You monster! You cad! You have no heart...!" There was a pause. "At this rate, you'll make me fall in love with you...!"

Yue whacked her with a book across the head. "Don't even think about that!"

"Wow, as violent as one would expect from a commoner..." Louise huffed, shaking her head in contempt.

"The girl who always carries a riding crop doesn't get to talk," Twilight Sparkle said flatly.

* * *

"Okay, Sensei, this is what we'll do," Rito patiently explained as they sat on opposite sides of the same bed in the small bedroom they'd been given to share. "You are prone to sleepwalking into girls' beds at night, and we can't have that, so, since I'm not physically able to hold a super magical training kung fu freak like you even when you're asleep..." at this point Negi opened his mouth to ask something, only to be cut off with a tired, "... and believe me, we've been through this before... I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to tie you to the bed."

"Okay," Negi nodded. "I can understand your reasons, especially after the last few nights rooming with Master Louise."

"Yeah, I can see that already," the other boy patted him on a shoulder, wondering if this was how it felt having a little brother. It was very different from how he felt about Mikan, against his expectations. After all, he never felt the occasional urge to strangle Mikan or find a cliff to push her off from. "However, I feel I must warn you, this is a special case and in any other case where a man asks you to let them tie you to a bed, you should always refuse them categorically and run o tell one of the girls or Itosh- or Emiya-san," he amended. "Got that?"

"Okay," Negi nodded once more. "You know that from experience as well?"

"From exper- NOOO!" Rito made an 'X' gesture with both arms. "That's just plain common sense, sheesh! Look, I feel awful doing this to a kid, but you're a strong boy who can take brutal punishment from Eva-san, so it's not that bad, is it?"

"Are you saying that to convince me, or yourself?"

"Both!"

"Well, you don't need to worry about the former, I told you I'm well aware of the reasons..."

Rito sighed miserably. "Just get down and be quiet, I'll only take a moment."

A moment later, Yuffie walked in. "Hey, Pervert, Prof, are you okay? Miss Yue wanted me to check if-"

Then she paled hideously and gaped in horror at the sight of Rito crouching over Negi's prone form, tying him down to the bed.

Negi looked up. "Oh, Miss Yuffie. You should have knocked first. What if we had been naked?"

 _ **"DIE, PERVERT!"**_ was heard all through Traverse Town a moment later, followed by a bloodcurling scream in Rito's voice...

* * *

Much later, a battered and bruised Rito was woken up in the dead of night by another scream, this time in Aerith's voice, and he sat up as if shaken by a lightning bolt, only to find out he had been resting on the wooden floor, with no bed or Negi anywhere in sight.

"Oh, come on!" he groaned. "For real...?!"

Meanwhile, Cid, Asuna, Yuffie, Collet, Jean Luc and Yue were storming into Aerith's guest room, assorted weapons at the ready, only to see her pinned between two beds, a just as sandwiched Negi blissfully sleeping on top of her, his arms somehow sticking out of the ropes he'd been tightly tied with, and wrapped around her body in a crushing hug. "Sister..." he sighed sweetly.

"Ugh... Uh... I-I can't breathe...!" Aerith complained, trying her best to kick free.

"Okay, ropes don't work anymore," Asuna decided. "Do you have any chains around here?"

* * *

"This is bad! Really bad!" Rito cried wildly as he stormed into the kitchen hours later, well before dawn, surprising early birds Yuffie, Cid and Asuna, who already were up and sharing some coffee and idle talk. Asuna was Ala Alba, after all, but not as radical as the others. She preferred tea whenever possible, but she admitted the virtues of coffee, especially when it came to keeping a newspaper delivery girl active morning after morning. Rito held up some broken links of chain and added frantically, "They weren't enough either!"

"Dammit, he's unstoppable!" Asuna marveled. "He must be with Louise! We need to find him before she kills him!"

"Haven't you just said he was unstoppable?" Cid grunted.

"Unstoppable yes, unkillable no!" Asuna argued. "I'm sure he'll rise back as a zombie, and it's not like he'll smell much worse, but still, I wouldn't wish death through that evil pink spore to anyone! Are you coming or not?" she asked, gesturing at them to follow her.

With a shared three-way sigh, Rito, Cid and Yuffie went after her...

* * *

"Hrrrrmmmm?" Louise sleepily said, rubbing her eyes and sitting up on the bed she'd been forced to share with Yue and Collet. She'd barely gotten any sleep, since it was much smaller than her own at Ariadne, much harder as well, and sharing it with someone covered in fur and someone who needed seven bathroom breaks a night had not helped any. "Whazzit, it awwedy time fuh bukfuhst?"

"Negi hasn't been here, has he?" Asuna asked with a haunted tone of great dread.

"Uhhh...?" Louise looked around, finding only the still asleep Collet and Yue in the bed with her. "No, why should he, this a- Oh!" she suddenly grew far more alert and self-aware. "That's right! We are talking about the idiot here...!"

"W-Well," Asuna gulped nervously, "maybe there's no cause for concern, he might be with-"

"No, he wasn't in the stable either," Lena said then, walking in with Webby and a yawning, still not quite aware Twilight Sparkle in tow.

Asuna's face grew downright grim and austere. "Then there's only one option left."

* * *

Tsukuyomi woke up, looked at the boy she had just found in bed with her, and grinned creepily, her fingers starting to edge under his shirt. "Oh ho ho, and they say good things never happen to bad people...!"

"Don't. Even. Think. About. It!" Asuna roared, now all of sudden standing on her doorstep, aiming her sword at her, with Cid, Yue, Skuld, Twilight and Collet also gathered around her, pointing wands, hand cannon, Skuld-Bomb Launcher, and a horn at her.

Tsukuyomi groaned, slapping her knee in frustration. Dammit, she missed her crossdressing twins! "He'll have to stop being a virgin someday, you know that, don't you?"

* * *

"So is that a thing that also happens to you every night?" Aerith asked as she sat next to Asuna on the back of Cid's truck, the mumbling man at the wheel with a sheepish-looking Rito at his side. Twilight, Yue, Collet, Skuld, Webby, Lena and Pluto sat very tightly crowded around a very tired Negi, who napped resting against a grumbling Louise's left side, large bags under his eyes. Spike sat on Twilight's right shoulder, Jean Luc on Collet's lap, and Tsukuyomi was as far from the others as she could, idly looking outside as the vehicle rumbled across the dark woodlands. "I mean, that he keeps sleepwalking into your beds, and then everybody else keeps pulling them towards their own beds, and then a fight breaks out, and then…?"

"No, no, usually he only rooms with Chisame and Hakase, and I think they're both okay no matter if he decides to sleep with one or the other," Asuna said. "However, it does get problematic often when we're all sleeping in Eva-chan's resort. Then, more often than not, it all ends in a big every-girl-for herself brawl between Iinchou, Misa, the Vice Prez, Misora, and Chisame pretending she's just protecting him from the others."

"Grrr!" Louise said.

"His favorite is Chisame, however," Asuna added with a mischievous smile.

 _ **"GRRR!"**_

"… okay," Aerith said. Now Cid chuckled as the vehicle made it past Traverse Town's outer borders, through a secondary exit of the rocky formation, and down into a zig-zagging muddy path leading into the back woods.

"Mind, Aerith isn't exactly a stranger to that kind of shenanigans," he said. "Back in Midgar, she was in this big mess of a love triangle with Cloud and a girl named Tifa and—"

"Cid!" Aerith snapped. Yuffie just giggled, slapping her knee, and Aerith glared at her too.

"People in love are the same everywhere, how boring!" Tsukuyomi observed, sitting indolently as she gazed at the woodlands with a now troubled, even exasperated, expression. "Hey, Grandfather, how long until we get there? You aren't trying to lead us into some trap, are you?"

"Grandfather? Damn, kiddo, show some respect already!" Cid said. "And if we wanted to set a trap for you, we had plenty of chances last night, while you were busy being all pervy around the poor boy! Anyway, I know I'll regret asking this, but what's all this bad blood between you and these guys?"

"Believe me, Grandfather, I have no idea myself!" Tsukuyomi piously said while Asuna and Yue glared angrily at her. "It's true we first met as enemies, okay, and the second time too, but so did they and Kotaro-kun, and they're close friends now! And that is despite Kotaro-kun being rude and vulgar to everyone, while I always been polite and charming to them, even while trying to eviscerate them! I don't know why they are so cold with me, when I'm one of their comrades' little sister...!"

Asuna sighed. "Don't be fooled, Cid-san. She's an unrepentant psycho for hire! Unrepentant is the correct word, right?"

Twilight, Yue, and Tsukuyomi herself all nodded. Asuna kept on talking a storm. "So she's unrepentant, and she creepily stalks her poor sister Setsuna-san! With added rapey incest vibes too, not safe, sane and consensual incest vibes! And it's not that we have prejudices against stalkers, we think of Tsunetsuki-sempai as a teammate even if she's 3-F, but Tsunetsuki-sempai respects a few borders, dammit! This weirdo once pushed our dear Konoka-chan into a river, and later helped an awful monkey lady kidnap her to exploit her powers!"

"Amagasaki Chigusa!" Negi remembered, opening his eyes very suddenly and stiffening against Louise, another piece of the puzzle falling into place thanks to the reminder.

"You already remember the completely unlikable enemy you barely got to know, and you still can't remember Nodoka or Ako or Hakase!" Yue groaned, already even past getting angry over it anymore.

"... and then she was recruited by the Joker, I remember him now too!" Negi ranted on, almost feverish and wild eyed. "The Joker, our era's greatest criminal arch-fiend! Clown Prince of Crime! Harlequin of Hate! The Ace of Knaves!"

"Don't you mean Kefka?" Aerith asked.

"Or Quackerjack?" Webby added.

"There really are a lot of evil clown supervillains out there, aren't there?" Asuna said.

Yue facepalmed. "Why do you like supervillains more than us, Sensei...?"

Tsukuyomi held her small chin up proudly. "I'm not a supervillain, I'm just an independent entrepreneur who does what she can to survive and placate certain unnatural urges! My parents never wanted me, Kouko-sama threw me out of her house, my own sister never wanted me, and now even Sexy-han has turned her back on me, just because I mocked her, stabbed her and sliced her hand off! What's the problem, she has another one, isn't that right? I only lash out to survive against those who have wronged me!"

"That... That's the worst exposited Freudian excuse I've ever heard!" Collet gasped.

"Look, I'm not going to defend your parents," Asuna said, "but Kouko-sama and Setsuna-san only grew mad at you after you pushed Konoka into that river, and you've just admitted you attacked Sextum first! I know I'm defending the little witch who tried to blow us up and then framed us over her own terrorist act, but you're just that bad!"

"I'm a wounded soul who never was taught to love, only to strike at my fellow men and loli in highly enjoyable and thrilling ways!" Tsukuyomi declared melodramatically, almost tearing up as she turned her eyes towards the sky. "I hurt others, but it's only because I don't know any better! And because it pays well and it's really fun! It's pretty much the same thing your beloved Chao did in her own business, just with more stabbing!"

"Let's kill her here and now," Yufie growled, fingering her shuriken tensely, "before she turns on us, I'm warning you. We can pile up on her, no jury will ever find us guilty, we'll even get a reward..."

"I'm starting to think we should listen to the ninja," Lena declared.

"For all her flaws, Tsukuyomi-san won't renege on a job once she's taken it, and we still need an expert bodyguard," Negi said. "Unless you wish to take the contract yourself instead, Yuffie-san?"

Tsukuyomi laughed. "This posturing brat, really, Sensei? She's never even seen an Averruncus, while I have fought one to a standstill!" she boasted. "If you want to live through this pursuit, I'm your best bet! You said it yourself, I won't turn on a contract, so relax! Not many can say this, but your life is safe in my hands!"

"You have just turned on Sextum-san, however," Negi pointed out, trying to test her after his earlier acceptance of her. If Yuffie-san proved being a better candidate for the task, then they would be better off without the sociopathic swordswoman.

Seeing through his effort, the mercenary smiled. "That's different and you know it. Sexy-han is a mad visionary, and an eventual threat to me. You could say the success of her plans implied a betrayal of me sooner or later, so I only struck first... as winners are prone to. She wants to create a perfect world, and she holds no place in it for people like me, or like Nin-Nin-chan here for that matter."

"You guys are all creepy, but you definitely take the freakin' cake, kid!" Cid told her from the driver's seat, his eyes fixed ahead on the long, narrow path through the woods. "Where to now, Rito?"

Tsukuyomi giggled and blew him a kiss. "Thank you, Grandfather! I am one of those 'love or hate' individuals, but at least I never leave anyone indifferent to me. I am so glad I am the best for you!"

"Um, let's see... It's… it was around here, but now WHAT?!" Rito yelled said as Cid stopped the truck before a large, wide clearing in the woods, one apparently formed by a massive crash from above, as they could still see broken, ravaged remains of trees everywhere, scattered all around a bright red and yellow ship of a sturdy, blocky appearance the size of a small airplane. Strange, grunting, gruff noises could be heard from its inside, even from that distance.

Before anyone could remark anything on the unexpected subject, however, Pluto began baring his teeth and growling, the fur on his back crawling and leaning forward so hard Webby had to hold him from behind. "Hey, hey now, easy there, Pluto! What gives?!"

Negi tensed up, readying his fists and charging himself up with a Cantus Bellax. "I think I can feel something inside of that... ship…"

"WHAT?!" Rito, Asuna, Twilight, Yue, Webby, Spike and Collet all cried.

"Pika, pika!" Jean Luc growled, his back fur crawling up and sparks flowing around his puffy cheeks, his long ears splaying back against his chubby neck.

"Oh, this is awesome, simply awesome," Lena deadpanned bitterly, already caressing her necklace amulet, small shadows dancing between her fingers, a voice cackling evilly in the back of her mind.

 _"Adeat!"_ Asuna said, not wasting any time on summoning her Pactio and Artifact and then standing up to shield Baka Black with her body, Ensis Exorcisans at the ready. "Stay behind me no matter what, Yue-san! We'll take care of this for you!"

Aerith gasped in mild awe, and it was mild only because she had seen a lot before, as she prepared her staff as well, rising to her feet and looking intently at the ship. Side by side with her, Yuffie grinned, well ready to do battle.

"Beware. Looks like something's coming out as we speak..." Negi hissed.

"HEY!" a loud, gruff, unmistakably male voice came from the ship, as its cabin's door was kicked open from the inside. "Who's snooping around this time?! I told you guys to keep a perimet—petrimer—a watched area around this—Oh, sheesh!" a big, fat, black furred head clenched its sharp-looking teeth as it peeked out from the crashed vehicle. The dog began barking in earnest then, slipping free from Webby's grasp and jumping down the truck, standing his ground against the crassly laughing obese figure that was squeezing itself out the door, which seemed to be a tad too tight for it.

"No! No, Pluto, come back!" Webby called out, really nervous for once. "This guy... he has to be Black Pegleg Pete!"

"Isn't that racist?" Rito said. "It sounds vaguely racist."

"Pervy namists don't get to criticize!" Yuffie said.

"Well, well, but if isn't the King's precious pup!" the massive beast man who resembled a cross between a black bear and a gigantic cat stepped fully out, pushing his thick fists against his voluminous hips. "You were looking for your friends, weren'tcha? Bad news, mutt! They can't help you anymore—nor anyone else! Not even themselves! Haw haw haw!"

The weird creature, who stood even taller than Cid, wore an elaborated suit of armor, with robust shoulder pads and boots that reached up to his knees. He already was unsheathing a long black sword from his clunky looking metallic belt. His left leg was missing from a couple inches above the heel, replaced since that point by a simple peg-leg he dragged along with each haughty step. "And what did the doggy bring me, hmmm? A bunch of nosy kids, how cute! Who are you, brats? And whaddya want with The Mighty Pete, Commander of the Heartless?!"

* * *

 **Next: Nekane.**


	7. Nekane

_With the usual thanks and apologies to Darkenning:_

Nekane would have found it rather amusing, under different circumstances, to be watching _Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality_ as one of the in-flight movies on her trip. Most of her colleagues basically despised those books and the surrounding fandom. It had been explained to her that they portrayed magi (or wizards, to use the term the books used) as bumpkins unaware of the modern world in which they lived. Considering the number of mages every year who retreated to Mundus Magicus in hopes of escaping that very modernity, Nekane frankly thought that portrayal might be a bit more accurate than anyone wanted to admit.

For her part, she rather liked the books. She'd tried to get Negi to read them, thinking he might view their protagonist as someone in much the same position as himself, but he'd apologetically claimed that he didn't really have time to be reading for pleasure. Too much studying to be done, if one wanted to be a Magister Magi.

Silently, she watched the antics of Harry, Ron and Hermione. Negi hadn't had friends like that growing up. He'd had Anya, but she was more of a self-appointed caretaker. Well, not self-appointed, Nekane amended. She herself had asked the little girl to look after Negi, while she was recuperating from her injuries. Anya had just taken the request far more seriously than Nekane had expected from her. But that was a failure on Nekane's fault, for not realizing how badly damaged Anya had been by the night all sense left their lives.

No real friends, no entertainment, just endless work and study, all in the hope of expiating a sin that wasn't even his. What kind of childhood had she given him?

And where it had taken him?

And also, why was she suddenly experiencing a simply _dirty-feeling_ sensation of _deja vu_ right now?

* * *

 _Mahou Sensei Negima_! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

 _Fate/Grand Order_ and _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ are the creations and intellectual properties of Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon.

 _Deadpool_ and _The Inhumans_ are the creations and intellectual properties of the Marvel Comics Group.

 _Highschool DXD_ is the creation and intellectual property of Ishibumi Ichiei and Fujimi Shobo.

 _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_ and _Transformers_ are owned by the same group. Not judging, just observing.

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven: Nekane.**

* * *

"When did I first meet Negi-sensei?" Hyoudou Issei repeated the question just asked of him. "Well, it happened shortly after Haruka-neechan's visit to Honnouji. Looks like she and Fujino-sempai suspected something funny was going on around me, and that saved my life! As it happens, only a few days after that, but before the Mahora Festival..."

* * *

Hyoudou Issei had never been the luckiest of boys.

Completely average in looks for a second year high school student, and slightly _below_ that average in terms of intelligence, not that the average was too tall a bar to begin with, he was still aware enough to realize not only could he never complete with the likes of 'Prince Charming' Kiba Yuuto, or that child teacher from Wales teaching in Mahora, but that all of Honnouji Academy would ever only think of him 'Ise the Perverted Beast' after that incident in the girls' dressing rooms a few months ago. The whippings from the Honnouji Student Council had physically healed long ago, much better than Matsuda and Motohama's had for some reason, but the mental wounds still persisted in the back of Issei's mind. For better or worse, however, he was persistent, if nothing else...

He was, in short, a perfectly ordinary braindead shounen manga protagonist, of the sort you would find anywhere, and the reason why Japan's birth rate was so abysmally low it was next to fish with lifts on their heads.

And now, his persistence had finally paid off! Because he'd been asked out on a date by a girl! Not even the other way around! True, that could be considered emasculating from a certain point of view, but Issei wanted to think of himself as a modern man, or at least that was his excuse to his friends. But anyway, what was he supposed to do after a chance like this presented itself? To refuse her, break her heart, and go on to die a virgin, or ambushed and stabbed at a street corner?

"I'm Amano Yuuma! P-Please go out with me, Sempai!" the cute girl begged, suddenly rushing over to greet Issei in the middle of his way over to morning classes, clutching a small envelope wafting of perfume before her chest. She batted her long eyelashes and lowered her gaze bashfully, waiting for his answer as she offered him the envelope.

Behind Issei, Matsuda and Motohama gasped exaggeratedly. This girl had glasses, silky black hair and a slender body, looking just like the main heroine of a PFP bishoujo game approved by the God of Conquests. While Issei looked just like a secondary comic relief character in a bad action Shounen manga; the genres just weren't meshing together! It was like putting My Little Pony and Bible Black in the same story!

And yet, she was clearly asking him and only him, in a straightforward fashion that left no room for confusion, wacky misunderstandings or mistaken identities. "Hyoudou-sempai! I, I love you! Please date me, I implore you...!"

Yes, it should have been so blindingly obvious this was fishy that the everyone should have burned their eyes out, but whatchagonnado?

Slowly, after reviving from the shock, a wide lecherous grin made its way up Issei's face, which was changing from a ghastly pale to a flushed cherry. "Okay...!"

And now they were doing just that, dating! True, it'd cost him a lot of money to bribe a few curfew officers so they could sneak away from campus and into the city, but that didn't matter now. It was his first date ever.

He couldn't sleep at all the previous rainy night, even forgetting about the cute forceful sempai from Mahora and her magnificent oppai for now. At dawn, he'd brushed his teeth far more intensively than ever before. Then he'd gone and bought himself brand new underwear, just in case. Joyfully, he'd ignored his two friends' jealous warnings.

"She's playing you!" Matsuda had said.

"Seriously, man!" Motohama had added. "Someone's using her to prank you! That happened to me once!"

Issei already knew about Motohama's previous misadventure, of course. He'd seen the damn viral video, after all. But it'd never cross his mind it would be the same thing for him. His faith in Yuuma-chan never faltered. He'd shown up at their agreed meeting spot in a boulevard three hours before the convened time, and waited patiently, never stopping smiling.

Now, even if you have read _Highschool DXD_ and the myriad fanfics that also use this same starting point, you might be thinking the twist here would be she actually stood him up, but in truth she did show up right on time, wearing a beautiful white dress and sandals, ecstatic to see him. "Hyoudou-sempai...!"

"Yuuma-chan...!" he laughed.

I was no dream, no hoax, no imaginary story! They actually had a very long and merry date all afternoon long, hitting the REVOCS Mall, the Lexcorp Multiplex for a matinee movie, the zoo, a karaoke, and finally the park. The wide, huge public park, which like everything else in the Honnouji District had seen better days, but still held its own more or less well. There he had even won a large Monokuma plushie for her at a shooting game stand. And now, finally, the sun was setting down in the red horizon and everybody else had gone home. The fucking curfews, man.

Issei couldn't care any less about curfews right then. Although it still _was_ a tad strange the park was so lonely only Issei himself and Yuuma were left in it, but his mind wasn't registering that too much. The lovely and demure beauty had led him to a big fountain, where she'd turned away from him, shyly raising a hand to her small mouth.

"Nee, Hyoudou-sempai," she said. "Could you do Yuuma-chan a widdle bitsy favor...?"

His heart slammed feverishly within his chest. "Sure thing, Yuuma-chan, whatever you want!"

Only then she turned back to him, with a widespread, disturbing smile etched on her pink lips, and a strange glint in her eyes. "Really?" she cooed. "In that case.. _will you die for me?"_

"S-Sure! I'll be glad to fu... Eeehhh?!" he stopped himself. "What, what did you just say?!"

She laughed, but it was not the sound of an innocent giggle anymore. It was a mature, throaty cackle as wide wings of deep black feathers abruptly erupted from her back, shredding her dress in a blink. Tossing it aside like a discarded skin, she stood before him in a skimpy black leather set of bustier and bikini bottoms, her oppai expanding forward considerably. She crushed her glasses to dust in one hand and smirked devilishly, whipping her hair around with malevolent glee.

"What the fuck!" Issei cried. "D-Don't get me wrong, Yuuma-chan, this is way hot, but...!"

"My name is Raynare," she took a step towards him. A loud buzz vibrated through the air, and a long sharp spear appeared out of nowhere in the grasp of her left hand. "Nothing personal," she added, slamming the weapon into and piercing Issei through the chest in a single mighty thrust. "If you want to blame someone, blame the God who put the Sacred Gear inside you!"

 _Somewhere, Kyon sneezed._

And she let him drop to the ground, gasping for air and twitching weakly in a huge pool of his own blood. She stood over him, flexing her fingers and chuckling sadistically, right before something zoomed across the air and stabbed through her left hand, forcing her to drop the spear while screaming.

There had been a resolute cry of _"Sagitta Magica!"_

Raynare looked in the direction of this new voice, and so did Issei, as best as he could. His eyesight was faulty now, wrapped in a red haze that enveloped everything, but he got a glimpse of several figures stepping out from between some trees, including the busty oneechan from Mahora. "How do you dare, filthy wizards?!" Raynare howled madly at them. "Have your puny successes gone up to your heads?! I'm not a has-been like Graff Herrman!"

A slim pale girl with black hair smiled faintly, pulling out a large sword. _"Hyakuretzu Okazan,"_ she whispered, and then darted ahead incredibly fast, slicing across Raynare's stomach with her blade before she even could defend herself.

Issei let his head lull aside, his eyes going blank and his limbs stiff. He missed the busty Oneechan bashing a spiked mace bigger than herself down on Raynare's head next, but actually he was beyond caring now. When a beautiful figure all clad in white gently knelt by his side, he assumed it was the angel of death, and welcomed it with an attempted smile.

"Poor dear, don't worry," this girl said very sweetly. _"I'll heal you..."_

Issei lost consciousness just after that.

* * *

At this point of Issei's story, a window of the room was thrown open from the outside, and on its frame was visibly, crouched mysteriously, a figure wrapped in a white cape, elegantly holding a staff in a hand, a top hat perched on their head. A dandy domino mask covered this person's features, and black rose petals floated down around them, gently moved along by the breeze blowing from the East.

Oh, sorry, did you think this was some bland interview thing? Surprise, it was actually a conversation!

"I am glad you could all make it," this stranger said, long cape trailing behind them. "There are more of you than I expected."

Izumi Ako looked at the enigmatic dashing hero for a moment before just sighing. " _Really_ , Nekane-san? Was this necessary?"

The Black Rose Baron dropped into the room proper with a functional flap of her cape, standing up straight. "I travel unnoticed better this way, it seems. My apologies." She took a moment to look at the boys in the room. "How did you young gentlemen manage to get in here, if you don't mind?"

"We may not be Ala Alba, but we also have our ways," Tate Yuuichi said, hastily hiding a bad wig and a sailor fuku behind himself, Issei doing the same rather uncomfortably.

"I'm a teacher, I have free access," Professor Akashi calmly replied from where he sat next to Caster, who was sipping tea. "Any further news, Springfield-kun?"

The Baron flinched slightly at being called that while in disguise, but this wasn't the time to discuss that, so she only shook her head sadly. "None at all. Most of you probably don't know this," she added, taking her mask off to show a gorgeous feminine face, at which Issei drooled, "but I am Nekane Springfield, cousin... no, sister by adoption of Negi-sensei. I was there with him and Ala Alba when... the incident unfolded. I am so very sorry, Professor Akashi, I should have taken much better care of your daughter..." she bowed contritely to him.

"I understand, there was nothing you could do," he smiled sadly. "Thanks anyway, Springfield-kun. I am glad to see you alive and well."

"How did it go, girl?" curtly asked Evangeline Mc Dowell herself, sitting on Chisame's favorite couch, legs splayed open, with Yuuki Karin standing by her side like some terrible, stonefaced guardian. "Why are you here when they could not?"

Her tone, and her very presence, sent icy shudders down Nekane's spine. The young woman could do nothing but answering with a humble truth. "I'm so regretful I couldn't do any more! It all unfolded so quickly, before our eyes! Almost as soon as we entered the Gateport, we were assaulted by several superpowered enemies at once, led by a girl Negi called 'Sextum'...!"

Ookuchi Akira's eyes widened in terror. "I remember that name! She was one of those who kidnapped Konoka-san in Kyoto!"

Evangeline tapped on her own cheek with two fingers, her frown increasing. "Yes, she was no doubt the most difficult enemy Boya has ever faced. Far above his level, no doubt. There's no mystery anymore on why he was defeated, then..."

"We had the edge in numbers," Nekane narrated, sounding almost traumatized, "but as a whole they were much better prepared than us. They nearly killed Negi if not for Asuna-san getting Konoka-san to heal him in time. After that, they simply destroyed the Gateport!" She took the hat off, twirling it in her hands as if to crush it without realizing it. "It was horrible, I'd never seen anything like it...!"

"Well, damn- sorry, bad word!" Munakata Shiho whistled, then broke into an apologetic short chuckle aimed more at Tate than at Nekane herself. "How did you even survive that, then?"

"Professor McGuinness and I were blown away the opposite way from everyone else, and landed this side of the Gateport," Nekane recalled in strained tones. "The last I could see of Negi was him reaching out and trying to call out for Chisame-san."

"Well, of course he would," quietly murmured Fukawa Touko at the back of the group, rubbing her nose, her large round glasses fogged up.

"Is Donnet-sensei okay?" Akashi asked.

Nekane nodded. "She's still being held for questioning, but that's fine, the Magus will make sure her rights aren't violated in any way. He even spoke for me, otherwise I couldn't even be here today. She sends her regards, apologies and best wishes, Professor..."

"Clock Tower must be all over this like damn vultures," Evangeline growled bitterly, crossing her fingers before herself. "I should've blown that damned place back when I had the chance. Stupid Zelretch and damned Constantines!"

"Clock Tower?" Issei asked. "Oh yeah, Bouchou mentioned that name once or twice in passing. They are some sort of magus elite, aren't they?"

"They represent the worst of old rancid magical aristocracy, moron," Eva grumbled at him. "They hate everything and everyone that aren't themselves, and that includes each other. Of course, that includes your kind as well. They only live and move for gaining ultimate knowledge for themselves, the rest of the world be damned." No one dared ask her how they were different from her, then.

"They aren't very nice people..." quietly said the single girl sitting by Issei's side, and Hyoudou's eyes widened considerably. This was the worst he'd ever heard Asia-chan talking about anyone! Those guys had to be really rotten!

Nekane looked around at all those gathered here, these friends and allies of her dear brother, and couldn't help but feeling moved over how many lives he had touched. A bit embarrassed over how poorly he'd kept his secrets, as well, but that was hardly important right now. What mattered was they weren't even the sum total of his core forces, his Ala Alba, and yet she barely could keep a count of them all.

They were those he'd kept on the fringe of his association, those Ala Alba had rescued or otherwise aided, and when she had called and sent the call though Ookuchi and Izumi, they all had come to help. Even from Honnouji Academy, from which hailed Hyoudo Issei and Fukawa Touko. The former a boy Suzushiro Haruka had befriended, more or less, before the Festival. The latter a writing prodigy Ala Alba had rescued from The Joker during the Festival itself. He sat with a nervous, eager expression on his face, while she shyly sulked in place, refusing to look up, grumbling to herself over how useless her presence there was. Nonetheless, she had been one of the first to arrive. A very beautiful girl with long blonde hair, slightly darker in shade than Nekane's, and wearing a long black dress reminiscing of a nun's habit, sat by Issei's right, her hands firmly on her lap.

Other than them, the assembly was comprised of Akira, Ako, Evangeline, Karin, Akashi and his Caster Servant, Tate and Shiho, Tomoe Mami, Yotsuba Satsuki, Aino Minako, Mizuno Ami, and Artemis the cat. They had been unable to locate Zazie Rainyday for some reason, Hino Rei had to pay her father an urgent visit on some sort of business she had declined to explain, and everyone had agreed it would be for the best to not involve the Narutaki twins or Miyuki Mayu just yet. They'd even received a short and curt but apologetic e-mail from Batman saying he'd like to assist, but was busy dealing with yet another conspiracy to take secretly control of Gotham City, this time by someone called Big Venus. Fittingly enough, they had gathered in Negi, Chisame and Satomi's room, of which Ako had a spare key Chisame had given her before the trip, so she and Akira could clean the place up once or twice a week.

"Thanks, all of you, for coming," Nekane told them all, with honesty that came from the bottom of her heart. "It means the world to me, and so to Negi, I am sure. Now, I have a... very dear friend of mine researching on what could be done. He knows... people with experience on transdimensional travel. He said he'd call on me as soon as he got a confirmation on them, but..."

"What kind of friend is that?!" Issei asked, bewildered. "Even devils can't do that!"

"He is... my former boyfriend, actually," Nekane uneasily said.

Akira blinked. "A boyfriend. Does Sensei... know about him?"

Nekane had to shake her head. "I never mentioned him in my letters. I was afraid Negi wouldn't approve of his... career choices."

"Why don't you say his name already?" coldly asked a voice from the very window Nekane had came through minutes ago, and everyone but the groaning Eva and amused Caster spun around in surprise, finding a young woman in the form fitting black leathers of a biker coming in through said window, actually bothering to click it closed behind herself, unlike Nekane. Of course, she had climbed up the fire escape stairs first, since she couldn't leap from one building to another like the young mage. "It's Deadpool, the infamous assassin for hire. Surprised, Springfield-san? The magocracy has more dirt on you than you suspect." She smiled harshly. "And in turn, I can pry much more info from them than they realize."

Nekane sighed. "He posted about it on Facebook, didn't he?"

"That's not important," Natsuki said, looking away.

"K-Kuga Natsuki!" Shiho recognized her. Mana had often warned her against approaching this troublesome wild card in the complex web of relationships of the Four Schools' magical circles. "What are you doing here?!"

"And why do you girls keep coming in through the window?" Issei added. "You aren't Batman! Use the door like the rest of us! Hell, Asia-chan and I bothered to at least be that polite, and we're devils!"

"You were there during Konoka-san's kidnapping," Akira said, "but why what for, you never said..."

"I explained myself, but not to you," Natsuki said icily. "Konoe Konoka and I share a father. She's my younger sister, and I have neglected her for far too long. It is time I started looking after her."

Evangeline sneered at Natsuki, much to the surprise of _absolutely no one_. "So even Eishun had children out of wedlock? Truly, Ala Rubra were just the worst!"

"Actually, I was born before Eishun's marriage," Natsuki indifferently said, moving around to sit on the floor next to Mami, without waiting for an invitation. Next, she glared angrily at Issei. "Stop looking at me!"

"I was just curious!" Issei coughed, and in its own way that was completely true. "Um, nice to see... I mean, meet you. I'm Hyoudou Issei from Honnouji, and this is my friend Asia Argento-chan. The Honnouji Occult Club sent her to serve as my backup for this-"

"What does the Black School have to do with anything of this?" Natsuki interrupted him.

"This isn't the time for grudges between schools, Kuga-kun," sternly said Akashi, who knew her reputation well. "Hold your tongue."

"Who are you, my father?" she challenged him.

"Only in a very darkened world," Caster muttered under her breath.

"Nice to meet you, Kuga-sempai!" the blonde girl with Hyoudou gave her a bowing and a very beautiful smile, which somehow made Natsuki blush a little over how impressively pure and cute it was. "May the Grace of God be upon you... ulp!" she winced, putting a hand to her mouth. "I forgot...!"

Natsuki looked quizzically at Issei.

"I told you, it was no figure of speech. We're devils," he explained. "I mean, we used to be humans, but Rias Gremory-bouchou revived us as devils after we were killed off by Fallen Angels."

"Wait," Ako said. "I thought you had just said Konoka-san saved you, back then?"

He nodded. "Yeah, she did! It's just another Fallen Angel killed me a few days later!"

Natsuki seemed to grow interested very fast. "Devils can actually resurrect people?"

"I know what you're an orphan," Akashi interjected, "and if someone knows how much a young lady needs her mother that is me, but even so, resorting to devils usually is, present company excluded, a terrible idea leading to nothing but hurt..."

"Fuck off. You were saying about being dead?" Natsuki pressed on relentlessly.

"Well, I'm not complaining over what I got," Issei said, "but I'll admit it's not like we had much choice on the subject either way. Okay, perhaps I did. I might've been part of Ala Alba instead of Bouchou's club, but... let's just say I wanted to be my own man with my own harem, after all..."

"Your own _what?!_ " Touko growled, baring her teeth at him.

"Devils, being dead, coming back to life, you were saying?" Natsuki forged on, not letting herself be deterred by derails.

He only chuckled dumbly, as he rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, you see… I should explain that part better, shouldn't I? After I was saved by Konoka Ojou-chan, this is what happened..."

* * *

"Where... Where is Yuuma-chan?" was the boy's first question as soon as he woke up.

"Huh!" huffed a very cute young girl with long black hair in a pink blouse and skirt, dark round markings on her cheeks and forehead, and a mallet with a very long handle strapped to her back. "Who would've thought it? He's not completely self-centered! Are you sure it's the same guy, Haruka-san?"

"Of course he is!" snapped the hot busty blonde Oneesan from Mahora. "But I wouldn't have called you here if I though he was absolutotally inworthy of saving, would I?"

"Everyone is worth saving, Haruka-san..." softly, almost shyly, chided a plain looking but still cute freckled Sempai with glasses and short brown hair, wearing some sort of racing track suit.

Issei didn't rise yet, despite the hostile glances from the pale girl with the sword, because he felt so good lying on that park bench with his head on the lap of that gorgeous black haired kouhai who maybe wasn't the angel of death, but an angel regardless. "You... You killed her, didn't you?"

"She... She won't be bothering you anymore... Hyoudou-san, right?" gulped anxiously a short red-haired boy, not older than twelve at most, in a white shirt and jeans, with a long wooden staff strapped to his back. "Sorry this had to happen. I'm Negi Springfield from Mahora, and these are my associates, the Ala Alba."

"You're the kid teacher of Mahora?" Issei guessed. "Wow. What are you, some sort of mutant hunters?"

"No, only one of us is a robot," smiled a rather beautiful kohai with long, light purplish hair, placing a hand on the shoulder of a slightly uneasy, green haired girl who was no less beautiful, if a bit less flashy.

The girl with the mallet shook her head at Hyoudou. "The creature who attacked you was no mutant, but a Fallen Angel. A former servant of God, felled from grace by pride and ambition and bad quality control at the production line. She was after a Sacred Gear, an artifact of great power."

"Then why attack me?" Issei asked. "I don't own any crap like that! Maybe Saeki-chan from the Fortune Telling Club got lucky and finally found something in one of those old cheap stores she's always touring, not that I've ever stalked her while she does that or anything, but-"

"No, you aren't listening," Mallet Girl hissed, "the Sacred Gear, according to my instruments, is sealed _within you."_

Issei blinked. "You serious? When, when did that happen?! Was I kidnapped by aliens or something?!"

"Don't you already feel strong enough to sit up, Sempai?" asked the pale girl with the sword through gritted teeth.

"I'm not sure," Issei feigned innocent, further cuddling his head against the sweetly smiling girl's milky thighs. The green-haired girl promptly had to hold the pale girl from behind.

"Will they keep hounding him for that artifact?" Negi asked Mallet Girl.

She shrugged. "If that Fallen Angel wasn't a lone wolf and shared that information with anyone else, surely they will. I _may_ be able to remove it with a surgical operation without killing him, but I'm not saying success would be very likely..."

"What is this I don't even!" Issei babbled, then took a long breath. "This, this thing you're talking about... can I use it to become a Harem King?"

"What is a harem?" Negi asked innocently.

"I'm sure we've gone through this question before," said a nerdy-hot girl who looked vaguely like Issei's favorite Net Idol, with large round glasses, a long light brown ponytail, and a slight case of acne, standing by Negi's side.

"Yes, we have," confirmed an athletic hot kouhai girl with tiny golden bells securing her long reddish twintails in place. One eye blue, the other emerald green.

"I have asked, but I've never gotten a straight answer from any of you, so I'm now asking the gentleman," Negi firmly told them.

Issei blinked. "A harem is a-"

 _"Don't tell him!-! He's only ten!-!"_ cried out Ponytail, Twintails, Blonde Hottie Oneesan, Pale Swordsgirl, Racing Team Sempai, and another really fine looking blue eyed blonde all at once. Even Green Hair, while silent, made quiet but firm 'No-No' gestures at Issei with both hands.

Issei pointed at these girls, then calmly told Negi, "They're your harem, for instance."

"Oh," the younger boy said. "So it's just a circle of close friends? What's so scandalous about that?"

Hyoudou sweatdropped. "Not any friends, mind... More like _female_ friends..."

"I disagree! A few boys thrown in as well for added effect never hurt!" grinned a way hot kouhai with large oppai, long black hair and glasses. "Variety is the spice of life after all!"

 _"I'm not in anyone's harem!-!"_ Ponytail and Twintails protested.

The busty black haired girl with glasses sighed. "Anyway, Sku-chan, are you going to be posting about that removal in the Messageboards of Evil? Otherwise, even if you do it and don't end up killing this poor guy, won't they keep coming after him anyway, but now he won't even have a weird artifact of power to defend himself with?"

"Haruna-san raises a valid point," Negi nodded.

"What are we going to do then, babysit him forever?" Twintails asked. "I'm not gonna ask for a transfer to the Black School just so I can keep a watch on his butt!"

"I swear I'd be the one keeping a watch on yours..." he mumbled.

 _"What was that?!"_

"Nothiiiiiing."

Mallet Girl sighed. "I guess it can't be helped. As a relative to Lord Odin, it's my duty to make sure Sacred Gears don't fall in the hands of evil forces. That's how Ragnaroks get started."

"Ragnaroks, what's that?" Issei asked.

A short girl with glasses, black braided hair and a very wide forehead at the back of Negi's harem frowned. "The absolutely sorry state of education in Honnouji, how deplorable."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Hey, punk!" Mallet Girl scowled at him. "How do you like Mahora Academy?"

Issei blinked, surprised at the unexpected question. "Huh?! W-Well, they say the gir- I mean, the views there are very nice, and-"

"That," said a low, sensual voice coming from the shadows of the park then, interrupting him, "will not be necessary, I think."

* * *

"And that was the Fallen Angel who did kill you, wasn't it?!" eagerly asked Natsuki, now the story had finally reached a point where she could gain interest again. "And how does this lead to coming back to life again?"

Issei paused. "Uh, no, not exactly, that was-"

Natsuki threw her hands up, stood up and walked away. "Where's the kitchen anyway? I hope they're stocked up on mayonnaise..."

* * *

Kuga Natsuki made her way to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and began making herself a nice sandwich with mayo. Thankfully, the residents had the foresight to leave enough fresh food for Izumi and Ookuchi to help themselves while cleaning their place up. She had just sat at the kitchen's small table and began gulping her first mouthful when she felt and heard the unmistakable explosion of a huge flash coming from a couple doors away.

"Okay, now what?" she groaned, pulling out her tiny firearm she always kept concealed in her jacket, courtesy of a certain illegal supplier (Makie's stolen basket full of guns) who will remain unnamed. She moved out of the kitchen and into a very short side hall, leading to only other two doors, one small and obviously belonging to some sort of bathroom and the other apparently the bedroom proper. From there, she could hear heavy rustling and muffled protests, along the unmistakable musky smell of a large dog. Natsuki had owned a very dear mutt during her childhood, the smell was unmistakable, even if much deeper this time around.

With the grace of a Hollywood action heroine, Natsuki moved to the door and kicked it open, taking aim at a clumsily moving large wardrobe in between a two-bunk bed and a small loft alcove of the bedroom, loaded with all manners of ancient magic antiques Negi hadn't been able to take along for his trip. Mostly stuff that was obviously useless for combat at first sight, of course. "Okay, who's there?!" she shouted, finally alerting those outside, whom she could hear rustling closer now. "Better get out with your hands high! Don't try anything!"

"I can't get ouuuuuuut!" complained a high-pitched scream from inside the closet, and then a dog gruffly barked twice. Natsuki blinked, then warily moved closer, stretching an arm forwards to pull the door open, and backing away just as fast, keeping her gun aimed at the two figures that had stumbled out, covered in frilly, sexy costumes and female underwear that Natsuki, a connoisseur of the stuff herself, found rather fetching at first glance. Not that it looked so well on top of a gigantic dog and the masked man the animal currently sat on.

Then the bedroom's doorstep was crossed by the rest of those present, tightly stuffing themselves into the small room, each struggling to get a better view, but Yotsuba, who stood at the back quiet and orderly. "Wha-What's going on now?!" Touko whined loudly, holding onto a set of scissors ready to stab at the first sign of danger. "Who's here?! That Sextum girl?! The Joker?! Enoshima Junko?!"

"Ah!" proclaimed the red and black-clad man who was pulling himself out from under the dog, which simply scratched itself without a care in the world. Actually, since he was raising a hind leg to do so, it was clear now he was, indeed, a male dog. As for the man, he wore a mask that concealed the whole of his face, a skintight suit from head to toe, and enough pouches, holsters and belts all over to carry enough weaponry, blades, knives, daggers, grenades and guns alike, to massacre a small Central American country, unless they were backed by the CIA or something. "You were expecting for an androgynous mysterious femme, an overrated Clown Prince of Crime, or an anarcho-punk criminal pop star? Too bad! It's me, Deadpool! Returning Merc with a Mouth! The Keys of the Kingdom doesn't count!"

"W-Wade!" Nekane gasped.

"Neks...!" the stranger jumped all the way from under the oversized monstrosity of a flabby old bulldog, which had tiny watery black eyes, short brown fur, a hanging pink tongue drooling like Odie's, and what appeared to be a tiny tuning fork made of metal attached to his forehead for some reason or another. He, the man, not the dog that is, glomped onto Nekane with a fierce hug that made Issei feel he'd just found a kindred soul. "My dear Welsh Pumpkin pie, I've missed you so, so, so, so much!" he made jerking motions of hip thrusting against her until Natsuki just punched him hard in the back of the head. "How good to see you again...! When you called, I was like, wow, she loves me after all...! My cute little British honey-bee does love her Wadie-poo!" Tears began staining the blank eyes drawn on his mask, even as Chisame's underwear dangled off his head. "Um, I have no idea who these belong to, for real. They're not mine, I swear, I favor thongs and you know it..."

"Now this," Caster observed, "is a woman who has aimed low in life." Most of the others could not help but nodding.

"He sounds like a cool fellow to me!" Issei disagreed.

Nekane seemed rather uncomfortable in his embrace. "Wade, please, no... not in front of the children, and Miss Eva..."

"Eva? Oh, hey, Eva!" Deadpool turned around to wave at Evangeline. "Um, are you Earth One Evangeline or Earth Two Evangeline?"

"The better one," the vampire witch flatly replied.

"F-Forget all of that, w-w-wha-what's with the giant dog, what the hell?!" Touko pointed at said dog, freaking out as Shiho, Tate, Mami, Ami, Akira and Ako only could nod very rapidly. "T-This is totally random even for the standards of these people!"

"Hm?" the weird man looked at her, stopped rubbing his cheek against Nekane's. "Holy smoke, Genocide Syo's author Fukawa Touko! I love your books, well, I mostly play the videogames and watch the movie adaptations, but I read the last one while jailed in Kyoto, it was so wicked cool and bloody! The hatchet scene, that was pure genius, man! I mean, gal!"

Touko paused, then blushed with a succession of clumsy blinks. "W-Well, uh, thanks, I'm rather proud of it myself..."

"And Edgy Biker Girl's here too!" Deadpool reached over to pat Natsuki's head, much to her growling frustration. "I don't think I know the rest of you though... But you look kinda familiar!" he added, pointing at Akira. "The B-Team's gotta step up to the plate now, right? You're in luck then! Neky-love, I tried to reach the X-Men like you wanted, but the jerks were all like 'Oh, no, we can't disrupt the pandimensional order, oh, no, Wade, you would mess up and summon Dormammu again, oh, absolutely not, blah blah blah!' Sanctimonious jerks, right? Oh, it's okay when _they_ do it! Negasonic Teenage Warhead tried to put in a word for me 'cuz she's a sistah, but then Cable had to go and ruin everything, he and his big mouth naturally. So I picked myself up from their front lawn, snuck through the Mansion's back and borrowed their Moon teleporter. I swear I'll give it back, no stealsies! So I broke into the Inhuman citadel, and used a few Scooby Snacks to convince Lockjaw here to lend a paw. He can take us to your little brother, Neki-mimi-wan-wan!"

"... what the bloody hell?" Touko asked.

"He really can?!" Akashi gasped. "Well, what are we waiting for then?!"

"WOOF! WOOF, WOOF!" Lockjaw barked, and eerily looked towards Artemis, who meowed in panic and ran to hide behind Minako and Ami.

"I'm with Ultimate Megane-chan here," Issei pointed at Touko. "That all sounded way cool, but I still have no idea what was any of that about."

Tate sighed stoically, folding his arms. "Hyoudou-san. When you've been around Ala Alba business long enough, you soon learn to just nod at everything you see and hear even if you aren't understanding any of it. It'll make your life that much easier."

"Wade!" a disappointed Nekane gasped. "You stole that poor pet away...!?"

"What? No, no, no!" said Deadpool. "You steal objects, like the teleporter I didn't steal but borrowed! And Lockjaw is a sentient being with his own feelings, failed TV series, cameo appearances and doggy dreams!" This was said as he desperately held Lockjaw from leaping and mauling on the terrified Artemis.

"Well, it's kidnapping then! That's even worse!" Nekane insisted.

"... let's not go that far either, he's a dumb mutt, not a kid. 'Dognapping' works just fine. Look, you want to see my bro-in-law again, don'tcha? Beggars can't be pickers, Neki-winnie-honey-bearie!"

Asia smiled angelically, walked up to Lockjaw, and began caressing his head fondly, instantly placating his anger. The monstrous dog sat on the floor, wagging his short tail, and made a low pleased sound, more akin to those of a contented walrus, closing his eyes and relaxing. "AROOOOO!"

"You're a nice boy, aren't you, Lockjaw-san?" Asia cooed sweetly. "Of course you are! Puppies like Lockjaw-san are little helpful angels of the Lord- owie! Forgot again!" she baby-whimpered.

"My heroine!" Artemis sighed in relief.

"I thought I was your heroine!" Minako protested.

"No, before this, it was Akira-chan, actually..."

"Hey!" Minako cried.

Evangeline looked blandly at Deadpool. "Scooby Snacks, really?"

"Yeah, I still have some," he pulled out a bag and began muching on the leftovers, offering one to her. "Wanna?"

She accepted it with a shrug. "When you're an immortal you've gotta try everything at least once... Oh, they are good! I can see why Murakami eats them when she thinks no one's looking!"

* * *

"Okay... so, how does Clifford here help us find Negi-sensei and everyone else?" asked Tate, as they now moved back to sit down in the living room. Asia kept on cuddling and petting Lockjaw while giggling relentlessly. Artemis remained hiding behind Akira and Ami, never taking his eyes off the alien dog.

"Ah, that, yeah, that's kinda important, ain't it?" Deadpool asked back. "Well, Lockjaw can teleport himself and others both through time, according to Spidey Super Stories, and across dimensions, according to Marvel Zombies. I actually didn't do research based on actual Inhuman stories, but come on, who would ever buy and read that junk, right? Like, who cares about the Inhumans, present puppy company excluded?"

"The Inhumans?" Mami echoed him, eager for more of an explanation.

"You know, that _secret_ race of alien superbeings living on the Moon's surface, on the ruins of some ancient civilization that disappeared long ago...?" Deadpool shrugged. "Oh, right, you wouldn't know because it's supposed to a _secret_ outta the superhero-villain-antihero communities. And 'cuz they suck so much, present puppy company excluded, no one cares about them..."

"They did what?!" Artemis gasped in shock, then narrowed his eyes venomously at Lockjaw. _"The nerve...!"_

"What were they supposed to do, ask us for permission? Did you leave my phone and home address up there, or what?" Minako asked him, still not quite over not being his heroine yet. "If they rebuilt the city then let them have it, I'm sure Sailor Moon won't care either..."

 _"I would!" Tsukino Usagi suddenly jolted up from her nap, then looked all around her old bedroom in the CLAMP Prefecture, and finally shrugged the strange dream off and went back to snoring to her heart's content._

"Basically, from what I've gathered-" Deadpool began.

"From _where?_ " Shiho demanded to know.

"From a conversation with Machine Man while we were both piss drunk, where else?" Deadpool questioned in turn. "He told me we only need to give Lockjaw something to sniff, something from Negi-boy, and then he'll track him no matter where in the time and space continuum he is. Everyone loves Negi, right? Well, everyone but the Joker, so Lockjaw will too, so he'll want to find him after just a sniff, or at least that's the idea. So find me some dirty underoos of his, I know you're all Japanese fetishists, each of you must have a pair of those..."

Without a word, Mami handed him a handkerchief. When all the other girls stared at her in surprise, she only frowned very slightly. "He gave it to me during Mahorafest, so it is a very prized gift. Please don't let Lockjaw-san eat it or anything."

Ako's face twitched. "I've been his student for months, and he's never given me _anything...!_ "

Issei looked back and forth between her chest and Mami's, then innocently said, looking aside, "I can't possibly imagine why..."

"Okay. Before we start, however, I have an important question to ask," Deadpool said, holding the handkerchief.

"Wade, please, not now," Nekane said in a strained tone.

"I'm not asking for your hand yet, Neksie-sexxxy widdle wifey-to-be!" he pouted under the mask. "I know we've just met again, and you still need your own space, and I'm actually a sensitive man, and I understand the need to propose only in situations of risk where there are imminent death flags to succumb to or overcome! But before we find Negi and rescue him from those Averrunci or the Duck Tales cast or whatever, I'd like to know, why does his roommate keep a closet of costumes and so many computers around a miniature photo studio?"

Silence reigned.

"Why," Tate began, "should we even care or meddle-"

"Maybe she's a big Shirogane Tsumugi fan?" Touko suggested.

"There is only one possible explanation," Caster said then. As everybody looked at her curiously, she expanded, "Miss Chisame has previous experience with alternate realities and Servants, doesn't she? So this discovery of what obviously is a cosplay genius' workshop must mean she is the Internet idol who has reached Chaldea, the mysterious Magi Mari. Young Ritsuka's Servants told me about her, apparently she is a favorite of their Director-in-Chief..."

The explanation only further confused everyone else, with even Lockjaw tilting his head aside in a worrying and worried angle. But Caster only kept on sitting there, with a smile that demonstrated a solid trust on her own deductive powers.

"... alright," Deadpool finally said. "Sure, let's go with that. Whew! I was worried she was making him do crossdresser child porn on the Internet, but thanks to you we have a plausible reason not to look further! Now, Lockjaw's not a freaking bus, so there's a limit to how many of you losers he can take along. I dognapped him and I'm the most awesome person in the room, so I go, of course. My Neki-sweetums-cheeks goes too, because she's my ultra-awesome girl and also the kid's sister, duh. As for the rest of you," he tossed a knife at the floor, "settle it among yourselves, for all I care!"

"Don't be stupid, why should I go?" Evangeline groaned. "It's not like I can leave this wretched school in the first place, and why should I bother when Karin will go in my place?"

Karin blinked. "Me, Evangeline-sama?!"

"No, of course I meant the rich weirdo blonde from the tournament!" Eva snapped. "Of course it's you, dumbass!"

"Wow, she can talk!" Deadpool marveled. "She hadn't said anything until now, so I assumed she was just a moving background prop! Okay, she's in too since otherwise the little evil witch will freeze us all and our balls, so who else-"

Akashi-sensei raised a hand. "My daughter was with Negi-kun, so I will not tolerate a 'no' for an answer. And whenever I go, my wife goes as well."

"Ahhhh, Master...!" Caster purred, rubbing herself against him. "Of course I wouldn't have it any other way...!"

Eva nodded. "That makes good tactical sense. She's still a Servant, even if she's only a Caster. How many of you can that stupid mutt carry along anyway?"

"Hmm," Tate said, "has anyone thought maybe the mutt has his own ideas on whom to bring along?" He pointed as Lockjaw moved towards a thoroughly disgusted Touko, starting to lick her face all over as she tried to push him back, desperately and uselessly. "Because it looks like he's got his favorites already..."

"GAHHH! Alien dog germs! H-How gross, get this thing off me already...!" Touko fought back, even as Lockjaw used his large snout to push her close to a blinking, confused Asia. "Alien ticks, alien fleas, God knows who else...!"

"Owchie!" Asia shuddered a little, since Touko had bumped into her while saying 'God'.

Issei blinked, observing how next Lockjaw pushed the surprised Akira to sit next to the other two. "Damn, even the fucking dog will get himself a harem before I do!"

"Well, he's the driver, so he's got the last say, I guess!" the mercenary then moved on to wave the handkerchief before Lockjaw's nose, while tightly holding Nekane's hand. "Here doggie, doggie! Take us to Negi-kins, willya?! C'mon, pal, don't let me down in front of my girl! Be a bro!"

Shiho scowled, waving a hand before her nose while looking at Touko, who stared back. "Ew, only a dog could like a girl who smells that badly...!" she told Tate. "Not that Negi-sensei smells much better, but still...!"

"You get used to his smell soon enough once you study under him," Satsuki smiled pleasantly. "I'm sure Chisame-san does her best for him..."

Lockjaw took several deep sniffs from the piece of fine cloth, even as Caster and Akashi also approached him, Touko gulped very nervous and reluctantly, and Karin was shoved forward by Evangeline. Issei and Natsuki also muscled their way in, the former because of Asia, the latter because of Konoka. Then Lockjaw threw his head back, howled a loud, piercing, "WOOOOOO!" and emitted a large flash of white light that bathed the whole room.

As it happened, Touko could be heard screaming in panic, _"W-WAIT, I'VE GOT A NOVEL TO FINI-"_

When it was over, a moment later, Lockjaw himself, Deadpool, Nekane, Asia, Akira, Touko, Issei and Karin had all disappeared, but nobody else had.

"- fuck!" Akashi allowed himself an angry curse, vigorously stomping against the floor. "Why not us?!"

Natsuki's right eyebrow trembled violently. "We were the ones with family over there! Why that filthy dog...!"

"Well, there goes your heroine, Artemis," Minako sighed, although she was genuinely worried about Akira-chan. Meanwhile, Ami quietly picked up the huge knife Deadpool had dropped, examined it for a moment, and pocketed it up while nobody was looking.

It might be useful for a Nudist Beach mission or another, someday...

* * *

 **Omake.**

* * *

 **School Spirits.**

Collet looked up at the sky, genuinely distressed. "Our poor classmates! They must all be sick worried about us!"

* * *

Over in Ariadne, Kirche actually sniffled sincere tears as the students gathered in the small temple to pray before the divine shrines, usually used only during exam periods. "Please gods, let Collet to be alive and well!"

 _"A-a-men..."_ Tabitha nodded, very quiet and blandly.

* * *

"I wish we could call them, or write, just so they know we're fine!" Webby nodded, while Spike just sat aside chewing on rocks carelessly. Well, technically he could only be used to send letters to Princess Celestia anyway.

* * *

"I know I haven't ever been a devout girl, great and terrible elder gods, but please, don't let any harm befall Lena and Webby!" Gosalyn prayed. "I mean, harm just can't be ready for them! That poor, poor concept!"

 _"A-a-men..."_ Tabitha nodded, very quiet and blandly.

* * *

"And most of all... they must be mad with grief over Sensei!" Yue sighed.

Negi blinked. "Me? Oh, no, no, they have known me only for a few days, why should they care about me the most? That makes no sense, Yue-san..."

* * *

"So our beloved pantheons (under the goddess Althena), we beg you, keep Miss Collet, Miss Lena, Miss Webbigail, Miss Twilight, Spike, Jean Luc and Miss Yue all safe and sound... but mostly Professor Negi!" Mia Ausa implored fervently.

 _"AAAAA-MEN!"_ the whole group of girls joined a slightly louder than average Tabitha, all raising their voices as one.

Finally, a quiet voice at the back added, "May Louise the Zero burn in hell, though."

 _"Amen...!"_ most of the girls nodded, although Mia made a softly disapproving scowl, and Emily began actively chiding them, not because she disagreed with the principle, but because voicing such things mined the academy's morals, in the name of all holy things!

* * *

Louise shuddered in disgust, rubbing her own arms. "I'm sure they aren't giving a damn about any of us!"

* * *

 **A Mind for Marriage.**

"Hey, Skuld-han," Tsukuyomi asked.

"Hmmm?"

"If you really are a goddess, you can marry people, can't you? I mean, in the name of your own holy power and all that crap! If a mere priest can, so should you!"

"Yes, a Second Class license is enough for a deity to bring mortals together in holy matrimony," Skuld admitted, staring at the madwoman in perfectly justified suspicion. "Though I draw the line at things like marrying your own sister or anything like that. Go bother one of the Greeks. Why do you of all people want to know? Since when are you any sort of romantic?"

She shrugged. "Just an innocent question, that's all! What, none of Onee-sama's lovesick friends ever asked you this before?"

"They ever seldom think of me as a goddess, so no," Skuld replied.

"I'm just saying, if it ever turns out Negi-han cannot pay my fee the way he promised, he is honorbound to fulfill his debt some other way," Tsukuyomi expanded. "Gaining the rights to over half of the Thousand Master's estate, or all of it if I ever become a lovely young widow, should suffice nicely, I would think."

Skuld stared at her, more crudely disapproving than actually aghast.

Tsukuyomi shrugged that off with a playful smile. "A savvy independent businesswoman like myself just has to keep all her bases covered! I know he's engaged to that cousin of his from Wales- Nelly-han, right?- but they can't even be that close, she wasn't even at the Gateport with your team!"

Skuld paused a lot longer, then sighed loudly. "If you're that desperate for money, it's Rito-san whom you want. He's set to inherit a Galactic Empire of bloodthirsty warriors, after all."

"..." Tsukuyomi said.

* * *

Tsukuyomi fell to one knee before the boy, grabbing his hand rather forcefully. "I love you! Please marry me, Yuuki-han!"

 ** _"FUCKING HELL NO!"_** the troubled youngster cried out, appalled.

* * *

 **Next: Spike.**


	8. Spike

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

Yamaguchi Noboru and Media Factory created _Zero no Tsukaima._

Hasbro created and owns _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic._

The Walt Disney Company and Square Enix created and own _Kingdom Hearts._

Thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage for the proofreading and edits.

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight.**

* * *

 **Spike.**

* * *

"Heartless!" Pete commanded, in a loud and booming tone. "Rush these kids and spank 'em hard!" On that command, several dozen of small black bipedal creatures began crawling out of the same relatively small ship like nightmare clowns oozing out of their car, which are exactly like normal clowns (the only difference is whether you're asleep of awake because they're _clowns!_ ). They moved constantly with nervous, aggressive mannerisms, staring at Negi's party with yellow glowing, monstrous eyes.

Negi gasped in realization as suddenly he reemmbered dreaming of such creatures weeks ago, during... some sort of school festival, it seemed. They even swarmed and rustled the same way they did in his... perhaps nightmares was too strong a word, but they had not been relaxing dreams either.

"Heartless!" Aerith gasped, readying a staff out to do battle.

Yue looked at her. "I beg your pardon?"

Yuffie growled as she slid several shuriken into each hand. "Heartless, the armies of Maleficent, the witch who took over Midgar City and forced us to flee! This bloated animal just has to be one of her lackeys!"

In seconds, they were out, but as soon as they seemed to have stopped, a final, much taller and fatter Heartless came out as well, with burning blueish eyes and a striking color design based on black with red and blue stripes, giving it a vague circus-like appearance. This Heartless moved to the forefront and right next to Pete as the smaller ones gave way with an attitude that almost seemed to convey fear, respect, or a mixture of both.

"Oh, so you're the little rats who scurried out of Hollow Bastion!" Pete grinned widely at Aerith, Cid and Yuffie. "Good, good, the mistress will be extra-happy when I deliver you to her, and... and... and...!" His mouth now suddenly drooped, and his eyes bulged out wildly, as he looked at the Keyblade in Rito's hands, who clumsily lifted it in an attempt to defend himself and Yue. "What in the-?! Hey, you, brat!"

"Yes?" Negi asked, his face strained.

"Not you, baby-face, him!" Pete pointed a hand at Rito. "Whatcha doin' with one of those?! Did you steal it from Mickey?! Or was he stupid enough to give it to a runt like you?!"

"Neither!" Webby said. "It's a Keyblade all of Rito's own! Scared already, huh?" she smiled. "He's going to use it so kick your fat tail soooooo hard...!"

"P-Please don't say those things, I don't know if I'll be able to deliver at all!" Rito panicked.

Pete frowned, then laughed crassly at the scene. "Haw haw! Dat's a good one, Toots! You've never seen a Heartless before, have you, girlie?" he smiled widely, eyes narrowing. "Before long you'll be crying for mommy, once you've seen what they can do! Well, what are you waiting for, fools? Charge 'em!" With loud, garbling sounds, the Heartless obeyed readily, the biggest one aiming his eyes at Rito and shooting twin beams of dark blue light at him, startling everyone, but no one more than Rito himself, who regardless, as if instinctively, swung the Keyblade up, managing to hit the blasts right in the nick of time.

The beams bounced off the weapon without reaching the boy, and instead flew back, each zooming past a side of the startled Pete's head, barely missing it, and each ending up striking a nearby tree and splitting both of them with a crushing, thundering explosion. Negi, Yue, Asuna, Spike, Collet and Aerith all gasped in shock, while Tsukuyomi and Webby let out matching whistles of admiration, and Pete quickly began babbling out in garbled confusion.

"Whu-Whu-What?! What, again?!" the cat-bear-creature finally uttered more or less coherently. "That's impossible! No weapon forged by man can harm the Heartless or deflect their attacks! That's why they're so effective...!" Seeing Webby's sudden smug smile at him, he went on to fume grimly instead. "I see. So that's why the mouse was so confident then. Mebbe these Keyblades are some hot stuff after all. Never mind, I'm getting it anyway! Heartless!" he pressed on, all but kicking ahead the minions that had frozen in place during mid-charge, after seeing the largest of them fail. "Justify your existence already and bring me that fancy door opener!"

And so, once again, the Heartless ran towards Negi's group, leaping forward, ready to pounce on them as every member of the boy's posse also got ready to fight back in their own different ways...

* * *

"This is useless!" Yuffie cried out, already out of small shuriken to toss at the small black creatures and resorting now to a much larger version of the same weapon, which she held by a one of its long arms as she stabbed these 'Heartless' with it, almost as quickly as Kaede herself could have. "This is why these things ran us out of our city; it's not that they're good at fighting-!"

"But they just shrug off anything you throw at 'em!" Cid completed the idea for her, shooting at more Heartless, which pulled themselves back into shape almost as quickly, just like those Yuffie was stabbing, and those Webby and Collet were blasting at with the basic spells they had learned at Ariadne. "If they're vulnerable to anything, we ain't found it yet!"

"They're invincible, and so I am!" Pete boasted, standing at the back of the battle, by the ship, happily puffing on a large cigar. "Give it up already, runts! None of you has any chance against- uh?"

"I think I do!" Asuna grinned, surprising everyone as she ran through several Heartless with Ensis Exorcizans being flung about left and right, not as artistically as Setsuna would have with Yunagi, but still considerably more skilled than she had first wielded her harisen months ago. And unlike the damage Yuffie, Cid, Aerith, Webby, Collet, and even Jean Luc's concentrated electric blasts and Twilight's horn beams were producing, her attacks did seem to obliterate the Heartless permanently. Whenever she swung at one, it was ripped to black thin shreds, and then into dust and nothingness, with no major effort on her part. "Who's laughing now, Fatso? Maybe it's you who should give up!"

"Good job, Asuna-san!" Negi approved enthusiastically. "Remember, just like in practice! Keep this formation and don't turn your back on any of them!"

"Oh, so now you remember the practice, too!" Yue said, struggling to keep herself out of immediate range of the vicious creatures along with Louise, who clumsily experimented with her Artifact to trap each Heartless approaching them into... some sort of void bubbles that ended up wrapping around them and crushing them into non-existence. It seemed to work well enough, but far too slowly for either girl's satisfaction.

"Of course," Negi said, his repeated Sagitta Magica sufficing him well enough against the swarming attackers, but not nearly as well as Asuna's Artifact. "Any decent battle training will ingrain itself into your subconscious, and my amnesia seems to have affected mostly my conscious mind. Besides, I remember all about Asuna-san now, and that includes the times we sparred..."

"Peh!" Pete spat. "A cocky pipsqueak, ain'tcha? That's it, waste as much breath talking in battle as you can! Heartless! Whatcha waiting for, finish these losers already or else!" At that command, a second line of alleged Heartless sprung, with feral low grunts, towards the youngsters and the groaning bulky adult with the big gun, some of them brandishing what seemed to be crude sharp weapons, a few of them similar to swords, others more reminiscent of spears.

Tsukuyomi's swords, using the same Shinmeiryuu technique as Setsuna's, were working well enough as well, but her supernatural vanquishing abilities, while spectacular as always, somehow seemed to be less efficient against this variety of shadow demons than Setsuna had fared against the enemies at Kyoto. Not that she was being of much help to anyone but Negi anyway, as she stuck close only to him and only protected his back against any Heartless barreling towards him from behind. Her contract was with him and not the others, after all. She seemed highly frustrated she was not killing these otherwise adorable things as fast as she would have wanted, since there's nothing worse for someone damn good at something than suddenly being not so good at it... even if that good is being bad.

"Hiiiii..." she hissed to herself, her sclera already slowly shifting into pitch black as her eyes turned gold. "You know what, open me a path and I'll just stop this by cutting the snake's head off..."

"What do you mean?" Negi blinked, even as Lena, who had been rather inefficiently pushing her own attackers back with her shadows- it was like trying to put a fire out with more flame, after all- nodded at those words.

"Good idea," the older duck girl said, doing her best to open a path for Tsukuyomi towards a now blinking and startled Pete. "Go get him, girl."

Tsukuyomi giggled evilly, daintily dashing through the shadow corridor Lena had just prepared for her. Negi tried to reach for her to stop her, but he was soon swarmed over again and had to concentrate on saving his own life, pushing the immediate enemies back with _Flans Saltatio Pulvurea_. "Tsukuyomi-san! No!"

"What?! You'll have to be louder, I can't hear you...!" she cackled, pushing ahead with dual killing strikes, only to have her path blocked at the last moment by the gigantic lead Heartless, which roughly hit her back and away from the shrilly shrieking Pete, who had downright meowed like a terrified Artemis. "Owww! Ah, that's right, I'd forgotten about you!" she complained while hitting the ground.

"The Hero, the Token Evil Teammate, The Load, The Big Guy, The Smart Guy, The Lancer, The Chick, The Team Pet, all have failed!" Webby gasped. "There's only one thing that can save us now...!"

"... I'm The Load, aren't I?" a quietly unhappy Yue said. A helpful little tag briefly appeared above her to identify her as such on a tiny stats tag, along with ones for Negi, Tsukuyomi, Cid, Skuld, Asuna, Louise and Jean Luc. Points for identifying who fit which trope. Come on, it's that easy.

Webby's finger dramatically swept around to point at Rito, who stood his place in the middle of the group, the Keyblade firmly held in his hands, even thought he'd barely been able to swing it so far, not being used at all to that sort of fighting. He'd always been a back line supporter with his watering can, never a frontline fighter. "The Chosen One! The Keyblade chose you, and it saved you once already! So have faith in it!" she grandly lectured as a groaning Skuld and Lena kept the Heartless off her with their shadow bolts and mallet, so she could give the speech properly and safely. "The Power is yours! Yours is the hand that will open the doors! I'd say the gates, but this isn't Gatekeepers! Rowr, rowr, fight da powah! Come on, Chosen One, if King Mickey can, so can you..!"

"I can what?!" Rito cried out. "What am I even supposed to do, just point this weird thing at that other thing and hope it- YOWWWW!" he screamed as, while pointing at the lead Heartless with the Keyblade, the weapon instantly shot a gigantic blast of light directly straight through its oversized body, sending it crashing down against the smaller ones. Just as quickly, the large Heartless, wobbling and nearly collapsing into the huge hole running through it, rose back stubbornly, and shot more blue eye beams at the perplexed Rito, who had just dropped on his butt on the dirt. Once again, he yelped, and instinctively lifted his arms to shield himself. Doing so, the Keyblade hit the beams, ricocheted them back at the Heartless and cleanly blew its head off its shoulder, after which the humongous being finally crumbled into a deluge of black specks that dispersed in all directions like so much dust. "What the hell, did _I_ just do that?!"

The cigar, which had stuck into Pete's mouth even through his earlier freakout, now dropped as he babbled, eyes going tiny. "Wha-what, that can't be..."

Negi cringed slightly as he watched all this, shooting Sagitta Magicas at the smaller Heartless, and overall doing a better job at it as they now seemed to have grown confused, scattering erratically around the battlefield at the loss of their leader; the same could be said about the rest of the party, and even Aerith and her staff swings were faring better now; despite her petite size and build, she was proving to be surprisingly strong and fast at battling the dark beings aside after this second wind. "Tsukuyomi-san," the boy teacher warned. "Don't-"

Too late, though, as in a flash of motion, Tsukuyomi had leapt on Pete, easily breaking through the guard of his average looking large black sword, and pushing him on his back against the floor, pressing on his wide bulk with her petite but much stronger built. Eerie, unnatural eyes stared down at his wide, panicking round orbs, and she licked her lips all over while pressing her blades against the cat-man's greasy, thick, furry throat. "Now, where were we... Oh, yes, I was about to kill you. Any last words, Kitty-han? You can say them nine times if you want to, I'm not going anywhere until all your lives are out..."

""N-Now, now!" the bloated cat-thing, for he was only a thing to be skewered in Tsukuyomi's opinion, began to say, carefully trying to edge back in the dirt, but only crawling in place miserably without getting any further from her, "I, I wasn't going to kill you for real, that was just standard evil bluffing, Even Evil Has Standards, I wouldn't hurt a child, have I mentioned I have two children of my own…?"

"Two orphans, you mean!" Tsukuyomi cackled demonically, pressing her dual blades against his flesh and drawing out the first thin lines of blood. "And what's this weepy nonsense about standards, I don't have any...!"

Then she was firmly and strongly grabbed by a wrist from behind, and roughly lifted off Pete and flung backwards from him, making her fall on her back on the same muddy ground. She looked up indignantly at the person who had just grabbed and shoved her so rudely. "Negi-haaaaaan..." she hissed monstrously.

"I told you already. Not while in my employ, or as long as I can help it, period!" he sternly wagged a finger at her, even as Yuffie and Asuna placed a foot on Pete's chest each, making sure he stayed down.

The Shinmeiryuu struggled with her overwhelming desire to lunge up at his neck for several moments of intense eye contact, during which Negi never flinched, his frown growing fiercer and much less cute with each moment. Finally- but very slowly- she relented with a deep, throaty chortle she had stolen from Joker. "You know what, let's make this one better," she purred, venom thick in her voice. "Someday, not only will you let me kill, but I'll also make you kill. You have all the makings for a great killer, I can tell..."

"You must be mistaking me for someone else," Negi huffed indignantly, helping her back up since it was clear from her attitude she wasn't going to try again yet. She thanked him with a coquettish bow and smile, as if nothing else had just happened between them, as Lena and Cid exchanged jaded glances. The rest of the surviving Heartless were scurrying away into the woods now that they had lost any and all leadership, and there was no real point in chasing after them, since each seemed to go a different way, all of them away from Traverse Town.

"He should've let her," Lena groaned.

Cid lit a cigarette up and nodded. "There's no real use to keeping monsters around unless it's to kill other monsters. Take that away, and that's the sole reason for you to put up with them, gone..."

"Okay, Fat Boy, you've got a new lease on life, so why don'tcha use it to turn over a new leaf or something?" Asuna suggested not so gently, further pressing her foot down on Pete, not so gently either. "Who sent you here? And you'd better not lie, or else…!"

"I, I, I am an elite enforcer of an organization out to conquer the worlds," Pete stammered, "an unstoppable force known as… Cosmo Entelecheia!"

Silence fell over the surroundings.

"… what's Cosmo Entelecheia?" Yuffie, Aerith and Cid finally asked, all three at once.

* * *

"Cosmo Entelecheia is an organization who have been plaguing us for quite some time now, direct or indirectly," Yue explained. "One of their agents helped kidnap our friend Konoka once, and now they've framed us for their own terrorist attack on the Gateport system. Wait, you honestly didn't know about them? I thought they were quite infamous on this world?"

Cid scratched his head for a moment. "Oh, yes, now I think I remember... But, that was such a long time ago, I thought those guys were goners already!" He looked at Yuffie. "I think they were wiped out before you even were born, and Aerith had to be a toddler back then. Besides, they never approached our city, so I only knew of them from second hand accounts..."

"Well, you know, only the good stay dead and all that," Tsukuyomi said before walking up to Pete, grabbing him by his collar, and rattling him in place. "So you take your orders from Sextum Averruncus? I never saw or heard of you before!"

"The Mighty Pete takes no orders from anyone, just suggestions occasionally enforced through threats of body harm that, of course, I know are only hollow, because no one can—"

"I can and I will if you don't just go straight to the point!" Tsukuyomi shouted in his face. Even psychoes lose patience, after all.

Pete nodded quickly. "I, I have no idea who are you either, sorry, Ma'am, but it's a big organization after all...!"

"'Big'? Sure, if you call a girl, her older brothers, and a bunch of fangirls hanging around them a 'big' team!" Tsukuyomi yelled at him. "I'd bet they all fit into your huge belly with room to spare!"

"Or maybe..." Spike warily pointed out from behind Twilight, "you were just never told about the Organization's true size and reach?"

Tsukuyomi winced noticeably at that suggestion. "That... I wouldn't put that sort of underhanded deception beyond Sexy-han, actually," she ended up admitting, letting go of Pete and looking genuinely offended by the idea. "Now I see she never trusted me, for some reason I just cannot fathom..."

"You're still carrying her severed hand in your backpack," Spike reminded her, encouraged by his previous success.

Pete got up from where he'd been dropped facefirst into the dirt when Tsukuyomi had dropped him. "She does?!" he gasped, honestly appalled. "Wait, wait, you're her friends, and _I'm_ the bad guy here?!"

"We're not her friends!" Asuna snapped.

"Even here, they won't stop endangering us…" the boy teacher sadly pondered. "And what's worse, once again, I've endangered you through my—"

"Please, don't start with that all over again," Rito requested, running a hand down his own face, ignoring Webby bouncing in place by his side, giddily cheering on him and the Keyblade. "If I was liking something about the amnesia situation, it was you'd been cutting back on the whole guilt complex thing..."

Pluto then tensed, his tail stiffening, and ran towards the ship, sniffing around it and finally pointing his snout inside. "What's wrong now, Pluto?" Webby asked, skipping after him before Lena could stop her. "Let me guess, Timmy fell into the nuclear reactor powering the engine...?" She took a look in, and then giggled, "Oooh, I see! Isn't this the cutest thing ever…?"

"Wh-What do you mean, Webby-san? Please don't step in any further!" Negi made his way over to her as Tsukuyomi handed Asuna and Cid a long length of rope she always carried around in the event of unmentionable, shameful and disturbing sexual encounters arose, which they put to far better use by tying the miserably sobbing Pete's arms and legs. Negi looked into the aircraft as well, and gasped. "Oh feathers…!"

"Feathers?" repeated the tiny creature that was kept hogtied and hanging from the piloting cabin's ceiling. It was a very small mouse-woman, or feminine vaguely anthropomorphic mouse; with long strawberry blond hair, and large blue eyes. Her slim bipedal body was covered by a light purple mechanics coverall, with a darker belt, matching the color of the flight goggles she kept secured around her head. "What a strange thing to say, since I don't belong to any avian category of species. Although I suppose you could have picked that popular catchphrase from your friend here, who looks vaguely familiar for some reason or another. Could one of you please untie me? My name's Gadget Hackwrench, and I am a Gummi Ship pilot for King Mickey's Aerial Forces…"

* * *

"I don't want to insult anyone," Asuna said after they were done pulling the curiously small creature out of the ship, not too sure she wasn't lying to herself, "but what kind of a name is 'Gadget'?"

"My father was a bonafide, hardcore devotee of all things machinery," the tiny mouse-woman said, very solemnly, "but I won't hold that against his beloved memory." Then, brightening up all of a sudden, "My turn now! What is the meaning of the name Asuna'?"

"Asuna-san!" Yue looked at her fellow Baka. "I can't believe you of all people would ask such a namist question!"

Asuna shrugged. "In the absence of Chisame, I just kinda felt I had to do it instead!"

"Haw! So you don't have an answer for the King's minion? A meaningless name! Who's got a bad name now?" asked Pete, as Yuffie and Cid roughly pushed his tied up form up onto the back of the truck.

Asuna stared figurative blue and green daggers back at him, from where she, Yue and Negi sat next to the downed ship, before its former pilot. "Your name only stands for 'Peter', how is that any better?"

"You don't know the first thing about Christianity, do you, Miss Academic Failure?" an unamused Louise asked.

"You're Brimiric, neither do you," Twilight Sparkle said. "I've heard you refer to them as the 'bread and grape juice cannibals'."

"Hey, at least they don't literally call me Student Zero!" Asuna growled.

"No, they call you The Red Idiot, how is that any better?!"

Spike suddenly whipped his head around in another direction, sniffing the air. "Um... fellas?"

"What is it, Spike?" Twilight asked, using telekinesis to pull a travel blog out of the ship and begin reading through it. For some reason whoever had been writing on it had identified themselves as 'J. Cricket' in the very first page.

"Remember that smell I picked up in the woods, like two days ago...?" the little dragon gulped, and Louise and Asuna immediately broke their discussion to stare at him with concern, as did Yue, Negi, Collet, Lena and Twilight herself. "The one that was familiar...?"

Tsukuyomi hummed fondly, spinning her blades around. "Is it even stronger now, and growing closer by the moment...?" she sing-sang in odd happiness.

Then they saw a small black speck in the sky, approaching them quickly from the South, and there was faint, yet terrifying roar of fury in the distance, booming across the plains and forests. "What the hell," Asuna stared on, wide eyed, "that thing is bigger than the Colonel's angry pet...!"

"Damn it, all the noise of that fight must've woken it up!" Cid swore, rushing to the driver's seat to pull more loads from under it, then shoving them almost desperately into his titanic gun. "And we can't outrace it in this old thing...!"

Gadget nodded with admirable serenity that reminded Negi powerfully of Lala-san. "The species of the _Draco_ genus are indeed reluctant to leave their caves and treasure while there's still sunlight, but even flying blinded by daylight, they remain incredibly fast fliers able to guide themselves by their prodigious sense of smell. Look, it's already covered half of the distance here since we first saw it just moments ag-"

"Later, please!" Negi requested, grabbing her by the back and shoving her down his breast pocket, firmly but not too rudely. He moved his hands around and summoned a massive spear of crackling lightning into them, Asuna moving by him with her Ensis Exorcizans, and Tsukuyomi covering his opposite side with a vicious smirk and ready dual blades. "Webby-san, Yue-san, please go hide while we handle this! You too, Pluto-san!"

"Woof!" barked the dog, not wasting a second in rushing after the dubious and concerned Yue and the mostly disappointed but still obedient Webby. Negi breathed marginally easier, even as Twilight and Yuffie also joined his stand. Behind them stood a gulping and sweating Rito, a Skuld armed with her bomb launcher, Aerith and Lena. Louise tried to come with them after some heavily trembling doubt, but just as she was about to, Webby ran back, forcefully grabbed her from behind, and rushed back with her to relative safety out of immediate harm's way.

"It's too big. We can't take it down..." Lena gloomily predicted, now able to perfectly see the arrangement of the dark scales on that giant of a beast soaring towards them, claws already slashing eagerly, crocodile-like jaws snapping at the air as the humongous reptile closed in. "I'd never seen one this big before..."

"Like a great man once said, dragons are only bigger swallows. Be courageous, Lena-san, I beg you," Negi strainedly said, lifting his arms and taking true aim for the monster's long neck. "Okay, five, four, three-"

"You remember Sempai's Assasin now too?!" Asuna said, Negi not bothering to pay attention while finishing the countdown.

"Two, one and zero!" Negi finished. And, like a trained javalin thrower, he tossed his spear of light, which roared while flying, directly aiming at-

* * *

Ayase Yue had memorized _The Hobbit_. She had read _Dragonlance_ , _A Song of Fire and Ice_ , and even, out of sense of completion (and losing a bet), the Eragon saga. Of course she had imagined how a dragon attack would be before coming to a world that she knew had dragons living in it. She thought she had portrayed it accurately in her mind.

What was annoying about actually living through the real thing, however, was how confusing and difficult to look at the attack was. In a way, and much to Yue's annoyance, it was more akin to watching Cloverfield or a Michael Bay Transformer movie without any annoying slow motion sequences, at least from her, Pluto, Gadget, Louise and Webby's hiding spot in the small hillside cave they had managed to find while fleeing the scene. For such a gigantic animal, not only did it move fast, but it was difficult to get a good full look at it as a result. It mostly looked like a larger than life blur that flew up and down on the comparatively diminutive members of the party, flapping huge wings that sent massive bursts of wind at them, and vomiting pillars of flames in their general directions, barely missing them each time as they ran about wildly.

Tsukuyomi's disturbed giggling and the occasional garbled cry of joy from her could be heard every now and then, in between the roars of the beast, along with Negi's shouts that invariably preceded an upwards blast of lightning pushing the titanic reptile up and away from them, buying his comrades more time and distance. Next to Yue, Louise gasped and cooed softly at these actions, clearly awestruck by her Familiar's power, a faint shade of pink coming over to her cheeks. _How depressing_ , Yue couldn't help but thinking, _this is like getting to know Anya all over again..._

Twilight Sparkle was actually holding her own better than she had against the Heartless, appearing to blink out and back again around the dragon's fire blasts, with Spike firmly holding to her back, constantly shouting something at the dragon that Yue just could not make out at all. "He's trying to reason with him," Webby said, as if guessing Yue's current thoughts, and when Yue took a second to give her a quizzical look, the duckling smiled amiably. "I was reading his lips, that's all!"

"He doesn't have lips," Yue observed.

"Silly, of course we do," Webby pouted, then pointed at her beak, which honestly sported no lips Yue could identify as such either. "We're sort of long estranged relatives, he and I, since we birds descend from reptiles. And we ducks aren't that different from eagles either, so of course we have an excellent sight too!" she boasted, moving a pointer finger as if to draw an imaginary line between her eyes and Spike's mouth.

Yue was fairly sure, from all her ornithological readings, Earth ducks were not particularly renowned for their outstanding eyesight, but there were far more important matters to think of now. She really wanted to help, but could not see how. She had barely mastered the Lux starting spell and could sometimes hover a few feet above the ground on a broom, and she knew two dozen ways of killing a grown man with a book even if she had never _tried_ it with anything but the training dummies Readman-sensei had provided during that seminar, but none of that was applicable in that situation!

 _Think, think!_ she desperately thought. _What would Ala Alba do in this situation?!_

"Do any of you know," she suddenly asked, very quiet and stiff, a slight twitch crossing her face, "how to perform a Pactio ?"

 _"PIKA-CHUUUUUU!_ " Jean Luc was shouting, unleashing his maximum power to rattle the dragon with his biggest Thunder Bolt yet, and a second later dropping on the charred grass unconscious with swirly eyes.

"Jean Luc!" Collet ran to his side to pick him up in her arms, then running away for dear life from the dragon's retaliating fire breath. "Oh, if I only had some sort of device like a ball to carry you around safely now...!"

It was at this point that, finally, Louise could snap out of her shock to answer Yue's query with a dry and disgusted, "Do you think this is the time to try and kiss us, filthy upstart?"

"I'm not at all fond of you either!" Yue retorted. "But this is an Ala Alba situation, and I know how Ala Alba prevails over obstacles even if it doesn't make any sense! For the record, I'd rather kiss Webby-san, at least she isn't a violent bullying maniac!"

Louise's face twitched repeatedly as a mental image of a sadistically angry older girl with long blond hair, glasses and a flat chest hovered above her. "What... did you... call..." she gurgled in quite a horrible, threatening tone.

"I knew it, I told you!" Lena shouted at Webby from where she was leaping and siccing shadow imps from her pendant on the dragon's bulk, the tiny monstrous beings clawing and biting on the thick scaly skin to little avail. "Why else would she hang around Kirche? That girl wants a harem!"

"I do not!" Yue protested, then mumbled, "And if you thought that, why didn't you ever tell me? What's with the facade of simply not caring at all about me...?"

Webby hummed, rubbing her chin with a hand. "I see, so a Pactio, a tried and true strategy of both Wings teams indeed! Well, I'd be honored, and I'll admit I 've been reading up on that since I want to try it with Huey, Dewey and Louie after this term's over, but..." she shrugged, "I haven't memorized how to draw the circle yet?"

"I thought you had memorized the Book of Merlock alreadyyyy...!" Lena shouted from where she was being tail-whipped into some bushes by the dragon, a hastily raised shadow shield saving her life by absorbing most of the impact.

"Well, _someone_ didn't want to experiment when I suggested trying it, so of course I couldn't practice the theory I'd learned!" Webby shouted back, actually a little frustrated by now. "So I forgot, sue me! Are you okay, by the way?"

A thumbs up shakily rose from the bushes as the dragon chased after a zig-zagging Yuffie and Negi, Tsukuyomi leaping on its head and beginning to stab down maniacally, drawing some blood but not piercing that badly through the mostly armored horned skull and the skin and flesh covering it. "I am...! And give me a break, your Grandma would've killed us and you know it! If you're that desperate for a harem tho', ask Miss Know-It-All-Mammal!"

"I'm just trying to help...!" Yue all but tugged on her hair. "It's a mere matter of survival! Not like I want to kiss any of you or something!"

"God, Tsunderes are just the worst," Louise snorted in disgust, shaking her head at Yue.

Gadget blinked. "Golly, was that scathing remark of your friend aimed at me, Miss Webby? Actually, my field of expertise has nothing to do with magecraft, so I'm afraid-"

"The OTHER Miss-Know-It-All-Mammal!" Lena pointed out as the dragon kicked Asuna aside and against a tree. Apparently dragons are not magical enough to be that seriously hurt by swinging an anti-magic giant sword.

"I don't know how to draw a Pactio circle!" Twilight admitted, galloping across the field trying to get a better angle on their attacker. "But!" She whipped her head back, used her teeth to grab Spike by the back of her neck, grumbled a heartfelt "Sorry, Spike," between her clenched teeth, and then tossed him towards the cave, " _he_ can!"

"I was young and needed the monnneeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!" the tiny dragon cried while flying through the air, then landing on his head between Pluto and Webby with a loud whimper of pain. "Familiar abuse!" he sobbed.

"I said I was sorry!" Twilight yelled while blasting her horn at the larger dragon's posterior, distracting him from his current attempt to snatch Collet and Jean Luc up into his mouth and swallow them whole. "Yue's right, we need every bit of help we can get right now! This guy's got us against the ropes...!"

"I'm getting to it!" Tsukuyomi shouted vehemently, stabbing more and more deeply each time, her whole front caked in blood by now, but still not slowing the dragon down, until he just shook his head and tossed her into a small lake. "But, okay, if you want to get yourself a harem go for it anyway!"

"I don't..." Yue's newest protest then deflated into a sigh. "Never mind. Do you think you can do it, Spike-san? Please?"

The infant dragon grumbled, rubbing the large bump on his head with a sharp claw while the other slashed a runic circle on the cave's rocky floor. "Of course I can, how do you think I bought myself gems in Canterlot? But are you sure you'll be able to turn the tide at all? Especially when your only options as a Master are Louise the Zero or the Attention Deficit Disorder Poster Girl?"

"I don't have an Attention Deficit Disorder!" Webby said while intently examining the strange pictures on the cave's walls. Ancient civilizations previously unheard from, space invaders leaving their mark, or bored people from Traverse doing graffiti?

"And like hell I'm ever going to kiss you, Idiot Black! Yuck!" Louise cringed. "Blech, blargh and ptooie! Yeesh, even! I'd rather kiss the dog!"

Pluto perked up at that, then smiled and wiggled his eyebrows at Gadget.

"If I could give you some advice," Gadget soberly told him then. "I'd tell you, so far, I think you are too good for her..."

"Heyyyy!" Louise growled. "I've had enough of this lack of respect from everyone! I'm perfectly entitled to not want to kiss this horrible, stuck up woman who barged into my life and turned it upside down! If she wants to kiss anyone else, that's perfectly fine with me, but-!"

Then Negi, with a loud grunt of pain, was hit and flung through the air, coming to land right before Yue and the now glowing magical circle Spike had just finished.

Yue blinked widely at that, then made a tiny perverse smile at Louise. "So _anyone_ is okay with you, isn't that right...?"

Her newly found rival paled and grimaced horribly. "That... That isn't what I meant and you know it...!"

"JUST DO IT ALREADY!" Yuffie, Cid, Aerith and the hogtied Pete screamed, being bounced around the flaming battlefield and barely dodging ever inching death from above somehow.

Negi gurgled groggily from the floor. "N-No, Matoi-san, I won't put on that kitsune costume again, and I doubt What's Her Name will try on one either..." Then he snapped into full attention. "Oh! That blow to the head has made me remember Matoi-san! Progress!"

"You're the worst teacher ever, Sensei," Yue said, twitching.

* * *

Negi sat up on the rocky floor, then looked down at the glowing circle between him and Yue, and thirdly dragged himself back on his butt with a face that conveyed pure terror. "Ahhhh, no, I remember this too! The short term solution that always ended up making things worse in the long run! People would always fight each other over it later, and, and-!"

"It's okay," Webby said, kneeling before him and smiling, "I'm not the jealous type, so whoever those other girls are, I won't fight with them...!"

"What the-?!" Louise screamed. "You treacherous ball of feathers! I thought Forehead was the one going to do it!"

"Oh, so you were going to allow it after all," Yue said, moving back into place as Webby generously moved aside. _Entrapment!_ Louise realized. "Thank you very much, Miss La Valiere, it's nice to see you realize the seriousness of this situation..."

"IT'S SERIOUS ENOUGH YOU SHOULD STOP TALKING ALREADY! MORE KISSING AND MORE DEUS EX MACHINA!" was Skuld's desperate yell coming from the outside.

Negi flinched, standing back up resolutely. "No, I won't! I can still fight! And as long as I can, I won't drag any more students of mine into this madness...!"

"... I would say it's already far too late for that, Sensei," Yue shifted in place awkwardly. "Look, I... I'm not that comfortable with this either, but if we let Skuld-san die, what will we ever tell Makie...?"

"YOU'RE MORE WORRIED ABOUT HER THAN ABOUT ME!" was Skuld's new scream. "Ow, ow, hot, hot...!"

"Of course," Yue sighed, "it's a good thing Nodoka is in love with Kotaro-kun and moved on from you, otherwise right now I would be terribly conflicted on the subject of kissing you. But, crushing an icy heart of stone full of abuse and vitriol, so unlike Nodoka's pure soul... I believe I can forgive myself for that."

"... you think I'm worse than Tsukuyomi, don't you," Louise flatly stated.

"Well, objective and technically she **is** far worse," Webby began, quite reasonably, "but on the other hand she has her moments where she's actually sort of funny, while you are always, no offense intended, as full of vitriol and rage as Yue implied..."

"She didn't 'imply' it, and you **have** offended me!" Louise stomped a foot down several times.

"Maybe you should just anger her a bit more and then throw her at the dragon," Gadget proposed. "By them I reckon she'll be able to rip him apart on her own..."

"What do you have against our race?" Spike pouted. "By the way, you'd better hurry up, these circles don't last forever, and neither will the guys out there, including, you know, _my best friend...!_ "

"I'm still fine! Only my tail's on fire!" came Twilight Sparkle's reassuring loud neigh.

Negi sighed very deep and wearily. "Okay. I concede. Sorry about this, Master, but...!"

"Oh, you aren't sorry yet! But you will be!" Louise promised, angrily sniffling, folding her arms, and turning away from them. "J-J-Just kill that dragon already, so it won't kill us and I can kill you!"

"Thank you for your understanding acceptance," he sincerely told the girl he honestly believed might actually mean it when she promised a violent death upon him. He had a feeling he was used to those. "Now then, Yue-san, ahhhh..."

Yue gave a step back. "I've changed my mind!"

Spike, Webby, and even Louise facepalmed. Pluto facepawed. Gadget only cocked her head aside with a thoughtful scowl.

"I, I, I mean!" Yue gulped. "What was I thinking, surrendering to my worst, darkest impulses like that! You're still so close to another classmate, it'd be so awful taking advantage of your amnesia just to justify my.. my... my...!"

To everyone's shock, Louise then ran back, furiously bowling all over Webby, Gadget, Pluto and Spike, and leaving them stomped down messes on the floor in her wake. She brutally grabbed Yue by the back of her head and spat figurative poison all over her face. "Like hell you'll weasel out now, Urinating Forehead! Do this so I can kill you both with a clear conscience...!"

And then she pushed Yue foward with all the subtlety of a runaway train, directly smashing her face against Negi's so their lips came to a rough crash together, all the while Louise laughed like a deranged devil and her pink hair flailed around, moved by the magical light erupting from beneath them...

Somewhere else, wandering across a long, arid plain, the Joker stopped for a moment and shuddered. "What was that...? That was pure evil, and not in the good and nice way...!"

Yet somewhere else, Chamo hiccuped and blinked around in all directions, greatly concerned. "This ominous feeling again...! Oh, no, my poor brother! A familiar knows, Keiichi-san, he needs me now more than ever...!"

"Look, are you going to make excuses to distract me so you can steal from my share again?" Morisato Keiichi frowned at him, both sitting opposite each other around a small bunch of coins earned from their latest business session in their scruffy shack in the wilderness.

The ermine sniffled indignantly, resuming splitting the day's loot. "Of course not, will you stop thinking that already? I just made a simple accounting mistake that time! I'm too worried about him to keep a clear mind anymore, that's all..."

"You're skimming from my part again."

"You used to be purehearted, Keiichi-san!" Chamo protested.

"That was before I was forced to become a cross dresser on the run in an alien world I never made!"

"Excuses, excuses...!"

* * *

Webby breathed out in reverence and awe at the magnificent light raising from the circle now, and even Louise had stepped back, genuinely impressed. So that was what a Pactio looked like when you weren't in the middle of it...!

Gadget pulled her goggles down to cover her eyes without stopping staring. "I knew these would come in handy someday!" she said.

Pluto just yawned and began sniffing his own butt, since really, once you spend long enough around Jedi Knight Mickey Mouse eventually magical pyrotechnics stops impressing you at all.

And then Negi fell back from Yue, blinking several times and blushing. Yue blushed as well, catching her card in one hand and holding it close to her heart. "Thank you, Sensei," she whispered with heartfelt, reverent emotion, before lifting the fruit of their pact high and dynamically shouting, _"Adeat!"_

As soon as the word was said, she was enveloped in pure light, and her clothes changed into... a copy of her standard Mahora uniform, but with a pointy witch hat on her head and a black cape. In a hand she held a broom, and a book in the other. She looked down at herself, blinked, then quietly said, "Is this all...?"

Louise approached, took a look at her book (what a hook!) and blandly said, "Hey. This is just a starting book for beginners in magical studies."

"Wha- Whaaaat?!" Yue gasped.

Louise nodded, not really angry anymore, just coldly disappointed. "Just look at this," she said, flipping it open and pointing at the first page, reading aloud, "Magic for Goblins: The Pictographic Guide for Initiates'..."

"..." Yue said, slack jawed and frankly about to start leaking silent tears out.

Louise shook her head, still dry and jaded rather than crudely fiery. "It might be an useful Artifact given enough time to study with it, but in a situation like this..."

"She'd still get more magic out of it than you will, Miss Zero," Spike said blandly.

"What's going oooooooon?!" Asuna cried from the outside, madly slashing at the dragon's tail and getting herself nearly whacked by it. "Yue, if you got yourself a dud, let the duck take a turn...!"

Webby chuckled and rubbed her hands avidly, wiggling her eyebrows, but then, looking at the flat but patient expression of soul crushing disappointment on Yue's face, her heart broke, and she decided to take a look at the book herself. "Oh, hey, no, look!" she pointed at a few kines under what Louise had just pointed at. The other girls and Negi curiously looked on along her. "It's a Special Overpowered Artifact Edition! 'Granting Easy, Quick Access to the Forbidden Secrets of Magic'!" She flipped through a few more pages, gushing at them. "It even updates itself regularly as more discoveries are added to the Magical Network! Um, it has the adult section parent-blocked though, shame... It unlocks when you are eighteen? Hey, Yue, you're still fifteen, right?"

Louise bopped her across the head, and for once Yue couldn't fault her. "This isn't the time to be thinking of that!"

"Don't fight, don't fight..." Negi sighed before taking the book himself, reading through it quickly and getting an early impression of its functionality. "I see..." he pointed at several points for Yue's benefit, the student's face brightening as she followed with her gaze. "Yue-san, what do you think of this?"

"Oh, it's not bad, Sensei, but I believe it could be improved through this," Yue said, pointing at another passage.

Negi nodded. "That's right. Wow, you're a fast learner! How did you end up in the lowest scorers? Anyway, I think this strategy," he said accessing to another chapter, "would greatly help as well..."

Yue hummed, advanced a few chapters skillfully, and tapped her finger on a certain section. "This. This is what we need right now. It's simple enough but should suffice, and we have no time for much else..."

"NO, I'D SAY YOU DON'T!" Tsukuyomi was yelling at them from far away. "If the dragon doesn't kill you, I swear I will...!"

Oblivious to her threats, Negi and Yue nodded at each other, closed the book together, and shook hands with matching small frowns. "Gosh," Webby gushed. "This is so romantic!"

"... is it?" Gadget doubted, while Louise only made an expression of the deepest disgust. Spike shrugged and simply shoved a large rock into his mouth, since in his opinion he had just earned at least that much.

And a moment later, the two new Pactio partners stormed out of the cave, side by side!

* * *

 **Reincarnation.**

"Jim? Hi, Jim, this is Truman, your agent, remember me? I'm starting to think you don't, you haven't called in over a week."

His agent's nagging, high-pitched voice comes over and over from the answering machine, but Jim Starling doesn't listen to it anymore. His career as a actor was done with the show's cancellation, and he knows that as well as Truman. He'll be as typecast as that fellow who played the human bat-guy over in Mundus Vetus, or that blonde in that sitcom. Besides, all of that seems so inconsequential now.

He finishes sewing the costume and holds it before himself, panting softly and telling himself he's done a far better job than the production crew. He feels alive again. Fire races through his arteries and veins.

The humanoid duck looks out his window, at the- relatively, like always- quiet Saint Canard night. His radio drones on about the latest on the terrorists from the Old World. "Sources say Negi Springfield and an unidentified accomplice with a very wide forehead have kidnapped at least four students from Ariadne Academy, including the youngest daughter of the La Valliere family, Princess Celestia's top disciple Twilight Sparkle, and zillionaire Scrooge Mc Duck's young ward, Webbigail Vanderquack..."

"Ariadne," Jim Starling hisses, narrowing his eyes at the nocturnal horizon, at the badlands spreading beyond the large city. "And Nagi's son. It has to be him, if he's surrounding himself with women already..."

His mind burns, in a tumult. And yet he's never been more focused in his life, any of them. He's been remembering, over the last month, the life of the duck he's been playing. By now he remembers pretty much everything. He remembers Nagi, and Eishun, and Queen Arika, not as a traitor to her country, but as she truly was. As deeply troubled as she was courageous and noble. He remembers his annoyance at Rakan and Imma. He remembers the colorful night monsters, the freaks and miscreants prowling his city, not the actors playing them. He remembers going up in an explosion, then being washed down by icy waters into a world not his own. He even remembers the troubled but courageous and noble young woman who brought him back, and fought by his side. He remembers Sakura's gentle smile and kindness as well, Monster's strangely expressive monosyllabic sounds. And finally, the most recent, literally agonizing defeat, before waking up as a washed up actor playing at Darkwing Duck.

Mostly, he remembers his daughter.

"Yep, yep, yep," he mutters, putting on the costume, adjusting the wide hat, tightening the purple mask and the light cape. "Just wait for me, Gosalyn..."

He flings the apartment's window open, shoots the grappling hook gun, and leaps out. And he's whole again. Once more, he's got a purpose. He's been truly reborn, in flesh, feathers, and spirit. He feels happy, happier than any grim avenger of the shadows has got any right to be.

The reports are the same everywhere he swings to, coming out of every skyscraper window he passes by, emanating loudly from the gigantic Quackwerks screens and speakers on display at every block. "Headmaster Ceras refuses to comment, even as Governor Kurt Godel of Neo Ostia announces having caught two of the infamous Ala Alba, and the Fairy Tail guild has claimed an exclusivity stake on the trail of other two wanted fugitives..."

His path is clear. All of the old guard are either dead or in Vetus. There's only one left who would be stupid enough as to keep living in the same spot as fifteen years ago. It'll be a long trip, but it should be worthwhile, because Nagi's son is bound to end up there, sooner or later.

"Let's get dangerous," Darkwing Duck smiles.

* * *

 **And now what?**

 _Mahora:_

"Shouldn't they be back by now?" asked Tate.

"Dumbass," Natsuki told him, "what, do you think it's as easy as just teleporting wherever they are, fetching them and then taking them back here?"

"Um, actually, yeah, why would there be more to it?" was Tate's next question.

"I'm not sure what the success rate is for dimensional jumps performed by extraterrestrial dogs," Caster confessed. "That never was part of the magic taught in the Age of Gods."

"I don't know, from what Nekane-san said, Negi-sensei should be imprisoned or hunted by the law in that magical world they went to, isn't that right?" Mami questioned. "So it should take a while, pulling him out of any predicament he is in now. We can only pray..."

Natsuki sighed. "Well, it was nice having a little sister, even if only for a short while, and she never knew..."

"Don't even joke about that, you!" Akashi scolded her.

"The least we can do for Negi-sensei and the others now," Minako said very seriously, getting up and dusting herself off, "is keeping the campus safe ourselves until their return and have faith in them. It may not look like much, but it's what they wanted us to do from the start, so why are we wasting our time just sitting here? There are still Orphans, Hollows, Youmas and Witches to fight! So let's get busy!"

"Right, and I also need a new maid now Chachamaru and Karin are both away," Evangeline nodded, then pointed at Ako. "You should suffice nicely, I believe..."

"Why me?!"

"The faces you make when you see blood should be hilarious."

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

So, even without going to Mundus Magicus, Izumi Ako still became a slave wearing a French maid outfit...

* * *

 **Next: Negi.**


	9. Negi

"It's time for us to destroy this beast!" Yue proclaimed dramatically, proving she'd been occasionally dipping into the shounen manga pile when no one was looking, stepping forward with Negi and standing by the regrouping Yuffie, Cid, Aerith, Asuna, Lena and Tsukuyomi. All the while Twilight distracted the dragon by leading him around in a wild chase from one side to another, with Collet and Jean Luc on her back.

A loud cough came from the cave then.

Yue sighed. "It's time for us to inconvenience this noble creature to the point it doesn't menace our lives anymore!" she amended, just a bit higher in tone. "Is that okay with you, Spike-kun?"

"Much better...!" Spike's voice approved.

"Figured as much," Yue mumbled, checking again on the pages of Dragon anantomy open before her then. "All right, now listen! This species of dragon is, unlike Spike-kun's, nocturnal and thus unable to see clearly in daylight! They reply on their sense of smell to hunt when provoked after morning! But, by burning so much of these fields, he's harmed his own smelling sensory range with all this smoke!" She took a moment to wave a hand before her hand and cough before adding, "So this is what we'll do! First, Twilight-san, keep on working as the bait for now!"

"That includes me toooo?!" Collet wailed, unsure of whether keep on holding the pony for dear life or just let herself go and hope for the best.

Yue nodded. "Collet, you, in the meantime, use flashy spells to further lure his attention! Just as you lead him towards those rocks, Twilight-san!" She pointed at twin rocky formations, tall and oddly shaped like natural candles, at the other end of the valley. "Roger that?!"

"Do I really have any other option?!" Twilight cried out, beginning to gallop desperately in that direction.

Yue took an extremely deep breath. "I really wish you could..." Then she dispelled her fears as best as she could as Negi motioned for the others to follow her and himself, in a dash to place themselves behind the dragon. "Okay, a quick lesson on dragons! One of the reasons why they're so hard to slay is, whenever they fly, their aerial friction strengthened by their natural magic creates a really effective natural shield of sorts around them! Only really powerful spells like Dragon Slave can pierce through it! But, if you get close enough and strike directly at them, that barrier will stop being a problem! That's why Tsukuyomi-san was the only of us who made him bleed!"

"That, and my being the strongest!" Tsukuyomi pointed out as she ran. "I am the most powerful woman in the world!"

 _..._

 _(What, were you expecting something? Fine, someone sneezed, moving on.)_

Yue ignored that, breathing heavily and gripping on her wand as tightly as she could. "We're going to take advantage of that wound! But first we need to get to it!"

"The wound is in his head!" Lena pointed out. "So why are we coming at him from behind?"

Yuffie clenched a grin. "Isn't that obvious? Attacking a dragon from the front is a suicide! If the fire doesn't do you in, the jaws will! If I'm understanding Yue's plan correctly, we're going to get him by… the asshole!"

"WHAT!-?" Spike cried from the cave.

"N-No, we're just going to run up his tail towards the head!" Yue cried.

"Oh," Yuffie said, sounding disappointed. "Okay, I guess that works too…"

The rest of the chasing party made a stunned silence as they kept on racing after the maddened beast... I mean, noble wild animal.

"It's kind of an ass plan, I think, no pun intended" Asuna observed far more blandly than usual for Asuna, "but sure, let's go with it, why not?"

* * *

Negima by Akamatsu and Kodansha.

My Little Pony by Hasbro.

Kingdom Hearts by Disney and Square Enix.

Anything that Burns by Darkenning.

To Love Ru by Akemi, Yabuki and Shueisha.

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Nine.**

* * *

 **Negi.**

* * *

"Sensei!" Yue threw her new broom over at Negi. "You're a better flier, so you handle it!"

"Yes!" he nodded, grabbing the broom and mounting it, Yue hopping right behind him and hugging his back as he gained height. "Twilight-san...!" he called out next. "Can you use telekinesis on the others to pull them up on the tail?!"

"Not all of them, not right now!" the strained unicorn shouted as she kept on running with the dragon after her. "Two at most, I think"

"Geez," Negi mumbled, biting his tongue. "Okay, do it to Tsukuyomi-san and Yuffie-san, then!"

"Tsukuyomi?!" Twilight cried. "Are you sure?!"

"Just do it, please!" a moment before shimmering purple fields of energy surrounded both ninja and swordmistress and enveloped them like gigantic bubbles, floating them up until they were at the same level as Negi and Yue on the dragon's tail, dodging its erratic, angry lashing from one side to the other.

Aerith and Cid slowed down, left behind the dust and ashes, joined right now by a panting Rito who was just catching up to them. "We couldn't get on it," Aerith whispered, frustrated. "It's all on them now."

"Yay," Cid and Rito, neither of whom were suicidal or particularly overly heroic, 'complained'.

Lena gave up as well moments later after failing to grasp the beast's tail with a shadow tendril. "I'll give him this, anyone crazy enough to try this really has to be the Thousand Master's son!"

"The idea is Yue's, though!" Webby piped in, followed by a worried Louise, Spike and Pluto as they finally ran out of the cave to join them. "I think, anyway. What did you get from it?"

Cid grunted, looking at them advance up the dragon's scaly back, fast and steadily. "They want to reach the wound the weirdo left open on Laughing Boy, strike it, and take advantage of the damage and then some. The idea's is sane enough, but the execution...!"

Rito gulped, sweating as he stared at them, especially concerned about Yue. "A-Ayase-san..."

"We got him here!" Twilight gasped, finally reaching the gap between both tall rocks, and running between them. "Now what?!"

"Of course!" Spike slammed a tiny fist on a palm, realization dawning as he saw the much bigger and older reptile crashing between both rock pillars, and Twilight, Collet and Jean Luc kept on advancing to relative safety. "He's nearly blind this early, and enraged so much, and with all the light spells Collet threw around, he was further confused...!"

The four fighters who had rushed up the back had reached the general shoulders area by then, and the gaping, still fresh scar on the head was clearly visible already, Tsukuyomi licking her lips at the sight. "Yue-san, I'll concentrate on keeping the broom steady!" Negi shouted, even as the dragon recovered as best and quick as possible, pulling his neck back and roaring. "You take aim and cast!"

Yue blinked. "B-But I'm not even a mage, I'm just winging it with this-!"

Negi glanced back over his shoulder at her and smiled. "You've always been wise without needing to study. Of course, that isn't always enough, but... right now, I have the utmost faith in your raw talent, Yue-san."

Yue blinked slowly, then made a weak, yet wide smile a she understood the reason behind this statement. "Sensei! You... You remember!"

"It took a while to fully kick in," Negi admitted, gesturing at Yuffie to throw shurikens at the large wound, which she did, forcing the dragon to howl and roll in place, crazed by pain. "But looks like the Pactio, indeed, somehow brought back my memories of you, at least. We haven't had the chance to build that many memories together, have we, Yue-san? But, perhaps we could start from this point on..."

Feeling her hearth thump very fast, Yue raised a hand, held the book steady in the other, and read aloud a spell she thought was fitting enough for the situation. " _Gather, ice spirits!_ _Become spears to rain down upon my enemies! Iaculatio Grandinis!"_

Yue brought her hands together, slammed them down as the book hovered before her, and summoned a thick barrage of ice lances, which bombarded the dragon's head, raining on the open wound and making the beast thrash in place insanely. That threw Yuffie off the back, but she rolled around and landed on her feet expertly, absorbing most of the impact even as she winced from the strain on her legs.

Negi reached over for Tsukuyomi, grabbed her by the back of her dress, and threw her at the wound even as the lances of ice stopped dropping. "If you kill him, you'll have to bury him," he warned sternly, then threw her at the head in a single mighty motion of his arm.

"Yay, Fastball Special...!" Tsukuyomi giggled, eyes glinting and swords swinging ahead of her as she flew, then falling on her knees at the edge of the bleeding gap and sinking both blades into it for the finishing blow...

* * *

A reasonably long interval later, after Yue had looked up a good healing spell in her book, and she, Aerith and Negi had combined forces to enact it on the dying beast on the charred ground, Spike warily moved ahead of the group, stopping before the sulking, fuming, downed large reptile. Spike cleared his throat, then began speaking in a series of low, short grunts and rasps while the rest of them waited behind, weapons still at the ready, and Cid dragged the still bound, smoking and moaning Pete around by their side, Pluto growling angrily at his master's longtime foe.

"I had no idea dragon hunts were as much fun as manhunts! We have to do this again!" Tsukuyomi commented happily.

Louise ran a hand down her own face. "Shut up, please... just shut up."

"You aren't feeling well at all, are you," a very worried Collet asked, cradling the recovering Jean Luc in her arms. "You've just said 'please'!"

Asuna sighed. "This would've been a lot simpler if the dragon had been magical."

Rito blinked. "I thought all dragons would be magical in nature, though?"

"Please don't start, it's like the discussion we had with Makie-chan about ghosts!" Asuna shot back. "And your Keyblade wasn't of much help against Ugly either..."

"Keyblades are supposed to be overall efficient weapons," Gadget lectured, "but from what I have collected, only a well trained user can wield them efficiently. Their strengths are mostly vanquishing creatures with no Heart, or opening and locking transdimensional gates."

"Well, I can't see what use we could have for-" Rito mumbled as Spike kept on negotiating with the bigger dragon. Then he jumped up in alarm, much like Asuna, Yue and Negi did. "Wait, did you say 'transdimensional'?! This thing can take us to other worlds?!"

Gadget nodded. "Our civilization has mastered the means to travel between worlds. While Timeless Kingdom, King Mickey's domain, is based on Mundus Magicus, our Gummiship tech can travel, not only across this world's surface, but into other worlds other cultures in this realm can't access or even detect. Similarly, a Keyblade can open and close doors between those worlds on their own. It demands a lot of skill from the user, however..."

"Hey!" Asuna grinned. "Maybe we could use this thing to get back home, then!"

Skuld flinched. "I, I wouldn't be that quick to leap on the idea! It's true the Kingdom Hearts codes of magitech can perform such feats of interdimensional transportation, but without a firm hand to guide it, and Rito's is not firm at all unless it's clutching on a female breast, it's open to all sorts of errors! More likely than not, we'd end up in a Dark Dimension if we tampered with that thing right now!"

"That's correct, even the King prefers using Gummiships for those purposes, and he's the most skilled Keyblade Master in recent memory," Gadget pointed out. "However, even while taking those precautions, he still went missing after leaving us to look for a great disturbance, so Captain Donald, Captain Goofy and I were dispatched over to find him."

"I am guessing you don't have a clear idea what manner of disturbance that was?" Negi asked while Spike, in the background, finally finished dealing with the large dragon, which began slowly flapping his wings to rise into the sky, only Webby, Lena, Aerith and Pluto bothering to wave up at him as he left. Well, to be fair, Pete as well, but since he was so tied up he only could shake his peg-leg at him.

Gadget shook her head sadly. "All he left behind to explain on the subject was a note..."

She straightened up, assuming a very serious posture. She closed her eyes, opened her mouth, raised her pointer finger, and recited from memory, feigning an even higher pitched, yet somewhat manlier voice,

 _Dear Donald,_

 _Sorry to rush off without sayin' goodbye, but there's big trouble brewin'. Not sure why, but the stars have been blinkin' out, one by one. And that means disaster can't be far behind. I hate to leave you all but I've gotta go check into it._

 _There's someone who might be the key to our survival. Master Yen Sid called him the 'Thousand Master', the man of a thousand spells. Got it? We need that person or we might as well be doomed! N-not that you should be alarmed or anything, of course._

 _P.S.: Would ya apologize to Minnie for me? Thanks, pal._

"Wow," Asuna said, "you're good, girl!"

"Thanks, I get that a lot," Gadget nodded.

"Th-Th-Thou-The Thousand Master?!" Negi gasped aloud, Asuna, Skuld and Yue rolling their eyes and mouthing the words along with him.

Gadget looked at him. "You know that name? That might prove to be helpful."

"The Thousand Master is Negi-sensei's father!" Collet said, almost as startled. "The world's most famous mage!

"Ahhhhh!" Gadget snapped her fingers, finally remembering. "One of Darkwing Duck's Ala Rubra sidekicks, yes! It's all coming back together now, sorry, it's just Darkwing Duck never was one of our most famous heroes..."

Collet's eyes went tiny and all black. "Whaaaat... No! Nagi Springfield was the great leader of Ala Rubra, not a mere sidekick or anything like that!" She pulled an ID card out of her breast pocket and almost shoved it in Gadget's face. "See, I know what I'm talking about, because I'm Member Number 96077 of the Nagi Springfield Official Fan Club!"

"Collet-san!" a deeply gushed Negi said. "You never told me...!"

Collet blushed a lot, scratching herself on a cheek. "Ah-heh-heh, well, sorry, Sensei, I didn't want to give you the idea I was your friend only because I was your father's fan, or something..."

"The dragon's gone, in the event anyone's interested, but says that while he's thankful for us sparing his life, this is still his territory, and if we're not gone within the hour, he'll come back with his mate. And females are the deadliest of the species, you know," Lena reported dryly, walking back to them.

"Oh, he left already?" Louise blinked, looking around. "I didn't even see him flying away...!"

"You guys have to stop jumping from one plot point to another without first wrapping them up properly," Webby sighed. "And you said I have Attention Desorder Syndrome? If you're not careful you'll end up like an Akamatsu Ken comic."

"So it's not as easy as to just concentrate on going back home, visualizing Mahora in your head, and wishing to be back with Haruna-chan and Mikan as you click your ruby heels together, right?" Rito mused sadly, staring down at his Keyblade intently.

"Of course not," Skuld chastised him, while Negi took Jean Luc in his arms and began healing him with a basic regenerative spell for his light wounds. "That's not how Kingdom Hearts works! It is directly linked to the heart and the soul, of course, but raw spiritual power isn't enough to transport someone across dimensions to some place as specific as Mahora, not even while channeled through a conduit like a Keyblade, and furthermore-"

"Still," Rito sighed, closing his eyes, "if I could, I'd wish-!"

Then a huge flash of white light enveloped him and the nearby Yue, Asuna, Skuld, Tsukuyomi and Negi (with Jean Luc still in his arms). And when it was over, just as quickly, they all had disappeared, leaving behind only a gigantic mark shaped like a heart keyhole burned into the ground.

"Ahhhhh!" Louise panicked. "My familiar!"

"The girl and the boy I was really coming to like!" Collet cried. A small pause. "And my familiar, too!"

"I told them!" Webby slapped herself on a knee, frustrated. "They haven't even finished one thing without jumping onto the next one!"

"On the bright side," Cid said, "the little psycho is gone as well." When Aerith glared at him, he shrugged. "What? We should be positive about these things, you're always saying that yourself!"

They all stopped in silence for a few moments.

"So, how many chapters are we taking as a break?" Pete quietly asked at the tail end of it. "Did someone bother to check up on that?"

* * *

 **And All Shall Burn Equally.**

* * *

 **A Crossover with Darkenning's _Anything that Burns_ story.**

* * *

 **Extra Proofreading and Edits by Darkenning.**

* * *

 **Chapter One.**

* * *

Yuuki Rito looked up at the red sky once again, sitting down on the mostly dry grass.

"This," he finally said, with a great air of stoic philosophy that Yue couldn't help but admire, "is fair and square karma. Especially for me, who knew it was a bad idea and still went along with it and, you know, swung the darn Key-thing down." This was emphasized with a soft bump of his Keyblade against the ground, right before he placed his free left hand on his face and began muttering to himself, at which point all those new respect points earned with Yue were quickly lost.

"This isn't Mahora," Negi Springfield quietly said, standing by his side with the girls. "I still don't remember that much about it, but there's no way this can be the Mahora Academy I knew..."

They gazed together at the campus spread under them, all across the vast horizon lines resting under the hillside they had just appeared onto. Even from this distance, and even without the odd discrepancies from the campus layout they were used to, the dilapidated, decaying nature of those grounds was evident, when compared to the radiant, even overbearing, healthy exuberance of the school they had left behind for Mundus Magicus, and now for this. Especially when one caught sight of the city beyond the boundaries of the academic grounds themselves, where the urban misery they associated with the areas around Honnouji seemed to creep along almost everywhere, along a faint but pungent waft of ill odors carried by the breeze. The basic outline of the whole was that of Mahora City and its proud school, but the details looked twisted and shifted around into a corrupted degradation of the Mahora the students and their even younger teacher were used to.

And of course, there was the sky, too. This was no normal red sunset sky, this was quite clearly something very different, the hues far starker and sharper, like the Heavens themselves were bleeding. This exact comparison, however, was not crossing Kagurazaka Asuna's mind, as she was far too prosaic for such lines of thought. Besides, she was far too busy contemplating the thoughtful expression on Yue's face, the librarian being the kind of girl who WAS thinking that at the time.

Asuna recognized that expression. She had seen it once before, on Valkyrie Black's face as she looked upon _their_ Mahora.

"This is really bad," Skuld dryly said, finally putting the small device she had in her hands, shaped like a Nintendo DS with a large smiling Banpei face on its back. "If my calibrations aren't being tampered with by the interdimensional flux, we have been transported to Universe 13008184."

"Meaning?" Tsukuyomi calmly asked, pushing her glasses up her nose with a dainty little finger.

"For starters, I don't exist in this universe. I mean, no variant of me or my sisters, no one from my office, is part of the Administration for this dimensional plane of reality."

The mercenary smiled widely. "That's great news! Do you have any more?"

Skuld actually bared her teeth at her. "I know this is your kind of dump hole, but even your life is in danger as long as we're here, don't you even care about that? This is a reality setting scheduled for deletion," she grumbled, going over the stored data again, "and this Earth will be one of the first worlds in it to go."

"What?!" Negi gasped, with a no less stunned Asuna, Yue, Rito and Jean-Luc reacting with similar surprise, but too rattled to speak right then. "And why is that?! That's horrible, there must be something-!"

"Here, God is dead, literally," Skuld grouched. "He died long ago, in a Great War along with the Four Satans. In our universe, those were cousin Morningstar, Hild, Mephisto and the Malebolgia, and a peace agreement of sorts could be reached with them eventually. Here, they were... far less reasonable."

"The Devils, or the Devils and God?" Tsukuyomi smirked teasingly.

Skuld took only a second to glare at her before continuing. "An universe that has lost its Supreme God literally lacks a support to stand on its own for long. Hence, it's only a matter of time for this realm to break down completely, especially with no Norns around to stabilize the Past, Present and Future after such a system crash. As a matter of fact, my chrono sensors detect a massive breakdown in the proper flow of time here. These poor bastards literally can't even agree on which year they are living... because the timeline has just shifted out of balance that much!"

Rito heaved the Keyblade up again. "That bad, huh? No prob, then we've just gotta find the next opening I can use this on and make it back home. So what are we waiting for? Let's get moving before the whole world collapses on us!"

"Yuuki-san!" Negi protested. "Think of what you're saying! We can't be this callous as to overlook the doom of a whole universe!"

"Nothing we can do about it," Skuld shrugged, "so the Beast's right for once. We can't save everyone every time, Sensei. That's something even gods have to learn to accept eventually."

"But... these must be people just like us, with their own dreams, goals and feelings!" Negi protested, and Asuna, Yue and Jean-Luc found themselves nodding along it. "Just because no counterparts of us exist here, that doesn't mean their lives are worth any less than-"

"Wow, wow, slow down, I never said that!" Skuld said, further checking on her files for this dimension. "Just because there's no alternate version of me, that doesn't mean there aren't any versions of you somewhere around here. Let's see... yeah, I'm finding matches for Sensei, for Asuna, for Yue, and... for the Beast, sort of. You too, Tsukuyomi, although she's still far away from here, naturally..."

"What do you mean with 'sort of'?" Rito frowned.

Skuld shrugged. "That's not really important."

"Of course it is!" Rito protested. "Just because it's about my life, that doesn't mean it's meaningless or-" Here he paled hideously. "Oh my God! There's a Mikan here, too?! And a Haruna-chan?!"

"Well, yeah..." Skuld grumbled, clenching and grinding her teeth in annoyance. "But they're not the same people you knew and loved, for some unfathomable insane reason in Haruna's case, so-"

Rito slammed the Keyblade on the ground firm and angrily. "Then it's settled! We've gotta save them no matter what!"

Skuld flinched. "Y-You too?! What an idiot!"

"Pika pika pika. Pika pi, pika pi, pika pikachu..." Jean-Luc opined.

Skuld scowled. "Why did you even tag along anyway? How could you, to begin with? Oh, never mind!" she began walking downhill, gesturing at the others to follow her. "Let's make this fast, I'll show you around the place so you can see how pointless it is, and then we'll find the blasted Keyhole and get back home, or Mundus Magicus, anyplace where there's a Belldandy and things won't blow up in our faces any moment now, understood? Make haste, morons! And try to keep a low profile, will you? That includes you, Murder Machine! Keep those swords well hidden unless we're attacked!"

"You aren't the boss of mine, he is," the sword for hire reminded her, pointing at Negi before hiding the twin swords in her huge backpack when he just nodded sternly at her. She pouted at him in mock hurt, as the mismatched group made their way down towards yet another new world to explore.

* * *

"Good afternoon, Negi-sensei!" waved one of the girls who passed them on the way.

He waved back and smiled. "Good afternoon!" he said as the small group kept on walking, with Jean Luc hidden in Yue's backpack. It felt a lot like carrying Kero-san around already, making Ayase feel sort of nostalgic. As soon as they were out of the by-passers' hearing range again, he asked, "Do I know them?"

"I'd never seen them before," Asuna informed.

"Ah," he said. "Well, at least I'm well liked around these parts. It's a welcome change after being chased for so long..."

"A silver lining on an otherwise bleak canvas," Yue grumbled, with a hand on her tiny nose. "I can't believe this place stinks so much. There's garbage everywhere, too..."

"What a spoiled brat!" Tsukuyomi commented, kicking a random can aside. The can flew far, far away and out of sight, and Negi only could hope it hadn't been aimed to kill anyone on impact. "Haven't you ever been to Syria, or Roanapur, or the Orinoco? Now those are places that make this look like Candyland. You don't even know half of how the world works..."

They sat by a currently inactive fountain, gazing at the greenish waters stalling, if not marinating and fermenting, in it. "Okay, where to now?" Rito asked. "Yeah, we've seen the school's a disaster, now what? We're going to cause a ruckus if we're found by our... how do you call 'em, alternates, right?"

Skuld sighed, fumbling with her portable device. "The files on this world aren't that complete, since it was scheduled for deletion anyway. I know the large picture, but I'm not sure who's to trust here or not. Negi still seems well liked, though, so odds are he's a good guy here too. I'd say we should look for him."

"Maybe that young lady could help, since she seems familiar with me," Negi mused, waving at a girl coming down the road to greet them, and forcing Asuna, Skuld and Yue to do a double take. The red haired beauty of the pineapple hairstyle striding towards them in jeans and a black tee shirt, and holding a video camera, grinned like a fox, winking an eye at the young teacher and the two Baka Rangers.

"Hey there, Negi-sensei, Asuna, Yue!" she sunnily said. "Remedial classes ended up early, huh?"

"A-Asakura Kazumi!" Yue said, mostly so Negi could figure out who she was. They'd had no pictures of her to show him in Ariadne or Traverse Town, so he hadn't recognized her at first sight, but they'd still told him enough about her, and Negi got the hint quickly.

Asakura frowned, stopping before them. "What's with the full name treatment all of a sudden, Yue? Who are you now, Eva-chan? We've never been that close, true, but -"

Asuna laughed nervously. "Eh heh heh, excuse her, Asakura! She's not the same today, and I'm not sure I am either! Hm, where you going now?"

"Oh, you know, I'm off to interview some of the witnesses to the foiled execution in Honnoji. No one from there will talk, naturally, but I finally cut a deal with a few of our guys who went there to watch. Looks like those girls were actually saved by a guy in some kind of mask!"

"Execution?!" Rito gasped, so startled he begun to lose his balance, although a stone-faced Negi held him by his shirt before he could fall onto Asakura.

"Yeah, you know, the one that was supposed to be lethal for real, the one that's made the rumor mill for days now?" Kazumi asked him. Then frowned. "Who are you anyway? Do I know you guys?"

"We're, um, foreign students in transit, nothing else, we won't stay here for long!" Skuld beat a grinning Tsukuyomi to the punch. "I'm Skuld, this is Rito, and this is Yomi-chan, our cousin! She's on medication, so please forgive anything bad or weird she might say!"

Tsukuyomi pouted. "Mooouuu, cousin Sku-chan, how rude! Is that any way to treat your favorite dear cousin?"

Asakura blinked. "Why do you have an European accent and your cousin one from Kansai?"

"Very separate branches of the family," Rito exhaled, Negi still not letting go of his shirt just in case. "Nice to meet you, Asakura-san, Sensei's told us about you..."

"Nothing bad, I hope," Kazumi grinned, "although he doesn't know me well enough for that yet, do you, Sensei? I bet Yuna's filled your head with all sorts of misconceptions about me, though."

"Yuuna?" Asuna blinked.

Asakura looked at her, a bit puzzled about the mispronouncing, but quickly chalking it up to Baka Red being Baka Red. "Well, yeah, I can tell she's not too fond of me, can't you? I trust she's been good to you so far, Negi-sensei? Akira's a given, but Yuna, not so much."

Ah, so in this world, Negi roomed with Akira and Yuuna, Yue understood. And from Asakura's questions, it was easy to see Negi was still very early in his academic tenure. "As a matter of fact, Asakura-san, we wanted to talk to Yuuna now. Something that can't be treated through the phone, would you know where is she right now?"

Asakura took on an expression of curious interest Yue and Asuna knew all too well. Yue wasn't one to ever mispronounce names, unlike Asuna, so there was an extra odd wrinkle to this already strange question. But like a good fisherman, Asakura knew better than to pull too hard, too early, on a catch. Instead, she smiled and replied honestly, which was what Yue had hoped for, since with any luck they wouldn't be around to deal with whatever she decided to follow up with later. "Sure!" said the junior reporter. "By now the sempais must've kicked her team off the court, so she must be home already! But I would have guessed Sensei would know that already."

Negi forced a smile. "Sorry, Asakura-san. I've been a bit forgetful of late!"

"Well, I can't say I blame you. Too many things on your mind, right?" She looked at her wristwatch. "And mine, too." The interviews were her priority right now, she could always look into it later. "Sorry, I'd love to stay and talk with you guys about your facial tattoo and giant toy cosplay, whatever it means, but -"

"Godspeed!" Tsukuyomi gave a friendly wave. "We'll be glad to get to know you better later, _Ka-zu-mi-chan!_ "

Asakura paused, then chuckled at the treatment. "Well, yeah, me too, I can tell.. See you later, then!" she added before rushing away, all but racing to meet her delayed schedule.

"Please be careful!" Negi shouted after her, worried since she was going to cover some kind of apparently deadly execution after all.

Skuld sighed. "Good thing she was busy! Last thing we needed was having her on our case."

"She's a very likable person," Negi mused softy. "She doesn't sound like the infernal meddler you described, Asuna-san..."

"It's all under the skin, Negi," Asuna said. "All under the skin!"

"Oh," Negi said, letting go of Rito's shirt at last. The older boy just facefaulted right where Kazumi had stood moments ago.

* * *

They looked up at the old, familiar junior high dorm building, while half-hidden between some bushes. _Amateurs_ , though Tsukuyomi, pitying their poor form in espionage but willing to play along for now. "Okay," Skuld said, "we've gotta be very careful, now. The closer we are to Negi and Yuna-"

"Yuuna," Asuna corrected her.

"Not in this world, no," the Norn shook her head. "Asakura isn't the type to mispronounce a classmate's name twice. Anyway, the closer we get to them, the bigger the chances we'll be spotted along the local versions of Negi, Yue-san or Asuna-san. And we can't explain that, so I say Murder Machine and I should go check in as the rest of you wait here..."

"Are you seriously thinking of taking Tsukuyomi into the same building where Setsuna-san might be right now?!" Asuna gasped, horrified.

Tsukuyomi grinned deliriously. "The dumb cow's got a good point, I'm not sure I could hold myself back...!"

"This'd be much easier if we had those age changing pills," Asuna sighed. "We can't even send Rito-sempai in, they'd kick him out in no time at all..."

"Through a window, most likely," Rito shuddered. "And the Keyblade doesn't help any, it's a miracle Asakura-san didn't probe further about it."

"That thing's too silly looking to be taken seriously as any sort of actual weapon," Yue said. "You could get in safely if we had Lala's Pai Pai Rocket-Kun, though..."

"Noooo, we wouldn't be trying that, either!" Rito said. "Perish the thought!"

"I can get you in," said a voice from right behind them, making Skuld, Negi, Asuna and Yue all jump in place, and Tsukuyomi to spin around as fast as gracefully, pulling a sword out in the blink of an eye, and swinging it at the stranger's throat... only to have it blocked easily by Zazie Rainyday's hand, which now sported huge claws that hadn't been there seconds ago.

"Fifteen points," Zazie said laconically.

"Z-Z-Zazie!" Asuna stammered, unsure of what else to say. Out of all her classmates, Rainyday was the most unpredictable by far, and this only further cinched that fact up, what were they supposed to do now? "W-What are you doing here?! And why do you have CLAWS?!"

"I perceived your arrival into this dimensional plane and the disruptive ripples it sent minutes ago, but only could catch up to you now," Zazie explained, face still even as Tsukuyomi strained herself, stubbornly pushing the blade against her claws. Skuld frowned at the dark skinned girl, who addressed her then. "Going from your markings, you must be a Norn. I'm impressed. I always believed your kind were naught but fabrications of those maddened by Second Magic..."

Skuld huffed haughtily. "We are rarer existences than those of Mazoku, much like it's more difficult to find golden dragonflies than common house flies."

"You are fortunate not much of a support system for the network remains," Zazie flatly stated, taking the insult in stride. "Otherwise, your presence would have been discovered and neutralized already, by others who are far less merciful than I."

Skuld smiled harshly, a little vein bulging on her forehead. "Believe me, we aren't here because of our own will. Who would be? If you want us out of your hair quickly, just take us to your Negi Springfield already. I'm sure we can work our way up from there without any need to further disturb you."

Asuna watched this exchange with noticeable discomfort. "Okay, Skuld, exactly what is this, and how does this reflect on the Zazie we know, anyway...?"

"Later, Asuna-san, later!"

"This is Zazie, remember?" Yue asked Negi wearily. "Whenever she actually bothers to speak, bad things are bound to happen..."

"Oh..." Negi said, with a concerned nod and scowl.

"It is not my fault. I simply react accordingly to situations of crisis," Rainyday made clear before showing the first few faint signs of annoyance at Tsukuyomi, who simply kept on pushing, trying to break past her claws and into her throat. "Would you please stop doing that already?"

"Die, just die already, why won't you...!"

"Your dialogue reminds me of someone I met not long ago. It didn't go well for her, either."

* * *

Akashi Yuna tightened the bathrobe around her naked body once again, straightened it down to make sure she was presentable, and then peeked out her front door. "Yes?"

She found herself staring into a set of mismatched eyes, one blue, another green. "Let us in, quick," the girl at her doorstep ordered.

Oh great, she should have seen this coming. No doubt Asuna was here to have a few words about going along with her little brother's crazy schemes. Yuna supposed Asuna was the one in the right on this subject, but that still didn't mean-

"What do you want, Asuna?" Yuna asked, forcing herself to interrupt that train of thought since Asuna's expression was obviously not that of one willing to wait while Yuna contemplated things. She still did not do as requested, but then it was a moot point after all when someone else standing right outside unceremoniously- and with rather shocking strength- pushed the door open, shoving Yuna against a wall and ushering herself in and others in. "What the hell!"

"She asked nicely, but I don't do that!" peppily said a short girl with glasses and long blonde hair, the one who had pushed Yuna in, skipping in without a care, with Asuna, Yue, some girl with weird dark tattoos on her face, and a boy Yuna had never seen before. Most shocking of all, however, was the presence of a contrite looking-

"N-Negi?!" Yuna gasped, staring in bewilderment at the young boy while Zazie also came in and closed the door after herself. "What in the world, you can make copies of yourself too?!" That was really bad! If he could do that, he'd impregnate the whole city in no time!

In a single swift motion, Asuna placed a hand on Yuna's mouth, firmly squeezing it close. "Please be quiet," the redhead asked. "If we're found out, we're toast, and so are you, I suspect, so I beg you, whatever you see or do, just listen and don't start shouting ..."

"Asuna, is that you?" another Negi asked, coming out the same door in the back Yuna had walked out of moments ago. He wore nothing but a bedsheet wrapped around his waist. "I was expecting this visit, so let me assure you - oh." He didn't even get to say 'feathers' as he stared in shock at the other Negi in the living room, who simply waved blandly at him. Finally, he settled for a weak, "No, I guess I wasn't expecting _this_ after all."

"Niiiiice," some girl in glasses, not that much older than him, purred huskily, checking his torso out, up and down. The unclad Negi took a quick mental note to try his luck with her later on. It was obvious from the situation she was initiated into something already, and that always meant less work left to start with.

"Don't you shout either!" Asuna hissed at him.

But this other Negi only sighed. "I expected better of Father, really. Mother wouldn't object to his escapades as long as he was honest about them, but..."

"This," Zazie interrupted, "is not your brother. My people have confirmed that Lord Nagi has no offspring other than you."

Yuna blinked. "Then, what, have you guys mastered cloning too? What's this guy doing in a female dorm? Why do you have tattoos on your face? And ... w-why are you sniffling at me, anyway?!" she protested angrily, backing away from Tsukuyomi. What Yue was doing there was no big question in her mind, since she'd expected Haruna to bring her and Honya along sooner than later.

The mercenary pulled back as well and drew in another long, pleased breath. "Wow, you're so much cooler than that Chisame prude, aren't you? Way to go, girl!" She gave Yuna a thumbs up. "I like a fellow girl who can live dangerously!"

"W-What does Chisame have to do with anything of this?!" Yuna wanted to know. "Why is no one answering my perfectly reasonable questions?"

Zazie looked at the Negi she knew. "Sensei, are you familiar with Bell's Theorem? The thesis of infinite universes?"

This Negi understood then, as his other self nodded at him. "Oooohhhhhh."

"Yes, well, sorry about dropping in uninvited this way," the slightly older and a bit taller Negi, although otherwise they were identical to fool almost anyone, said humbly. Only now Yuna was starting to notice the few differences about them other than attire, and only because she had them up close, personal, and side by side. "We had an accident of sorts trying to get back home from... a foiled expedition, we could say."

"Infinite... what?!" Yuna asked. Then winced, as she'd watched enough sci fi movies. "Oh no, don't tell me this is what I think it is!"

Skuld nodded. "We come from a parallel reality. My name is Skuld, Norse goddess of the future. Back in my realm, I'm your roommate."

"... I room with a goddess?!"

"Well," an annoyed Skuld frowned, "not **you** , your counterpart, but I thought that much was obvious from the context..."

"What about about Akira?!"

"She rooms with Ako-san."

"And what about Maki-chan?!"

"She rooms with Iinchou-san."

"And what about Naba and Murakami?!"

"They room with each other, sheesh! I tell you I'm a goddess, and room arrangements is all you can think of?!"

Yuna nervously reached for her cellphone, marking a number on quick shaky fingers. "H-Haruna?! It's me. Really bad shit. Mage shit, of the really rotten variety!"

"Language, please!" the Negis said in stereo.

Yue livened up. "Haruna?"

The naked Negi nodded. "She and Yuna are... in on my secret, so she's to be trusted. This is fascinating, I never dreamed of encountering phenomena like this. Haruhi-san would be ... hm. No, she'd probably dismiss it as a hoax, again."

"Would you please go put some pants on before keeping talking with my students?" the vaguely older Negi asked, frowning. Somehow, he wasn't feeling very fond of this guy, even if he was himself. Something about him seemed to unexplainably... improper.

"Yeah, fine, I can't explain right now, so just hurry up here ASAP or else!" Yuna sighed as she lowered the phone. "She'll be here any moment now, if nothing else we can count on her curiosity. Okay, you guys, we better sort this out, whatever it is, before Akira comes back from her practice! Starting with who's this guy and why he's acrrying a giant toy key around!"

Rito bowed, being extra careful not to slip and fall on her. Somehow, he got it right for once. "Please forgive me! I'm Yuuki Rito, and Zazie-san insisted I should come in too! Somehow she could smuggle us in without being seen, I was impressed..."

Zazie shrugged and tonelessly said, "It was nothing."

Then someone knocked on the door, and Rito gasped. "H-Haruna-chan!"

Yuna squinted suspiciously at him. _"- chan?"_

"He's Paru's boyfriend back at home," Yue explained.

"Don't tell me," Yuna grumbled, moving for the door. "Well, good for you, I guess, but don't get any ideas about this Haruna, I'm sure she's not... good for you."

"I heard that!" said Haruna's voice from outside, making Rito and Yue squirm. "I don't understand the rest of what I heard, but that, I got! What's going on, Yuna, sensei?! This better be good!"

"Let her in before she draws the whole dorm in," Skuld sighed, and Yuna opened the door, a Haruna in tight short shorts and a tighter black top rushing in, Yuna closing behind her just as soon. Tsukuyomi sniffled the air left in her wake blissfully, then eyed her bare feet and the pointy nipples under the top's fabric, drawing her conclusions inwardly with a perverse smirk. The mangaka then came to a sudden halt before Yue, eyes growing much wider. "Oh God - Yue! They wrangled you in, too?! I-I'm sorry, I was going to tell you soon, but -" Then she saw both Negis standing together and her mouth just slackened wordlessly.

The fully dressed Negi smiled. "Good afternoon, Haruna-san! Nice to meet you! I'm Professor Negi Tiberius Springfield! Don't be afraid, I'm not an illegitimate child or anything abnormal, I'm just your teacher's cross dimensional counterpart!"

"... what," Haruna said.

"Hey, hey. Are you screwing him silly too?" Tsukuyomi bluntly asked her then.

"What?!" Haruna cried now.

Tsukuyomi took a finger to her own nose, as Skuld, Asuna and Yue all blushed, deeply stunned. As for Rito, he simply began choking in his saliva as violently as he could. "The nose knows! These two were going at it like rabbits only moments ago, and so were you wherever you just came from, and if you're all in this together, then-"

"Going at it like rabbits?" the visiting Negi frowned, reaching over to gently pat Yuuki's back. "You mean... some sort of fighting?"

"Fighting rabbits?" Tsukuyomi asked back.

He nodded. "They are notoriously territorial animals who can get quite brutal at each other, haven't you ever read _Watership Down_?"

"Fighting?" It was John's turn to frown. "Are you serious? Also, _Tiberius?!_ Who ever thought it was a good idea naming you Tiberius?!"

The other Negi blinked, then paused in troubled contemplation, all the while Rito choked tumultuously and supported himself against a wall. "I don't remember, actually, but... but..." He rubbed his temples and then gasped in great enlightment. "Ah! Nekane nee-chan once said it was Mother's idea! Wait, what are you called then?"

"John! Negi John Springfield! No, you wait, who in the world is 'Nekane'?"

The other Negi's mouth hung loose.

Yue stared, quietly aghast, at Haruna. "Paru!" she said. "D-Don't tell me you...!"

Haruna made an irritated noise. "What am I going to tell you? I don't even know what's going on! This nonsense that ... twin said, is that supposed to be-?"

"I thought," Yuna said, "you had read a lot of sci fi manga?"

"I have, but what does that have to do with-!"

"And don't you have a brother who changes gender when wet?" Yuna interrupted again. "Haven't we just been invaded by aliens and teamed up with a child mage, why are you freaking out about normalcy all of a sudden?"

"Brother?!" Asuna and Yue chorused.

Haruna blinked. "I having a brother bothers you, but the aliens and magic don't?"

"Your other... well, you is engaged to an alien princess and we've been into Negi's secret for quite a time now, but... if you're talking about Saotome Ranma, that's our Haruna's dad, not her brother!" This was said by Asuna.

Haruna winced. "Ranma did it with Mom?!" She knew it was a good idea to not let them meet!

Skuld growled, very frustrated now to Tsukuyomi's never ending amusement. "No, our Saotome's grandmother isn't her mother as well! That family is not THAT twisted! Pay attention, yes, all of us come from a parallel universe, well, other than the Mazoku here," she argued vehemently, pointing at the indifferent Zazie. "And yes, I realize that's even weirder than aquatransexuals and alien invaders and magic, but just accept it already, will you?! So we can move on with this freaking conversation at last!"

"And you are?" Haruna glared at her.

"A goddess."

"Ah. Of course you are."

"I should have brought popcorn!" Tsukuyomi commented.

"This... This is nuts!" Asuna growled, helping the shaky, pale and cadaveric Rito stand back up from his current kneeling position on the floor. "Forget the aliens and mages, what the hell is wrong with you three?! If the pervert says you're... doing that stuff, then I believe her, she's an expert on the subject after all!"

Tsukuyomi nodded with pride. "Bred and raised!"

Yuna's teeth clenched. "Weren't you telling us to be quiet just moments ago?"

"Zip it, child corrupter!" Asuna told her. "Y-You're worse than Iinchou! You must be Yuuna's evil twin, she's a fellow follower of fine older men, not brats!"

"... oh, so you don't do it with your Negi?" Yuna asked them.

"NO, WE DON'T!" Skuld, Asuna, Yue and Rito yelled as one.

"Doing what?" their by now highly upset teacher grumbled. "Mind letting me join this bizarre conversation of yours?"

His counterpart stared at him, baffled. "Oh my God, what a terribly sheltered education!"

"They don't," Tsukuyomi observed. "But I'd say they should! Just look at all that unhealthy repressed tension, won't you...?"

"Okay, and you're another goddess?" Haruna asked her. "Let me guess, the goddess of cheap snark?"

Tsukuyomi grinned demonically, suddenly pullig her blades out and making Yuna and Haruna jump back in alarm. "Close! The goddess of swift, merciless murder for hire! Expensive murder for hire," she added.

"Not under **my** hire!" the visiting Negi reminded her sternly.

She glared back at him, over her shoulder. "You sure? You contracted me to use any measure of force against lethal threats, and I'd say you have a good chance of ending up stabbed to death here."

John stared angrily at Tiberius. "I don't know why you'd apparently hire a person this unstable as your bodyguard," he cautioned, already changing his earlier intentions concerning her. "But I swear, should she harm a single hair of my students, you will both pay."

"She won't," Tiberius replied in exactly the same tone.

Tsukuyomi only pouted and furiously shoved the swords back in their sheathes.

"That's better," John approved, then began rubbing his own chin. "But now I remember that name. There was a Nekane in the family files, I think. So you were denied the education I received because of her, I deduce?"

"Yes..." the other Negi mumbled, massaging his head as if to make the memories flow back in. "She was the one who- I mean, no! You make it sound like she is at fault of something, but now I remember, she was the best mother figure anyone could ask for! Ah! Oneechan!" he took both hands to his head in angst. "Wh-What have I done to you?!"

"Eh?" John blinked.

Yue sighed. "His sister raised him, with high moral standards I might add, and she was with us during... an incident that scattered our group all around the world. So far we don't know where the rest of our friends are, but looking for them, we ended up here somehow..."

".. I see. Sorry to hear that, I hope they are all okay. And... he's got amnesia, or some related trauma?" John asked, genuinely worried now.

Yue nodded, placing a hand on Asuna's arm to better control her seething rage and the looks of utter loathing she was shooting at Yuna and Haruna. "Another unfortunate consequence of the event that separated us. Sensei fell headfirst on a Mage of the Void and that erased his memory. But ever since he's regained his recollections of Asuna, Tsukuyomi-san here, Lala-san, Saber-san and... Berserker-san." This was added with a small grimace.

"Lala-san? Who's Lala-san?" Haruna asked.

"Paru's already mentioned alien fiancee," Yue explained patiently.

"I thought you had said she was this guy's girlfriend?" Yuna pointed at the still mostly frozen and hiccuping Rito.

Yue nodded. "All three of them are engaged, actually." She conveniently neglected to mention that she was part of those marriage arrangements herself.

"Wow," Haruna said slowly. "That girl leads an interesting life!"

"Oh, the things I could tell them about you," Yuna observed in an annoyed tone.

John was all but freaking out at Tiberius now. "Saber?! Berserker?! You mean you have gotten involved in _a Heaven's Feel?!"_

Tiberius nodded.

John swallowed. "... okay, I'll go put on those pants then."

* * *

After leaving a note that was both vague and reassuring enough for Akira, telling her they'd be back by dinner, Yuna, Negi and Haruna took Negi, Asuna, Yue, Tsukuyomi and the still mostly catatonic Rito to the rooftop, where they'd have more room to discuss things freely. Annoyingly, Zazie had disappeared at some point along the way, leaving them to their own devices as they sat under the wide red sky.

Neither Kagurazaka Asuna nor Akashi Yuna were aware of the full rich tradition behind the German word _Doppelgaenger_. They didn't know the first thing about Edgar Allan Poe's _William Wilson_ , or Robert Louis Stevenson's _Ticonderoga_. Negi Tiberius Springfield and Negi John Springfield were better read, however, and knew of the different interpretations different cultures had given the hypothetical event of meeting one's inexplicably identical double. So did Haruna and Yue, naturally, and of course Skuld was better versed on the implications of transdimensional incursions than anyone else on that roof. Even Tsukuyomi was far more cultured than she let on and had read pretty much everything Poe had ever written. ( _The Masque of Red Death_ was just hilarious!)

So, in this particular scene, poor Asuna and Yuna were the ones with a major disadvantage to fully appreciate the situation, culturally speaking, but in an ironic twist, Asuna had the actual best prior experience concerning this kind of phenomena.

As a matter of fact, Tiberius had met another alternate version of himself mere months ago. So had Asuna, although her views on those days were far more prosaic than his. But she had the advantage of remembering those event clearly, while he couldn't. Yue had stayed out of that whole fiasco and only learned about it from Nodoka's narrations, and Tsukuyomi's view of the whole shebang had been from the opposite side, limiting her knowledge of what had truly transpired quite a bit.

Back then, Negi had been the weaker, inexperienced counterpart to the extraordinarily strong young man many would call the Magus Erebus on his homeworld. So, even though Asuna wouldn't say it out loud, it was somewhat pleasing knowing this time the power balance was the opposite and favored him, even if the power gap between him and Erebus apparently was much bigger than that existing between himself and this creepy pervy boy. Just in case he decided to molest them or anything, of course, and not because Asuna had developed any sort of pride in the twerp. And it was not like she couldn't take care of herself either, but in these situations every advantage counted, she supposed.

"-and that's why they named me John, in his honor," the younger Negi finished his tale. "So now it is your turn. Why 'Tiberius'? Assuming you can remember it, of course. If not, don't strain yourself on our account."

"No, no, I believe it's all coming back to me now, and keeping talking about these things... it actually helps me a lot, apparently." Tiberius shrugged. "Nekane said my mother appeared to be a big fan of Roman history, and my father one of Star Trek. So that was the only middle name they could agree on. Apparently they gave 'Romulus' some thought as well, but-"

"Star Trek?" John dubiously repeated.

"Well, only the original series." When Tiberius still failed to see signs of recognition on John's face, he felt moved to make clear, "You know, James T. Kirk? The ship's captain?"

John shook his head. "Sorry, I'm afraid you are better versed in modern popular culture than I am. Your mother was aware Tiberius was hardly the most admirable Roman emperor, correct?"

"I know next to nothing about her, but I suppose it's just no other emperor fit the Trek connection. I know he was a cruel tyrant, of course-"

"And a sexual deviant, abuser and predator," John nodded.

Tiberius seemed baffled and mildly blushed at the mention of those words, and John was once again glared at acidly by the upset Asuna, in that way he knew that well from his own sister. Truly, this boy was fairly more sheltered than himself, most likely given a much more traditional education. He had no real idea whether to be glad or sad for him, but it would be for the best to avoid pushing those topics on for the time being, especially given the way most of his girls, mostly Asuna-san, were staring at him now. "Sorry, perhaps I shouldn't have - wait, are you saying you don't know your mother?! At all?!" he gasped

Tiberius was the one to shake his head this time. "She died shortly after I was born, apparently. Nekane says her family sent for her body and took it away to bury it overseas, or that is what she was told anyway. Did you ever get to meet yours?"

John took a moment to process that, then said, "Mother is still alive and well at home! I mean... wow, I'm really sorry, Negi-san. I had no idea. You have missed out on so much, lacking the company of such a noble woman..."

"What a way to make yourself feel better, huh, Sensei?" Yuna scowled at him over that last part.

"That's okay, people often say I've got a talent to make myself feel bad," Tiberius tried to defuse the situation. "I'm glad for you, Negi-san, but rest assured I never lacked a good maternal figure. Like I told you, Nekane has been like the best of mothers for me, not meaning to slight yours, of course..."

"Maybe you should," Yuna grumbled under her breath. "She's the one who put all those loopy ideas in this guy's head after all..."

Tiberius frowned slightly at her. "She, and Father, only did what they had to do, Yuna-san." Next, he dared looking at the fuming Asuna again. "In this world, the branch of the Springfield family cousin Nekane belonged to died in the Second Impact, before I could ever get to meet her. She must have been a remarkable young lady, if she could raise you and your brother all on her own..."

Asuna blinked. "My brother? What are you talking about, I have no siblings!"

"Oh, great," Haruna said. "So you aren't Asuna Springfield then?"

"Asuna- No!" Asuna shouted. "My name's Kagurazaka Asuna! I'm an orphan, I never got to know my true family, but- Oh my gosh! Don't tell me...!"

"No, no, please don't get the wrong idea," John requested gently. "Asuna was adopted in our family, and we have no idea who were her biological relatives either. So I highly doubt you are Negi-san's blood sister."

"... ooooohhhh," Asuna blinked a few times. "W-Well, it's not that I mind, Negi wouldn't be a bad kid brother, actually, but..."

Haruna laughed at that. "Oh, if only Asuna heard you saying that! She's always complaining about having Sensei here for a brother!"

"Well, I can understand her!" Asuna shot back. "Dense as this brat is, at least he isn't a pervert to put Chamo to shame!"

"Chamo?" Yuna asked.

"Pervert?" Tiberius followed on that, giving John a somewhat contemptuous glance. "Does that mean you are some sort of underwear thief, too?"

John sighed wearily, choosing just to look aside, off the rooftop's edge. "I have no idea what you mean by that," he said, avoiding to compromise himself. For now, whether he knew any chain smoking ermines or not will be left an exercise for the speculative reader, as regardless of his reasons he decided to change the subject somewhat before Yue could expand on this Chamo's nature. "Now please listen, I know the nature of my actions in this school may be difficult to understand for some, but rest assured I ultimately act moved by nothing but the common interests of humanity, for the greater good of everyone."

"Well, yes, we have noticed this world is sort of in its last legs, isn't it, Negi-han?" Tsukuyomi pointed up towards the place in the sky where someone would have been able to see the setting sun if the reddish cloud cover hadn't been thick enough to block it out completely. "Has it been like that all day long, day after day, really?"

"Oh, so that is different over there, as well?" John asked. "Very well, if we must be honest, this world has not been quite the same since the Second Impact, approximately fifteen years ago. Back then, a massive collision of a celestial body against the Antarctic destroyed most coastal areas in the planet and resulted, directly or indirectly, in the annihilation of half of the human species, including more than half of the Springfield clan. I assume, then, that disaster never befell your world..."

"Oh, no, it did," Skuld pointed out. "However, thanks to the efforts of a team of adventurers known as the Ala Rubra, led by someone named Nagi Springfield the Thousand Master, in our realm the effects of that cataclysm were contained to a much greater degree. Only one tenth of Earth's population perished, and the red sky anomalies only lasted a couple of years before Earth's atmosphere and ecosystems regained at least some semblance of their proper balance..."

John gaped quietly at that, moved by the implications. "I... I see! I'm, um, so glad for all of you then! However, in this world we have to face the looming threat of even more dire times ahead of us. My parents have taught me how to be a survivor, and a leader. I must use my talents to guide mankind through those upcoming ages of trials and tribulations, and so must my descendants, since this is not the manner of crisis that can be solved in a single generation. It would be a catastrophe if I died without leaving anyone to complete the labors assigned to me!"

"Well, someone has a very high opinion of himself!" Asuna noted, and Tsukuyomi found herself nodding firmly at that.

John weaved a sigh. "I can't fault you for your skepticism. Still, I have decided to remain on that path until the day I die, and I cannot let my parents down any more than Negi-san could disappoint his sister. Please try to understand, it is extremely important for me and others that I can succeed in establishing a strong lineage for the future."

"What future?" Tsukuyomi huffed, eyes half closed with cynicism. "You guys are goners, Skuld said-!"

"I said nothiiiiing!" Skuld gritted her teeth together, as Haruna and Yuna shared truly concerned looks.

Tsukuyomi looked at her. "Of course you did! You argued this world was a lost cause, that it-"

"Human willpower can work miracles too, Belldandy taught me that!" Skuld protested, slamming her mallet down. "I admit my calculations for this world are dismal indeed! But if these people really want to fight for it, we are not to discourage them! Fighting together, even them can beat the odds, I am sure! Don't ever undersell the power of love we may hold for each other!"

Rito awkwardly seemed to shuffle back to life, with a little sniffle and shudder. "Well," he dryly said. "Someone sure changed her mind very fast, right?"

Skuld glared at him. "And weren't you the one saying you'd fight for this 'lost cause' no matter what? Or what, your determination crumbled down just because this girl isn't interested in you?" she added, pointing at Haruna.

"It's not so much that I'm not interested, it's more like I -" Haruna started to explain.

The boy exhaled, pushing himself back to his feet on the Keyblade. "Hardly. I'd still fight for her, and for Mikan, no matter what they did, or how they felt about me... because they're still Haruna-chan and Mikan. It doesn't matter that they aren't the same. I'm sure they're still worth fighting for all the same."

"Um, thank you?" Haruna said. "You don't have to, really, but it's a nice feeling." Was this poor bastard for real? She found him too pitiable to break his heart, and she guessed his enthusiasm was commendable if it was actually serious, but...

Rito hefted his Keyblade, pointing it up at the scarlet sky. "Haruna-san! If you love Negi-sensei, then I accept it! I'll still fight on for you, and for the Haruna-chan waiting for me at the end of my journey, just as fiercely! Won't we, Sensei?!"

"Ah, Rito-san," Tiberius said. "I agree with your sentiment completely, of course, but you're accident prone and you're standing too close to the edge, please be careful..."

"Oh, you're right," Rito nodded, taking a few steps aside to safety. "Thank you, I was so into the moment I- GEHHH!" he cried, stumbling the other way and falling headfirst into Haruna's crotch instead. "AIE!" he shrieked before fainting right then and there.

There was a beat.

"You at least could pull his face from your hoohah already," Yuna said after said beat.

"They say it's dangerous to move an unconscious person without being medically qualified," Haruna argued, and not because she was starting to imagine being taken from two directions at once by Rito and Ranma. Definitely not!

"No, seriously," Yue countered. "I don't think he can breathe, his face is even turning purple..."

"Well, he pressed it way deep in!" Haruna marveled. "Are you sure he really does these things accidentally?" 

* * *

"Good evening, Mikado-sensei," John bowed as the voluptous woman finally opened the huge manor's front door for them, rubbing her eyes and dressed in nothing but skimpy black underwear and an open coat. "Sorry to drop by without an announcement, but you just wouldn't answer my calls."

"Hmmm?" she half yawned, lazily regarding the small group gathered behind him. It included Asuna, whom she knew well from a few sports induced injuries, plus Yue, who sometimes would pass by the infirmary as well claiming injuries from the exercise of her librarian duties. What sort of library work involved bruises and the occasional deep cut, Mikado didn't know. Other than them, the rest of the bunch were completely unknown to her, besides the small boy in a cloak and hood whose face was mostly hidden from view. Maybe she knew him, his chin certainly looked familiar. "Sorry, I was sleeping in early, today was a very taxing-"

"AHHHH!" the orange haired teenaged boy at the back of the formation pointed at her and cried all too dramatically, blushing like crazy. "S-Sensei! Why are you dressed like that?!"

"Hrrmmm... I think I said that I just woke up." She smacked her lips together, then squinted at him. "Do I know you?"

John sighed. "I know I'm perhaps asking for too much from you, especially after everything you have done for me lately, but would you please give these youngsters shelter for a few days, let us say a week?"

The doctor blinked curiously. "Why can't Ayase-san and Springfield-san stay in their dorm?" she asked. Don't tell me you've impregnated them already! And your own sister! she thought.

John reached over and pulled the hood off the boy his own size's head, revealing the apologetically smiling face of another, identical Negi Springfield.

Mikado took on that sight with a reasonably healthy mixture of surprise and applomb before calmly ushering them in. "Please do come in. It's cold tonight and I'm sure this will prove an interesting tale."

"Well, no wonder you are cold!" the girl with glasses of the bunch leered, salaciously checking her curves up and down with her gaze. No doubt this one was already 'drafted', Mikado pondered while locking the door back behind them.

"Cold?" Asuna frowned as she stopped her steps. "It's a pretty warm evening, I think."

"Second Impact has turned Japan into a tropical island chain," Skuld reminded her. "These people could barely endure a harsh winter from our world, and she's most likely adapted herself to these temperatures since her arrival..."

Mikado's eyes widened at that. "You told them!" she sharply accused, her face snapping towards John.

He grimaced uncomfortably. "It's more like they knew already, actually. You see, Sensei, have you read about Bell's Theorem?"

Understanding dawned along Mikado's face, as she slowly looked back and forth between the Negis. "Ah. I always thought that to be baseless fantasy, personally, but... are you sure this is not some long lost twin brother?" she asked John, poking a thumb towards Tiberius.

"I am reliably assured that I have no siblings," John said. "Please meet Negi Tiberius Springfield, Kagurazaka Asuna, Aoyama Tsukuyomi, Yuuki Rito, Ayase Yue, and Skuld -"

"Simply Skuld, if you please," the girl with facial markings requested.

Mikado smiled, amused. "Tiberius? Oh, there is a good Mirror Universe Trek joke somewhere in here. Please take a seat, I will bring something to eat and drink as we discuss this."

"T-Thank you very much," Rito said, clumsily pulling on a chair and sitting down, his Keyblade on the lap and soon twiddling his fingers around, definitely not glancing at Mikado's backside as she walked away. Not as much as John, at least. 

* * *

Big in the outside as Mikado's house was, it was even bigger in the inside. Even with all the hidden rooms meant to stash illegal alien cargo, patients in recovery best hidden from local or cosmic authorities, and simple adult recreation chambers, there was still more than enough room for a handful of children on the run from another universe.

They had put the youngest to bed first, of course, after his counterpart had left back for his own living quarters. Mikado paused by Negi Tiberius' bedside for a moment, gazing down at him and contemplating the conundrum of his existence. She supposed he was far more normal, for Earth standards, than the boy she had forged an alliance with just the other day, but whether that would be for the better or worse of his world and companions remained to be seen. Briefly, she wondered hwo much would it take to shape him into the kind of male John was... but that was not up to her either.

Sighing, she closed the door behind herself after exiting the room, stopping by Yue, Tsukuyomi, Asuna and Rito, who now sat around a table waiting to be shown their own rooms. On the table also sat a yellow quadrupedal creature Ayase had pulled out of her backpack, which apparently was related to some popular entertainment icon for children on this world. Eating crackers from a bag it had ripped open moments ago, the rodent chewed on noisily, oblivious to Mikado's brief contemplation of its perplexing nature.

"I should stay in the same room as him," Rito said finally, looking at Negi's door. "You'll see, Sensei, he's got a childhood trauma, and during nights, he tends to sleepwalk into girls' beds. His sister always let him sleep with her, so..."

"You've never been able to stop him anyway," Asuna told him. "Hey, Sensei, now the brat's asleep, mind if I ask you a question?"

"Sure thing, but I don't promise you will receive an answer, much less a straightforward or honest one," Mikado smiled mysteriously.

"That's okay, we're used to that kind of thing by now," Asuna shrugged. "Are you part of this harem..."

"He prefers the term 'collective', and to be perfectly sincere, I believe I do so," Mikado softly corrected her.

"Whatever," Asuna said. "Have you jumped into bed with him too?"

It was the alien's turn to shrug. "Not yet. But I can respect, even admire, his drive to achieve such hefty goals for someone so young. Isn't that why you follow your own leader around?"

"Sensei is not asking us to surrender our own lives to him as his spouses," Yue said. "Or the mothers of his children. Does John-sensei seriously think his children will be more qualified to lead than anyone else, just because they are his? Without the proper guidance, not that I'm doubting your aptitudes as a mother, even the child with the greatest potential will be nothing but a squandered existence. And I doubt even a prodigy like Sensei could properly help to educate and raise dozens of children at once."

Mikado smiled faintly. "I don't mind if you doubt my capacity as a mother. To be frank, I'm not sure I am qualified for that either. Then again, I am a scientist. Often I simply need to do things only to see if I can succeed at them or not. A good researcher is their own best test subject."

"That's a terrible thing to gamble a child's future onto," Tsukuyomi commented, oddly somber suddenly. "Once, someone tried to see if they could raise a child properly despite being literally the worst person for the task. I was the result."

"Well," Yue told her. "Aren't we self-introspective tonight? It's strange seeing you reflect on your own nature this way."

Tsukuyomi chuckled darkly. "I've never denied I am a monster, Yue-han. That's what makes me so lovely. But that doesn't mean I don't recognize beings like me are better off dead."

"Yet you'll fight with teeth and claws for your own survival no matter what," Yue told her.

"Naturally. That, too, is part of my nature."

Mikado witnessed this exchange with a thoughtful frown. "Okay. No solution is perfect, of course. I'm well aware there are many potential pitfalls with Negi's plan. But he at least is attempting to do something. While everyone around us seems perfectly happy just drifting towards disaster. The weak don't wish to fight back anymore, and the strong only want to hold onto any shred of power left around to exploit. If my cooperation is helpful at all to smooth some of the rough spots in Negi's course of actions, I will be there to assist him to the best of my capacity."

Skuld nodded slowly. "I suppose we can do nothing but wishing you luck, then."

"So, what's the Mikado Ryoko from your world like?" asked the doctor, pouring herself some coffee. "Does she even exist at all?"

"Both of you are... pretty identical, actually, other than the fact she's not, well, um, doing anything with Sensei," Rito rasped. "She's also an alien hiding her identity to the world, I only learned of it after Lala-"

Mikado's mouth sprayed a shower of hot coffee on his face.

"IIIIIIIIII!" Rito cried out in pain, dropping on his back against the floor, chair and all, to the sighs of resignation of Yue, Asuna, Tsukuyomi and the Pikachu. "Hot, hot, it buuuuurns!"

Mikado finished gagging on whatever coffee remained in her mouth and yelled, "Lala?! The First Princess of the Devilukes?!"

"Is there another Lala?" Asuna asked.

"Not realy, Devilukean law forbids anyone from naming their children after anyone in the royal family, but... are you friends with her?!" Mikado winced visibly.

"She's actually fairly likeable," Asuna said. "Yeah, we know her dad's supposed to be some sort of big alien meanie, but she's a really nice girl!"

"Gid Deviluke is a genocidal monster who would crush countless lives under his heel to create an order that only benefits him," Mikado said very coldly. "I'm willing to admit you might be oblivious to his evil, or that he could be a better person in your universe, but otherwise I'd be kicking you out of my house right now just for associating with that tyrant's family."

Asuna blinked. "Uhhh... sorry? Forgive me for saying this, too, but I don't think it's very nice to hold others responsible for what their parents do or did. I mean, we don't even hold being Tsukuyomi's sister against Setsuna-san."

"Very funny, Asuna-han!" the assassin rolled her eyes.

Asuna went on without acknowledging her. "Lala came to us fleeing from her father, and ever since she's been nothing but helpful to us! She's hard to deal with at times, but she always means well! I'm not ashamed of saying I think of her as a good friend, and dammit, Sempai, Yue, say something! She's your fiancee after all!"

"Oh, is she, now," Mikado blandly said.

Rito and Yue flinched awkwardly. "We both grabbed her tail at some point or another, so we accidentally were engaged in marriage to her, sorry..." the former offered.

Yue nodded. "It's not like rejecting her would have sufficed. You should know, had we turned her down, her father would come to Earth and try to destroy it. Superman-sama would stop him, naturally, but in the meanwhile-"

Mikado blinked. "Superman is alive in your world?!"

They all paused, then nodded, very wide eyed, even Tsukuyomi.

"We are talking about the same Superman, aren't we?" Mikado made clear. "Tall, powerful, red cape, spitcurl on the forehead, a stylized S emblem on his chest?"

"Laser vision, freezing breath, faster than a speeding bullet," Asuna added. "And as dreamy as a man can ever get!"

Mikado took this news with an air of mild perplexity. "So he didn't die ... That goes a long way towards explaining why your world is in better shape than this one. Here, almost all of Earth's superpowered defenders were killed by the Second Impact. Fortunately, so were the overwhelming majority of their foes. The rest of them, hero and villain alike, were hounded and captured by the authorities. Didn't that happen to you?"

"We have all sorts of those guys flying around," Asuna explained while Tsukuyomi sneered in disgust. "Batman-sama, War Machine, Birdman, Squirrel Girl, One Punch Man, Spider-Man, the Powerpuff Girls, the Teen Titans, Doctor Strange, the Fantastic Four, that flaming skeleton biker from New York..."

"Spider-Man is a criminal, though," Rito said.

"He's not!" Asuna protested. "He just happens to have bad press! Batman-sama himself told me once!"

"You know the Batman?" Mikado incredulously said.

"He's dropped on us twice," Asuna shrugged. "Not a bad looking jawline, but I don't like his attitude that much. I guess Robin-san will make an amazing man in a few years, though...!"

Mikado rubbed the bridge of her own nose, up and down. "What an Injustice. We could have had those Gods Among Us!"

"Well, we'll have to suffice, at least until we find our way back and leave you to rot," Tsukuyomi callously said. "By the way, do you have more of those cookies you gave us a while ago? They haven't given us any extra arms yet, so I imagine they are good by your weird alien standards..." 

* * *

"You should stop pretending already," said a soft, silky voice in the darkness of the guest bedroom. And Negi Tiberius Springfield sat up on the bed that was not his. Zazie Rainyday sat on said bed's edge, in her school uniform, her face as even as always. That much, he could see.

"Is Zazie-san, my student, like you?" he asked her.

"That, I cannot tell," she honestly replied. "You should ask the goddess who walks along you, instead."

He cracked a faint, weary little smile. "Gods are defined by their secrecy, it would seem."

"You are a strange one," she decided. "Is it a tactic of sorts, or do you simply do it to keep others at arms' length?"

"I have no idea what are you talking about."

"So, it's both?" Zazie asked. "This desire of yours to keep others apart from your heart, is it because you fear you might hurt them?"

"It wouldn't be the first time," Negi said, hugging his knees against his torso. "I remember once raising childish havoc in a misguided attempt to lure my father's attention. Instead, I drew those who would massacre my village and maim my sister. I'm afraid I'm just doing that all over again."

"So it is as I suspected, you remember more than you let on," Zazie said. "Professor, you are a man of multitudes, I can tell that much. Not by your own design, like Young Master Springfield aims to be, but perhaps that only makes your nature more unavoidable than his. You could not stand alone even if you wished to. I am afraid that is not your decision to make."

"There are so many names, both remembered and half-forgotten, buzzing in my head, it just scares me," he mused. "I feel like I have been dragged into something I cannot control at all, and I just keep on pulling others in with myself. If that's what your teacher aims for, I believe I can't share his outlook on life at all."

"You understand enough of what you have just heard, don't you? A fool's mask does not suit you. And by wearing it, you just insult the intelligence of those who love you."

"Better that than to use them as tools for my own goals," Negi said bitterly. "I don't want to be the kind of man John-san looks up to. I don't think that is for the greater good. I think, ultimately, he only fools himself into thinking that."

"Just like you fool yourself into believing you are that naive?" she wondered. "You are both the same, in a way. Just in opposite directions. Hopefully, some day you will both find your respective balances."

"Thanks for your wishes," he replied, sounding slightly hollow.

She reached over to caress his cheek tenderly, not with claws but with fingers that were almost motherly. "You are the Negi Springfield your world needs. He is the one we need instead. So both of you need to accept yourselves for what you are, not for what others told you to be. Perhaps he should embrace the part of himself who is like you, but you also should acknowledge the part of you that is like him."

He gulped, pulling back against the other edge of the bed. "Please leave," he requested.

And she nodded, and began melting into the shadows under her. "Of course. I never meant that you should start that path here, or with me. Regardless, you still can learn a lot about human nature while you stand among us. Just a suggestion," she said before vanishing into the darkness altogether.

Only then, Negi Tiberius Springfield let his head drop. "Perhaps I liked you better when you were silent," he confessed to no one in particular.

* * *

 **Next: Asuna.**


	10. Asuna

Akamatsu Ken created and Kodansha owns _Mahou Sensei Negima!_

To hell with the rest of the disclaimer, I've sprained a fucking leg, I might lose my job, and frankly I0m not in the mood.

Sorry.

* * *

Proofreading, Edits and the Setting of _Anything that Burns_ for this chapter by Darkenning.

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Nine.**

* * *

 **And All Shall Burn Equally.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two.**

* * *

 **Asuna.**

* * *

"Now pay attention," Negi Tiberius Springfield asked, stopping before Asuna, Yue, Tsukuyomi, Skuld, Rito and Jean Luc, all of them, the small animal included, sitting on chairs of their own disposed around Mikado's backyard. It was early the next morning, but the alien doctor had already left for her job, after thanking Rito for the best breakfast she'd had in months. Clearly Mikan-chan had taught him something, Yue had to admit. "Being stranded in another world is no excuse for slacking off on your studies, so today I'll be teaching you some World History classes until John-san arrives and we can figure our next steps out..."

"Time out!" Asuna cried. "You don't even remember most of your class, but you still remember how to teach!?"

He smiled and tapped on his skull with a finger. "Much like combat training, a career education is something that won't recede that easily, Asuna-san."

"I'm not even supposed to go to school!" Tsukuyomi said.

"However, you are still in the legal age range for it, and earning an education might get you a job that doesn't involve stabbing others to death," Negi patiently explained.

"Why would I ever want that kind of job?!"

"It's always useful to have some sort of sideline to fall back on in the event you ever were disabled from continuing your main line of job, Tsukuyomi-san," Negi told her. "What would you do if an enemy were to cut your hands off on the battlefield?"

Rito blinked. "You're a very morbid kid, Sensei."

"... I'd kill myself?" Tsukuyomi said.

"Then again ..."

Negi chuckled lightly. "Don't be silly, how could you kill yourself with no hands? Bashing your head against a wall? You'd just knock yourself unconscious, you're just that tough. Now, I've been studying up on this world's history over the last few hours, while I couldn't sleep well, so let us start with a few Alternate History lessons..." he mused, opening a thick, relatively new book up. "The exact dates in this world are sort of blurry past a certain point, but this much is certain..."

"What is the use of learning about the history of another world?" Yue asked. "How will that help us in our world?"

"Those who cannot learn from others' mistakes are certain to repeat them," Negi lectured, primly pushing his bifocals up his nose. "Isn't that right, Zazie-san?"

The students all looked aside to see the local Zazie sitting on another chair beside theirs, nodding in silence. "Shouldn't you be in your class right now?!" Asuna demanded of her.

"I can learn much more here," Zazie flatly said. "Please continue with the lesson, Professor."

Negi nodded. "In 1485, Richard III defeated and killed Henry Tydder at the Battle of Bosworth Field, ending the War of the Roses."

"Like the movie?" Asuna asked.

"Which movie?" Negi asked preemptively.

"You know, that really depressing comedy with Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny De Vito?" Asuna asked back.

"What does that have to do with... No!" Negi exhaled. "The real War of the Roses was a history shaping conflict between the English houses of Lancaster and York. On our home universe, Richard III was killed in said battle instead, an event immortalized by Wiliam Shakespeare's eponymous play. That is why I decided to start by this divergence point between our histories, as it is-"

"- booooring!" Asuna summed up. "We're Japanese, what does that change for us? It can't even have changed England that much, since you dad still met and married your mom, and you still were born, and..."

"So in this universe the house of Tydder, later known as the Tudors, did not come into power. In 1576, John Dee, adviser to Queen Rosalind of England, advised her to create a British Empire through colonization. She embraced this vision, naturally."

"Oh, I know one John Dee!" Tsukuyomi happily chipped in. "Rather pleasant fellow, likes to hide his hideously scarred face behind a skull mask, and plagues people's dreams to their deaths under the alias of Doctor Destiny..."

"We don't want to hear about your supervillain friends, Tsukuyomi-san," Yue said.

"That man is long dead in this world anyway," Zazie shrugged blandly. The Elizabethan Dee, on the other hand, was still alive ... in a manner of speaking.

Tsukuyomi pouted. "This world sucks! All the cool people went off and died! So they didn't even have a Henry VIII?"

"No, they didn't. At least, there was no King of England or Emperor of that title." Negi coughed. "They did have a Queen Victoria, though, and from the histories, she seems to have been the sort of person you would have liked. In 1588, following the defeat of the Spanish Armada, Queen Rosalind adopted the throne name Victoria, and declared the establishment of the Brittannic Empire, beginning with the subjugation of Ireland."

"This is the part where we're glad Lancer-san didn't come along," Asuna observed.

"It's good to see some things remain the same no matter the universe and Spaniards stay pushovers here," Tsukuyomi philosophized.

"In 1642, the Brittanic Parliamentarian revolt was firmly, brutally crushed," Negi continued, tightening a fist for effect. "That meant-"

"Was that the same thing in that movie, where the guy in the Anonymous mask goes and takes the evil government down?" Asuna asked. "That was a real crime, if you ask me, having Hugo Weaving in your film and never showing his face off..." She heaved a long sigh, making Yue, Tsukuyomi, Rito, and even Zazie, to a degree, look oddly at her. "What? You have your tastes, I have mine!"

Negi decided to move past that point, since there was no point on dwelling on it for now. ""In 1776, the United States of America successfully rebelled against the Brittanic Empire and declared their independence, much like they did in our universe. This struck a heavy blow at the prestige and reputation of the Empire, and by 1812 the Royal family had to flee Great Britain for British North America following Napoleon Bonaparte's conquest of the British Isles, supported by the local Republican movement.."

"Wait, hadn't you just said the United States were independent by then?" asked Rito.

Negi nodded. "The Empire still held onto the territories of Upper and Lower Canada, however."

"Isn't Canada French territory, though?" Asuna scratched her head. "Or am I thinking of Germany?"

Negi facepalmed.

"You don't remember being a teacher that well either," Asuna told him. "Usually, you had way more patience than this..."

Negi took one of his deepest breaths ever and decided just to forge ahead, Audacia Paula. "In 1821, the Napoleonic Empire collapsed, and most European states (including Britain) became independent republics. Around this time, most South American regions took advantage of the unrest in Europe to declare their independence from Spain and Portugal. From 1917 to 1921, the European Civil War, the local equivalent to our World War One, was fought. The United States intervened, but the Brittanic Empire remained neutral."

Asuna was beginning to doze off already, but Yue stoically prodded her with a few subtle punts to the shin. It was almost like being back at home, during remedial classes...

"From 1940 to 1947, a Second European Civil War and Pacific War, rough equivalents to our World War Two, were fought, with the Brittanic Empire and United States as reluctant allies," Negi went on.

"Question!" Tsukuyomi raised a hand. "Was there an Adolph Hitler in this world?"

"Of course you would gain interest when history's greatest monster is mentioned," Rito mumbled.

"Yes, that was the name of the German Republic's Chancellor and later dictator during the Second European Civil War," Zazie answered for Negi. "In our history, he and his followers pursued a reign of terror directed primarily against Jews, Rom, political dissidents, the mentally ill, and homosexuals. They also tortured and murdered several members of my family. From your question, I presume that your world also knew such atrocities?"

Negi nodded. "And here I feel obliged to add something for Zazie-san's benefit. In our universe, Emperor Charles is England's sovereign, much like he is here to Brittania. While his family had not occupied the throne before World War Two, they never abandoned the isles either, and retained a large amount of influence regardless. In 1943, Hitler had his elite terror mongers the Red Skull and Baron Helmut Zemo massacre the British Royal Family in an attempt to demoralize Great Britain. It almost worked, too, but sensing the need for a monarchy to inspire the masses, Prime Minister Churchill influenced the rise of the Brittania House as the new Royal Family, which was a successful gambit. Perhaps too much, as, against Churchill's wishes, the monarchy ended up amassing far more actual political power than that it held before the war. Of course, the rest of you already knew that, but..."

"I didn't!" Asuna gasped. "Wow, so Princess Cornelia's grandpa fought the Nazis? No wonder she's so bada- um, so cool!"

"There's nothing 'cool' about that woman, she is only a glorified overzealous fascist," Yue muttered. "Her grandfather would actually be ashamed of her..."

"And that," Skuld added idly, looking aside and twirling a pencil between her fingers, "is also why Diana Spencer is a still healthy television personality instead of having died in a car crash over a decade ago."

"What does that have to do with anything of what I've said?" Negi asked.

"Who is Diana Spencer?" Zazie asked in turn.

Skuld shook her head. "That isn't relevant right now. Please just continue, Sensei."

"Um, all right," Negi said. "In 1948, the Area system for geopolitical division was established. In our reality, it was discussed, but never really passed discussions in the fledging United Nations. Area Eight was created after the Brittanic conquest of Jordan. Areas One through Seven consist of the territories of the Empire up to that point."

"I presume this United Nations is a counterpart to our own Alliance of Nations," mused Zazie.

Negi made a longer pause. "Now comes the most unsettling point of this timeline. Around fifty years ago, the temporal uncertainty demonstrated. That means, it's around that time period that determining exact dates for anything becomes increasingly more dificult."

"That must really suck," Asuna nodded.

"We have adapted. Most newspapers and television programs simply state the day of the week, rather than any formal dates. It's only when dealing with spans of time around a decade or more that year-long discrepancies begin to creep in," Zazie cut in.

Asuna bit her lower lip. "So does that mean, at some point you aren't even sure how really old you are? Man, I'm happy to be certain we live in 20XX."

The others with her nodded. All but Zazie, who blinked faintly and echoed, "20XX?"

"Forty years ago, the Brittanic Empire ended the North Vietnamese insurgency, establishing Area Nine. Ten years after, the first superheroes appeared in the United States," Negi read on.

"So they didn't even have the Justice Society here?" Rito asked.

"Justice Society?" Zazie asked.

Asuna nodded. "Even I know about them! The world's first superhero team, the true winners of World War Two! Captain America! The Spectre! Liberty Belle! Uncle Sam! Plastic Man! Starman! Phantom Lady!" she grinned widely. "The non-boring part of the history books, Zazie-san!"

"I see," Zazie dispassionately said, taking further notes. "There was, in our history, an individual who went by the nomme de guerre Captain America, but records are confused as to whether he was active during the Second European Civil War, fought as an ally of the Vietnamese during their insurgency, or was involved in an undocumented conflict at some point in between. Or possibly even all of the above. The rest of these names mean nothing to me."

"Around that time,this Earth records its first extra-terrestrial invasions," Negi expanded on. "Skrulls, soon followed by Keronians..."

"Keronians?" Yue asked. "Skrulls, everyone knows them, of course, but... Keronians? What kind of aliens are those?"

"They sound so funny, like the sound frogs make ... don't tell me they're frogs from outer space, or-!" Asuna began.

Zazie interrupted with a nod. "Indeed they are."

"Give me a break! I was just joking!"

Rito sighed. "I've heard of them, Lala and Nana have mentioned them a few times. A minor galactic empire, their father tolerates them because they aren't a major threat. I guess that's why they've never attacked our Earth..."

"Actually, they launched a few attempts, but none of them were ever successful, to such a degree you haven't even learned about them," Skuld shrugged.

Somewhere in the CLAMP Prefecture an universe away, a redhaired young woman with twintails angrily urged an oppressed bipedal green frog with large eyes who frantically moped their living room's floor. "Faster, you stupid frog! Faster! This is your mess, so you'd better clean it up before Mom gets home...!"

Negi's narration droned on by this point. "Shortly after, the Alpha Flight program began in the Brittanic Empire, but was eventually disbanded despite leading to the creation of the first Knightmare Frames."

Yue blinked. "Knightmare Frames are a reality here?"

"?" Zazie asked.

Yue elaborated. "In our world, many have tried creating working models of giant mecha or large scale mobile armor, like those you would see in anime, but so far all attempts, including England's Knightmare Frames, have been a failure. Out of all people, only our classmate Chao Linsghen, actually, has come close to it, with those gigantic models she built for the Mahorafest..."

Zazie nodded absently, although only one question was in her mind now. Who is Chao Lingshen?

Negi paused again. "Here comes another startling divergence point that perhaps hits the closest to home so far. Twenty five years ago, a young woman named Takamachi Nanoha began training in magic, eventually becoming a feared legend among the circles of magic users, the White Devil. Looks like Mikado-sensei's book dealers have contacts with our community, at least here..."

Yue gasped. "No way!"

Rito hummed. "Who?"

"You know that loose organization of Mahou Shoujo Akira has been involved with lately?" Asuna asked, further adding more questions to Zazie's mind. "One of them is a kid named Takamachi Nanoha! If she's the same person, then she's just starting the same career she began here like almost two decades ago!"

Tsukuyomi smirked venomously. "Oh my my, Asuna-han, are you sure you should be so loose with your tongue about your friends' secrets around me...?"

Asuna huffed. "Even if you don't end up dead in a well or something before we make it home- home-home, I mean, not Mundus Magicus- maybe you'll finally get the cue all our friends are really badass, so you'd better not mess with any of them!"

"Language," Negi chided. "Hmm, here it also says around that decade the detectives 'Sleeping Kogoro' and later 'Sleeping Sonoko' became famous across Japan, but... I don't see the relevance of that, why is that even underlined here? Now, the next bit, I recognize it, twenty one years ago, the Kira murders began in Japan. It seems the culprit never was found in this reality, however." He shrugged. "Well, even in our world there are diverging opinions on whether Yagami-san was the true responsible or not."

"We must be about to get to the Second Impact, right?" Skuld yawned.

Negi nodded. "Fifteen years ago, much like in our world, the Second Impact occurred. Many American superheroes were killed in the event or its immediate aftermath; many more would die over the next five years."

He closed the book with a sigh. "Most of what comes later is really just minutia, so let us conclude this history lesson and reflect on what we have learned..."

"I learned you British are always screwing things up for everyone, no matter if you come from England itself or Canada!" Tsukuyomi piped in.

"I learned lack of superheroes really dumps a world in the pits!" Rito said. "I used to mock them, their stupid clothes, and their complete lack of shame, but never again!"

"Pika pika pika pika, pika pikachu," Jean Luc opined.

"I have learned a fair bit about your homeworld's history and been left with a thirst for even greater knowledge, so you have performed the duty of any teacher admirably, Sensei. Thank you," Zazie bowed.

Asuna winced. "No offense, but after only hearing our Zazie talking like five times in half a decade, it's... kind of unnerving to see you are so talkative, Zazie-san."

"I reserve my words for those worthy my time and effort," Zazie plainly said. "No doubt my counterpart feels the same way."

"Was that supposed to be praise, or insult?" Yue doubted.

Zazie just smiled.

Then something else struck Yue. "Sensei! You just remembered Nanoha-san, as well!"

"I guess I did, didn't I?" he hummed, fairly surprised himself.

"But you still don't remember Nodoka?!"

"Ahhhhhh... no, sorry...?"

"Grrrrrrrr!"

"But enough of that historical nonsense, let us focus on the here and now," Tsukuyomi smiled mischievously. "What about this world's Negi-han and his... circle of intimate friends? Who are in there so far, exactly? Inquiring minds want to know..."

Yue flinched uncomfortably. "That," she said, "is not anything of our business or-"

"I'm sort of interested as well," Negi said dryly, surprising everyone, Tsukuyomi herself included. He rasped uneasily. "I'm not that foolish, you know. I have gathered John-san is assembling a... circle of wives of sorts. I hope you don't think me naive enough as to ignore that women and men can... get together and... raise families, even if the details, naturally, are lost to me," he added this with a red-faced rush that Yue found somewhat unnatural. "I'm not approving it in the slightest, but I also know it's not my calling to make, concerning others' personal lives. I just ask so I can know who I should be extra careful around while speaking to them!"

Zazie spoke again after a short contemplative silence. Perhaps their talk last night had yielded more results than she had imagined at first. So she ended up nodding, willing to continue this side experiment. "Very well, I will tell you."

"How are you so sure who's your teacher been... uh... courting or not?" Rito frowned, tenderly rubbing his nose, as if to stop it from leaking, a faint pinkish hue now on his fingertips. "Don't yell me he reports on you or-"

Zazie gestured vaguely with a hand towards the roof of Mikado's home, and down from it fluttered a small bird, which perched itself on Zazie's fingers, flapping its wings and chirping. "Not yet, but I have eyes and ears everywhere."

"Oboy, this brings a whole new dimension to all those times we see Zazie feeding birds and other animals every day..." Asuna mused.

"So far, as I have been able to gather, Negi-sensei has brought Illyasviel von Einzbern, Akashi Yuna, Saotome Haruna, Momioka Risa, Sawada Mio, Kasuga Misora and Itoshiki Sakura into his collective," Zazie shared. "Although I refuse to count Momioka and Sawada as part of it for ... a certain purpose ... until they learn they are, indeed, supposed to be part of those who will continue the Springfield legacy."

Rito, Skuld, Asuna and Yue had all begun choking violently. "I-Illya?!" the former two finally managed to cry.

Zazie nodded. "And from where you come, she is -"

"S-S-Sensei's half sister!" Yue gasped. "His father's daughter by another woman!"

Negi blinked. "I have other sisters besides Nekane? You never mentioned that..."

"We aren't all that fond of lllya-chan, actually," Asuna admitted after gulping for air. "You remember Berserker, don't you? Well, Illya-chan's the one who sicced him on you once."

"Oh," Negi said. And then, "Why would my own sister do that?"

"She's kind of crazy," Rito summed up. "But, to do... that... with her brother...!"

"It might be of relief to you to learn that, much like the case with Asuna Springfield, this universe's Illyasviel von Einzbern is not Sensei's biological sister. As I said before, Lord Nagi has no other offspring, and we have gone to some trouble to confirm this. However, since Illyasviel's parents and Sensei's coexist in a loose four-way marriage of sorts, they still count as siblings, in a way."

"Kinky...!" Tsukuyomi purred, chewing avidly on her lower lip.

"That... That's not much better at all, but thank God for the small reliefs... I guess?" Rito swallowed hard. His nose was freely leaking red all across the backyard's grass now. "Okay, Momioka and Sawada make good sense, they are just that... liberal... I could see it happening..." The bloodletting, if anything, only got worse, to the level of making Rito wobble in place, "And Misora-san's been carrying a torch for Sensei since almost day one, so..."

Negi blinked, perplexed, starting at his Misora card. "But... isn't she a nun in training? I had believed ours had been a mere alliance of convenience!"

"But who's Itoshiki Sakura, anyway?!" Rito demanded of Zazie. "We know Itoshiki-sensei, but we also know he's got only one sister and her name's Rin, so who is that, a cousin?"

"No, she is his sister but by adoption. She was born a Tohsaka."

"Oh, so she's Tohsaka Sakura-san!" Asuna sighed in understanding. "Wait, why was she adopted by Despair-sensei's family?"

"It makes sense, doesn't it?" Yue shrugged. "If the Tohsakas lost their parents just like in our world, it was more sensible to let both children go to adoptive parents rather than trusting them to live on their own."

"Correction, the Tohsakas' father died when they were children, but their mother lasted a few years longer than that, even if in a rather sorry state," Skuld pointed out. "That, combined with the Headmaster's patronage, was enough to allow them live on their own until now. Emiya-sempai's case isn't that much different. Or even yours, Asuna."

"I guess not," Asuna admitted with a shrug, while a troubled Negi held his Haruna, Yuuna and Misora cards in his hands, staring at them intently. So, were these three supposed to be his closest companions as well? No, that didn't mesh with what Yue had told him about this Chisame lady. And in all honesty, he gained a vaguely deeper degree of fondness from looking at Miss Hasegawa's card than he did for all others. Still, if his counterpart had clicked into... physical intimacy of some sort with them before all the others in his own team, did that mean he, too, was more or less destined to grown entangled with any or all of them in such a manner, at some point? Or was that another of the divergences?

Things to ponder and worry about, he considered grimly.

Or perhaps the opposite, things one should never stop to think about. That way madness lies...

"Itoshiki Sakura is also the pactio partner of Kasuga Misora," Zazie continued, seemingly oblivious to Negi's consternation. "And probably her closest friend, as well."

"Other than Cocone-chan, you mean?" Yue asked.

"?" Zazie blinked.

"Cocone Fatima Rosa," Asuna explained. "A younger nun at -

"- I am unfamiliar with any person by that name associated with our church," Zazie interjected. "And I monitor the comings and goings of its initiates rather closely."

"Well, that's weird."

* * *

"We still can go back," Skuld muttered between clenched teeth. "Let's just turn around while we still can, this is a terrible idea..."

"You have enacted your own terrible ideas, Miss Let's-Ally-With-Chao-To-Reveal-Magic," Yue muttered back as she all but shoved her, Negi and Rito ahead, staying behind with Asuna and a bored Tsukuyomi, at the entrance of Library Island. "Let me have mine, compared to yours, what harm can it bring?" she asked, before closing the doors after them, then pulling Baka Red and the psychopathic Shinmeiryuu back with herself, to sit on the front steps of the old building, just as large as it was in their home reality, but considerably more dilapidated. "What, indeed?" she sighed to herself. "I should know better, really, but...!"

Asuna smiled and patted her back. "It's a gamble, but you're right, you're entitled to this much. We need for him to start remembering the rest already, and it's not like the other me will ever come to a library willingly, so there's no danger of us meeting here..."

"Yes, and she and this world's Yue should still be in remedials with John-sensei," Yue sighed softly, glancing at her wristwatch. Next she looked up at the library's facade with a sad crack on her habitual stoic countenance. "You know, out of all the changes for the worse in this world, this feels like the worst blow to me so far..."

"To each their own," Tsukuyomi shrugged callously. "I've got nothing against a good book myself, so I can kind of sympathize..."

"What's a good book to you? _Mein Kampf_?" Asuna asked.

Tsukuyomi sneered. "Bite your tongue and poison yourself, I've never been into boring propaganda, even though I do believe the Reich had several good ideas! I'm just shocked you even know about it."

"It was mentioned once in a war movie I watched with Konoka," Asuna explained.

"Well, my faith on _our_ universe's relative sanity is restored then..." Yue said.

* * *

Meanwhile, inside, Negi, Rito and Skuld approached the reception desk where two students were filing just returned books onto their carts, to be delivered back to their respective aisles next. Out of both of them, Haruna saw Negi first.

"Oh, hey, Negi-kun!" she waved with a smile. "Nice to see you... Oh," she had just also realized Rito and Skuld's presence with him, meaning this had to be the **other** Negi. The slightly more awkward and naive air about his greeting seemed to confirm it. "And you, and you too, Sempai..." she somewhat coldly told the Norn and the orange haired boy, the latter of whom flinched at this treatment.

"S-Sensei!" Miyazaki Nodoka gulped, stopping what she had been doing. "T-To what do we owe the honor of this visit...?"

Haruna sighed. "Nodoka-chan, let me to introduce you to Skuld-san and Rito-sempai, two... exchange students Sensei's helping around, you know, until they grow used to Mahora or leave, whatever happens first." Again, Rito winced at this latest part and its less pleasant delivery. "Looking for books on the local geography for them, Sensei?"

"World History of the twenty and twenty one centuries, actually, if you would please, Haruna-san, Nodoka-san," Negi asked with smooth charm, as Nodoka began nodding earnestly. He took a deep breath. "You've just waxed the floors, haven't you? It's a floor wax with a very nice-"

"EEEEEE!" Rito was heard shrieking as he slipped and fell right behind a suddenly sweating and frustrated Skuld and Negi, then crashing against a girl carrying a short stack of books, both of them collapsing in a heap on the wet floor. Predictably enough...

"AAAAHHH! NO!" the pretty, black haired young lady cried, pushing Rito off herself, his hand finally leaving the breast it had landed onto a second ago. "W-Wha-Wha-What!"

"Ah, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!" Rito panicked as only someone who has spent time with Kaga Ai could, dropping to beg forgiveness before then, then, as soon as he realized this new position was allowing him see under her skirt, he yelped and pulled himself back. Clumsily, he began reaching around for her dropped books instead. "I didn't mean to! Here, let me help you with this! Um..." he blinked, half turning to look curiously at her flushed face. "That's sort of funny, you look like someone from TV..."

"Th-Thank you!" the girl hastily took her books back, trying not to make actual hand to hand contact with him as she did so. She further blushed at this stranger obviously out to seduce her with the old shameless 'You look like a celebrity' flattery her sister had warned her against so much. Then she noticed something else as well, and that puzzled her. "Um, you remind me of someone too, actually ... S-Sorry, would you be related to a classmate pf mine, Yuuki Riko?"

"Wh-What?!" Rito almost choked out.

"Cousiiiiiin, don't bother this poor miss anymore!" Skuld screeched in a forced way, rushing over to violently pull him back to Negi's side. "Ah ha ha, sorry about that, Miss, my cousin's sort of dense and lacks proper muscle coordination! He's always slipping and falling, but rest assured, we're not related to anyone here...!"

The girl blinked, then smiled beautifully. "I see! W-Well, my apologies, but the resemblance's uncanny! She even has the same tendency to - ahem. How do you do, my name is Sairenji Haruna."

"Oh!" Rito gulped, staring in bewilderment at this younger version of the famous media personality from his world. He had even rubbed himself to fashion magazine pics of her a few times, before meeting Haruna-chan. That only made this situation even more uncomfortable. "N-Nice to meet you, I'm Rito and this is my sister Skuld..."

"Cousin," Skuld reminded him through gritted teeth, "but we were raised as siblings..."

"Yeah, anyone can tell," a now amused Haruna smirked evilly. "You act just like siblings do!"

Negi sighed at the seemingly averted imminent danger, and then explained to Nodoka, "They are staying over at Mikado-sensei's manor for now, Nodoka-san. Since they are, ah, her niece and nephew."

Haruna amusedly thought this was starting to look like a Donald Duck story, with so many random aunts and cousins and no parents and children at all. Then she remembered she was probably pregnant, and got even more amused. Or was she going to dump her kid on their Uncle/Aunt Ranma? "Heh-heh-heh," she laughed somewhat against her will.

"What is so funny, Haruna-san?" Negi asked, just the slightest bit annoyed at her.

"Nothiiiiing!" the mangaka chuckled, accepting the books the other Haruna was giving her and stamping their return certificates with her seal. "By the way, I'll be dropping by her house myself later, Sensei. To, um, settle on a few arrangements concerning... that thing, you know?"

"You mean your brother's health insurance forms, so he can enroll in Furinkan?" Nodoka asked, leaving Negi confused on whether this oddly specific guess was just complex thinking from Nodoka-san, something Haruna had hinted at her earlier, a strange random train of thought, or a veiled way of showing suspicion on Haruna's recent activities and circumstances.

Haruna nodded calmly, apparently nowhere as concerned about that as Negi was. "Yeah! So, Sensei, you and your friends might want to stay away for a few hours, since these things will... take a while, and I'm sure you aren't interested in them. Unless you are, in which case I'm sure none of us will object to your watching or even-"

"Thank you for the fair warning, Haruna-san," Negi said in a strained tone. "We'll keep that in mind."

"I'm sure we can spend time wandering around the campus until you're done," Skuld glacially told her.

"Are you that certain?" Haruna grinned. "It could actually take quite a long, long time. You sure you don't want to just stick around and -"

"No!" Skuld fumed, slamming a hand on the counter before pulling it back quickly, blushing at Nodoka's expression of astonishment over her outburst. "Ehrm, I'm sorry! Just ask for those books already, Sensei, I... I don't think I feel that well..."

 _Why would filling out health insurance forms take a long time?_ wondered Nodoka.

* * *

Now Negi, Yue, Asuna, Tsukuyomi, Skuld and Rito stood all together on a bridge overlooking the nearly desolate campus as night approached.

"This," Tsukuyomi said, surprising absolutely no one, "is so dull and boring! Are you sure you don't want to join in?"

"No," said laconically Asuna, Negi, Yue and Skuld, all at once. Rito didn't seem to be paying attention, his gaze fixed on the horizon.

"Well, then you stay here and I'll go myself!" Tsukuyomi decided, straightening her skirt down. "I'd kinda like to give that Yuna girl a try, and I think she liked me back, looks-wise at least..."

"I'm not paying you for that," Negi dryly said.

"You aren't paying me for anything yet," she harshly reminded him. "That payment better be really good or else..."

"Is it me," Asuna decided to change the topic much to everyone else's relief, "or people take the curfew way earlier around these parts?"

"Well," Yue shrugged, "apparently they crucify lawbreakers first and ask later, so are you really surprised? But we're with a teacher, so I'm sure we can work out an excuse."

"Do you think they crucify people in our world's Honnouji too?" Asuna asked.

"Haruka-sempai mentioned they do a lot of things secretively, so who knows?" Yue sighed. "She did see students being hit repeatedly as punishment, at the very least."

"Hmmmm," Asuna said. "But, this is still Mahora, not Honnouji. How much influence does the Black School have here? Why should they have any say in what we do or how we behave? What's the Headmaster doing?"

"Maybe," Negi said with a grim air of determination, "we should try and find out..."

Skuld, Asuna and Yue looked at him in aghast shock. "Ohhh, no, no, no!" Skuld ruled it out. "We aren't here to try and fix these people's messes! Whatever they are up to, that's entirely their own to settle! The sooner we're out and back home the better anyway!"

Negi frowned thoughtfully. "From what I've heard about my father since I woke up in Ariadne, that's not what he'd have done."

"Well, I don't see John-sensei's father here to fix the situation in these schools, so what does that tell you, hmmmm?" Skuld pressed on.

Negi's frown grew fiercer, even though not at Skuld herself. "That he is not as good a man as my father was... and that in turn, I must strive to be better than John-san."

"You aren't getting your students pregnant," Asuna pointed out, making Rito sigh very long and miserably. "So I'd say you already achieved that with flying honors! Don't let this go to your head, but meeting this guy has raised my opinion of you a whole lot...!"

"Thank you," Negi sincerely said, "but somehow, I still feel that is not enough. Evil doesn't prevail because evil people do bad things... but because good people do nothing. It's just so frustrating, seeing this area so miserable, so decaying, so unlike... so unlike..." he took a hand to his forehead and began massing it in circles. "Uuugghh, I'm kind of having a slight migraine now... Anyway, I'm not sure John-san really plans to actually stop this world's downward spiral! He's just counting on it to continue! It's, it's as if he were actually banking on it just so he can accomplish this insane plan of his!"

"Maybe he's just smart enough to realize we can't change the world ourselves but adapt to it, unlike you and Sextum-han," Tsukuyomi pondered, oddly quiet of a sudden. "You are dreamers, but he already woke up... in more than one sense."

"No," Negi said firmly. "He, too, is foolishly bound to a dream, even more than Sextum-san. And my dream isn't unreasonable at all, I only want to find my father and make him proud!"

Tsukuyomi smirked cruelly at him. "Of course, what marks the difference between your sane dream and his insane goals is his involve his students, and yours would rather not, am I right...?"

Negi recoiled at that playful recrimination as if a viper had just bitten him, while Asuna and Yue paused, rather startled themselves even if because of different reasons. Rito only allowed himself a slight bitter smile, and Skuld only shook her head and muttered on the foolishness of all these people.

And then, from the East, a great commotion ensued, making them all turn their heads around.

* * *

"Oh, no," Yue quietly said, yet with an air of unmistakable horror in her wide eyed, for Yue's standards anyway, surprise. "This can't be happening, I can't be drawn into this _yet again_..."

Negi acrobatically jumped off the bridge, heading feet first towards the two tall men in black chasing two girls across the long road below. They had just arrived moments ago, the former already catching up to the latter. Of the two young women, the one who looked strikingly like Rito was yelling for help and randomly whacking the men with a lacrosse stick, but one of them simply stopped her strikes easily with a single hand and a dry, condescending mild grunt.

That was, until Negi's magically reinforced fist collided against his face, shattering his rather cool looking shades.

"Sensei!" Yue cried out from above, even as Tsukuyomi giggled and joined him down, and Asuna charged her kanka to follow in with a long leap of her own. "Whatever you do, don't grab the tail!"

A disturbed Rito stood by Yue, hefting the Keyblade on a slightly trembling hand. "W-Wow," he gulped. "I never dreamed I'd ever live through the weirdest night of my life twice...!"

His eyes were fixed on this other Rito as he shrieked and moved out of Tsukuyomi's way, fortunately for her, and the mad swordsmaster clashed squarely with the second man in black, managing an early slash through his shirt and jacket thanks to the surprise element. However, clearly, this Rito was no man, but...

"Dammit," Rito, the one overlooking the fight that was, balled up his free fist and shivered. "Was this world custom made to piss me off, or what?!"

He recognized clearly the face and body shape of the doppelganger now trying to pull Lala away with herself, only for Lala to stand her ground stubbornly, eager to see these three newcomers closely as they fought her father's men. Terrible memories of Mahorafest's Beauty Contest flowed back to him, specifically those of Lala's hairbrained scheme to one-up Haruna's father in a bid for the top prize...

Yuuki Rito took his head back and cried out to red Heavens without a God. "Why does this have to happen to meee?!-?!"

"Drama queen!" Skuld snorted.

* * *

A lot of chasing and fighting around ensued, most of which you've already read about in _Unequally Rational and Emotional_ and/or _Diabolical Styles_ and/or the original _To Love Ru_ manga and its anime. Just add Negi, Tsukuyomi and Asuna, I don't know. Sprained leg, remember? I'm not that up for the task right now.

Anyway, after all of that, this happened...

* * *

"VRRR-VRR VACUUM-KUN!" Lala shouted while pressing on several buttons of the controller she had just pulled out at once, and immediately a gigantic floating device shaped like a black and white sphere with tentacles came into being above them all, sending massive bursts of wind all around it just by appearing, and blowing the panicking Rito-lookalike girl away, so her face mashed against Asuna's crotch as well, further tossing the Ala Alba member off balance.

Tsukuyomi, however, not only kept her footing but actually pushed ahead. The white haired MIB she was fighting was momentarily distracted by the unexpected arrival of this alien contraption, so Tsukuyomi took advantage of it and stabbed the longest of he blades through his chest. It poked out his back in a strange sideways angle, right under the armpit, and he only winced briefly, kicking Tsukuyomi in the chin and then kneeing her in the chest, even as she stubbornly twisted the sword around in the wound.

"Vacuum-kun!" Lala pointed up and commanded. "Start operations, engaging up to Level Five! This is an Executive Order!"

"Oh, no! Not this shitty invention of hers!" Rito cried, pushing Skuld aside with him, the better to take her as far from its reach as possible. Yue, who also had previous experience with this device, grimly frowned and readied her _Orbis Sensualium Pictus_ , taking aim at the top of the alien machine even as it started absorbing everything below it, starting with Lala's duo of chasers, and as Skuld angrily punched Rito up and off herself. "I'm just being helpful!" he whined.

 _"Crimson-black blaze, king of myriad worlds, though I promulgate the laws of nature, I am the alias of destruction incarnate in accordance with the principles of all creation. Let the hammer of eternity descend unto me! Explosion,"_ Yue flatly chanted, and the upper half of the machine exploded in all directions. Yue glanced again at the diagram of the device she had taken on her pages before casting with her book's Magi-Snap function and smiled blandly to herself, even as the bottom, with the storage unit where the men and assorted vacuumed Mahora street garbage had been placed intact, crashed down by the river, much to Lala's wide eyed, awed fascination.

Then the pink haired girl looked directly at Yue, standing up on her bridge, and for a moment Yue actually feared. Oh, damnation, don't tell me, Mikado-sensei was right and she's evil here, and this version will hate me, not that I care, but she will kill me...!

This Lala frowned thoughtfully for a few moments, stared somewhat troubled up at Yue as if attempting to recognize her from somewhere, and finally just beamed a typically reassuring Lala smile up at her. "You've got to show me how you do that!" she called out. "So I can add it to the list of eventualities Vacuum-kun is impervious to!"

Yue felt relieved at this Lala's apparent lack of hatred and rancor over her interference. Not that she cared other than the whole avoiding death by angry alien princess issue, of course. "Ah... sure thing," she ended up replying, non-committal in tone despite the words themselves. Then she looked at the female version of Rito-sempai who just stood by below gasping and hiccupping wildly, and yelled at her, "Sempai! You didn't touch the tail, did you?!"

"The- The- The whaaaat?!" Yuuki Riko said, then remembered through her feverish stupor, and took another glance at Lala's tail to confirm that yes, it still was there and it hadn't dropped off through the pursuit. "This tail?" she asked, taking hold of it to demonstrate.

"Ah!" said Lala, startled.

"Why! Did! You! Do! Thaaaat?!" Yue shrieked.

"W-What the heck is your problem?!" asked a confused Riko. Next she looked up at the disturbingly familiar boy she'd earlier seen in the Library with Sairenji, and pointed a trembling hand at him. "A-A-And you?! Are you a part of th-this, too?! This is Dad's fault, isn't it?! They're finally filming that crappy movie based on his manga, and you're... you're... you're his -" She took both hands to her orange hair (thus letting go of the tail) and hissed in livid anger. "Ooooooh, that bastard!"

Rito opened his mouth to speak. "I'm not your-!" he began to say, then rethought his course of action, and instead smiled blandly at the idea of making life more difficult for another no doubt negligent Yuuki Saibai out there. He nodded. "You know what, though, I am. But you'll have to ask your father for the proper explanations!"

Skuld glared at him. "Okay, this settles it, now Louise's not around anymore, you're the second most evil person in this party after the maniac..."

"Whatever, no matter what any of THE REST OF you ever do, don't! Touch! The! Tail!" Yue insisted.

Tsukuyomi, naturally, walked up to Lala, grabbed he tail, and violently tugged on it. "Aaaaaaa!" the alien moaned with a full body tremble.

"Are we married now?" Tsukuyomi asked her.

"Of course not! I wouldn't mind an one night stand though, if you can keep up that kind of fondling all night long," Lala said, blushing brightly.

"Can I...!" Tsukuyomi smiled before shouting up at Yue, "Heeee-eeey, Ayase-han, here's another divergence for your and Sensei's weird useless travel blogs...!"

Yue facepalmed. "Of course I couldn't touch this one's tail, I had to grab that which got me a forced marriage! Of course!"

* * *

Now they sat by the riverbank under a red canvas of stars. Tsukuyomi looked up at this sky and hugged her legs, humming sweetly to herself. Whatever else could be said about this world, there was no denying its nocturnal skies were bloody lovely...

"No, seriously, tell me already!" Riko demanded of Rito. "If you're really my half-brother, or any other sort of relative, then Mikan and I are entitled to know!"

"Mikan?" Rito asked, badly playing along.

"My little sister!" Riko said. "Come on, if you know who's my father, then you also must- Oh!" she took a moment to nibble on her knuckles nervously. "I forgot we left her alone! What, what if those guys looking after you send more men in black home?!" she asked Lala, wild with worry.

Lala waved a hand at her. "I'm certain there will be a rather lengthy period of discussion on their next move after this defeat! I highly doubt they'll send more agents after me immediately, Yuuki Riko!"

Riko took both hands to her head, groaning. "And why I'm supposed to take the word of a weird girl with a tail summoning even weirder death machines at face value?!"

"Calm down, will you?" Rito asked of her. "I know this can't be easy to take at all, but you should get used to it eventually..."

"Like hell I'd want to!" Riko said. "I don't want these things to keep happening to me anymore! So, whatever you are, shoo, shoo!" she waved her hands at Lala. "I helped you, then you helped me, so let's agree we're even now and take our separate paths already!"

"I'm sort of afraid I can't head back!" Lala said. "But I'm okay knowing I can count on wonderful people like you and your brother, Riko!" This was said with the most wonderful of smiles, and Negi couldn't help feeling a bit weak in the knees.

Riko's only answer, however, was sighing miserably. "What kind of people are you then? Aliens?"

"Well, the term 'alien' is highly relative," Lala cautioned. "From the viewpoint of my species, yours would be the aliens..."

"Hadn't you guys left last week?" Riko groaned. "Or was that just a ruse to get us lower our guard? Why? What guard? You already had us on the ropes!"

"Oh, you mean the Urusian invasion?" Lala asked, making Negi, Asuna and Yue raise their eyebrows. "No, no, I don't belong to that species! I'm a Deviluke!" she laughed.

"Like 'demons' or 'yokai' in English?" Riko doubted, then asked Negi, "And you, you're the famous child teacher, aren't you? Don't tell me you're an alien too!"

"No, I'm not," Negi said. "Look, Yuuki-san, let us agree the less we each know about each other the better. If, after this, you ever run into me, Asuna or Yue again, we'll deny these events ever took place, and so should you, really..."

"However," Asuna cautioned, "in the completely made up scenario this guy ever asks you to save the world by making babies with him, you should just say no," she added, patting on Negi's head.

Negi groaned. "I'd never do that! But, um, if I ever did, please assume I'm staging an elaborate joke and don't report me on the authorities or anything. Just walk away and don't look too deeply into it..."

"While that indeed seems the most sensible thing to advise, I can't help feeling it's bound to cause problems along the way regardless..." a troubled Yue mused, rubbing her chin.

Riko blinked helplessly. "... what."

"Or, if you'd rather think of it this way," Skuld told her, "you could believe me when I say we are stray travellers who dropped through the dimensional borders from a parallel world because your counterpart here accidentally summoned a gateway with his extravagant Keyblade weapon. I'm a goddess, I cannot lie!"  
  
"You're a Second Class, and you lie like there's no tomorrow," Yue reminded her.

Riko frowned angrily. "Hey, now listen, aliens, I can accept, but by now you're just pulling my leg!"

Lala squinted at Negi's party. "... interesting if true! Regrettably, I haven't had previous experience with actual material, living or not, from alternate realties, so I don't have any devices that could demonstrate the veracity of your claims. I suppose I could grab a random inhabitant from this planet and one of you and vivisect both to establish a comparison, but I doubt Riko would like that, and as her fiancee-"

"MY WHAT?!" Riko shouted vehemently, making Rito wonder if he always looked that silly when doing that.

Asuna couldn't help sighing with a fond smile. "Ah, good old Lala-san...!"

* * *

Now Riko-san and Lala had left, and the stranded ragtag bunch of misfits sat by themselves before the slightly smelly river. The tropical climate only accentuated the accumulation of algae that contributed to the subtle yet pungent stench rising from the waters, but everybody was too tired as to move away just yet.

"Hey, Super Genius," Tsukuyomi finally asked Skuld. "What if you just go to this world's version of the Ala Alba eggheads and work together on a machine to send us back home?"

"Chao's specialty lies with time travel, and Hakase's gifted at robotics and aerodynamics," Skuld mumbled. "Neither of them are the type I would consult on interdimensional breaches ... and that was supposed to be a taboo for us gods, so I never bothered to research the subject."

Asuna blinked. "Why would that be a taboo for your people?"

"Because there's never an absolutely certain way to tell what waits in the other side," Skuld lectured. "Stepping through dimensional barriers is always a gamble. You might end up summoning bigger, eldrich evil gods, or cosmic zombies, and even if you don't, it's generally bad etiquette to intrude into another pantheon's domains. That's the kind of protocol breach that starts wars, it's simple common sense!"

"Chaldea, though," Asuna pointed out.

Skuld shrugged. "Their world is literally burning to nothingness around them, it's not like they have many options. But yes, I suppose, if I could contact Emiya-san and the others right now, they might be able to help us Leyshift out of here..."

Negi sighed, grabbing a peeble and tossing it into the river. "So many universes are facing complete extinction, and it feels so unfair. It's enough to make one feel completely feeble and powerless, and I can't even remember Nodoka-san, even now, after seeing her face to face! How can I help at all when I'm not even in control of my own mind?"

"Well, you regained your memories of her when you kissed her?" Tsukuyomi asked, pointing at Yue. "You should have just planted a big wet one on her girlfriend, and I'm sure that'd have worked!"

"She's not my girlfriend, just a girl who is my very dear friend," Yue muttered.

"As much as I hate to say it, Tsukuyomi has something of a point," Asuna said. "Negi, if you made a Pactio with the other girls here, maybe that could make you remember everything faster? I'm not saying you should do what John the Creep does, but a simple kiss? I'm sure none of those slu- girls would deny you that."

Negi shook his head. "No. A Pactio is a responsibility, a commitment, both from the Magister and the Ministra. I can't, in a good conscience, tie myself to people who, for better or worse, have devoted themselves to another's cause. Besides, would that change that much? I imagine it will be great finally remembering Haruna-san, Misora-san and Yuuna-san, but that still would leave too many blanks in my memory. It is for the best if I remember them all on my own."

"At least it's not a cold night to sit out in the open," Asuna mused, glancing at her wristwatch. "Do you think it's safe going back to Mikado-sensei's alrea-"

"We'd better not yet," Yue opined.

"How long, then? I'm bored...!" Tsukuyomi whined.

"If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say we should wait until midnight at least," Yue said.

"Oh come on, he's just one boy for how many girls? Do you really think he'd be able to keep it going for that many hours?" Tsukuyomi criticized.

"If that's anything like fighting," Yue explained, pointing at the Negi with them, who just looked aside very intently and quite blushed, "he can keep sparring against Eva-san, Kotaro-kun and Setsuna-san for hours and hours. Sensei's stamina is sincerely impressive."

"Oh, nice to hear..." Tsukuyomi purred lasciviously, leaning ahead where she sat, until Asuna just grunted and pulled her back by her hair. "Hey! I have killed for much less than that!"

Rito took his hands to his head and groaned. "I'll tell you what, if this world's Negi ever tries and puts Mikan in his... 'collective', I'll hire you myself to rub him off, okay? My parents are both actually quite wealthy, I swear I can pay..."

"You won't solicit murder for hire while you are under my supervision, Yuuki-san," Negi reminded him blandly. He only hoped the rest of his team was actually much easier to get along with than these ones, at least...

* * *

 **OMAKE**

* * *

 **Only One Choice.**

"Hey, sempai," Tsukuyomi happily asked, "if you could have a 'collective'," here, of course, she made air quotation marks with her fingers, "who would be in it?"

"Haruna-chan, this other world's Haruna-chan, and the third Haruna-chan from Magus Erebus-san's world," Rito replied without missing a beat.

Tsukuyomi paused. "Well," she admitted then, "I at least have to award you points for consistency, and there's no denying triplet fantasies are hot..."

* * *

 **No Choice At All- By Darkenning.**

"Hey, Forehead," Tsukuyomi happily asked. "If -

"I'll never have a collective!" Yue snapped without looking up from her book.

"... so you'd prefer a harem?"

Normally, Yue would never damage a book. But sometimes, when your hands clench, things get torn.

* * *

 **What the Duck?**

"Hey, Sensei!" Tsukuyomi approached Tiberius next. "I know you don't remember your old harem, but if you had to choose a single girl from those you've met lately to be your wife, who would that be?"

Negi didn't look up from the book he was reading. "Webby-san," he matter-of-factly said.

* * *

Yue rolled her eyes at her. "You're insane," she told her. "But of course, that's hardly news to anyone..."

"No, I swear it! That's exactly what he said!"

Nobody else believed her either, which of course was what Negi had been expecting from the start. It felt good, pulling one over her...

He guessed, had someone else asked and he'd absolutely have to be honest, he might have said Asakura-san. Exactly what was Asuna-san's issue with her, anyway?

* * *

 **What If Negi's Party had Accepted the Offer from Negi's Party?**

Hasegawa Chisame stared angrily at the inflated bellies of the awkward looking Asuna and Yue, not to mention an impishly smirking Tsukuyomi. Finally, she looked directly at the terrified Negi and dryly asked, "So... these babies are from that John guy, aren't they?"

Her just returned Magister gulped loudly. "I can tell you, without lying at all, that they are Negi Springfield's children!"

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Makie blinked at Skuld. "And, and what about you, Sku-chan? Oh! I know! Human people can't make babies with gods and goddesses, isn't that right...?"

"Um, of course they can, where did you think Berserker came from in the first place? It's just I have more dignity than that! I have a higher moral compass! I have-"

"She restricted herself to lesbianism," Asuna informed, "and when we find Yuuna, we'd better warn her she clearly was holding on a lot of sexual tension about her..."

"I just happened to take pity on that poor girl! It was so obvious she needed to find her true orientation!"

"Okay," Keiichi tried to keep a steady face on the face of this all, oh so bravely. "Speaking of lesbians, though, I thought I'd heard she was one," he said, pointing at the pregnant Riko standing by Rito, "so how in the alternate world-"

Rito groaned. "Look, I think you already figured it yourself, didn't you! It was bound to happen as long as we were in the same campus! Eventually, we had to stumble onto each other!"

Much to everyone's shock, or not, their child was a perfect Mikan lookalike.

Haruna thought her the most adorable thing in the world and spoiled her rotten...

* * *

 **Next: Sakura.**


	11. Sakura

"I have a proposal for you," Negi John Springfield said, placing a suitcase on the table of one of several back rooms in Mikado Ryoko's mansion.

"I am listening," Negi Tiberius Springfield nodded, sitting across him with a poker face.

The younger Negi opened the suitcase, revealing a folded blue cape and a shiny golden helmet just the precise size for either of the boys. "Recently, I took it upon myself to go out and prevent certain wrongdoings around this area, while dressed in these as a costume. I made myself known as 'Fate', but sadly it seems my efforts were not enough to hide my identity all that well. Now I'm under suspicion, and while the danger isn't imminent yet, should I be outed as a masked avenger of sorts, well, the standard procedure for those who reveal magic might pale next to what they could do to me."

Tiberius nodded pensively. "Fate, huh? I feel I should warn you... later in life you might run into someone named like that... But never mind that now. I won't let you be turned into any sort of animal."

Yuna, who sat by John's side, blinked. "Ah? So you are turned into animals if you botch it up?"

Tiberius looked mildly surprised. "Aren't you?"

"Ah... No, the standard punishment for those infractions is having your brain extracted and used to empower the super computers of the mage associations," John said, just as stunned by the news. "Your authorities seem to be rather lax."

"I once made that sort of guess concerning those things," Yuna reminisced, "and he asked me if I was thinking of fairy tales."

"Lax?" Tiberius asked. "Oh, no, laxity has nothing to do with it! In truth, that kind of punishment was discussed upon the advent of the Magi Mainframe system, but most of the directors ended up agreeing that using the brains of mages dumb enough as to let themselves be caught in the act as templates or psychic energy sources would simply serve to downgrade the electronic brains. Better, then, to merely turn lawbreakers into small subhuman creatures and keep them caged in dark basements for years..."

"You know what, I take what I said back," John said. "Maybe your world is more cruel than this one after all."

Yue, who sat by Negi's right, took a look at the Fate outfit and huffed. "So you want to use Sensei as your patsy? So he can be seen risking his life somewhere else at the same time you are seen working in public, throwing suspicion off yourself?"

"I never would dream of that!" John said. "It is the other way around; I would go around as Fate while Tiberius-san stands safely in a classroom handling teaching duties!"

At Negi's left, Tsukuyomi giggled. "I'd say he'd be more threatened by your thirsty students than he'd be facing any ghosts, monsters or demons!"

"I can't honestly say I disagree with you there," Yuna said, "but it's not only that. Most of the dangers around these schools are not monsters or anything like that, I've never ever seen one... No, the local dangers are way worse things. People. People with a lot to prove, too much power in their hands, and a complete lack of empathy towards the small guy."

Tsukuyomi blinked. "And... the problem with that is...?"

Tiberius frowned, holding the helmet in his hands. He'd never seen anything like it before, and he was sure it was not because of his amnesia. As a matter of fact, the role of Doctor Fate did not exist back on his homeworld. There was a Kent Nelson, magical academic, and there was a Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme, winner of the Sherlock Holmes lookalike contest, and Guardian of Order, but there'd never been a Doctor Fate as such, or a Helmet of Nabu, much less any replicas of it.

"Perhaps," Tiberius pondered, "I should assume the field operations instead. No offense, but even with my amnesia, I haven't forgotten most of my training. As your elder and senior, I feel confident I am stronger than you by this point."

John smirked. "Well, there is an easy way to prove that, isn't there?"

"Not in my house or my backyard, however," warned Ryoko, standing by the doorstep and sipping from a cup of steamy black coffee, making both Negis wince. The woman smiled sultrily at them, still high on the sexual fumes of last night, and idly wondering how it would feel being taken by both boys at once. But, alas. "Surely you have another place where you could fight it out?"

"I'm sure we can find one," John said. "In the meanwhile, I had an inkling that might be your preferred course of action, Tiberius-san, so I took the liberty of calling someone who helped me grow acquainted with this campus and the other schools. I have no doubt she'll be more than able to do the same for you."

"Call her?" Ryoko said, snickering. "She stayed over to sleep after you plowed her like a corn field last night."

"Ryoko, please," John sighed, Tiberius blinking at the use of yobisute. "Those details are inconsequential. Sakura, could you please come here and meet our new friends?"

A black haired, busty and mild acting young woman entered the room then, and Asuna let out a whistle. "Wow, you're Tohsaka-sempai's splitting image...! Well, except for the hair and the eyes, but-!"

"Nice to meet you," said the nervous young lady, still trying to process what she'd been told after waking up and before being made to wait right outside the room. She bowed deeply before pausing and giving Asuna a bewildered look. "I'm Itoshiki Sakura, and - wait. Tohsaka, did you say?!"

* * *

Negima by Akamatsu and Kodansha.

Fate by Nasu and Type-Moon.

Deadpool and The Inhumans by Marvel Comics.

This is...

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human, Chapter Eleven.**

* * *

 **Also Known as**

* * *

 **And All Shall Burn Equally, Chapter Three.**

* * *

 **Sakura.**

 _Chaldea, several dimensions away:_

"What 's the situation, Sensei?" Tohsaka Sakura asked as she approached Doctor Roman at the command bridge, closely followed by Fran.

"You don't have to address me with stock action movie dialogue just because we're in a stock action movie situation, Sakura-chan. 'What's going on?' will suffice," the lanky doctor calmly said, running monitor checkup on a few screens set before them. Not too far, Ruler Jeanne D'Arc stood guard over the deputy Director of the organization, her standard firm and ready, looking like she was about to break out her favorite speech at any moment. "Looks like we have visitors from your reality, perhaps after you, so I called you here. Do you recognize any of these people?"

He pointed at a group being corralled against a corner of a hallway by Caster Mephistopheles, Avenger Jeanne Alter, Caster Gilles, Saber Gilles and a grinning, eager and interested Rider Iskandar, sword well in hand. Sakura squinted at the ragtag bunch of intruders, which included a gigantic dog, a masked man in red and black spandex, an ambiguously attractive person in a white top hat and evening wear, and- "Wait a second," she said, pointing at another of the figures. "I recognize this one! It's a Sailor Senshi! They're allies of Justice!"

"Uuuh," her Berserker nodded.

"Well, that's a relief... I guess," the Doctor blandly said, then making a call. "Da Vinci-sensei? Sakura-chan confirmed their identities on the monitors, she says one of them is some manner of-"

"Magical Girl," Sakura supplied.

"- Magical Girl," Roman said, nodding. "Tell our forces not to jump the gun just yet, but hold the reinforcements in place just in case..."

"So talk, then!" Saber Gilles kept his blade firmly trained on the man in red and black, specifically at his chest. "State your intentions and purpose clearly!"

"Talking? Dude, I've been doin' nuthin' but talkin' since I arrivin' in this bitchin' placin'!" Deadpool said, his handguns trained on the armored man's head in turn. "You deaf or what? And who are you anyway? You look like a pedo loser, what have you done with Negi Springfield?"

"I am Gilles De Rais, loyal knight at the service of the Lady of Orleans!" the Saber identified himself proudly.

"Lies!" hissed Caster Gilles, holding the open Prelati's Spellbook in a bony hand. " _I_ am Gilles De Rais, loyal knight at the service of the Lady of Orleans!" He then smiled up at the pale woman in form fitting black armor. "Isn't that correct, O Jeaaaaaanne?!"

The white haired woman grunted acidly. "You are both Gilles De Rais, loyal morons at the service of the Dragon Witch- not the Lady of Orleans, cretin!" she slapped a hand across the back of his head. "What does she have what I don't?!"

"I'm so sorry, Jeaaaaaanne!" he whined. "Force of habit! But you are both so sublime, I cannot make my jumbled mind up...!"

One of the blank eyes on Deadpool's mask shrunk down visibly. "... okay, we went and got dropped into a Weapon X recruiting drive, didn't we? Only possible place with these kinda weirdos around... unless… Oh, shit, is this a new Nextwave series?"

"Houses of glass and stones," Karin grumbled, holding her mallet between herself and the grinning Mephistopheles. "You..." she told him. "There is something disturbingly familiar about you..."

"Oh ho ho, I'm Mephistopheles, a humble retainer, nothing else!" laughed the strange creature, playfully swirling two huge scissors around. Touko just stared at said scissors, oddly fascinated for some reason. "Welcome one, welcome all, to our lovely home in Chaldea! We hope you survive the experience! Well, not really!"

"- have you ever heard of a guy named Chuck 'the Cuck' Xavier?" Deadpool asked him. "Wait a minute! Mephisto! I've heard of you! You're the guy who buys other people's marriages in trade for saving old-ass fart aunts' lives!"

Mephistopheles took a moment to glare at him, frowning just as markedly as he had smiled. "Excuse me, what have you just said? Just because I'm insane, that doesn't mean I do things that make no sense!"

"Chaldea!" Sailor Mercury gasped. "So this is the Chaldea Organization!" Sailor Mercury gaped, looking in all directions. She had been thinking of something less... futuristic in appearance when she'd been told about it. More like a fortress fit for warriors from the past. "Um, listen, it would seem there's been a major misunderstanding here, could we speak with Emiya Shirou-sempai or Tohsaka Rin-sempai?"

"Oh?" smiled the giant of a man with red hair. "So, you are friends of the King of Knights? Ah ha ha ha, it was to be expected! It seems her followers cannot be stopped by trifles like the barriers of time and reality in their drive to be reunited with her!"

Avenger snorted at Rider. "Of course, all of her achievements stop being impressive when you realize she surrounded herself with so many bootlickers... I just need one or two at any given time!"

Saber Bootlicker flinched slightly. "Madame, thank you for realizing each of us is worth for a dozen knights from the Isles, but that way of phrasing..."

"Hush, mindless pawn! Hush!" Caster Bootlicker chided his younger self. "How dare you question her turn of phrasing, so precise in her scathing, so ever loving in her despise! Just tell me, Jeaaaaaaanne! What should I do to them? Should I summon the beasts of the Deep to ooze down their every orifice? Should I have them swallowed alive by those who lurk below? Should I-"

As Asia hugged his left arm and let out a shriek of pure terror at the deranged threats, Hyoudou Issei bristled, his Hot Blood bubbling up. "Okay, I've had enough of this already-!" he said, and a moment later he swung his right fist ahead, thick armor covering it as it clashed against Caster's face, making each bulbous fish eye pop out in a different direction. "Swallow this, bitch!"

Avenger raised an eyebrow in mild interest. "- okay. That, I kind of liked. I'm still going to have to kill you now, but it was nice to see..."

"No!" Sakura said, storming into the hall and surrounded by Fran, Lancer Liz, Lancer Diarmuid, Fujimaru Ritsuka and Kiyohime. "Stop it please, Avenger-san!"

"Tohsaka-sempai!" Mercury sighed, relieved. "It's so good to see you! Maybe you won't recognize me like this, but I am-"

"Sailor Mercury, I know," Sakura nodded and bowed. "A real pleasure meeting you at last."

"No, well, yes, I am that, but I also am- am- am-"

Then she, Touko, Asia and Nekane all fell into a mesmerized, fascinated silence at the sight of Diarmuid's impossibly handsome face. Karin just rubbed her eyes off, grunting at the mild effort of fighting the charm off, and finally shrugged it off, opening the eyes again. "What a bothersome man," she said. "Why haven't they killed you off?"

Issei looked back and forth between Asia and the uneasy looking Diarmuid, squinting and grimacing. "Okay, now I think we've just found the largest threat in this whole place by far..."

"Tell me about it, kid," Deadpool fumed furiously, reaching over to block Nekane's eyes with his hands, eliciting a soft moan of disappointment from her. "It's our natural enemy, the Born Harem Lead the Gift Is Wasted On!"

Issei gasped. "No way! The worst enemy of the Would Be Harem Master Who Has to Work Hard!"

Deadpool nodded solemnly. "I'm afraid so, son. I'm afraid so. Before this great menace to our lifestyle, we only can answer with healthy and judicious amounts of violence upon such a pretty, sexy, mole-y face..."

Sakura pulled a giant paper fan (see-Carnival Phantasm Episode 6) out of somewhere and whacked him across the head with it. "Don't you dare! Do you know how much time we have to spend every day mopping the blood of Lancers off these floors...?"

* * *

"And that is our local campus," Sakura sighed, after finishing with the very same tour she had given Negi-sensei a couple days ago. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have classes to attend. You know the way back to Mikado-sensei's, don't you?"

Asuna nodded. "Yeah, the campuses are not that different. Huh, you have a lot of schools around here, actually. Back home, we have basically four; Mahora, Honnouji, Ohtori, and CLAMP Gakuen, which basically stands for most of those other minor schools you mentioned, but combined. I remember Kibōgamine from when I was little, but Honnouji annexed it years ago. And there's the detective school annex, but that's only separate because the university's Criminology department wants nothing to do with them."

"... I'm not sure which part of that statement unsettles me more," Sakura said, eyes wide. "The Honnouji here has only been around for only three years. It was renamed from Sparta Academy when the Kiryuuin Corporation bought the old school up."

Asuna shrugged. "We also have a Furinkan, but it's also on its last legs and Paru's parents didn't want her to study there. There's also Tomobiki, which is pretty much in the same situation as Furinkan, and Shinonome, which doesn't stand out much, but recently rose back to fame when they found some weird ancient ruins underneath..."

"I remember now, there's another academy deep into the woods, one you wouldn't know about," Negi Tiberius said, pointing beyond the Western mountain range. "There, protected by several barriers and wards, stands Youkai Academy, where only creatures of magic like witches, werewolves, vampires, lamias and mermaids are allowed. I 've never been there myself, but there was this person... uh... tall, affable, hard working, I think... who has visited it a few times, to run checkups..."

"Takahata-sensei!" Asuna enthused. "That's gotta be him!"

"I see. Youkai Academy," Sakura noted, wondering whether that school just didn't exist in this Japan, or if she didn't have the clearance to know about it yet. "Well, sorry, but like I told you, I cannot be late for classes. Head straight back home, please, truancy is severely punished around here."

"You don't want these guys to tell you about the you in the other world?" Tsukuyomi said, sitting under the fresh shade of the World Tree and plucking a flower off the ground, placing it on her own hair. "Come on, don't tell me you don't...!"

Sakura looked aside, trying not to let any emotions show on her face. "I don't really see the purpose."

"Sempai," Yue gently reassured her, "if your Itoshiki-sensei is anything like yours, then I know he is a good man despite of his... eccentricities, and someone I wouldn't mind having for a relative. However, if he is not, and we can help you in any way-"

"I have no complaints about Nii-san, beyond the wish that he was a happier man, and perhaps less random pontificating on the strangest subjects," Sakura said. "Thank you all the same, Ayase-san."

Yue nodded. "That's good to hear. Regardless, we could also help you to find and contact your birth family. In our world, events conspired to keep you and your sister apart for a time, but it never was her intention to be separated from you. And since their reunion, the two of them have been as close as-"

"I am glad to hear such is the case," Sakura quietly said. "But it is pointless to try and live another person's life."

Yue sighed. "Sempai, please, your sister might wish for your company. Or do have any solid reasons to believe she does not?"

"Ayase-san," Sakura requested, still the perfect image of politeness. "Once again, thanks for your interest, but some things are best left untouched. Please don't delay me any further. We might discuss this later if there is any real need for it. Have a good day."

And she hurried down the hillside towards the campus, without looking back.

Rito huffed. "You shouldn't have forced the issue, Yue-san. It's not easy to connect with estranged relatives. Trust me just on this, will you?"

"That's one way to put it, but yes..." Tsukuyomi nodded, suddenly darkly thoughtful again.

"I know, it's just... I think I can understand Sensei better now, it's hard to sit back and realize you can't make much of a difference. I can't even help Paru."

"Why would she need any help?" Asuna asked. "Looks like she knows well what she's getting into and enjoying it."

Yue frowned and shook her head. "The Paru I know is... she may be completely insane because of her upbringing, but she is also a genuinely happy person. This Paru... from the outside, she may look just the same, but... there is something, something perhaps dark and painful, gnawing at her from the inside. Don't ask me how, but I can tell."

"It takes one to recognize another," Tsukuyomi said with a malicious smirk.

"That may be it," Yue allowed.

Rito breathed out. "You are completely right, Yue-san. It's just not the same thing. The Negi-senseis are much more like each other..."

"I resent that remark," Negi said with a small scowl.

"Not enough to stop you from helping him with that request of his, however?" Skuld asked.

"Not enough," Negi confirmed. "But it's in my own best interests as well. If becoming this 'Fate' helps me understand this bizarre world long enough as to make it back to ours, I have to do it. I definitely has nothing to do with any urge to put on a costume and go forthing thwarting evil. None whatsoever!"

"Of course not," Yue said, not even bothering to hide how she was rolling her eyes.

"Not alone, however," Asuna said. "You still don't have your bearings back, and you'll need someone to help you navigate through Mahora. Not to mention people to watch your back from all the lunatics here."

Tsukuyomi raised an eyebrow. "And how are we supposed to do that? My face must be on Wanted ads everywhere on this world, if I'm half as brilliant here as I was there, and you slaves of the system can't be seen out of classes like good children, so what's your big idea?"

"Tch!" Asuna said. "If Negi can play the masked superhero, so can we!" She grinned adventurously. "It might be fun, finally I'll get to be like Twilight Red-neechan!"

"Who?" Negi asked.

"Oh, oh, I actually like the idea! It's utterly stupid but I like it! Fooling the masses with a facade of goodness only to hide your true depravity, that is so Norman Osborn!" Tsukuyomi gushed. "I, too, shall hide behind a fitting superheroic codename like... Kick-Ass!"

"What kind of stupid heroic name is that?!" Rito demanded.

"Uh hu hu, you're right, 'ass' is too much of a vulgar word for someone as cultured as I. How about, then... The Tumor?"

"Are you taking this seriously at all?!" Skuld said.

"Red Mist!"

"Noooo! That sounds like one of those crappy deformed heroes from the nineties!" Asuna grimaced.

"Night Bitch?"

"Isn't that too vulgar as well?" Negi objected.

"Ah, sorry, this vile place is doing nasty things to my lovely mind... I know!" she snapped her fingers. "White Death! It combines my wholesome refined image and my overwhelming capacity for carnage and bloodletting quite well, don't you think?"

"Russian veterans of the Winter War and diabetics everywhere will quake in terror," Skuld said dryly.

"... fine, White Death is okay," Asuna approved.

"Asuna-san!" Negi chided her.

"Look, at this rate she's going to end up calling herself The Motherfucker if we don't stop her already!"

"Language, Asuna-san! Language!" he scolded her.

"Isn't The Sisterfucker more likely?" Skuld said.

"That's rich coming from you," Yue said.

* * *

Rather late that evening, when Haruna went to visit the Mikado manor again, she found Skuld working on creating, of all things, tricked out superhero suits.

The young woman paused as she watched the young lady working diligently yet also grumpily on these. "Okay. I would never have pegged you for a weird cosplay enthusiast, but- "

"It isn't that, baka!" Skuld huffed, holding a Yue-sized dark blue hooded uniform before herself. "Asuna insists we can't let Negi-sensei go around covering for your perverted teacher on his own, so she convinced Tsukuyomi and Rito to become his sidekicks along with herself, and she must be able to strongarm Yue as well, so naturally it's up to me to make sure they aren't all killed off. This is Yue's suit, inspired by those of two vigilantes from prior decades in our world, the Nite Owls. Asuna insists Yue just looks like an owl, so..."

Haruna, despite all the concerns in her mind at the moment, had to chuckle at the sheer idiocy of the idea. "Ah, now it all makes sense! And what's your codename? Ragnarok Girl?"

Skuld wrinkled her nose. "Please, I'm above such matters! I'm the wise mission command and controller who sits safely at the base eating ice cream while coordinating the team. I am the Oracle, she who has eyes everywhere!"

"Oh, why didn't I see that coming?" Haruna said, feigning shame. "How obvious in hindsight!"

"No, it isn't and you know it. I'm Norse, not Greek, so if you're going to mock me at least use the proper frame of reference. Asuna is Twilight Red, Tsukuyomi is the White Death, and Rito... we have no idea what to do with Rito yet, to be honest. Any suggestions?"

"I'm not good with those things. Whenever we do superhero doujin in the circle, it's Harumi-senpai who names them," Haruna confessed, finding the whole subject to be incredibly sillier and sillier by the moment. "What do you say about... Or... Or... You know what, I just can't! Every codename I can think of for him is lame and ends up sounding like 'Slipping Boy', or 'Grab-And-Fondler' or-!"

"I'm sorry that's the way you look at me, Haruna-san," Rito mumbled miserably, being shepherded into the room along with the others by Ryoko. "Okay, what do you need us for now?"

"Aw, don't be like that!" Haruna pouted. "It's all in the name of good fun, really. Look, I think we might need to ask Tiberius-sensei to cover for Sensei in the classroom, tomorrow. He sort of went on a... special search of sorts with some of the girls tonight, and while I'd hoped everybody would be back by ... well, now ... various things happened, and weeeeee sort of lost contact with the party we sent underground," she concluded in a rush.

"Which of the girls?" Tiberius asked suspiciously.

Haruna smiled very graciously, although also rather nervously. "Oh, only the six Baka Rangers, Asuna, Yue-san, Ku Fei, Kaede, Makie and Chizuru. Also Konoka and Yuna. It's totally probably not what you're thinking, we were just trying to find a solution to a last minute problem regarding their grades! Wild multiple way debauchery wasn't in the cards! Library Island is too dangerous a place for that anyway!"

Yue nodded. "Good to see you at least hold those protocols true here, after all." She had already noted that this Haruna was having problems meeting her gaze, for some reason, and found it rather suspicious.

"You should have told us beforehand, though," Negi observed. "We could have warned you before the fact!"

Haruna lowered her head, scratching it sheepishly with a hand. "Sorry, we didn't want to disturb you unless we really needed to. But now I'm starting to get really worried, even if I try to think positively -"

"Let me guess," Asuna smiled. "They headed deep down Library Island to retrieve the Book of Mathusalem, a mystical volume that could make anyone all- Wait a second, did you just say Chizuru?!"

Haruna blinked and nodded. "Yeah? Naba Chizuru, of course. Why so shocked?"

"Chizuru-san is one of our top scorers!" Asuna facepalmed. "She's a Baka here? I can't even imagine what a Baka Chizuru-san would be like!"

"I don't know what to tell you, she does really good at math, but she's almost as bad as, um, our Asuna when it comes to most everything else." Haruna shrugged. "She said she had some kind of reading disability, I think."

"Well, don't worry, things should go well enough, Paru-san," Yue sighed. "We were there once ourselves- the book is the Melchisedek, by the way, Asuna-san- and as long as they are careful with what they find below there shouldn't be any major issues."

Haruna exhaled, relieved. "Thank you, that really takes a huge weight off my shoulders."

Yue wagged a chiding finger then. "And I sure hope you stressed to the others that those passages are dangerous if you aren't paying attention, so John-sensei shouldn't really be engaging in any, well, distracting abusive activities with his students while down there."

"... abusive?" Haruna blinked innocently. "I can't see what could ever be called abusive about our entirely consensual and mutual arrangements!"

Tiberius stared blandly at her. "You know what he is doing technically counts as abuse of his authority." He sighed. "But let's not come to blows over that."

"Oh, no, please, if that's how you want it, please don't restrain yourselves, that's bad for healthy young people like you," Tsukuyomi gently prodded along. "And I've always believed men shouldn't hold back when dealing with women at anything either..." she suggestively added. "I'm sure she won't mind if you get a bit rough on her..."

"Bad choice of words on my part," Negi grunted. "My mistake." Then he looked back at Haruna. "From the stories Yue-san has told me about Library Island, they won't make it back by morning, so I'll be there to cover John-sensei," he dryly promised.

"Thank you very much!" said Haruna, reaching over and hugging him, playing with his hair. "You're a real sweetie, Alternate Negi-kun!" Like Mikado before her, she'd started to have certain ideas, albeit ones that predictably involved her on the bottom of the sandwich instead of the middle.

Rito only sighed quite sadly, as Yue sympathetically patted his arm.

"I'll also take Yue-san and Asuna-san along, but how to cover the absences of Chizuru-san, Ku-san, Sasaki-san and Nagase-san... well, we will think of something in the meanwhile. Go, and don't worry about us," Tiberius told his counterpart's student.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Without me and you around, who's going to be holding her leash?" Asuna asked, pointing at Tsukuyomi.

Skuld pondered that, then smirked evilly. "You know what, there's no need to worry about that. I have an idea on how to handle that situation..."

"Oooohh, suitably ominous," Tsukuyomi cooed, wiggling her eyebrows. "I bet it is something I will really enjoy a lot..."

"Maybe you won't," Skuld said with a playful shrug of shoulders, "but maybe Makie will!"

Tsukuyomi frowned and snorted at the unexpected answer and its nonchalant delivery. "Eh? What do you mean?" she grunted.

* * *

 _Chaldea:_

"Y-Y-You mean Negi-sensei is...?!" Sakura gasped, sitting at a large round table the Knights had recently put together as a gift for their newly returned King. It was currently the largest table in Chaldea, so they had settled the visitors there to listen to their explanations, but Gawain and Mordred had been adamant on Artoria's seat remaining untouched in her absence (on pain of death, as was traditional, but they didn't mention that to their visitors). Sitting on the floor alongside Mephistopheles, Blackbeard, Kintoki and Caster De Rais, Issei couldn't help thinking that was such a huge injustice. And he felt kind of annoyed at being relegated to the pervert table. And even more annoyed at the pervert table not having an actual table.

"Well, yeah, you see, that's the thing," Deadpool said, while Shuten-Douji slowly edged towards him from the next seat, pinching his mask between two fingers and carefully pulling up on it, trying to peek into what was underneath. From Deadpool's other side, Nekane frowned and swatted the hand of the Legendary Oni away. "Looks like his little scout party was attacked by a bunch of edgy anime villains and they were scattered all across that wild and wacky world of magic. Crazy intense, huh? So that's why we're looking for them. Everyone blames them for what happened and now surely they've got big fat bounties on their heads."

Archer Robin Hood sighed melancholically. "Ah, that old feeling of having a price on your head over doing the right thing..."

Deadpool nodded. "I know, ain't it sad, William Tell?"

"I'm not William Tell! For heaven's sake, he used a crossbow!"

"We'll help you any way we can!" Fujimaru Ritsuka offered eagerly. "Surely we've got enough firepower to retrieve Negi-sensei from wherever they've got him prisoner, or on the run, right now! It can't be that hard, Leyshifting into another world, can it, Sensei?"

Leonardo Da Vinci shook her head, again looking through her electronic notepad. "I'm afraid that world is not in the list of alternate dimensions we can access through Chaldeas, and even if we could, we cannot waste valuable resources on organizing a search party for a relatively small band of adventurers. Besides, your sister is currently on a mission, and should another emergency happen, we need our replacement Master at hand. I am sorry, Miss Springfield, but the whole of human history depends on Chaldea's success. We cannot allow ourselves to risk our resources on anything not directly related to stopping Ars Goetia."

"I thought _she_ was _my_ replacement?" Ritsuka asked helplessly.

"Umu!" Nero said, slamming a fist on the table. "Surely a few of us can be dispatched to help flowers as fragrant and noble as these?" she asked, taking a moment to graciously offer Asia a red rose, smiling charmingly at her. Asia accepted it with a subtle blush and nod of thanks, not quite sure of what to make of it, while Issei began breathing harder, visualizing interesting interactions between both blondes in his mind now. "After all, how could we call ourselves Heroic Spirits, should we ignore the plight of our fellow heroes of tomorrow?"

Doctor Roman tapped his fingers. "W-Well, I imagine we could dispatch two or three Servants, but without a Master, what could they-"

Sakura raised a hand. "Sensei! I offer myself to go, in the absence of Nee-san and Emiya-sempai!"

Ruler Jeanne blinked. "Oh dear! Are you sure, Mademoiselle Sakura?"

Sakura nodded firmly. "Negi-sensei is someone I have held in a high regard for a long time! He helped Sempai a lot through the Grail War, too! It is time I should repay all he's done for us!"

"Uuuuu," Fran said, moving closer to Sakura, to stress she would be going with her no matter what.

Leonardo pondered that with a slow nod. "As long as you are using the... means of transportation supplied by Miss Springfield's party, I have no objections myself." She looked over at Lockjaw, who sat a corner licking his balls over and over, and then told Sakura, "Should your sister return before you, we will inform her properly on the subject."

 ** _"Roooooo..."_** Lockjaw howled then, and so Asia moved towards him, touching his forehead and softly rubbing it.

After a moment, the young blonde looked back at the others. "Lockjaw-san says he isn't sure he can take many more people along for the next dimensional jump. Three at best, he calculates..."

"Then I shall go as well," spoke the Servant who looked and sounded eerily like Nee-san, but clothed far more skimpily, making Sakura feel slightly uncomfortable. "I am Archer Ishtar, Goddess of the Underworld, and from what you say, a fellow deity is in distress as well. I have the duty of going assist her... to rub my obvious superiority in her face!" she smiled smugly.

"... so downright evil..." Child Gilgamesh muttered darkly from his seat.

Sailor Mercury blinked. "Aren't you... Tohsaka Rin-sempai?"

Ishtar shrugged indifferently. "I have been told this body I am inhabiting once belonged to someone named 'Tohsaka', much like this young lady, but what matters is a goddess, not a mage, shall stand beside you in this enterprise. Count yourselves fortunate, mortals, this omen of good fortune has seen fit to smile upon you!"

"I once met a God. He told me he was my dad and cursed me to look like Tom Cruise for a while," Deadpool casually commented, then moved along just as naturally. "Well then, I figure we can be on our way again and leave you to play your little history changing games of gacha as soon as we've given Touko-chan here a good bath and-"

"I don't need a bath right now!" Touko argued.

Mordred, who sat by her side, wrinkled her nose. "Of course you do! I come from a time when everyone but the King were always covered in shit, and I still haven't ever smelt anything as foul as you!"

Sakura frowned. "Mo-san, while your father is not my favorite person in the world, I didn't doubt her when she told me the only reason why the rest of you were covered in shit was because she was the only one who liked to bathe..."

Gawain, Bedivere, Tristan and Lancelot instantly looked aside, stung by a sharp feeling of uneasiness.

" _ **rrrrrthrrrrrr**_..." the Black Berserker stiffly shifted around in his chair.

Mordred rasped gruffly. "That.. There may be some truth to that, but still-"

"Furthermore," Sakura pressed on, "apparently some of the promises you spread around to turn Saber-san's subjects against her was abolishing the 'daily or at least weekly bath' edict she wanted to pass along, or am I wrong?"

Mo-san clenched her teeth. "Once a month or two was a perfectly reasonable alternative! These things must be done one step at a time, you know!"

"Baths stink anyway!" Blackbeard opined, lifting an arm to scratch himself in the armpit, moving Issei to cover his nose in disgust, his face going green.

Karin sighed. "You fools are overlooking the obvious. This oversized monstrosity has already failed at taking us to Evangeline-sama's disciple once, randomly bringing us here instead. What makes you so sure he will be more successful this time?"

Lockjaw got up, walked towards Sakura, then bumped his nose against her butt, making her jump a little. Then the purple haired girl reached into a pocket in the back of her skirt, and pulled out a small, lovely white handkerchief. "... maybe Doggie-san sniffed something like this? It's a gift Sensei gave me during Mahorafest..."

"..." Nekane, Mercury, Deadpool, Asia, Touko and Karin all said.

Issei sighed. "I only hope the little gigolo didn't pass more of those along or we'll be doing this for weeks..."

"Ah?!" Sakura gasped. "Who else-?!"

"Tomoe Mami-san," Sailor Mercury explained.

"I, I don't even know who that is!" Sakura replied, swearing to find this interloper and deal with her.

Lockjaw grunted, then pushed Sakura off the chair, forcing her to walk away from the table. Ishtar, Fran, Touko, Karin, Deadpool, Nekane, Asia and Akira all followed them closely, and before more than half a dozen steps were taken, they all disappeared altogether in a huge flash of white light.

"- well," Edison said. "That was certainly a thing that happened. I'm somewhat baffled no one ever commented on my appearance, most portraits don't show me with a beard after all..."

"Those guys have met talking superhero ducks, a bounty hunter biker from outer space, a chain smoking fairy ermine, two ghosts, and themselves from another dimension, Edison-san," Ritsuka sighed. "I'm sure we don't even register on his radar already."

"I saw potential in the young man!" Medb smiled. "I would like to give him a test ride next time I see him..."

* * *

Later that evening, right when Akira was about to start calling the other rooms to learn where Yuna and Negi had gone, a great weight was lifted off her when she heard a knock on their door, and then saw Negi walking in as she opened the door for him. "Sensei!" she said. "Thank goodness, you were taking so long! And where's Yuna?"

"Oh, sorry to disturb you, Ook- Okochi-san," he smiled apologetically to her. "You see, when Naba-san's family was reminded the end of term tests were approaching, they called Naba-san in for a few extra special sessions of tutoring at her home. Nagase-san and Ku-san went along with her, and so did Yuna-san once she learned it'd be a chance to see Naba-san's manor. Don't worry, it's all approved by the faculty, even Konoka-san tagged along too..." He forced a smile to cover his not so little white lie, inwardly feeling like his innards were being shredded.

Akira looked at him with curiosity over this perplexing new development ... and wondered why he was calling her by her last name. "I see. But, why didn't you call before? Why didn't Yuna-"

"Ah, yes, sorry we didn't invite you along, but we knew you were busy with your swimming team practices, and so..." he said, scratching the back of his head.

"Oh," she said, flinching. "Yes, my swimming team practices. Um. Well, I'm just glad you and Yuna aren't missing after all. Now get to the table, your dinner's ready, Sensei."

"Oh, that's very kind of you!" he nodded. "Thank you so very much, Okochi-san."

During dinner, Akira couldn't help feeling something strange about Sensei tonight. Not only did his story not exactly click seemless together all that well, but he looked a bit more nervous and uneasy than he normally did. He wouldn't take those discreet looks at her cleavage whenever she leaned around for anything, a sign of a healthy young boy growing up in an overly sexualized society in her opinion. While it was good to see him being more restrained, it also felt too out of character for him. While Akira had always trusted his ability to remain within the lines and not act on his impulses, now it was more like the impulses were not there, or were far too tightly repressed, and that was not adding up.

But more than that, there was something else about him now, a sensation that was all but impossible to describe. Akira only realized what it was while washing the dishes with his help. It was like whenever Fuka and Fumika would trade identities for some kind of prank or another. Once you stopped, squinted and paid close attention, you could notice they weren't the same people they were supposed to be, no matter how well they acted their parts. And once she thought that, she realized that he was off in another way, as well, just like they always were.

But that made no sense in this case, of course, which was why Akira was now telling herself it had to be her imagination at work. After all, she could think of no valid reason why Negi-sensei would disappear along with Yuna, Chizuru, Ku Fei and Kaede, leaving an almost-identical impostor of about the same age behind. That made no sense at all.

"Good night, Negi-sensei," she told him a couple hours later, after watching some television together, mostly her as he would rather keep himself entertained with one of his books.

"Good night, Okochi-san," he warmly replied from his sleeping bag on the floor, and she smiled and turned the lights off.

Akira fell into a quick, relaxing sleep with no dreams, which lasted until she felt something cuddling against her in the darkness, from behind. Looking back with a muted start, she glimpsed Negi in the shadows of the bedroom, eyes tightly closed and holding onto her, making small mouth motions and occasionally whimpering a little.

Akira had once, while waking up in the middle of the night, noticed Negi sleeping in Yuna's bunk with her. They'd quickly come up with an explanation on Negi being used to slipping in bed with his mother when suffering nightmares, and Akira had seen that as a reasonable enough explanation. So she could not blame him for doing that again right now, far away from his parents in another country. She knew she would have been scared had she been his age, too. So she just smiled, turned around, and hugged him tenderly against herself, enjoying his warmth and trying to comfort him.

Then his mouth twitched a few times, and he mumbled, faint and groggily, as if conjuring lost long memories from the depths of his subconscious, with no small amount of difficulty, "Ch-Chisame..."

Akira blinked. That was the last name she had been expecting to hear now. Seriously, _Chisame?!_

... the whole almost-identical impostor thing was becoming seemingly more and more plausible. Still, she had her own secrets, and shouldn't pry into his.

Akira relaxed in the mutual embrace she shared with the young man, and tried her best to fall asleep again.

It took her a while.

* * *

"Well," Deadpool said, "this is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Ollie."

 _ **"GGG-Grrrrooooo!"**_ Lockjaw said, clearly disagreeing.

The bizarre bunch gathered before their bizarre bunch on the scorched fields of Mundus Magicus closed ranks together, all but the tightly bound bloated cat-bear thing, who only smiled to himself, saying "Hey! We didn't have to wait that long after all!"

"Who are you, strangely mismatched weird people?" said the little white duckling in a schoolgirl uniform aiming a magic wand at them while standing between a purple pony unicorn and a large man holding a massive hand cannon. "Have you come for Negi Springfield?!"

As Nekane, Touko, Akira and Asia gasped at the unexpectedly sudden and correct guess, Deadpool only nodded firmly, without a moment of hesitation. "Aye! We have indeed come for Negi Springfield!"

The white duckling smiled challengingly. "Well, you'll never have him! Not only because he just left for parts unknown, but because we will never surrender him to you, Megalomesembrian dogs!"

"Hey!" Deadpool said. "I resent that remark! Only one of us is a dog!"

 _"Grrrrffff,"_ Lockjaw grumbled.

Lena approached Webby from behind, tapping her on a shoulder. "Um, Webs? What language is that you and they are speaking? Mind filling me in?"

The shorter duck girl smiled at her friend. "Not at all, Lena!" she said in Mundus Magicus Latin. "This is Japanese! See, Yue and Asuna and Rito are all Japanese, so I told myself, whenever the next bunch of very weird people appears out of thin air, I'll assume they're Japanese too! And it worked!"

"Hey," Deadpool said in the same Latin, although rather rough around the edges. "I'm either Canadian or American, depending on what the memory implants and the little yellow boxes are telling me today! It's just I became an Omniglot because people everywhere need professional killers!"

"P-Professional WHAT?!" Louise panicked.

"Oh, you know about the little boxes too!" Webby gushed. "An enlightened man!"

Deadpool blinked under the mask. "You can see them too?! No way!"

Webby shrugged modestly. "Oh, it's just when I'm in an IDW tie-in, normally I can't do it... It's no big deal, really!"

"What... What are they talking about?" a confused Issei babbled.

Asia blinked. "That's Latin... sort of. They, they're talking the same way Akeno-san does when she goes down one of those tangents of hers... you know, when she's facing random directions and talking to people who aren't there, the ones she says are reading about us on the Internet."

"Japanese? Wait, that's a language from Vetus, isn't it?" Lena asked Webby. "How in the world did you learn it?"

"Granny taught me," Webby said matter-of-factly.

"Why would she do a thing like that?!"

"She told me 'All Japanese men are lolicon', so I had to be ready to detect them in the event they appeared..."

"What is she saying about lolicon?" Issei asked Asia. "That, I understood..."

"Of course you would, wouldn't you?" Karin coldly asked before stepping ahead, her mallet at the ready. "Listen!" she spoke in flawless Mundus Magicus Latin. "I am Karin... Yuuki Karin!" she said, deciding to honor the name of the girl who had taken her in before Evangeline would accept her back. "I am the right hand woman of Evangeline McDowell, the Dark Evangel, so I am not to be trifled with! Answer my questions clearly and without deceit, and it will be for everyone's good!"

 _"D-D-Duh-Dark Evangel?!"_ Pete and Louise chorused in horror.

Webby just blinked. "... are you related to Rito-san?"

Karin blinked at this question, then nodded very still and quietly, very unblinking too. "In a manner of speaking, you could say..."

Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes, then clenched her teeth, emitted a very intense purple light from her horn, and it enveloped everypony around her for a split second, after which she said, "There! Now everypony will be able to understand each other, aside from those with obvious clashing psychological problems!"

"Why didn't you just do that from the start?" Spike asked her.

Issei blinked at them. "Are you... some sort of universal translator pony? Now I've seen everything! Um, well, I'm Hyudou Issei from Honnouji Academy..."

"The Black School of Evil!" Louise gasped, readying her wand and her riding crop at once. "Yue warned us against it!"

"Furthermore, the True Perverted Beast!" Lena jumped back, readying her amulet. "He who leaves Rito's own perversions in the dust!"

Issei sweatdropped. "... uh, no offense, but I'm not really into ducks, so you have nothing to fear from me... kid..."

"Is anyone else having the most annoying sensation we've just stepped into some deranged Walt Disney production?" Touko complained, then grimaced as she saw Collet, Pluto and Lockjaw circling around each other and constantly sniffing on each other's butts. "Gahhhhh! Stop doing that, weird girl with a tail! That, That's just gross and disgusting!"

Sakura sighed, stepping forward to try and bring some sanity to the procedures, and because the chapter is named for her after all. "Please listen. It's obvious you have already met Negi-sensei, Yuuki-san, Asuna-san and Yue-san. That is okay, we are friends of theirs, so let's please not turn this into the typical misunderstanding and fighting between good guys seen so often in cheap American manga that's used to pad out pages..."

"Awwwwww!" Deadpool said, as he and Yuffie froze in the middle of a dynamic action scene, her with her shuriken pressed against his throat, he with his handguns pressed down on her head. "But this chapter could use more action...!"

"We've just had a major action scene last chapter!" Webby claimed. "Please lower your weapons, Miss Yuffie, Mister Mystery Masked Man!"

"Okay, but just because you ask nicely and I can feel a renewed corporate synergy with you, fellow Disney-Fox tool of the pop culture juggernaut," Deadpool complied. "Name's Deadpool, by the way. Hope I get to work with you in a Phase Four movie, or at least with your Unca Howard..."

"Yep, you were right, Asia-chan," Issei sighed. "It's just like being around Akeno-san again..."

Sakura inwardly begged anyone who might be listening for mental fortitude, then told the others who already were looking less and less insane than her own party, little white duckling excepted, "I am Tohsaka Sakura, another of Negi-sensei's companions..."

"He never mentioned you!" Louise bluntly said.

"That's not that shocking, he's got amnesia after all. But Yue never mentioned her either," Aerith said. "Or any other of these strangers, to be honest..."

"Neither did Asuna," Yuffie huffed. "Or even the Perverted Beast, despite being supposed to be this girl's cousin or brother or-"

"Hadn't we agreed I was **the** only true Perverted Beast?" Issei asked, feeling slightly slighted.

"Negi-sensei's got amnesia?!" Akira cried in shock while Nekane just fainted. Nice development from Chapter One there, sister.

"Oh, don't you worry, it's just Hollywood Amnesia!" Webby said. "He already remembered Yue, Asuna, Saber, Berserker, Tsukuyomi, Skuld and parts and bits of someone named 'Haruka' on his own!"

"Does he still remember how to walk, talk, eat with utensils, use the bathroom, and take baths?" Touko asked.

"He remembers enough about baths to know he hates them," Cid then sniffled in her direction, waving a hand before himself. "Just like someone else, apparently!"

Sakura sighed again, tapping her fingers on her face as if she were Rin. On that subject, it further annoyed her how Ishtar-san had not helped at all during this conversation, only laughing uncontrollably behind her as she found everything around them to be hilariously amusing. "These are my Servant Berserker, Archer Ishtar-san, Fukawa Touko-san, Asia Argento-san, Sailor Mercury-san, and Karin-san. The fainted lady Deapool-san is tending to is Sensei's sister Nekane Springfield-san. You were already introduced to Deadpool-san, and... sorry, what was your name again?" she asked Issei.

"I just told it, Hyudou Issei!" he said. "How cruel of you, not remembering, Oppai Kouhai-chan...!"

"Then you please remember my name is Sakura!" she argued back.

"Uuuuuuu!" Berserker nodded quite firmly.

"Fukawa Touko?!" Webby jumped up in glee. "The writer of Genocyder Syo!?"

Touko blinked. "My books sell here, too...?"

"Do they!" Webby said, happily jumping around. "They're filming your sixth movie adaptation in Duckburg as we speak! Sadly they won't cast Jim Starling as Detective Abbeyline anymore after he got typecasted as Darkwing Duck..."

"Uuuu?" asked Berserker at the mention of this last name.

Touko bristled, her face red and slamming a foot on the burnt grass. "Someone's going to pay for this! I've just been cheated out of millions on royalties, haven't I?!"

"What happened to 'I write purely for the sake of my own self-expression'?" asked Asia, curiously.

"Cram it, devil nun!"

* * *

While Akira cooked breakfast, Negi Tiberius Springfield looked over both the class roster he had on him when he was dropped onto Mundus Magicus and the one from John-san he had found in his room. He frowned and stared back and forth between them.

"This just isn't right..." he said to himself in a low voice. Most of the students in both lineups matched perfectly, other than the final, pasted-on additions of Saber-san and Skuld-san in his, except two. His own roster had Karakuri Chachamaru (the robot girl, according to Yue's stories) and Chao Linghsen. John-sensei's had Hino Rei and Yuuki Karin instead.

He thought he had vague memories of Chao Lingshen now. A smile that was sincere and jovial as it also could flash fleeting pangs of subdued pain and heartfelt nostalgia. A clear, loud voice, full of health and determination. Random, inappropriate commercial advertisements. Out of all those pictures he was looking at, hers and Hasegawa-san's were perhaps calling to him the strongest.

What, then, had happened to Chao Lingshen in this world? Had she perished during the Second Impact along with too many others?

"Akira-san," he called out. "Would you happen to know of someone named Chao Lingshen?"

"No, I've never heard that name before, Sensei," came her reply. "Why do you ask?"

He sighed, closing his own roster and slipping it down his shirt, close to his heart. "It's nothing. A name I heard while passing by other students yesterday. Apparently she's some sort of genius and campus celebrity..."

"Is she?" Akira asked, walking back in with the breakfast, and setting his before him, as he thanked her sincerely. "Well, if she's well known around the local scientific community, it's no wonder I don't know her. I'm not that smart," she said with a small apologetic smile, sitting across him. "But I'll still try to do my best in the tests for you, Sensei. It would be bad for your reputation if we ended up dead last again."

"Much appreciated," Negi said, blessing the meal and then taking his first bite of the day.

"You should ask Hakase-san, she's bound to know something," Akira offered after doing the same. "Or Ku-san, maybe. That name is Chinese, isn't it? It doesn't sound Korean..."

"Yes, she is Chinese... from what I have heard," he said.

Akira was even more intrigued about him now. Last night he had murmured Chisame's name in his sleep, and now he was after for another girl. Should she warn him he was treading on dangerous ground here, or would he take it badly? One way or another, it still felt... off, compared to what she'd been sensing while around him before.

"Sensei," she asked him after a moment or two, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but other than Asuna and that girl, Illya-san, you mentioned once in passing... are you sure you don't have any more siblings?"

"Ah... No, I don't," he answered. "Why?"

"I might have seen someone who was very much like you once," Akira said, "even though your type isn't exactly easy to come across."

He chuckled at that. "I'll think I'll take that as praise. Well, some people say we all have a doppelganger somewhere out there. Maybe you saw a picture of my father? I hear we strongly resemble each other at the same ages."

"Or maybe I'm just imagining things, sorry," she smiled, shaking her head and picking the plates up after they were done. "Leave the dishes to me this morning, you can go ahead if you want. I'll be in classes in no time, I promise."

Negi nodded as he moved off the table, taking a deep breath in. _She is really perceptive,_ he thought. I can only hope John-san comes back soon...

* * *

"So you already know," Negi whispered to the three girls walking beside him, as they headed towards the 2-A classroom. "Please try to act naturally, and draw the least possible attention to yourselves. Don't mention Chao-san or Chachamaru-san, and don't stand out at all. And Tsukuyomi-san, please, I beg you, Makie-san is supposed to be a sweet and caring person, I'm trusting your ability to stay in character..."

"I don't know what are you talking about, I'm always sweet and caring, Negi-kun!" the physically perfect lookalike of Sasaki Makie walking with them said, his name pronounced in a sing-song tone as she ruffled his hair. Then she assumed a more professional and stern attitude. "Relax, I have this in the proverbial bag. You would be amazed at how many times I pulled successful undercover jobs, from the brothels of Bangkok to those of Washington DC..."

"Why don't you just sell your life story to Hollywood and retire already?" Asuna groaned, as they turned the final corner before reaching their classroom, the door visible at the end of the hall. "I'm envious of you, Yue. At least you're supposed to just stay quiet and silent all day long, this will be easy for you..."

"Leading the correct lifestyle always pays off eventually," Yue declared solemnly, and then all four of them stopped before the door, taking a collective deep breath. "Are we ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be able to be," Asuna said.

"Please help me out if you see I'm having trouble," Negi asked. "Especially you, Asuna-san, you're my sister..."

"I'm not your- Oh, right, whatever you say, Otouto-chan."

"She doesn't call him 'Otouto', just 'Negi'," Negi inhaled. "Tsukuyomi-san?"

Tsukuyomi failed to answer at all.

"Makie-san?" Negi asked this time.

'Makie' smiled cutely at him and giggled. "Yes, Negi-kun...?"

He smiled back and gave her a thumbs up. "That's my hired girl."

The mercenary cooed, taking a hand to her cheek, "Ahhhh, don't say those things, you born gigolo, you...!"

"And without further ado, here we go," Negi said, reaching over to pull the door open. "Good morning, class!" he smiled to everyone, just as Asuna quickly reached up and caught an eraser about to drop on his head where it had been wedged on top of the door. Honestly, these idiots still did _that?!_ She glanced angrily at Misora, who just shrank in her seat sheepishly. Wasn't this dumb cunt version of Misora-chan supposed to be in with the pervert's lot of weirdos? Why did she still pull this crap off? Hadn't Haruna just told her everything she had to know about them yet?

Misora flinched slightly, feeling the angry glare from Asuna as the redhead went over to take her seat. This was odd, normally she wasn't ever this protective of Negi-kun, or was she just angry at her over becoming part of this... collective she didn't approve of? That had to be it, surely...

Misora had been involved with the trap, naturally. Links of sex and future parenthood weren't anything that should get in the way of a good prank, in her ever humble opinion.

Negi rasped as he moved towards the desk. "Today, Naba-san, Konoe-san, Ku Fei-san, Nagase-san, and Akashi-san will all be taking a day off, since they will be undergoing a special course of preparation for the tests at Naba-san's mansion," he informed the class. "That is also why Sasaki-san couldn't spend last night with you, Izumi-san, and- Sasaki-san, what are you doing?!"

'Makie' had gone directly over to Setsuna's seat, pulling a sealed envelope out and handing it over to her in the stereotypical 'Japanese schoolgirl in timid love' fashion. Her voice, however, was all but timid and shy when she shouted, loud and clear for all of the class to hear, "Setsuna-san! I am... No, I always have been in Deep Love with you! Please date me!"

After a scrambling panic, he, Haruna, Yue and Asuna were able to pass it off as a practical joke, but Negi had already started regretting taking Skuld's suggestion...

* * *

 _"Taaa-daaaaa!" the young Norn said, as her hastily made, incredibly goofy looking contraption bathed Tsukuyomi with an unfortunately non-lethal ray and changed her into a perfect copy of Makie. "By reading my Pactio card inserted into the data slot, and taking advantage of Makie and Tsukuyomi's nearly identical weight, height and body build, Duplication-kun has achieved the miracle of the unbeatable disguise! Speak, Tsukuyomi! So they can behold the full extent of my genius!"_

 _Tsukuyomi felt herself all over and smiled, talking in a flawless copy of Makie's voice. "Heyyyyy, I like this! This little bitch has a better body than I thought from looking at her from afar! Oh yes, well-toned, firm gymnast glutes..." she panted, squeezing her own buttocks._

 _Asuna cringed while Rito's nose exploded in a geyser of blood and he collapsed, Ryoko sighing and crouching down to revive him again. "Couldn't you at least have turned her into Ku-chan? They're both blonde battle maniacs, at least that would've made more sense!"_

 _"Creating a machine that turns light-skinned girls into dark-skinned girls?" Skuld asked. "Who do you think I am, Superman?!"_

 _Tsukuyomi rushed to the bathroom. "If you'll excuse me for a few moments, please," she asked, locking herself inside and then shortly starting to give loud moans from the inside. "Ooohhhhh, yesssss, she can twist around soooooo muuuuch!"_

 _"This," Yue dryly predicted, "won't end well at all."_

 _"Well," Asuna said, "if you'd rather leave her alone with Rito-sempai and Skuld while we're in class and Mikado-sensei is at her job..."_

 _"I didn't say that wouldn't end up even worse," Yue observed. "Just that this won't end well either."_

 _"Well, that goes without saying..."_

 _A chronicle of a foretold disaster, really. And the morning was only starting..._

* * *

"Okay, now who knows the answer to this question?" Negi asked with a smile that nearly cracked as soon as he saw Makie raising her hand again. "Yes... Makie-san?"

"That's very easy, Negi-kun!" she sweetly chirped. "The word to answer that is 'machine'!" She pronounced this last word in a perfectly spoken if heavily accented (in Kansai-ben, for some reason) English.

Negi gulped, somewhat pale. "Ahhh... Very good, Makie-san, you've been on a real winning streak today, but please let's leave something for the rest of the girls to answer, too..."

Makie giggled, bopping herself on the head with a fist. "I've been studying hard for you and these tests lately, Negi-kun! And of course, for Setsuna-san too!" she added, pulling her head back to throw a wink in the direction of an unresponsive Setsuna.

"Ah-ha-ha, that was funny, but seriously, let go of the joke already, Makie-chan," Haruna said with visible discomfort. "You're going to make it grow stale."

"How long have you been studying anyway?" Misa asked Makie. "Because just yesterday you were failing just as much as ever."

"I was holding my true powers back until it was time to properly show them off!" Makie boasted. "Surprised, huh? Academics are nothing for one who has mastered the arts of Gymnastics and Ballistics!"

"Ballistics?!" Ayaka gasped, as Mana quietly raised an eyebrow in mild interest.

Asuna leaned towards Tsukuyomi and whispered angrily, _"You idiot! That's not something this Makie-chan would say!"_

 _"Ah?"_ Tsukuyomi whispered back. _"But I haven't mentioned anything about swordsmanship yet!"_

 _"That's not what I meant! This Makie-chan doesn't know anything about guns either! Yuna told me that!"_

 _"She doesn't? What a lame world! The only good character trait that girl had...!"_

 _"Worlds aren't lame just because people are less versed in the ways of killing or not!"_ Asuna hissed.

Ayaka frowned at this not so discreet exchange, trying to perk her ear up. "I see, so you're behind this joke after all, aren't you, Asuna-san? For shame! Disrupting your own brother's classes like this, don't you have any sense of fraternity?!"

Sakurako grinned. "Well, to truly test Makie-chan's new power level, there's only thing we can do now, isn't there?"

"Baseball Janken!" Fuuka pumped a fist up.

"Baseball Janken?" Negi echoed, confused, as Yue and Asuna facepalmed. _Oh crap_! was their shared thought. _We forgot to tell him about this!_

Makie smiled wickedly, a twisted glint in her eyes. "Oh ho, is that some sort of competition? Bring it on, then! I'm never one to back away from any challenge...!"

* * *

"I- I can't believe it!" Sakurako gasped minutes later, as Makie greedily gathered all the clothes she had taken from those going up against her in the game, which she had turned into a 'I strip you if I win, you strip me if you win' dare. The three cheerleaders, the twins and Misora all hiccupped miserably, reduced to their underwear, as Makie took all of their clothes under her reach. "What kind of hellish training did you go through? It made you forget all about Baseball Janken at first, but then you defeated us all!"

"Better luck next time, hustler-chan!" Makie grinned evilly at her, hugging the clothes against her still fully clad body. "It was time you learned some games can't be won through pure blind fortune, hee hee!"

"Even after all this time, we still rank the same, huh..." Asuna was muttering, standing slightly apart from the others, by a Yue also reduced to her undergarments.

"Y-Yeah..." Yue sweatdropped. "It's sort of depressing, seeing we haven't really advanced in this regard..." And she also was still just as flat too, since no one had commented on her figure changing at all.

"Makie-san...!" Negi complained while covering his eyes and blushing. "Please give them all their clothes back right now...! That's an order...!"

Akira quietly looked at the scene, further wondering. Huh, this time, he wasn't even trying to take quick peeks between his fingers, how curious.

* * *

It was lunchtime now, and Haruna had taken Nodoka over to the small park grove where Negi, Yue, Asuna and Tsukuyomi had sat down to eat, Ayase's eyes widening in brief surprise as she saw them approaching.

"Hey, guys," Haruna said with a certain air of weary inevitability. "Sorry, but I kinda had to tell Nodoka about you. After all, she wouldn't stop asking why you four would be here but the rest of you wouldn't."

"Oh my God," Nodoka said in a very tiny, very silky and very impressed voice, and Yue's heart gave several interesting turns in her chest. "Then. it's all true, after all? You are -"

The shy librarian reached over with a hand, shaky fingers stretched towards Yue, and in turn Yue did the same, their fingertips touching. Nodoka began breathing hard as she blushed, and Tsukuyomakie rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Oh, seriously? What are the two of you, seven? Why do you act like that?"

Ignoring her altogether, Yue told Nodoka. "My Nodoka and Paru... my friends, I mean, are still lost to us in the world we come from. You... You'll excuse me, Nodoka-san, but seeing you like this..." She took a few moments to wipe her eyes off with the back of a sleeve. "It's just like being with her again. And, and it feels like so long already..."

"Hey, librarians united everywhere, no matter our origins," Haruna said, sitting down on the grass and opening her bento box. "So, Nodoka-chan, meet Negi Tiberius Springfield-sensei, Kagurazaka Asuna, Ayase Yue, and... Tsukuyomi-san, in a disguise that hopefully is not the flayed skin of her world's Makie."

"Gosh, I wish!" 'Makie' smiled impishly. "How do you do, Miyazaki-han? I used to be an enemy of Sensei's, but recently, after losing track of all but three of you, he's hired me to act as his bodyguard!"

"T-Three?" Nodoka gulped. "And, who would be the third one, why isn't she -"

"Skuld-san is not a part of the 2-A roster in this Mahora, Miyazaki-san, that is why she couldn't come," Negi gently told her, reaching over to shake the blushing girl's hand. "It's a pleasure meeting you. Don't worry about the Yue-san you know, if matters unfold for them anything like they did for us when we were in a situation like theirs, they will get out on their own soon enough..."

Nodoka gulped a large knot in her throat, fretting even further. "And, and, what about, the subject of, of, of Sensei's collective, is he, are you, is Ayase-san -"

"Ah! No! No, no, no!" Asuna waved her arms emphatically before herself. "We, we don't do things that way! We're all just good friends and a psycho we tolerate having around, that's it! Nothing else! If anyone here has a harem, it's Yue!"

"I don't have a harem!" Yue snapped. "I don't! Stop looking at me like that!"

"Fuh," Haruna pouted. "You know my opinion, maybe loosening a bit wouldn't hurt you at all." She grinned and patted Nodoka's head. "Right, Nodoka-chan?"

"Ahem!" the shorter girl said, lowering her head so the bangs shadowed all of it now.

Yue looked, appalled, at Haruna. "Haruna-san! How could you!"

Haruna frowned. "What? It was going to happen sooner or later! The longer she has to cope with all of this, the better!"

"But, but Nodoka is...!" Yue began to argue. "I mean, she should have awakened to her sexuality at her own pace, whenever she was ready! You shouldn't have just pulled her into your Sensei's... sphere of influence on your own!"

"Oh, so what would you have done in my place?" Haruna asked her. "Would you have just left her out altogether?"

"If it's for her own good, yes, I would have!" Yue shot back.

"P-P-Please don't be so loud!" Nodoka begged. "What if someone should happen to hear?!"

"I have set a magical sound barrier around the area, Miyazaki-san," Negi explained. "It's the only sane thing to do when one discusses John-sensei's projects in the open."

"I-I see!" Nodoka gulped. "Th-there's so much I still don't know about this world. Are these things usual for you? Th-The collectives, and the, the interdimensional travel, and-"

"Nope," Asuna said. "Even for mages this is all very weird and abnormal stuff that just happened to run into each other. We're staying over at Mikado-sensei's, if you ever feel these people are pressuring you just go there and we'll see what can we do to help..."

Haruna wrapped an arm protectively around Nodoka's shoulders. "Pressuring her? Us?"

"Let's just say I have my doubts about how consensual this initiation to your team you must have given her really was," Asuna honestly said. "Our Paru may act that way at times too, but she can respect borders and limits when it comes down to it."

"Well, I thought we had already established I'm not your Paru, and I don't have to be," Haruna said.

"Please don't fight," Negi and Nodoka pleaded.

"We are not fighting at all!" Asuna and Haruna answered in tandem.

"I wonder if I can keep just this girl's eyes after this?" Tsukuyomakie was wondering, drinking in all the sights around her. "I'd never before realized how constricting eyeglasses really are...!"

* * *

"That girl today, in class," Akira said, suddenly and with no warnings, during dinner. "That wasn't Makie-chan."

Negi stopped, coughed, massaged the mouthful stuck down his throat, and finally could ask, feigning innocence, "Excuse me, Akira-san, what did you just say?"

"That wasn't Makie-chan. There is no way she could be the same Makie I have known and loved for years," she sternly told him, her eyes fixed squarely on his. "And Ako must have realized it, too. Give her enough time, and she will come to you with this very same question, so you would do better to answer it now. Where is Makie? Where is Yuna? And where is Negi Springfield?" she hammered each question with a still polite but coldly unforgiving tone.

He sighed. "I'm Negi Springfield."

"No, you are not."

"Yes, I am," he insisted, using a variation of her own current tone. "However, I am not the Negi Springfield who was sent to live with you."

For a moment she said nothing, and then, "So I was right... you are his twin brother?"

"Of sorts," he said. "Akira-san, there is too much about this world you don't know yet, and I'm not sure I'm the best qualified person to-"

"Are they still alive?!" she demanded of him.

Again, a sigh. "Yes, they are. They all should be back by tomorrow, and I know this because I once was in the very same situation they are into now. I am Negi Tiberius Springfield, Homeroom and English teacher for Mahora High School Class 3-A. Nice to meet you, Okochi Akira-san."

Akira just sat there, silent, with no understanding.

"I am a mage," Negi patiently explained, "as is Negi John-sensei. We are supposed to kept our magic a secret from others, as we would be punished otherwise- in my world, that happens through transformation into a small animal, in yours, you could say the consequences are... more dire. And in my opinion, a little bit desperate and scraping the bottom of the barrel. However, Negi John-sensei has been willing to tell you about this for a time now ... but holds himself from doing so in deference to the wishes of Yuna-san, who wants you to remain safe and uninvolved in such matters."

"You... You come from another world, where wizards exist?!"

"They exist here too, as I have just mentioned, although they don't have a special fondness for that particular name," Negi pulled out a tiny wand, said " _Lux_ ," and watched as an awed Akira saw the tiny light he had just generated from its tip. He nodded. "As we speak, they and the rest of your classmates who couldn't make it to classes today are trapped under Library Island, in a quest for an arcane tome of ultimate knowledge. But don't fear, as I said, their return is all but guaranteed. We were covering for them today so their secret was not blown to the rest of the class."

"Then, in your world," Akira couldn't believe she was asking this, "Makie-chan is actually evil?!"

"Ah, no, that was actually Tsukuyomi-san, one of my current associates, disguised as Makie-san. I'd rather not think of her as 'evil' but as 'mentally unbalanced'. I'd like to believe she may still be redeemed, since her past is actually quite tragic."

Akira was even more impressed now, her face pale. Negi blushed fleetingly at how lovely she looked like that, actually. "Are you lying to me?" she asked. "Is all of that actually true? It's so difficult to believe, I can't, I'm sorry."

Negi looked through the window, at the nocturnal sky and the quiet campus spreading over in silence. "Around here, everyone goes to sleep early, don't they?"

"Ah, well, yes, there are always some who know their way around in the dark, but overall, the night curfew is enforced very strictly, and-"

Negi smiled pleasantly, grabbed a broom, pulled the window all the way up and open, and extended a hand towards Okochi. "Please, Akira-san, trust me. I will take you on a flight to widen your horizons."

* * *

Akira gasped, awestruck, as she was flown high above Mahora on her own ordinary broom, clinging to Negi-sensei... _a_ Negi-sensei, anyway... while he took her across the nocturnal Mahora sky, far over all those who could have seen them as anything but a passing streak across the skyline.

"D-does the other world version of me know about these things, too?" she asked with a dry throat and much rounder eyes than they had been minutes ago. "Is she-"

"We could say she found her own way into this world of ours," he said. "This is not to say you will experience similar developments in your own life, but... in any instance, please be careful around your practice pool all the same. You might be attacked by a mermaid someday."

"Please don't give me any more reason to be afraid of the water," she swallowed, torn between fear and fascination as the cool air caressed her face- at least as cool as it could get in Japan nowadays. "So, if you don't room with Yuna and me, then who?"

"Chisame-san and Satomi-san," Negi explained. "You are close neighbors of ours, of course."

Oh, so that explained why he had acted that way last night. "You... You must have grown quite close, am I right?" she asked him, reluctantly. "N-No offense intended, but she's never struck me as being particularly good with children."

He sighed, trying to think back on this young woman whose memory called so strongly at him, yet still eluded him so stubbornly. "I honestly can't remember. In the recent past I suffered a little… accident that left holes in my memory. They've been coming back slowly, but so far Chisame-san is one of those holes, though I remember some things. Yue is very distressed about it for some reason."

Akira felt a deep pang of compassion for this young man, who seemed to have lost not only his students, for whom he obviously cared so much, but - "Sensei? Before you lost track of Chisame-san, did you mention you also were looking for your father?"

"Yes," he said, eyes fixed ahead. "Unlike John-sensei, my mother apparently died during childbirth, and my father is said to have disappeared around that same time as well. I was raised by Cousin Nekane, and while everybody thought of Father as a dead man, I always hoped otherwise. Recent events only reaffirmed that belief, so I... perhaps dragged my friends with me, into a quest that scattered us all apart, and so is how I ended up here with Asuna, Yue, Tsukuyomi and ... two other friends of ours, Rito-san and Skuld-san."

"The world of magic seems very complicated and dangerous," Akira quietly mused, looking at the landscape all below them and then making a small, cute smile. "But also beautiful."

"It is always rewarding when one tackles it with the proper care and thought," Negi agreed, turning the broom around. "And moderation, so I believe we have had enough for a night..."

"Can we please do this again?" she asked. "Maybe tomorrow?"

"By then your own teacher should be back already, Akira-san," he gently told her. "Will you tell him about what you have just learned?"

Akira thought it for a few moments, then shook her head. "Not yet, sorry. Not so much for him, but because if Yuna... If she has decided to keep me in the dark so far, she must have her reasons, and she must feel uncomfortable with the idea of me knowing."

Negi felt himself like swallowing an old, rusty and heavy doorlock, large attached key and all. "A-Actually, Akira-san..."

"Yes, Tiberius-sensei?"

"At some point, your teacher might ask things of you that, while well-intentioned on his part, might be, in my opinion, harmful to you," he awkwardly confessed. "I can't tell you exactly what, as I have promised to keep that a secret, better than I have hidden magic from you. And for all I know, you might have no problems with what he might request from you. But all the same, if my personal opinion matters at all here... I'd rather have you not doing it, please."

Akira blinked, worried. "Is that... a mistake you made yourself in your past, Sensei? Something that cost the other Akira dearly?"

"No," he dryly said. "Actually, that is one of the few mistakes I have not made yet."

 _Oh_ , she thought. _He must be talking about sex._

The dorm building was already visible again, as if waiting for them like a stern and silent mother.

* * *

"So that's all that happened?" Deadpool asked, as the two mismatched teams sat back at Cid's place, safely locked down behind barred doors just in case, and Pete safely under key and bolt in the basement. "Piece of cake! Geez, the way you guys were phrasing it, I thought it'd be hairier than a mere case of finding a mystical key-shaped weapon and accidentally using it to banish yourself to parts unknown!"

"Wade!" a horrified Nekane gasped. "Of course it's dire! Before, at least we knew Negi was in Mundus Magicus! Now he- they literally could be in any other world!"

"Don't worry, my widdle sugary bag of motherly worries, that happens to me all the time when I go drinking with Gateway!" Deadpool lovingly cooed at her. "Besides, each time Lockjaw misses, he takes us a bit closer to Li'l Bro! First he took us to a place where a thing held by him had been, now he took us to a place where he'd just been.. next time I'm sure we'll hit the jackpot!"

"I hate to say it, but the madman's making sense this time," Issei nodded. "Besides, other than keep trying, what's the alternative?"

"Heading back and telling the others we failed at a task beyond anyone's actual grasp, that of breaching through reality itself for the needle of a boy in the haystack of the universe?" Karin questioned in turn.

"Are you actually thinking Evangeline-san would tolerate failure after sending you to do it?" Sailor Mercury had to ask her.

Karin clenched her teeth as Issei shook his head. "No, no, of course we won't do that! I still owe that tiny nerd my life and my happy job with the hot devils that run me around as their errand boy!" he Hot Bloodedly declared with a fist on his heart. "I don't care if his harem's bigger than mine, I'm not going to let jealousy ever cloud my judgment of him! I'm way better than that!"

 _Somewhere else much closer to Negi- to two Negis, actually- Yuuki Rito sneezed loudly._

"Good for you," Touko said sarcastically.

"Wait, are you going away already?!" Louise demanded. "If so, you must take me with you! Negi is my Familiar, and I need him to become a mage of renown at last!"

"Your- what?" Touko sneered acridly at her. "Who are you anyway, and why should you have any voice or vote on whatever happened to Negi-san and his search party?"

"I happen to be both his Master and his Ministra Magi!" Louise told her, making Touko bristle. "And that makes me doubly entitled in regards to his safety and whatever he does! What claim do **you** have on him, other than probably being the person who once turned him against personal hygiene?!" she challenged, feeling she had finally found someone more disliked by those around them than herself, and fully willing to exploit it as best as she could.

"Oh, just go buy yourself a salamander or a wise owl," Karin told her. "This incredibly stupid teleporting animal can't take anyone else with him anyway."

"Um, won't that become a problem the moment you find Negi, Asuna, Yue, Skuld and Rito and want to take them all back home with you, won't it?" Webby pointed out.

A shocked, appalled silence fell all over the gathered ones before Nekane, Touko, Mercury, Sakura, Issei and Karin facefaulted violently onto the table.

"Such a lot of fools, all!" disapproved Ishtar, folding her arms proudly, and once again drawing Issei's lustful glance towards her. Deadpool just was stabbing himself in the eyes with forks to avoid following suit, under Nekane's also recovering jealous glare. "But fortunately, Heaven smiled upon your lot when you found me. Never fret, I will add just a bit of my boundless divine magic to the mongrel's innate powers to boost them up, allowing you to recover your precious children! Just keep in mind two things, you will be indebted to me forever afterwards, and I may need extra jewelry to work with if this situation extends itself," she said, rubbing at one of her wristbands of gold. "Regrettably, I left most of my treasure behind when I was summoned to Chaldea."

"Well," Sakura had to say, a bit frustrated by now, "so much for your magic being boundless now, Nee-san."

"Don't keep calling me that, stranger who is probably related to the Hindi pantheon instead!"

"Um, will this work?" Lena asked, holding her medallion up. "As long as I don't have to give it up for good? I kinda need it for the foreseeable future, but I think I could even go with you guys as long as I hold it. The person who gave it to me once told me it'd even allow me to survive out of Mundus Magicus..."

Ishtar's eyes shone vividly as soon as she saw the medallion, reaching over to reverently graze it with her fingertips. "Oh, in the name of my greatness, yes... What kind of grand initiate would you be, child? This is-!"

 _ **"GROOOOWWWWFFFF!"**_ Lockjaw barked in alarm, shaking his massive and flabby body up from where he had been sitting on the floor of planks and startling everyone. And sure enough, there was another huge flash of light, and another second later, Lockjaw, Deadpool, Lena, Nekane, Sailor Mercury, Touko, Issei, Asia, Karin, Sakura, Fran and Ishtar were all completely gone from sight or any other sense.

"... okay," Cid said after a moment. "Now we DO get a break from all this nonsense, don't we?"

Aerith sighed and pulled a mop. "I'll just start working on getting the smell of giant dog, sweaty man in full body spandex, girl who's never bathed and girl in bridal dress reeking of machine oil off, if none of you happens to mind..."

Webby let out a sniffling, heartfelt salute. "Wherever you are now, Lena, my best friend, my almost sister and probably girlfriend, farewell, and may our paths meet again shortly! Or else I'll cry a whole lot every night! But first... hey, do you guys have any burger shops around this town of eternal darkness, anyway?!"

* * *

Somewhere else, far, far, far, really far away, Sakura gasped. "Sempai!"

The blank-faced, red haired young man at the middle of the bed, surrounded by a just as naked duo of voluptuous adult females, blinked slowly and stared vacantly at the brightly blushing, incoherently stammering girl who had just appeared in his bedroom along with a duck, a tall girl dressed like those ancient Guardian entities Arika had only heard about, a redhaired young female in bridal attire and holding a humongous mace, a mostly naked young woman with her dark hair in twintails, a wildly leering and drooling high school student, a groggy and spiral eyed petite blonde, a just as dazed girl with long thin black braids, someone in superhero cosplay hugging a stunned young lady Arika found to be vaguely familiar, the biggest dog anyone in the threesome had ever seen, and Evangeline McDowell's servant, apparently. This latest part really ticked Arika off. "Do I know you?" he finally told Sakura, who let out a short and sharp cry.

Ishtar smiled sultrily at the scene of the large room they had just been transported into. "Hmmmmm," she purred huskily, licking her lips over. "So this is where you went after all, Dress of Heaven? Not a bad place to be at all, no... perhaps I had misjudged you unfairly earlier..."

Another moment later, Issei did something that had him blown right out of the bedroom with great violence, and another brawl started.

So, business as usual of sorts for both universes involved, basically.

* * *

"Oh, welcome back, Negi," Asuna casually said as he walked back into Mikado's back kitchen, where they had been having breakfast. "Did everything go smoothly?"

Rito blinked. "How do you know from just a glance that's the Negi-sensei we-"

Yue, Asuna, Skuld, and even Tsukuyomi gave him a bland 'come on!' kind of glance, as if scorning the obvious stupidity of his question. The young man flinched and looked down at the floor, where Jean Paul only shrugged at him in impotent sympathy.

Negi sighed, taking a chair as Yue shared part of her breakfast with him. "Good morning, everyone. And thank you, Yue-san. To answer your question, Asuna-san, everything went okay indeed, and John-sensei is already back with his students. All of the Library Expedition party returned safely, but... well..."

"You blew our secret to Akira," Rito, Asuna, Yue and Tsukuyomi matter-of-factly said, although the latter, for some reason, pronounced Akira's name as 'Skyscraper Girl'.

"Have I always been this terrible at keeping a secret profile?!" Negi whined.

"Yes. Yes, you have!" Rito scolded him.

Asuna sighed. "I only hope you're happy now. Through this, you've served that poor Akira-san on a silver platter to that pervert. Now she'll ask him, and he'll use his devilish silver tongue to seduce her, and then... bammo! Another teen pregnancy, this time on our heads!"

"That won't happen!" Negi protested. "She... She told me she wouldn't confront him and Yuna-san with the information, for now at least, because of her own reasons. Besides, I... I kind of hinted at her there are things John-sensei might ask from her that she shouldn't cave in to. She's a pure, honest girl. I'm sure she won't give herself to him." He looked around, confused. "Did anyone else just hear maniacal laughter?"

Tsukuyomi made a very marked snort of contempt before smiling and moving on. "Anyway! I must thank you for showing me school life can be really entertaining after all! I had so much fun, it's the most I have ever made others terrified of me without having to swing a sword even once! Ah ha ha, just wait until I tell you about the hall monitor who literally wet herself...!"

"It was a close shave," Yue murmured. "We were this close from being actually arrested because of it, but Haruna somehow talked our way out of it..."

"Well, from here on we'll stop acting in the open and stick to operating in secrecy until we find a way back," Skuld lectured, placing a briefcase on the table and opening it, revealing its contents to Negi. "This is your updated Fate disguise, upgraded by me for greater wide area mobility and increased speed. I haven't had a chance yet to analyze the Goku uniforms of this world, but if they are anything like ours, this costume should match an One Star Goku; your already existing stats, adding up, should make you more than a match for a Two Star. Together, all of you might be a decent opponent for a Three Star like a Honnoji School Council Elite, but still, I advice you to never pursue a confrontation with them. Instead, avoid them at all costs. Have you all understood that? Tsukuyomi?"

"So you mean those Elite enforcers are really, really worthy adversaries, very powerful and difficult to overcome, a dream challenge for any dedicated warrior following the-" Tsukuyomi was excitedly asking.

"Don't even think about it!" Negi, Yue, Asuna, Skuld and Rito chided her all at once.

"Pika pika!"

Tsukuyomi pouted, then sulked angrily. "Well, yes, we will see about that..." she promised under her breath, but not pushing the point any further.

For now, at least.

* * *

The fight had been relatively short but intense, with the manor's inhabitants holding their own remarkably well despite being outnumbered. Two battle maids with milky skin, whom the Dress of Heaven lookalike had summoned upon the names of Sella and Leysritt, had quickly joined the fray along the halls, engaging Deadpool and Issei respectively. Asia's fervent pleas of "Don't fight, please don't fight!" had gone unheeded as the strangely quiet and calm Emiya-sempai used the Reinforced weapons of armored suits in display to actually hold Berserker back, not helped by Sakura's unwillingness to cut loose on someone who reminded her so much of her love.

Arika had engaged the woman who, for all descriptions, was Evangeline McDowell's immortal retainer, well knowing she most likely was the most dangerous of the bunch. Indeed, she rarely had fought a foe as difficult to read and intercept as this one, and her strikes seemed to have no effect on her either. On the other hand, whenever that damned mallet she swung would hit her, it would seriously hurt her, and Arika wished Nagi and Kiritsugu could be there to help. As it was, this invader would sooner or later win this war of attrition by merely outlasting them, since nothing they had should be able to stop her for good in the long run...

Finally, Irisviel fought using her mana charged silver threads, immobilizing the young woman with long blond hair already and fighting back both the curious looking bird child who lashed around with shadow constructs, and the tall young lady in the white and blue outfit of a Guardian, the latter trying to reason with her even as they battled. Between all of them they had pretty much thrashed and shredded the whole hallway already, with the braided young woman crouching at a corner, ducking and protecting her head with both arms while bitterly protesting everyone's idiocy, the giant dog sitting before her as if to guard her.

Until, finally, the most feared person in the ancient residence strode into the scene, angrily storming ahead on tiny feet. A vicious scowl on her pale features, and a pillow in her right hand, which she promptly threw onto Issei's face as his Dress Break completely blew all the clothes off Leysritt's curvaceous body, only making the maid blink emotionlessly, but causing Sella to gasp like a strangled chicken.

" _ **WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?**_ " Illyasviel von Einzbern cried. Beware the wrath of a pregnant Loli.

Other than Issei, who had just paused to sit on the floor and blink in nonstop perplexity at her, nobody felt especially motivated to stop.

THWACK!

THWACK!

THWACK!

THWACK!

THWACK!

"No fighting, no fighti– ACK!" THWACK! "Why me too-?!" Asia whined, rubbing her head.

"Man, this was so... 2814..." Deadpool grunted, doing likewise. Just with his own head, not Asia's, of course. And, um, the head on the neck and shoulders, of course. It was Deadpool, so probably this is worth pointing out. "Don't tell me we've just been taken to-" his gaze then fell on the prominent roundness of the fuming Illya's lower belly, and he concluded lamely, "Prooooo-bably not, though, unless Mage's gone down the really Dark Side already..."

Ishtar, who had just been sitting by the sidelines watching the battles with great amusement, raised an eyebrow quizzically at the young newcomer, whom her impromptu party partners were all regarding with varying degrees of disbelieving astonishment. "Why, greetings there, young madam," she said, feeling an odd connection of sorts with her. "Would you be the mistress of this house, I assume?"

With an air of great dignity, the small albino in pyjamas lightly tossed her hair of silver around, pillow cocked against her hip. "Now I bear the future of the joint houses in me, yes, I am. And I don't remember inviting any of you into it! Who are you, and why are you attacking my Mamas and my Onii-chan?!"

"I- Illya-chan!" Sakura gulped, then flinched down at the vision of her stomach. She had seen and been through far too many completely bizarre things over the last few hours, but this was the one her brain was effectively refusing to accept at all now. It was wrong from every point of view, it couldn't possibly be that-

"What the hell, you brat?!" Touko was pointing and gawking wildly, still hiding behind Lockjaw as best as she could. "You're f-f-freaking pregnant?! I thought you were like eleven years old yet!?"

Illya just huffed. "Yes, I'm pregnant," she said just as bluntly. "What is that to you, in any case? Are we supposed to answer to you in any way, shape or form?"

Silence reigned over the proceedings, as even Karin and Deadpool seemed to reel back in visibly disgust and confusion.

"I... I only want to wake up already...!" Sakura could finally hiccup the words out.

* * *

 **Next: Lena.**

* * *

 **OMAKE**

* * *

 **Gods and Monsters**

"You are an atheist!?" Skuld asked incredulously.

"Indeed I am," Negi John Springfield nodded at his visitor.

Skuld ran a hand down her face. "... I can't believe it. This is like talking to Hakase all over again. Listen, I can understand not believing in gods when one doesn't have any knowledge of the supernatural, But, how do you think spirits, magical powers, Servants, Mazoku such as Zazie, and Angels, Fallen or not, came into being in the first place?"

Negi John shrugged. "I certainly cannot deny the existence of beings and powers in a superior level of existence, and I can understand if they would believe themselves to be gods, but I reject the notion that such beings deserve to be worshipped, regardless of their power, wisdom or benevolence. They simply happen to be a different category of beings existing on a level far above ours. Just because ants might think of us as gods should they happen to reason, it wouldn't mean we would be gods either. Nor should we expect such ants to worship us, or demand it of them."

Skuld narrowed her eyes at him. "Then," she asked, "what would you say I am?"

He smiled at her. "Hopefully, someday, the mother to some of my children."

As she walked away, he winced, rubbing the fresh slap mark on his face. "I thought you said she wasn't interested in Tiberius-san or Yuuki-san!"

"She isn't," Tsukuyomi confirmed. "But you never had a prayer to begin with. Not a snowball's chance in hell. You would need a miracle. If it ever happened, I would say 'the gods must be crazy'. You would literally need Cupid to-"

"Please don't lecture me, Tsukuyomi-san. You cannot be the religious type either."

"On the contrary! Being a blasphemer without believing in God, what's the point of that in the first place...?"

* * *

 **Why Not?**

"I'm not a hooker," Tsukuyomi told him.

"You did say you would do anything for money," John argued.

"I don't want to ever take care of children," Tsukuyomi added.

"You would hand them to me as soon as you had them," John said. "My family and I would take care of their upbringing, and you would never have to worry about them."

"It doesn't matter. I don't want to spend nine months of boredom and physical annoyance I could be using on thrilling contracts sitting back and waiting for a baby." She shook her head. "I'd be willing to have safe sex with you, however."

It was his turn to decline. "That would be entertaining, but this has never been about my self satisfaction, but about siring heirs to take over our legacy. I'm not interested in sex that can't lead to reproduction."

"... well. I'm sorry we couldn't reach an agreement, then. The payment you offered would have been fine... for any other sort of job."

Negi shrugged with a small sad smile. "It's okay, there's no need for any-"

"I'll tell you what, for that same amount I'm willing to go around the campus kidnapping and drugging girls for you to rape. Much better deal, right? You get so many more babies for the same price!" she cheerily offered.

"- get out of my presence right now, you loathsome creature."

* * *

 **Mercenary Sensei Deadpoolima!**

"Well," Deadpool said after carefully considering the situation, "now that Negi has mysteriously disappeared for parts unknown, leaving the Magical World arc on hold, there's only thing left to do... I must take over as the protagonist for him!"

"Wait, what?!" Nekane cried.

"I'm already unkillable, so I can get past Evangeline's training and become downright immortal! And I started as a bad guy, so I can work as the villain for the crappy sequel spinoff as well! It's not like it can get any worse than _X-Men Origins: Wolverine_ anyway and ha ha ha ha, I've just jinxed it, haven't I?!"

"No, seriously, what?!" Sakura gasped.

"You can be my Kotaro!" he pointed at Issei. "The young and hot blooded Shounen Idiot Hero working by my side and supplying my Ho Yay now Cable's not here!"

"I'm your ambiguously gay sidekick now?!" Issei protested.

"You can be my Chamo!" he pointed at Webby. "The cute white funny animal who gets to be marketable and act as a censor stick for the TV releases until it's time for that sweet sweet Blu Ray money!"

"Whoo!" Webby pumped a fist up. "I get to be on pretty girls' crotches!"

"You can be Aeris from Final Fantasy VII!" he told Aerith. "Akamatsu once made a hentai doujinshi about her, after all! Has anyone ever told you, you two just look alike?!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Aerith frowned.

"I'll be animated by SHAFT!" Deadpool tilted his head back. "I'll get to troll thousands of readers with a crappy ending that will leave everyone but the most abject apologists and White Knights unhappy, that's great! So cool, I can hardly wait! And I'll get to meet my idol, Jack Rakan! _Kyaaaa!_ The world will explode because of the combined awesomeness...!"

"Berserker," said Sakura, snapping her fingers.

"Uuuu," her Servant nodded, bashed her mace down on Deadpool's head, and knocked him out.

"Thank you," everyone around them but Webby and a shocked Asia said.

"Um, I still get to be on pretty girls' crotches, don't I?" Webby asked.

* * *

 **Gods May Preserve Us.**

"I can't say I'm more of a believer than Negi-sensei is, and that's without getting into the nature of what I don't believe in," Mikado confessed with a smile, sipping from her cup of cocoa as she sat opposite Skuld in the mansion, "But I still do accept that you might, indeed, belong to a system of entities who would think of themselves as gods, and perhaps you indeed wield the power needed to sustain that belief. So... how many of you are there?"

"Well, since the Age of Gods ended, each pantheon had to undergo a few department downshifts and we were essentially smoothed down into a single functional global pantheon," Skuld admitted. "There's Father, the Almighty Tyr, of course, who was left in charge after the Presence, the One Above All, disappeared years ago, probably taking the form of a standard Japanse high school student. He is the current King of Gods. Anzasu, our mother and His wife, is naturally the Queen of Gods. Then we have Beerus, God of Destruction, who spends most of his time napping but at least isn't always being sealed away like that Orochi punk. There's Uncle Thor, God of Thunder, and Lord Rayden, God of Lightning- not the same thing, not at all... and Loki, God of Mischief, which is a nice way of saying he's the God of Evil since Angra Mainyu screwed off. From the Greek Pantheon, pretty much all that remains are Hades, God of the Dead, Ares, God of War, and Eris, Goddess of Discord, since those three will pretty much never go away." She said this with visible disgust.

"Okay, so we also have the three of us, Urd, Belldandy-Oneesama and me, who are the Goddesses of Past, Present and Future respectively. In the same office we have Peorth, nominally Goddess of Roses but who also shares the title of Goddess of Love with Urd since Aphrodite... I'm still not sure what happened to her, and I don't think I want to ever learn, really. Right, and Rind, who is the Goddess of Fair War, which makes her so different from Ares. There's also Aqua, but she's completely useless so we've demoted her to Goddess of Party Favors. And I guess there's also Athena, who is only in because we needed a Goddess of Wisdom, but the original Athena had bitten the big burrito and so we grabbed her reincarnation, a Japanese schoolgirl and Idol singer who for some reason wears a bikini to the job. There's also the three Choushin, Washu, Tokimi and Tsunami, but... they are all alien goddesses, they just sort of stand by the periphery helping along when they aren't being sealed away. That's pretty much it for now, yeah. Was this answer satisfactory?"

"Yes," Ryoko said. "You've just confirmed my belief that being an atheist is just that much easier."


	12. Lena

"We are here, for Negi Springfield. _**My**_ younger brother!" Nekane Springfield said firmly.

"Actually, at this point," Lena swiftly cut in before Arika could reply, "I believe it might be better to start by clarifying that the Negi Springfield we are looking for may not be the same Negi Springfield you would be familiar with."

"Oh," Sailor Mercury said. "Did anyone already tell you about-"

Lena half-smiled at her, shrugging. "One of the first things Asuna ever explained to us was about her brave and strong Onee-sama from another dimension. Besides, it's not like I was a stranger to the concept before."

"How?" Issei suspiciously asked her.

"That part is probably not very relevant right now, compared to settling the explanations with them..." Lena discreetly rasped, gesturing at the other side of the table, where Arika, Illya, Irisviel and a still apathetic Shirou sat, Sella and Leysritt and several other silent women who looked rather similar to the pair standing watchful behind them. "Anyway, recently, Negi Springfield, whom I've known for just a few days myself, mind, disappeared mysteriously from among us, along with a few others like Kagurazaka Asuna and Ayase Yue -"

"A-Asuna-chan?!" Irisviel gasped, raising a hand to her mouth.

"Well," Lena said, "she probably isn't quite the same Asuna you may be thinking of, but-"

"Second Magic," Arika terserly said. "Are we supposed to believe you are users of Second Magic?"

"We are here, that should be proof enough of it," Karin said, giving her back in the very same tone.

"Or perhaps," Arika told her, "this is part of an elaborate scheme of your mistress against us. I would not put something as bizarre as this beyond an immortal's imagination."

Karin gave her a level look and held up one hand. "Elaborate, bizarre scheme," she said blandly, hefting her hand as if balancing the concept of such a thing on it. She raised her other hand. "My mistress who likes big ice explosions." Her hands moved as if weighing the two, raising an eyebrow at Arika.

"How am I to know how that woman schemes?" Arika said.

"Naw, we're so totes from another world. You're, like, Asuna-chan's long lost mother or something, right?" the masked man asked the woman with mismatched eyes. "And this here is my sweetheart, Nekane, Negi's big cousin and adopted sister, and I'm Deadpool, the world's best mercenary and manhunter for a job like this, and this girl here is Genocyder Syo's freaking author, bitch really can write, and the rest of them don't matter. See, it was all easy to explain anyway! So if you could just point us the way to Negi already, we'll be gone before you can say 'Hot damn, but none of this makes any damn sense!' So whaddya say, hmmmmm...?"

Illya frowned very deeply. "What?!"

"W-W-W-Why are you pregnant?!" Sakura stuttered, bewildered, at her. "D-D-Don't tell me Sempai has, has, has-!"

"I am with Negi's child, of course," Illya icily replied.

Akira began choking desperately on her saliva, while Issei lifted his eyebrows in quite a remarkable way. Karin's expression did not change in the slightest.

"Wow, dude works fast," Issei said.

"Our Negi's, or your Negi's?" Deadpool asked.

"WADE!" Nekane growled.

"What? Perfectly valid question, I think? You never know once you start tampering with parallel realities and time and space transportation! Past a certain point you've gotta start questioning everything but our deep, unbreakable bonds of love, Neky-wuvvy!" he countered, gesturing frantically as he did so.

"And whose fault is it that we've been tampering with those laws, stumbling from one point to another without ever finding Sensei?!" Touko lashed out at him. "Yours, stupid subhuman! Yours and that drooling abomination's, you because you stole it away and it because it started doing as you told it!"

"How is it my fault if Lockjaw has bad aim?!" Deadpool shouted back. "Am I his trainer now? Do I look like Cesar Millan to you?! And, and God dammit, yelling in other people's houses is fun, why don't we do this more often?!-?! Anyway, it's all the dumb mutt and Black Bolt's fault, hardly mine!"

 _ **"GRRRRRRRRWWWWWW!"**_ Lockjaw suddenly took his head back and howled.

Asia grew alarmed immediately. "What?! N-No, Lockjaw-san, please don't! W-We all love you regardless, and we know this is hard for you as well, but please bear-!"

All in vain, however, since another second later, the dog just blinked out of sight, out of the chapter, and very possibly out of the rest of the story, much to the gasping horror of Issei, Asia, Akira, Nekane, Touko, Sakura, and yes, even Karin.

"He..." Asia finally gulped, gulping a very big knot down, "He just went back home, _h-his_ home...!"

"Well, I suppose we should have seen it coming," Lena rationally observed after a moment of quiet panic. "You guys never really had a way of preventing this from ever happening if he really wanted to leave, did you?"

Issei, Karin, Nekane and Touko all glared furiously towards Deadpool, while Sakura and Akira just keep hiccuping quietly in place and Ishtar chuckled to herself.

A moment later, Berserker pouted disapprovingly and bopped her mace down on the Archer's head. It was super effective!

* * *

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own _Mahou Sensei Negima!_ and _UQ Holder!_

* * *

 **What Makes Us Human.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven.**

* * *

 **And All Shall Burn Equally.**

* * *

 **Chapter Four.**

* * *

 **Lena.**

* * *

 **Proofread and Edited by Darkenning and Shadow Crystal Mage.**

* * *

A week passed, and many things happened.

The Mahora Academies held their closing ceremonies, and it was revealed that Negi Springfield would officially be joining the faculty in the coming school year. This caused considerable frustration for one Hasegawa Chisame, who'd entertained the somewhat delusional hope that things would go back to normal in that coming school year. To be kind, she didn't expect the world to completely revert to the blue-skied paradise she'd only ever seen in the movies, but it would have been nice if she'd been free of one of the stranger elements in her life.

To cope with her frustrations, Chisame immersed herself in her secret life as the online idol Chiu-chan. But disaster struck, for Negi discovered this secret life! Fortunately for Chisame, however, he was still recovering from the previous day's marathon sex session with Shanna, and so was not moved to physically express his attraction to her e-girl persona. She was publicly humiliated when he attempted to get her more involved with her fellow classmates, though, and swore to take a bloody vengeance one day on her young teacher.

(Negi's counterpart seemed to grow visibly interested when Negi shared this tale with him, somewhat reluctantly, the day after the fact, and only because Yuna thought it might help jolting the older boy's memory back. To her credit, he did look quite impressed and the local Negi thought he had even reached a sensitive spot somewhere in there, but at the end this frustratingly difficult to deal with person had just smiled weakly and apologized over that not really reminding him of anything after all.)

At the same time, on the grounds of Furinkan High School ...

"Saotome Ranma!" Kuno Tatewaki's loud, strong voice rose above the gathered crowds of battle-ready students and random food purveyors who'd sensed an opportunity and set up shop to sell snacks to the audience surrounding Ranma and a stonefaced Tendo Akane, who just glared back over her shoulder at the boy she stood back to back with. So he'd taken good care of him, huh? Of course he had. "Did you believe, even fleetingly, that vile stratagem of yours would suffice to stray me away from my rightful path of retribution? Now you shall have it twicefold enforced upon you! So swears the Blue Lightning of Furinkan!"

The amateur martial artists, assorted violent club members, and Furinkan male (and occassional sapphic) riff-raff moved aside to let the recovering, shuffling Kuno march forward, battered but never defeated, at least in his own mind. Still sporting a Goku uniform that seemed to radiate under the morning sun, even if its grace did not match the stiff nature of his motions. Still, he struggled to keep a magnificent drawl to his words as he spoke, "In her infinite benevolence, my fair Lady Kiryuuin and other higher powers who fairly govern over us have dictated I am worthy of another chance, as I was only felled through treachery and dirty scheming! Now, face to face, you shall be cut down like the-"

Then he was slammed down on his face against the dirt as something landed violently on the back of his head, feet first, crushing him down much to the awe of the gathered students, Akane and Ranma included. The small caped figure who had just landed on Kuno like this rose as much as he could, twirling a cape around himself, the sunlight glinting off its shiny golden helmet. A few in the audience recognized him from rumors brought from Honnoji, and gulped in apprehension, even as more like him, in bizarre disguises hiding their bodies and faces, quickly dropped in succession around him, standing in battle ready stances and circling the boy in the helmet, who shouted defiantly, "Good people of Furinkan! The your time of need is at its end! No longer will you be oppressed by the mindless tyranny of a few! Freedom is your Fate!"

"Got it? Because he's Fate!" a masked young woman in red added lamely but strongly, holding an impressively huge sword she wielded as if it weighed nothing at all. "And I'm his loyal partner! The awesome Twilight Red!"

"Locked Heart!" hissed the masked young man with a few orange spiked locks peeking out of his hood, and hefting a massive key of sorts around, threateningly.

"Nite Owl!" said a tiny young woman in black, her eyes covered on thick goggles, a dark cape shielding her slim figure.

"And White Death, at your service," hissed the final member of the group, a delicate apparition clad in the purest of whites, like a ghost with glasses firmly attached to and around her head, taking a moment to obscenely lick the edges of the dual blades she was holding expertly, as Ranma could observe with growing interest. "Please do come and get it. Make my day, pretty please, ladies and gentlemen."

Finally, from under Fate's heel, Kuno could lift his head enough as to growl, through a mouth full of dirt, "What are you waiting for, fools?! Attack them!"

And so, with loud shouts of primal anger, the gathered masses under his command did as they were told. Only to be mostly thrown back through the air, en masse, just another moment later, by a counter onslaught that repelled them back as soon as they had just struck.

For once, something had just caught Akane and Ranma's fancies at the same time.

* * *

People had often called Saotome Ranma a cheater. His father's son, in that regard. A cheap fighter willing to take advantage of any distraction, any shortcut, to win as easily as possible.

Ranma had little time or concern for those accusations. He knew well he worked hard - his damned hardest, to the exclusion of almost everything else - for his growth and victories as a martial artist. Shortcuts were only one part of that, but in his opinion a martial artist had to be a completist, able to master both the easiest and most difficult ways to a triumph.

At this moment, Saotome Ranma was damn glad he had taken the easiest way to deal with Kuno Tatewaki a few days ago.

Back then, through subterfuge, he had disposed of him brutal and efficiently, and he had expected not to hear from him again for at least a month. But the asshole was back on his feet already, and even though clearly spent and still hurt, he remained a match for the quintet of weirdos in masks who had just dropped by to punish him and the losers who had gathered under his command to attack Ranma and Akane. Those guys had been easy pickings for the five of them, and now lay scattered all before Furinkan high, occasionally twitching and letting out high pitched squeals of pain, clutching onto their bruises and rolling across the dirt. But Kuno himself fought on, using a single arm and his sword to keep the five strangers at bay, even as they struck at him relentlessly, leaving no opening in front of him, no room to run now, they had basically backed him against a wall.

Not that Kuno looked willing to escape. After activating what Akane had said was his Goku uniform, a sleek yet flamboyant combination of futuristic bodysuit and ancient samurai garb, he had gained both a manic glint to his eyes and a renewed vigor that seemed to match that of a fully healthy man, but for the occasional flinch of pain whenever he was grazed on a certain spot or another, and the random shaky step he took while moving from a side to the other. Ranma was fascinated, actually. While he understood the need for finishing most matches as quickly as possible, now the born fighter in him sort of wished being able to have an actual battle against this guy, just to prove himself how good he actually was.

Or against those guys instead, should they win. Either way would be fine with him, actually.

He was shaken from his distraction when Nabiki slipped in right behind Akane, who was just as transfixed by the fight as he was, and grabbed her by the arm, hissing at her, "What are you doing, standing here like an idiot?! Get in already, the School Council will be here any moment now! Do you want to be caught in the middle of this?!"

"Ah?" Akane blinked, the spell broken. "Nabiki... don't tell me you called them!"

"Of course I did, you idiot!" Nabiki hissed again, frustrated. "Come on, that guy with the golden mask is wanted, didn't you know that? Bad enough he was seen targeting the people who make you their daily goal, but if you're found at the scene as well, I don't think I could get you out even if I -"

"Ah ha ha ha!" cackled the white clad lithe girl with the dual swords, taking the forefront of the fight against Kuno, large holes already open in her tights as she and Kuno collided time after time, each clash causing loud explosions for some reason, much to Ranma's ever growing awe. Those guys were even better than he'd thought! "Not bad, not bad at all, Sempai, you really excite me!" she panted, her own eyes betraying obvious arousal and cruel thrill through the eyeholes of her mask. "But, numbers don't lie! Never bet on five-on-one odds! Ready now, Fate-kun?"

"Yes!" said the boy in the golden mask, as the red-clad girl pulled back along the hooded boy and the short girl in black, the latter two having played the least active roles during the fight. Through most of the battle they had stayed back and only helped occasionally, with a well placed swing of... key... or thrown flash grenade to further stall and confuse Kuno. Now the one they called Fate raised his arms and shouted, in a loud yet slightly distorted voice, " _Come from the void, oh thunder, and cut down my enemy! DIOS TUKOS!"_

The arms were brought down decisively, and White Death moved out of the way gracefully, like a dancer, right in time for a preposterously huge discharge of electricity to barrel down on Kuno, making him scream hideously as the whole area around him exploded under his feet. Ranma reached around, instinctively holding Akane and Nabiki and protecting them with his body, closing his eyes under the intense light that resulted. He opened them a moment later, and saw a bleeding Kuno, wounds reopened, twitching on his face on the ground, White Death standing over him and ready to cut him down with the larger sword. However, in another moment Fate was on her, pulling her back and telling her something she replied to with a few colorful interjections Ranma could not understand in words, but certainly in spirit.

Ignoring her outburst, Fate briefly crouched down by Kuno, carefully took his pulse, and respectfully whispered something as he placed a hand on his head. Ranma and the Tendos frowned at this, unsure what to make about it, before Nabiki noticed the girl in the owl costume was looking at him strangely, as if recognizing her from some place but refusing to do so. Akane, on the other hand, was more occupied by the golden masked boy, who took a moment to gallantly bow at her, before turning back at his subordinates and bark a few quick orders at them. The red-clad lady warrior nodded, grabbed the small Nite Owl under an arm, and they all leapt away, the hooded boy making a visible effort and still just hopping in the back almost hopelessly, before they all were gone, heading towards the World Tree in the distance.

Finally, the silent witnesses peeking from the windows and hiding behind walls and trees began nervously chattering among themselves, ranging from fear to sheer admiration and respect. Nabiki only heaved a sign of relief. "Well, it's a good thing they left before the cleanup crew could arrive, but even so, Akane, let's go inside already. You already know the gig, you saw nothing, you barely heard anything, and you were wity me the whole time..."

"He... He was such a gentleman," an impressed Akane was saying to himself. "And so strong, as well."

"Eh?" Ranma snorted.

Akane gave a small snort of her own. "You wouldn't understand, of course."

"I guess I wouldn't," Ranma admitted with a shrug. There was a pause. "Was it just me, or that girl all in black was looking at us really weird?"

"It was just you," Nabiki bluntly told him.

* * *

That afternoon, after learning of Hasegawa Chisame's secret and partaking in the class' small celebration picnic, Negi John Springfield was called over to the Headmaster's office once again. It was mildly surprising to see the dean at his office so late, after Shanna had told him he normally would take his leave early because of his age, but he supposed the current circumstances did demand for an exception.

Konoemon did indeed sound slightly tired as he addressed him. "Negi-kun," he told him, "I was actually reluctant to summon you here at first. After all, perhaps this subject doesn't involve you at all. I mean, logically, there is no way it could. Even so, I would like it if I could have your opinion on a particular subject that has been vexing me all day long."

Negi nodded. "Of course, Sir. You know I'll be glad to help you any way you need."

"I know. Very early this day, there were reports from Furinkan, about a certain masked figure attacking Goku-empowered students officially sanctioned by Kiryuuin Satsuki to protect students of a lesser academic rank, and not protected by the statutes of the latest regulations. This marks the second time this has happened since... the start of the prior term, the first such incident taking place at Honnoji itself."

"Hmmm," Negi pondered. "I understand, that certainly would give cause to the Student Council to grow alarmed."

"While during the first incident your whereabouts were unaccounted for, Negi-kun," the old man said, "during this particular conflict you were teaching lessons in your classroom, remarkably so if I must say. We have complete recordings of your presence there the whole time, and it was clearly you, in a way no paper duplicate created through Eastern magic you could not possibly know might perform, much less for that long a span. That has served to quell a few rampant, idle speculations a certain colleague of mine might have harbored, much to her frustration, and even so -"

"Goodness, Sensei," Negi said. "I hope none of you were under the impression I might be -"

"No, certainly not," the man chuckled rather falsely. "That would be as insane as arguing I could be manipulating a stone golem through an underground cavern I would have no way of knowing about, but I'm afraid a few of my colleagues might have quite the active imagination."

Negi nodded, keeping up his poker face. "And you wish for my opinion on the subject. Well, obviously, we can't figure out the motives of a masked attacker unless they declared them openly. Is there a link between those this person attacked, or -"

"They all are enforcers of Kiryuuin-kun, their names don't matter for the purposes of this meeting," Konoemon said. "In both cases, the masked interloper used magic and seemed to act as a protector of the weak and powerless against the punishment from the status quo. Noble intentions, perhaps, but probably more disastrously disruptive in the long term than these characters would believe."

"There were more than one?"

Konoemon nodded. "In his first raid, this individual acted alone, but today he acted with a hooded male and three masked females, all of them apt for combat. We haven't identified any of them yet, even though one of the females clearly displayed the Shinmei-ryuu style of swordmanship. That made my eager colleague to jump to conclusions concerning a given student of ours who is an adept of that school, but it turns out she was present in classes all day long as well. However, she is being questioned by her mentor in that style, nonetheless."

"Outsiders," Negi offered his opinion.

"That is what I have come to believe after these latest developments, too," the adult agreed. "I know you are rather busy with your duties at the time, Negi-kun, so I will assign another of my employees for this task of investigating this. However, I will ask that, should you ever learn about individuals you suspect of belonging to this new and strange subversive group, you report them to me or Shanna immediately. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Sir," he honestly replied. He had not said anything about reporting those he _**knew for sure**_ were behind this strike, so technically his conscience was at peace on the subject."

"Good boy. You are dismissed for now, then. Have a good night, Negi-kun."

And so he went and did.

* * *

"Sempai?" Sakura asked, as she saw him passing by, a casual meeting across the long, wide halls of the palace currently hosting them.

The red haired young man stopped, and looked at her. His eyes were identical to those of her Sempai, and yet so different, so devoid of the same light and life If that did not make Tohsaka Sakura's heart sink, the hollow tone in his voice did. "Yes?"

"Um..." she struggled to find the words, "I, I offered to cook for everyone today, and Arika-sama graciously accepted, but I'm afraid I can't do it on my own after all, so I was wondering, if it wasn't much of a bother, whether you could... help me... just a bit?"

"I'm sorry, Tohsaka-san," he said, the perfect picture of politeness, but also of a vacuum that deeply terrified Sakura, a cold nothingness evident through his absent behavior. "But, I don't know how to cook. Please ask Leysritt. She will be glad to help."

Sakura covered her mouth with a hand as he bowed to her, said a firm but lifeless apology, and continued walking the way he had taken. It was only once he was gone that Sakura heard the small voice coming from behind her. "I remember he used to cook, before. He stopped a couple years ago. Never did it again, ever since. A shame, he was the best cook out of all of us."

Sakura turned to the small pregnant woman- her mind refused to think of her as a child anymore- in a long houserobe and fuzzy slippers. "Why is this happening? Illya-san?"

"Nobody knows," Illyasviel answered. "Slowly, the life has been fading away from him. The doctors and the best magi our family consulted couldn't find any explanation. Physically, he's still at his peak condition, and he grows into a better fighter each day, training under Sella and Leysritt, but..." She shook her head and sighed. "It's as if his soul had left him. Do you think I'm not hurt over him? He's my brother too, after all."

"And .." Sakura pointed back and forth between her and the direction he had taken, "have you two, then..."

"No. Never with him. It's not like I haven't had the occasional fantasy, but Negi is my first and only partner," Illya coldly said. "Are you still as disgusted as the others over that?"

"No, I'm not," Sakura had to confess, remembering all too vivid nights of a sister coming to help her cope with the unnatural urges her time spent with a monster had left her with. She sighed uneasily, missing Rin so much, and wondering how long she would be able to keep holding back. "I don't think myself able to judge you. It would be a little hypocritical of me, to be honest, though I will thank you to keep that between us."

"Of course you aren't," Illya said, moving over to the nearby balcony, Sakura following her out until they stood side by side, looking at the bleeding sky between the mountains. "Tell me about those other two boys, then. And tell me about that other girl."

"They are all orphans," Sakura started by the beginning, and the most important part in her opinion. "Sensei was raised by his cousin, Sempai only by Kiritsugu-san, and Illya... by her grandfather. From personal experience, I am of the belief most grandfathers should never look after children," she said, somewhat bitterly.

Illya nodded. "Arika-mama mentioned once... just once... our grandfather from her side was not a good person at all. Neither was Kiritsugu-papa's papa either, from what I've gathered."

"There must be a few good ones somewhere," Sakura supposed.

"Nagi-papa describes his father as an ornery old coot, but he smiles when he does so," Illya admitted.

After a pause, Sakura asked, with bluntness born from pure honesty, "Aren't you afraid?"

"Sometimes. But I trust my parents when they say they'll never allow anything bad happen to me. Unlike that girl's parents, they pulled through for me during and past the Grail War. And I love Negi. I'd have done this for him even if I thought I wouldn't make it."

Sakura nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on that red that almost hurt her gaze, but she refused to back down that easily. "I love my Negi, too. That's why I'm here at all."

"Don't think of where you are now," Illya advised. "But rather of where you will be. Arika-mama just told me she hopes to have your traveling arrangements ready for tomorrow."

"Thank you so very much, Illya-san."

"Thank her, not me, you fool," she replied, sounding much like the lllya-chan she knew. "Just make sure. once you have got him, you'll never let him go again."

"I will try my best."

"And don't go overboard and take mine away, either. Or I swear I'll find you and give you a slow, torturous death."

"Okay, I won't try that much of a best, then."

They finally looked down, at the gardens where Deadpool and Karin were sparring with Sella and Leysritt, with Arika and Lena sitting by the sidelines and watching closely. But that is another matter, better left for our next segment.

"So when you said that your version of Sempai was the best cook -" Sakura started to ask.

"Yes, I can cook, I'm going to be a wife and mother, of course I can cook. And yes, I will graciously help you."

"Thank you so very much, Illya-san."

A non-unpleasant silence descended.

"So, are you worried that when your child is born, the transition to grandparents means your fathers will magically become unfit to be allowed near your child?" Sakura asked abruptly, clearly having ruminated on the last loose thread of the conversation.

"Well, I am NOW!"

* * *

 _Mundus Magicus:  
_  
"May I ask you something?" Nodoka asked Illya as the two of them walked across the desert.

"Well," Illya panted, fanning herself with a hand, "if you don't do it now, maybe you'll never get another chance later. So, why not, ask away, it's not like I care anymore..."

"Thank you. Um..." Miyazaki cleared her dry throat, "The Grail was contaminated in the first place because your family summoned Angra Mainyu, the Persian God of Evil, wasn't it?"

"They didn't get the actual Angra Mainyu but the closest available thing, some villager his people selected as the living incarnation of Angra Mainyu, but otherwise, yesssss... Why do you ask?"

"And, um, was that summon intentional?"

"Of course it was, Grandfather isn't incompetent enough as to try to summon a god and get a completely different one. Is there a point to these questions after all, or is the heat driving you mad already?"

"I, I just want to know... Why? Out of all the other gods they could have summoned... Odin, Zeus, Thor, Bathala, Amaterasu, Quetzalcoatl, Horus, Skuld-chan... Why did they feel the need to specifically summon the god given domain over, well, _evil?!"_

"It's easy enough to guess why we didn't choose Zeus, isn't it?" the tiny homunculus snorted. "My family may have been highly irresponsible concerning what we unleashed upon the world, but we still were smart enough as to prevent being raped to death if we could avoid it! As for the other options, well, I once asked Grandfather on the subject myself..."

"And...?"

"Let's just say," she laconically replied, "that I realized he was precisely the kind of man who would summon a god of evil."

"Oh," Nodoka said very quietly.

The rest of the march was remarkably silent from both parties.

* * *

"They're having a party?" Negi John blinked as he left his shoes by the door, briefly stopping by Mikado's to see how her houseguests were doing, and listened to the laughter and cheering from further inside the house.

"Well, not one of _our_ kind of parties," the doctor shrugged. "But yes, they're celebrating over something they pulled off today, apparently... I believe they finally went and covered you on that 'Fate' business you had mentioned."

"Oh." Negi gulped, preparing himself for the worst as he and Mikado advanced into the manor, soon reaching the guest room where the Ala Alba had gathered, rising a toast as one. For once even Tsukuyomi seemed to be getting along with them. "Well, good afternoon everyone, I take it everything went okay today?"

"Oh, John-san!" For once his counterpart seemed actually happy to see him. "Welcome, welcome, please come here! You won't believe it, today we had a rather starling success in our debut! We went against a Goku-wearing upperclassman from Furinkan _and_ his whole battalion of flunkies, and we defeated them all, with ease! I'm very proud of you all!" he told his girls and Rito. "Today, we have shone a light of hope on these people!"

"Yayyyy!" Tsukuyomi clapped, just as happy. "That way, the unavoidable disappointment further down the road will be all the more painful for them...!"

"Um, I'm glad you are all okay, after a feat like that, but, ah ..." John hesitated, pulling up a chair. "... are you sure you attacked the correct people after all?"

Yue nodded. "It was one Kuno Tatewaki, harassing one Tendo Akane and her fiance Saotome Ranma. Of course, I should know that person had to be stopped at all costs."

"Oh, I see," John nodded, accepting the glass of juice Asuna was pouring for him, and thanking her with a honest smile and nod. It was nice, being treated like a real brother by someone so much like his sister, for once. "Of course you would know, since in your world he'd have hassled your friend's brother as well."

"Father," Yue dryly reminded him. "In our world, he is Haruna's father."

"Right, I had forgotten about that," John sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "These divergences can feel quite disconcerting at times."

"Pika pika," nodded Jean Luc, the ultimate proof of that statement.

"Anyway, while they were out busting heads in the name of greater good and their self-fulfillment, I have been hacking on a few secret information lines and sources," Skuld reported, addressing John in a fairly more professional manner. "I got fresh information on a massive coverup event, concerning the major 'incident' that unfolded recently in Tokyo-3. From what I was able to gather, it actually was the attack of an entity that, in our realm, is one of several biological forms designed by Yggdrasil for the purposes of combat and raids on Midgard... Earth, Asuna," she anticipated the redhead's question. "You could call them battle 'angels' of sorts; our military wings debated about unleashing them after Belldandy was taken captive, but ultimately cooler heads prevailed. It would seem, however, someone has seen fit to turn them on mankind in this universe."

John blinked. "But ... you said your pantheon did not exist in this world!"

"They don't... _We_ don't," Skuld confirmed, "But that doesn't mean the Angels couldn't be controlled by another faction of powers from above. I lack sufficient data on this universe's situation as it is to say for sure yet, but what I can tell you is, apparently our friends here aren't the only superheroes making their debut this week, either. Part and parcel of the classified information I unlocked spoke about a flying young man in some sort of gaudy costume engaging the Angel in combat, alongside the government's sanctioned biomechanical giant unit that was dispatched to deal with the problem."

Asuna blinked. "For real? You hadn't mentioned that part before? Who was that? Someone we know?"

Skuld shook her head, looking troubled at the laptop Mikado had lent her upon arrival, and on which she had performed many upgrades already. Now it was projecting, somehow, a vague, blurry holographic display of a young man in a cape and superhero costume, his face particularly pixelated. "He doesn't match the overall description of any metahuman we have encountered before, although the powers he displayed seemed to be generic enough, of the 'flying brick' variety. From what little could be recorded of his behavior, he seemed inexpert, naive, disoriented even... if he's not careful, this world will literally eat him alive."

"Yes, well, you should keep in mind, the same thing could happen to you," Mikado warned them. "If you're ever tracked here from your good samaritan campaigns, we're all as good as dead if not worse. They'd probably dissect you to see the differences between you and us, and to learn if there's any way to make the jump to your world." _Or any world that's not as doomed as this one,_ she thought but chose not to say aloud.

"I pity them if they ever manage that," Rito said. "Our world has way many more heroes and villains than this one, after all."

"Never understimate anyone, Rito-san," Tiberius adviced him. "This is a world of born survivors, after all. They rose from much greater tragedies than we did, and yet they've rebuilt a civilization that is all but identical to ours."

"Yeah, well," Asuna mumbled. "In _our_ civilization the Black School hasn't taken over the whole area and spread its infection everywhere!"

"Yet," Skuld cautioned.

Yue looked at her with concern. "You mean...?"

The young Norn shrugged. "I mean, our dimensional plane's Honnouji is not to be taken slightly either, and while you guys rest idly self assured on your own capacities, they might have made meaningful advances in their own plans to take over much like this Honnoji Academy has done here. Learn from history, lest it should repeat itself, no matter how unlikely it may seem!"

"Oh, and of course, you waited until now to tell us this!" Asuna accused her. "There you go, doing these things to us again! When will you ever learn?!"

"Had I ever told you this before without your witnessing how bad it could get, would have you ever believed me?" Skuld countered. "You wouldn't, would you? Because all this time you've been so proud of Mahora's superiority you couldn't even grasp the actual danger Honnouji presents to people like you!"

"Besides," Tsukuyomi said, "all the time you were with them, you were planning to have ditched them by this point anyway, weren't you?"

"What a crude thing to say!" Skuld was offended. "Had Chao succeeded at Mahorafest like we intended, Honnouji wouldn't ever become a significant threat in the first place, so what was the point in telling them? What do you care anyway, you'd have been right at home with those REVOCS deviants of nature!"

John blinked. "Chao?"

"Oh, that's right, we haven't told you that part yet, have we?" Asuna mused. "Well, if you have some time to spend here, we'll tell you about Chao Linghsen. Who knows, maybe that'll help Negi's memory too. We first met Chao a couple years ago, when she was introduced to us as an exchange student from China-"

* * *

The Queen of Calamity and the short, scrawny duckling sat together side by side, quietly sharing cups of tea as they watched the crazed masked mercenary and the coldly efficiently immortal fight the twin homunculi of the Einzberns all across the castle's frown lawn. The battle would change its course as frequently as Deadpool's erratic, maniacal behavior permitted, with each side gaining an upper hand and then losing it just as quickly, alternating at apparent random, but overall, Arika knew Karin would be the sole person left standing by the end.

It was a mere battle of attrition for her, who could not be hurt, a mere delay of the unavoidable, as sooner or later the armed maids with halberds and even her katana wielding current partner in arms would burn themselves out, leaving her the only ultimate winner. Of course, there was still much Arika could learn from the proceedings either way. Just as much as she could learn from gently kickstarting a conversation with this peculiar creature sitting by her side by merely asking her, "How did that person die, then? I mean, the one would would have been me in your realm. How did it come to be?"

"The official version is she was executed like fifteen years ago," Lena DeSpell reminisced. "But my Aunt once told me the truth... at least I think it was the truth, you never know with her. The Thousand Master and his Ala Rubra faked her death and took her underground, where they lived together for a while. Once their son was born, then the Mage of the Beginning resurfaced, and forced the Master to come back out of retirement to fight him. During that battle, Nagi Springfield apparently died, and shortly after, Queen Arika was ripped apart by demons who were out to get the whole Springfield family. Their son was rescued by Luna Inverse, the great sorceress, and delivered to the Springfield branch living in the Old World. That's all I know on the subject, really," the younger female shrugged. "I thought it was kind of an interesting story... very intense, no two ways around that... but that's all Aunt bothered to share, and you really don't ever pester her to tell you more about anything."

"Chichimanga! Pineapple surprise! Ryan Reynolds! I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" Deadpool was nonsensically singing as his blades clashed over and over against an ever more furious Sella. "Welcome to die! Deadpoolryuken! Babies creep me out! Yeah, baby, yeah, I can keep on spouting memes all day long...!"

Arika keep on talking stoically with the just as stonefaced Lena. "A truly tragic end for all those involved, but from what you told me earlier, Ala Rubra's path of self sacrifice resulted in a better world for your masses in the long run. Perhaps, should we have been able to alleviate the results of the Second Impact to the degree they did, our children would have a far brighter future ahead for them."

"Don't hit yourself over the head for that," Lena casually adviced, smiling as Sella cut one of Deadpool's hands off, only to have the regenerating degenerate pick it up and toss it at her face. "I'm sure they must have succeeded out of sheer dumb luck, how many ways to half-stop a goddess literally falling from the sky can there be?"

Arika sighed. "I apologize for being unable to contact my son right now for a confirmation, but this site's exact location needs to remain a secret from our most bitter enemies. You already know, from your realm's history, what they are capable of doing. Opening a direct communication link to Mahora entails a high risk of compromising said security."

"I get that too," Lena said. "I spent most of my childhood having to stay low under the radar myself, I never could even have a friend until I met Webby. Anyway, if we're going to find Negi anywhere on this planet, Mahora Academy is still our best option, I suppose. Pretty much everyone agrees with that too."

The blonde nodded, now looking at Karin lash out against Leysritt in a calculated yet savage final onslaught, pinning her down and pummeling her into submission with her mallet at last. As expected from the stories, such a finely honed machine of cruel efficiency. Arika's heart briefly shuddered over her son, two continents away and so close to someone who was just like that or worse, but her expression remained controlled and distant. "Yes. Tomorrow, people we can trust will come for you and deliver you to a boat that will ship you over to the continent. From there, you will be told of a route that should have you in Japan before two weeks are over."

Lena chuckled wearily. "I guess a transoceanic flight is out of the question for people like us."

"You are all able and resourceful in your own ways, I can tell," the former sovereign observed, as they watched Deadpool and Karin teamp up on Sella, quickly putting her down for the count as well. "And if you cannot make it back to your realm, I might not be opposed to you joining our family, should you prove yourselves worthy... except perhaps for that masked man."

"Um, thank you, but not only am I not really interested in those things," Lena uneasily said, "but I'm not compatible at all with you guys. Biologically compatible, I mean, and Negi's a likable enough boy and all that, but still..."

"Should you be forced to remain here," Arika felt like warning, "I must be honest and say I don't believe you will find many who are indeed 'compatible' with you."

"I just want to go back with someone who actually is," Lena shared.

Arika nodded again. "A perfectly understandable sentiment. My apologies if I have bothered you through my observation."

"Nah. It takes more than that to really bother me, Ma'am," Lena said, while Karin reacted to something Deadpool had just told her by starting bashing her mallet down on his head, repeated times. "And you're actually a nice lady for someone who trained her ten year old son to knock up as many women as he could. What can I tell you? My own mother figure was way worse than that."

"If you wish to speak on-"

"No. I'm sorry, but I really don't," Lena said, soft but categorically.

Arika took on that rejection with a philosophical nod. "Naturally. I hope you will not mind if I tell you, instead, you do remind me a lot of myself when I was your age."

"That doesn't offend me either," Lena said easily enough. "But maybe it scares me a bit."

"Perhaps it should," Arika allowed, as Deadpool finally fell unconscious under Karin's seething, hissing and red-faced savage strike.

Last woman standing, indeed. Oh, Arika loved it so much, being correct about things.

Most of the time, at least.

* * *

Time continued to pass.

Back at Furinkan, Kuno Tatewaki presented himself to offer his sincere apologies to Tendo Akane for having been unable to overcome her horrid fiance, who now stood revealed as an evil sorcerer who seized control of the minds of innocent young girls and forced them to commit acts of violence on his betters. Any mention about the later incident where he had been further publically humbled by mysterious interlopers who were not even officially supposed to exist or be acknowledged was, naturally, out of the question. Kuno also reported that he had discovered that he was of that type of man who could, indeed, love more than one woman at once, and resolved to pursue Kiryuuin Satsuki, a nameless pig-tailed girl, and Akane herself equally in the days to come. Akane beat him senseless as he was pursuing this theme, but the violence gave her no comfort.

Meanwhile, Ranma and Shanpu paid a visit to Library Island, only to be told that they would have to return in about a week, after the library staff was ready to assist them in their search. Unsatisfied with that, the two martial artists snuck in, and were introduced to the startling variety of traps that protected the shelves of Library Island from just what they were trying to do. They left, somewhat humbled in Ranma's case. (Shanpu would accept death before she would admit humiliation, and vowed to have a rematch.)

Akane was more concerned about Nabiki's hushed reports - usually preceded money changing hands - about what she had learned concerning Fate-sama and his companions through her contacts. Apparently, they had launched a real campaign against whatever they perceived as overlooked crime or abuse of authority through the schools, with an average of one sighting per day, mostly after sunset. They had struck hard at the protection activities of the Ichijou family, which perhaps was not too surprising as rumors about the current heir to the family suggested that he did not seem to have his heart really placed on the family business, despite being given a Goku uniform of his own to cement the alliance between his clan and the local authorities.

Back at Mahora, Negi John Springfield learned that Nodoka had shared her version of his secrets with Yue, who had in turn shared _her_ version of his secrets with Nodoka, leaving them both more or less completely informed about what was going on. There was clearly only one thing he could do about this.

So he fucked them, but that's not really the focus of _this_ side of _that_ story, sorry.

His counterpart kept on channeling his own youthful energy on activities that were just as risky for completely different reasons, directing his team on raids that had Inumuta of the Elite Four in increasingly hot water, as his intelligence system, while as ellaborate and all encompassing as ever, somehow could not pinpoint their point of origin or whereabouts at any given time. Whenever they would show up, the local cameras and surveillance systems would glitch into complete failure, and would remain so until they had vanished from the scene. Inumuta was feeling himself ever hotter under the literal tall collar, starting to spend full nights up trying to keep up with whoever was helping these renegades to escape his attention, only to constantly fail against someone who perhaps was, to his growing horror, his better. What manner of twisted fiend...?

As this was happening, a recent close associate of this particular divine fiend from beyond spent a day with Yuna, Akira, Asuna and Konoka at Ayaka's palatial dreamhouse, located in the sector of Academy City normally reserved for the homes of Three Star students at Honnoji. Somewhat weary from his exploits of the previous day, Professor Negi John missed Ayaka's not-really-all-that-subtle attempts to seduce him, with her holding back a little out of something like respect for the fact that he was the younger brother of a classmate. Asuna quietly did her part to distract Negi from such matters; she had no real hope that Negi and the class representative _wouldn't_ end up going at it like rabbits, but she wanted to delay it as long as possible for reasons she didn't choose to examine too closely.

Lena, Archer, Berserker, Sakura, Deadpool, Nekane, Issei, Asia, Touko, Akira and Karin were, as Arika had promised, shipped over to the European continent, more especifically the French coastline, where several old associates of Nagi had provided them with rooms for a full day before sending them on a secret train trip across the continent, in one of the secret compartiments of a wagon meant for the smuggling of goods of dubious legality. Akira and Asia barely could deal with the moral implications, anguishing over it day and night all long, while everybody else was far more concerned about keeping Deadpool quiet as much as possible before he could shatter their sanity to so many tiny pieces.

Over this period of time, Mai was busily working with many of the HiME, scattered all across Academy City. The only one she'd been unable to contact with Sister Yukariko, having been warned by this world's Sugiura Midori about the presence of the magic academy beneath the city's cathedral. She chose not to contact Fujino Shizuru, preferring to let Natsuki do it instead. For her part, Natsuki was hesitating to do just that. Midori and Mai were also trying to determine whether this world's Munakata Shiho, a student at a middle school in Nagano after her family's shrine had been abandoned, was still a HiME.

Nonon had started breathing really hard on Inumuta's neck during this period, much to his discomfort and uneasiness, every day worse than the one before as he still could not get leads on the Fate group or their anonymous benefactor, who kept sabotaging the surveillance systems to cover their arrivals and escapes. To make matters worse, while their existence was still forbidden to spread according to the Act Against Subversive Behavior, rumors had quickly dispersed about them and their activities through the schools, and Inumuta knew it was only a matter of time before they started being seen by foolish masses as examples of rebellion to follow, further inconveniencing Satsuki-sama's plans. If he couldn't get a solid clue on them soon, his position might be seriously threatened, especially with Jakuzure daring to make continued objections about his performance of late. Fortunately, however, Satsuki-sama seemed more concerned about other matters at the moment, paying relatively little attention to the Fate affair yet.

For Ryuko, following her confrontation with a Junketsu-equipped Satsuki, had found herself targetted by numerous clubs at Honnoji, as well as a sniper associated with the secret organization who was moving against the Elite Four, whose name, she was horrified to learn, was Nudist Beach. Resisting the impulse to pack it in then and there, Ryuko continued her struggle, aided always by Mako and P-chan - who wanted to move on, both to regain his honor and to confront Saotome Ranma, his nemesis, but found it impossible to sneak out of the Mankanshoku house due to his poor sense of direction.

Lena was nearly shot through the head by furtive hunters during a train stop in Germany, with Issei saving her in the nick of time. That begrudgingly raised her opinion of the young man, who... well, at the very least, was not Deadpool.

When Mahora High School's new term at last began, Yuuki Riko endured the introduction to her class of Lala Satalin Deviluke, her self-proclaimed fiancee. Fortunately, after her introduction to Sairenji, she'd been able to get it through Lala's pink head that girls did not normally marry each other in Japan, and that it would not be a good idea to advertise their (in Riko's mind) imaginary relationship. She needn't have worried. Roughly half the class was terrified of this alien in their midst, while the other half believed that Suzumiya Haruhi was probably right in claiming that Lala was just a phony looking for attention. Sairenji, for her part, wasn't sure what she believed, as she was presently re-examining her own memories of her friendship with Riko in light of current events. And Risa and Mio were grinning as they decided that they had _three_ classmates who had to be added to their collective.

Skuld was starting to really enjoy her cat and mouse game with Inumuta, since she had full control over it at the time. She had to admit the boy was a veritable genius for human standards, and he would have utterly humbled Chisame had they squared off against each other right then and there. However, even the best of humans could not compare to the programmers of the Celestial code for Yggdrasil itself, and Skuld was having so much fun frustrating the poor boy at every turn, she ended up being unable to resist the temptation, and sent him an untraceable message at the end of Team Fate's most recent escape from a scene, one which simply read, right before forcefully shuting his computers off, _You cannot defeat the wisdom of the Oracle!_

Even gods may, at times, commit the sins of hubris, after all. And perhaps this particular sin would cost her later on. But this, too, should be a story left for another day.

A week passed.

And then everything changed.

* * *

Lena DeSpell and her travel companions never got to watch the live broadcast of Mina Tepes' announcement. At the time those news were being shown all across Japan, and shortly the whole world, they were miles and miles away from civilization, sitting at the back of an old truck making it across the seemingly endless wastelands of a barren Russia.

"It's sort of funny," Issei commented, looking at the dead extensions that stretched as far as their eyesights went, under an offensively red sky that gave you headaches if you looked at it for long. "All this time I always thought all those jokes about Russia, and life in Russia, were hilarious, but looking at it now, up close and personal... even if the place's better off in our world, I don't think I'll ever be able to laugh at those again."

"It's better Southward, that's where all the cities are now," dryly said the pale, short girl behind the driving wheel, who looked as young as Asia at best, and had long, gray hair, with a black eyepatch on the left side of her face. She was the latest in a long line of contacts that had passed them from one to another, like a collective live baton, though their peregrination across Europe. Nekane only could wonder how many shady people this world's version of her Uncle and Lady Arika knew, and how that translated to her own world. "These are the Badlands, only us smugglers and renegades travel here nowadays."

Touko only sat miserably, a broken woman, sniping at the air absently with a pair of large black scissors, and smelling worse than ever. Not that the rest of them could criticize her much anymore. Deadpool was particularly ripe and sweaty under the full body costume as well, and only Akira, who would douse herself regularly with her own powers whenever they stopped for a toilet break, and Archer, who seemed supernaturally above ever smelling of anything but Middle Eastern fragrances, were not stinking beyond habitual recognition. Berserker, like always, reeked of machinery and rancid oil, fanning herself under the humid heat.

"I thought Russia was cold, too," Issei added, "but this whole country feels like a furnace, what's up with that, Laura?"

"I'm Miss Bodewig to you, dog," the driver warned in her stilted Germanic accent, contaminated with some Russian influence after spending so long in this country. "You really come from another world, don't you? It's been this way since I can remember, but I've heard the stories of the days before, when these fields would be covered by snow... but that all stopped fifteen years ago, of course."

"You haven't ever even seen snow yourself, have you?" Lena guessed.

"I imagine it's not a particularly huge loss," Laura indifferently said.

"I saw snow a few times, through my travels," Asia reminisced with a sad, nostalgic smile. "It was such a wonderful, scenic sight, watching it fall slowly from the sky..."

"It couldn't have been in your own country," Laura objected, eyes still fixed on the rough road ahead, a fading outline of the highway that had been there before the disasters, and often broken by bumps and other obstacles. "You're Italian, aren't you?"

"Ah, yes, I am!" Asia nodded. "Is my accent that obvious?"

"Quite," Laura confirmed. "I've only met a single Italian before, one of my gunplay instructors, but his accent was so strong I'll never forget it. Most of Italy also sank during Second Impact, and he was lucky to have been here when that happened. I suppose this world's version of you must have died back then."

"I have faith," Asia said, putting her hands together, "the Lord must have spared her, if her fate was to meet Issei-san as well. If not, I'm sure she's at peace now in Heaven, however. All the same, I will now pray for- Uguguuuuu," she winced, taking a hand to her stinging mouth. "I seriously thought I was going to pull it off this time...!"

"Look at the bright side," Nekane tried to comfort her, "if Heaven still won't let you pray, it must mean it has an influence over us even here."

"You are right, Nekane-san," Asia smiled at her with a gentle now. "Thank you very much for the support!"

Laura nearly sighed, but she was made of sterner stuff than that. Instead, she said, "You must love this person very much, being willing to go this far for him. What is he to you?"

"My brother," Nekane said.

"And my brother in law!" Deadpool peppily added.

"My teacher," Akira firmly answered.

"A friend, I suppose," Lena blandly added.

"A worthy rival to surpass," Issei said with such seriousness you wouldn't have realized he was talking about picking up girls.

"The man Sakura here loves," Archer smiled, placing a hand on Tohsaka's shoulder.

"It, its' not like that! Archer-san!" Sakura argued, still unsure on how react to the always unexpected teasing of this Oneesan-who-wasn't-Oneesan, even after so many days of traveling together.

Touko only let out a bland grunt.

"A... good... ally," Berserker quietly said, struggling to weave the words one after another.

Laura nodded to herself. "You are," she opined, "a collection of mismatched, all too strange good for nothings, but if a single person could move all of you to risk your lives in a cross country trip through Europe and Asia, with no clear guarantee you'll even find him at the end ... then that person must be the single luckiest son of a bitch in the whole world. Please give my regards to him as soon as you find him."

"I think I like her," Deadpool turned to Nekane. "What if we add her to Negi's harem? She already thinks highly of him and she hasn't even met him yet!"

"Wade..." the blonde warned.

"What? If we can't get Asuka, she's the second next best thing ever!"

"What are you talking about?" Issei asked, but just like every other time anyone in the group had ever asked Deadpool that, he didn't get a straight answer and only ended up more confused and creeped out than before.

And Laura was _this_ close to kicking them out of the truck and leaving them to die in the wilderness.

* * *

Another universe, another Earth.

Aino Minako staggered through the window and into the apartment, with Artemis discreetly slipping in after her. "Honey, I'm home..." she called out, to crack a half smile as Ami walked into the bedroom, with a concerned expression and rushing over to hold her steady. "Good evening, Ami-chan," the battered Sailor Senshi groaned, "never mind about all of this, I'll be fine as every by tomorrow morning... okay, the afternoon, maybe... Luckily, it won't be a school day..."

"Oh dear, Mina-chan, you received some inhuman punishment tonight...!" Ami gasped, checking on her with all the care a physician's daughter could devote anyone. "How are the others? Who-"

"Everyone else's okay too," Artemis limped over to his cat bed while Minako nodded stiffly, Ami helping her lie down on the lower bunk of the room. "Except Malachite, of course. We finally got him, it wasn't easy, but-"

"Good," Sailor Pluto coldly said, stepping into sight and appearing at the bedroom's doorstep, much to Minako and Artemis' gasping surprise and Ami's frowning disapproval. "The Dark Kingdom will have to pause for at least a few days, while we settle the matter of what has happened to Sailor Mercury."

Minako winced in pain combined with sheer outrage. "Oh, good evening to you too, Pluto-sama! We were afraid something might have happened to you, after you completely failed to show up to help while we were all but killed off...!"

"I was busy repairing a hole in the fabric of reality itself," Akagi Ritsuko answered in pretty much the same tone, tightly holding the Time Key in her hands, "after the Mercury Star Seed disappeared from this dimension completely and altered the balance. Mizuno-san has told me of what you did. _What were you thinking?!_ Sending her away, while we still need her presence amongst us, just so you could rescue a-!"

"Not our fault!" Minako growled, forcing herself to sit back up despite Ami's attempts to keep her down. "Blame the giant teleporting dog... no, you know what, we don't have to place blame on anyone! It was Akira-chan's own decision on what to do with _her_ life, and if she wanted to risk it to go after the boy she likes, I say she's got every right to-"

"We gave up on those selfish rights when we accepted the responsibilities of a Sailor Guardian, young lady!" Akagi sternly reminded her, briefly shuddering as she realized she had screamed just like her late mother would often yell at her. But her face betrayed no further change from her critical stance. "This isn't a mere matter of keeping enough firepower to fight the Dark Kingdom or not. That's the least of our concerns at the moment. They can be fought with allies, but the absence of the Star Seeds throws the very equilibrium of this Solar System into chaos, especially after the recent ruptures to the continuum from Akira's Kyoto excursion and Chao Lingshen's attempted coup on the magocracy. Honestly, my life and the universe's would be just that much easier if not for that Class 3-A..." she sighed before scowling again. "And the universe is a complex tapestry; unravel a single end and the domino effect might spread quickly through the whole. We must bring Sailor Mercury back as soon as possible."

Minako ran a hand down her face. "Why are you talking about Akira leaving this dimension anyway? I thought that Mundus Magicus was on Mars, and last time I checked, that still was in this universe..."

"I have double checked. They, along part of those they were searching for, have departed this reality altogether," Pluto said grimly.

"And where are they now, then?" Artemis asked.

"That, I know not," the Senshi of Time had to confess. "The Gate of Time only can gaze across this particular universe, but I believe I have developed a plausible way to reach them, wherever they happen to be now."

"Swell," Minako muttered, "so what are we waiting for?"

"We would need the combined power of all the Sailor Senshi," Sailor Pluto replied.

"Oh," Venus understood. "Yeah, that might be a bit of a problem. The one from CLAMP Gakuen, Sailor Moon, that should be easy enough to find and convince, but Uranus and Neptune-"

"Not to mention," Pluto spoke again, "the one who has yet to awaken, but brings destruction whenever she does. The Messiah of Silence, the annihilator of worlds. Sailor Saturn."

The jaws of Artemis, Minako and Ami went slightly askew at that revelation. The latest was the one who could finally speak the first, asking, "You mean- There is some Senshi who is worse than Uranus and Neptune?!"

"Perhaps not by nature, but by her fated role," Akagi nodded. "Sailor Saturn brings forth rebirth and renewal, but just by destroying and obliterating first. Triggering her powers without incinerating Earth, at the very least, will be an extremely risky and nearly impossible enterprise."

"But not _completely_ impossible, then," Minako said.

Despite herself, the older woman had to smile sharply. "We are the Sailor Senshi. _Nothing_ is fully impossible for us."

Mina smiled back, despite how much it ached. "Well, congrats then. This is the first time you've ever said anything I actually get to like and agree with..."

* * *

Back in another Japan, a certain history-changing television transmission had just taken place.

"To my dear children of the night, I command and compel you to join me here, on this island set aside for us as a bund, a land within a land, just for us," the tiny girl said in the screen of Mikado Ryoko's TV set. "Join me here ... and let us begin our pavane."

"... well," Yue said after a thoughtful pause, beginning to sip from the literally alien juice box Mikado had supplied her with again. "Now this is a real curve ball..."

"Yeah," Asuna said. "I mean, that girl's supposed to have _blonde_ hair!"

Yue, Tsukuyomi, Negi, Rito and Skuld all looked at her curiously.

"I mean," Asuna made clear, "Eva's trained me as her Mid-Boss of Evil in the making. Of course she told me about that princess of all vampires!"

"So-called?" Rito said.

"Eva says 'screw her', so it's _clearly_ not _all_ vampires," Asuna said.

"That… actually sounds reasonable," Yue admited.

"I take it this hasn't ever happened in your world then?" Ryoko asked them, as calm as the circumstances would allow her to, which for someone like her meant she was actually chill to the point she looked like she didn't care at all.

"Gah, no, forbid the thought!" Asuna said. "And I only hope it isn't happening there right now as we talk either. I'd hate having to jump back into the middle of a mess like this...!"

"Don't worry, it won't happen yet," the Goddess of the Future assured her.

Her travel partners stared at her with great concern.

Skuld stood up and walked away. "If you'll excuse me, I need to use the restroom now."

Ryoko looked at Asuna and Yue. "Is she always like this when she doesn't want to give information?"

"No," Ayase said, "usually she doesn't even bother with actually going away and just pretends she hasn't just said anything at all..."

* * *

"What are those?" a worried Nekane asked, pointing up at the sky, and seven fast streaks of shiny green traveling across the darker red of the night. They were barely visible, but could be seen if you paid attention and squinted at them, like Laura was doing now, bringing the truck to a temporary halt on the dust of the road.

"Мужчины титана - Titanium Men," their guide dryly said after a moment. "Russia's superpowered defenders, but they are rarely deployed nowadays, unless there's a metahuman emergency. Most of them have been sent to stand guard at the Chinese frontiers, southwards, but the trajectory these ones are taking should be taking them directly to-"

"Japan," Deadpool estimated, and Asia, Nekane, Akira and Sakura felt the blood chilling in their veins. Most of their dread came from the implications on the words themselves, but there also was how uncharacteristically serious he was sounding. "Titanium Man, huh? Back at home, the Russkies put all those shellheads under wraps after Perestroika. I wonder what's going on now...?"

Akira sighed. "Mercury Prism Power, Make Up," she quietly said, and Laura, who thought herself well used to everything, had to briefly repress a slight gasp as her gaze, currently turned back towards her charges, caught a glimpse of a very brief transformation, the second tallest of the girls after Berserker being enveloped by blueish light and just as suddenly turned into someone identical yet so completely different that Laura's first instinct was to completely disbelieve she could be the same person. This individual, whoever she truly was, brought a hand to her own face and materialized a thick set of goggles around her eyes. Her fingers tapped on them, as she coolly said, "Scan and deliver all available data from their armors, initialize a basic translation program."

"She can do that, too?!" a haunted looking Touko asked Issei, who only could shrug his shoulders sheepishly.

Sailor Mercury grimaced a few moments after, still staring at the vanishing streaks in the sky. "The transmissions those men are being fed through the communications systems of their battle suits report that someone calling herself Mina Tepes has raised a Yellow Alert situation in Japan, so they are being sent in the event a direct intervention is deemed necessary. But who that might be, I have no-"

"Mina Tepes," Karin said, "is the current leader of most organized vampires residing in Mundus Vetus. Evangeline-sama has told me about her, but never indicated she would be a threat to mankind. Apparently, her interests lie on establishing a peaceful coexistence with human beings..."

"I think I'm getting some live feed myself, now," Sailor Mercury added, tapping on the goggles again, with greater intensity this time. "Is she small, elegant and pink haired?"

"She is a blonde, actually," Karin said.

"Well, not this one," Akira shook her head. "Basically, she has just announced her intentions of establishing an independent, sovereign vampire nation on a small artificial island in Japan's territorial waters... _what?!"_

"Yeah, well, I think I can understand why that would rattle the Russkies' goat a wee bit, now," Deadpool rubbed his chin.

"Oh my God," Nekane said with a suddenly dry throat, "if Negi's really there, then...!"

"Start the truck again," Lena told Laura. We've got no time to waste."

"This is not der Zauberschulbus! You'll never make it there in time, if the situation is really about to explode," Laura warned them. "If that's the scene now, they'll keep a much tighter watch on their airspace now, meaning it's pointless taking you to that pilot I know. Nobody will be flying you to Japan, no matter how secretly, until the emergency is over."

"There may be a way yet, however," Ishtar said out of the blue, making all heads turn towards her.

The goddess smiled as enigmatically as it was her custom, and her arm casually reached over so her fingers caressed the surface of Lena's necklace amulet. "It is a gamble I would not have suggested before," she warned. "But I imagine there is no harm in telling you about it, at the very least."

* * *

"In hindsight, I should have expected this," Sakura dryly said, as they sat by the truck watching how Ishtar gracefully moved, almost dancing, across the desert ground, using a magically charged pebble to draw on the rough, reddish sand, light beginning to erupt from each intricate line.

"Oh," Deadpool said, "I'm sure nobody will fault you for not expecting the goddess to suggest kissing the duck girl so she could boost the power of her shadow stones to teleport us across the ocean. I mean, that is a thought random enough to even give **_me_** pause. And I'm the kind of guy who regularly thinks of stuff like - to give you an example, right now I'm thinking of Magneto riding an unicycle while a two-headed imp sits on his shoulder reading Dostoyevski aloud, and it rains chocolate from the sky as the Sun, who has the face of a huge freckled baby, laughs , then sprouts legs and arms and dances can-can. All the while Queen sings Rhapsodian Bohemy to supply the background music."

"You," Sailor Mercury said conclusively, "haven't spent enough time around Ala Alba. And thank the Heavens for that."

Nekane raised an eyebrow, clearly worried about the implications of said statement.

Issei blinked. "That whole thing with Magneto and the Sun.. That sounds kind of funny, actually! Have you ever considered writing for TV commercials?"

Laura was too busy staring in quiet fascination at the show of lights rising from the sand as to actually be bothered that much by the menagerie of freaks she had gotten herself involved with. "So," she simply said, refusing to let any more of her awe show through, "this is magic."

"Divine magic," Ishtar smiled, finishing her handwork and proudly standing by it. "Count yourself fortunate, mortal, out of all the denizens of this dying world of yours, you have been selected by the capricious hand of Fate to witness this miracle, from the mistress of the underworld herself!"

"Isn't that your sister?" Sakura asked her.

The Archer lifted her nose in a faux dignified way, and she looked even more like Rin when doing that. "Does everything have to lead back to the topic of sisters with you, Tohsaka Sakura? Come forth then, Lena. It is time."

"Bestiality is Depraved! Boo! Hiss!" Deadpool leered, poking both thumbs down.

"Rest assured, nobody is holding her interest in a beast like you against Miss Nekane," Ishtar told him calmly, while a sighing Lena stepped forward, rotating her shoulders around as if preparing for a pitch instead. Ishtar smiled, held a finger up in a way that was pure Rin as well, and lectured, "I happen to be an expert on this subject. This will be beneficial for both of us. By inhabiting a mortal body, I have survived a long separation from Chaldea's supply of prana without a Master, but even one such as I needs a firmer anchor on this alien realm whose consciousness is trying to delete us Servants even more ferociously than ours would."

Berserker only nodded wordlessly at that, holding onto Sakura's arm.

"However, as a native of this artificial world they call Mundus Magicus," Ishtar continued, "this bird child's existence on this realm is also an anathema for this cosmos, maintained only by the properties of the gem she wields, and its great power. By binding us together, my gem based divine magecraft and her very existence will resonate mutually. I will become her Master, but in a way, she will become mine as well. And through that, we will support each other, growing into a much higher level of power."

"Sure, let's go with that!" Issei nodded, not really understanding a single word but fascinated nonetheless by the mere sight of her.

Touko placed her head in her hands and groaned. "I hate magic and all of its rules. I hate them oh so much, it's all so despicable..."

"Chisame used to say the same thing," Akira said. "Then she met Negi-sensei." Touko gave her a horrified look.

"Bestiality is still depraved, though!" Deadpool insisted, giddily pulling his cellphone out and readying the camera.

"Again, no one blames Frau Nekane," Laura said.

The extremely mismatched couple stood before each other, Archer smiling sweetly as she crouched down to be face to face with the much smaller figure in white feathers. "I must warn you," Lena uneasily said, clearly unhappy with this whole twist of events, "I'm not a good kisser, I guess. That kind of things, I have never been into them, and, frankly, well... I suppose your type of mouth, and my type of beak, just aren't meant to go with each other, you know...?"

"I am the deity of all life, all war, all sexual power, and everything female," Ishtar lectured her while Sakura mouthed a very quiet 'Not the Underworld, though'. "I am attuned to everything you are, and everything you could get to be."

"So, basically... pansexual?" Deadpool taunted, always the wise thing to do to a god well known for vindictive acts, naturally.

Fortunately for him, Ishtar was made temperate enough by the body she was inhabiting to merely give him an angry side glance. "With marked exceptions including vile degenerates with the mark of Death upon them."

"Lady, that was cold," Deadpool winced. "She left me for that Thanos dude, I'm all Neki-sweetums' now!"

Issei perked up with a wide lecherous smile.

"I am not one meant for little boys who have not proved their worth yet, either," Ishtar coldly added, only making Issei nod.

"Got it, ma'am!" he said. "Proving myself worthy, of course I will, ma'am! Never worry, I'm going to do just that, ma'am..."

Touko looked angrily at Asia. "How can you even start to like a parody of a man like that...?"

Asia sighed lovingly. "Just listen to him...! He's always so full of unwavering determination...!"

Ishtar simply rolled her eyes at all that mounting idiocy that had ruined her earlier mystical mood to show her cold divine superiority off to its fullest, and merely grabbed the still reluctant Lena by the shoulders and pulled her to herself, their faces coming together in a very physically awkward kiss.

So Lena had been right, after all.

* * *

 _Tokyo 3, around the same time:_

"So, as you can see, kid," Howard was telling a very interested Shinji now, "kissing always was actually the most uncomfortable part of it all. Mouths and beaks, well, they aren't intended to work together, yanno? But ladies, they like to feel appreciated above anything else, and if you don't kiss them they start feeling you are into it for nothing but the sex, and-"

"Um, sorry, sir, I mean, mister Howard," Shinji interrupted the now frowning duck, "but, what did this girlfriend of yours do for a living?"

"She was an actress. Well, whenever she actually got a gig, that is. Once was about to get the lead role in that old soap, _General Hospital_ or whatever it was called, but they chose another redhead over her when they learned about me. Damn prejudiced bastards. Later she tried to become a ninja, but it didn't work all that well. Why do you ask, kid?"

"Um, nothing, really, it was just, uh..."

"You wanna know what kind of woman could ever kiss a duck, huh? It's that, isn't it, huh?!"

"No, no, of course it isn't, but-!"

Then Howard just shrugged. "Perfectly natural question, kid, why so nervous? Sheesh, back at home they'd have asked me the exact opposite but in the exact same spirit, what kind of duck could ever bring himself to kiss one of your women. Bestiality is Depraved, after all!"

"Those prejudiced bastards?" Shinji gambled, with a small shy smile.

Howard nodded, cracking a beer can open. "Here and there, and everywhere!"

"Well," Misato said from where she sat absently watching TV, "it _is_ still gross, anyway..."

"That's not what you said back in November," Howard reminded her.

Misato began coughing rather loudly.

* * *

"I get this is still correct and necessary," Twilight Red said as she, Locked Heart and Nite Owl finished hogtying and gagging the unconscious enforcers they had lined up all along the warehouse's wall, "but I'd rather be helping them against Eva-chan, really."

"It can't be helped," the helmeted Fate said as he and White Death gathered the large bags of Refrain scattered around during the brief but intense fight right at the middle of the room. "That's their own battle to fight, and they are fighting it with larger numbers than I had available when I was in the same situation, or so I'm told. So they should be fine... I hope. Oracle will call us if we're needed."

"Oh, so you remember that part now?" Twilight Red asked.

"She told me all about it," Fate made clear, pointing at Nite Owl, then dusting his hands off on his pants, looking at the confiscated drug. "So what do we do with this? We can't burn it, we don't even know if the resulting clouds would be toxic. I don't have the slightest clue against designer recreational drugs," he confessed.

"Neither do I," Locked Heart shrugged. "Maybe if we toss it in a river? They're all dead already around here, anyway, and only a mad person would drink from them..."

"If we do that, we should pull it out of the sacks first, or they'll just fish them out," Nite Owl observed. "That'd take us too long." Her Baka-ness was born from sloth, after all.

"Maybe we should use a bit of it on you, Sensei?" White Death smiled. "They do say it brings pleasant memories back, after all."

Fate was about to disregard her opinion again before pausing, and although his helmet hid his facial expressions, Red and Owl could still guess them as clearly as if they were seeing them. Slowly, he said instead, "Actually... I imagine that, under supervision of a medically qualified professional like Mikado-sensei..."

Owl sighed. "This is, after all," she mused aloud, "the same boy who, in another universe, would willingly submit himself to black magic just to grow more powerful."

"Many drugs that are dangerous when used recklessly do have actual medicinal uses, Owl-san," her teacher lectured her. "It all hinges on the proper dosage."

"Haven't you just said you didn't know the first thing about drugs?" Locked Heart asked.

"I know that much, at least," Fate pointed out. "But very well, I shouldn't be giving you a bad example, so I won't resort to it. Too many unpredictable variables involved," he conceded, making White Death pout. "That still takes us back to the starting point, however, what do we do with it?"

"Maybe we should drop it on the doorstep of Kiryuin's minions," Twilight Red offered. "As bad as they are, they also genuinely hate this kind of stuff, don't they?"

"I don't feel comfortable approaching them that much yet," Fate objected, rubbing the base of his helmet thoughtfully. "Ah, I know!"

"What will it be, then?" Locked Heart asked tiredly.

Fate tapped his fingers on a side of his helmet. "Oracle-san? Can you place a call to the Honnoji Student Council and direct them here after we've left?"

Skuld's voice came as a slight grunt into his ear. "Why don't you just drop them into the river? It won't take that long, and-"

"It was a somewhat noisy fight, Oracle-san," Fate reminded her, taking another glance towards the door. "People in this neighborhood are scared and prefer to stay out of these affairs, but by now someone might have called these criminals' associates instead..."

Skuld's voice was a small sigh now. "Then leave already, I'm placing an untraceable signal in the local police code for Inumuta himself to receive. Knowing them, they'll be able to send someone even before the mob gets there, but that also means you have to move it, right now, and fast..."

"Thank you, Oracle-san," Fate nodded, taking a moment to slap White Death's hand aside as she tried to touch a bit of the content leaking out of a rupture on one of the bags. "Very well, everybody, we can leave this to the local authorities now..."

"The same authorities we're fighting whenever we aren't fighting these guys instead?" White Death questioned.

"The enemy of my enemy may become my friend, that is why you are here in the first place," Fate said as Locked Heart gestured towards the front door with his Keyblade, opening it and gesturing for everyone to follow him back outside.

"Yes, well, I'm starting to seriously believe I was better off with Sextum-han," White Death complained while they retreated back into the shadows outside. "I can't kill, I can't do drugs, I can't have sex, not allowed to play rock and roll..."

"Nobody's stopping you from frolicking with J-sensei's team if you wish to," Nite Owl coldly told her.

"Well, _they_ do!"

"Good for those people then, they do have some standards left after all..." was Twilight Red's opinion on that.

* * *

"Is it done?" Negi asked as he closed the large window behind them, Rito being the first one to quickly pull his hood back and off with a sigh of long needed relief.

Skuld, sitting behind the large desk she had set for herself as a command panel, nodded. "Yes, yes, of course I did, will you stop worrying so much over that? Oh, and by the way, you'd better not leave this room yet. John-sensei brought a few people we definitely shouldn't be meeting yet. Predictably, their first clash with Evangeline went nowhere as well as they'd been expecting."

"Are they all okay, though?" Negi asked, pulling the helmet off.

"Nothing hurt too badly but the guy's pride," Skuld smirked, "and by now the girls' future peace and quiet as Chamo has just arrived."

"Has he?" a curious Asuna asked, moving closer as Skuld beckoned, turning on a small device shaped a hastily cobbled together radio set on the desk. "Oh, this should be fun, how many times have they smashed him down already?"

Negi frowned. "I can't believe you, Skuld-san. You are spying on them?! Have you bugged the home of the woman who has given us shelter even under risk of deadly punishment, asking for nothing in return-"

"Oh, don't lecture me on morals, she knows perfectly well of the microphones I set around," Skuld chided him in turn. "In return, I've been sharing some of my own knowledge with her, it's a perfect agreement between women of science."

"I knew you were a naughty girl after all, you're spying on them having their orgies, you filthy goddess, you...!" Tsukuyomi giggled, wagging a finger at her while Rito and Negi blushed and gulped.

"I, I'm not!" Skuld protested, just as red faced as the boys. "This is just a handy way to gather information on the current events, naturally I would cut the communication as soon as they engaged in relationships that are absolutely no business of ours!"

"Obviously, sure you would," Tsukuyomi nodded as if playing along, earning a very hostile hiss from Skuld. "So, what are they saying right now anyway?"

The youngsters and Jean-Luc paid attention while Skuld gestured at them to remain silent, leaning closer to listen at the conversation currently taking place elsewhere in the manor.

"- and then I swore I'd be stand by my Bro's side forever!" a high pitched voice was passionately stating at the end of an emotional story of Boy Meets Ermine Fairy. "Albert Chamomille always repays his debts, even if it takes him his whole life!"

"Oh!" Negi Tiberius said almost immediately. "That fellow sounds _extremely_ familiar!"

"Of course he should," Yue sighed. "He is, after all, well... your familiar."

"The weasel is talking," a female voice blandly said next.

"Haruka-san!" Negi excitedly said. "That has to be Haruka-san, no doubt!"

Asuna raised an eyebrow. "She's been pulled in so soon? This guy sure doesn't like wasting his time!"

"In better Japanese than yours," another female voice, this one with a cultured Kyoto accent, blandly agreed.

"The President!" Yue said. "What was she doing at the scene? She barely ever moves out of her office!"

"Oh, Chamo, I'm so glad to see you again!" Negi John's voice came through.

"Heh heh, well, yeah, I couldn't leave you to your own devices in a strange land for long, Bro," Chamo's voice chuckled. "Though I see I had no reasons to worry! Whoo-whooo! You're already surrounded by beautiful partners! I'm so proud of you, and no doubt your old man will be, too!" He paused for a moment for some reason or another, and then offered her a polite "Asuna."

"Albert," a voice identical to Kagurazaka's replied in much the same, distant tone.

"Oh, so she's here too!" Kagurazaka grew even more interested. "Must've been a real battle royale! See? I told you we were missing out on some awesome stuff!"

"B-Beautiful?" Haruka, Misora and Yue's voices all stammered at the same time.

"I don't ever sound that desperate for physical approval, do I?" the Yue from the other world frowned.

"Only when Honya's around," Kagurazaka snickered, then fondly patted Yue's head when her fellow Baka Ranger glowered at her, listening to John's answer.

"Ah, Chamo, I hate to disillusion you, but while these are all my friends ... and, well, two people I only met this evening ... none of them are actually my partners in the way you mean."

"Friends, he says," Rito shook his head. "He's got an even weirder concept of 'friendship' than Momo's..."

"H-How come? You mean you haven't even made a single Pactio yet?" Chamo's voice was gasping.

John's tone grew noticeably stiffer. "I ... well ..."

"Bold enough as to leave girls with child, but not enough as to kiss them," an amused Tsukuyomi commented. "Will this garden's wonders never cease?"

Tiberius frowned. "To be fair, that isn't any kiss of kiss, but one that implies many heavy responsibilities and duties for anyone undergoing it..."

"Oh, just like, I don't know, _**motherhood?**_ " Rito shot back.

Sakura's voice was offering an explanation. "A Pactio or Alliance is a link between a Mage, who comes to be called Magister or Magistra, and a helper or assistant in combat, whom we'll call the Minister, or Ministra. As tonight's events demonstrate, often a mage needs help fighting overwhelming enemies, and the Pactio system aims to provide that help. Misora is my Ministra, and had I brought her with me into tonight's battle, things might have gone very differently."

"Nope," said the unseen Asuna's voice.

"You can't know that," Sakura's voice replied, just a bit tensely.

Asuna Springfield then asked someone "What do _you_ think?"

"... that I kinda wish I wasn't here right now," answered Misora's voice.

"Ah, some things will never, never change no matter the world," Kagurazaka fondly said.

They kept on listening at the back and forth between the local Springfields and the others, complete with a very strange non sequitur from Chamo that made Tiberius scowl deeply. And then, there came the sound of soft knocks on the front door.

"Why don't I go answer that?" Ryoko's voice said smoothly, and headed out to the front door. Skuld quickly changed the audio feed to the microphone she had installed by the front door, and everybody else readied their respective weapons, Tsukuyomi panting softly, at what they heard next.

"Good evening, Mikado-sensei, may I come in?" a small, gentle and polite voice Tiberius found to be quite appealing requested. "I'd like to discuss a few things with some people I'm fairly sure are here. Mostly about a fellow classmate of ours."

"Ah," Ryoko's voice said. "Vampires, as the myth says, can't walk into one's home unless one invites them in, right?"

"In fact, that is true," the stranger's voice said. "I suspect that Negi-sensei would probably be able to explain the theoretical underpinnings of the phenomenon better than I could, but for some reason, land ownership creates a powerful bond between the land and the legitimate owner, which they can use to prevent supernatural beings, such as myself, from entering without their permission." She paused, and next added sweetly, "Such a shame that you used a false name on the purchase papers."

"Please come in," Ryoko's voice said.

Kagurazaka grumbled angrily at that. "Oh yeah, and that sure explains why Eva attacked the dormitories and struck Honya just fine the first time she went after Negi, and why that Jedi-yite creep broke into Despair-sensei's place so easily that one time..."

"Actually, it doesn't work that way in our world, but it does here, that's all," Skuld explained.

Kagurazaka folded her arms and pouted. "Well, then there are some things our world could learn from this one after all!"

"Dimensions can't just 'learn' things from others, it literally doesn't work that way!" the exasperated Skuld told her.

* * *

 _The Russian Dead Lands:  
_  
 _"Adeat,"_ Lena said, taking the shiny new card before herself and then moving her hands as flashily as possible, with the practiced showmanship of a con woman, but what came next was no con or mere trick of sleight of hand. Auntie had refused to share much of her true power with her, but what little she had received as her legacy was now, and she could feel it in her feathers, growing tenfold as her clothes changed around herself, reshaping into a tighter, darker ensemble very reminiscent of her aunt's, although thankfully without the goofy looking shoes. She hated those stupid shoes, after all.

Laura's expression remained impassive and cold, and yet she was fairly impressed by what she saw. She gave a quick glance around herself, and saw the others did not look terribly fazed by what they, too, had just witnessed, moving her to quietly wonder exactly how much had they lived through after all. She barely could imagine it, and although the idea of other, alien worlds coexisting beyond what she had known of reality until now was not enough as to rattle her, she still could allow herself a fair degree of respect towards the supernatural now she had seen it with her own functional eye.

Lena took her hands to her amulet, which was now surrounded by a much thicker and heavier, golden and jeweled square frame, just as Ishtar explained with a smile, "That is your Artifact, the proof of your bond with a supreme power. It will greatly increase the extent and reach of your powers. With it, these primitive means of transportation will not be necessary anymore."

"Well, then you should have done it from the start!" Touko protested.

"Not until I saw which of you was worthy," the Servant who was also now a Master haughtily replied. "Fool, do you believe I would extend my favors to just anyone?"

"What if we ask Gilgamesh on that subject?" Deadpool barbed her.

Ishtar's composure briefly broke down enough for her to seethe at him. "Beware, dolt, for I can silence you permanently should I really wish..."

"What, will you sew my mouth shut, give me Baraka blade hands, get another actor to play me and throw the world's worst script at me?" he asked. "They actually tried that once, but-"

"Wade," Nekane warned him very sternly.

He did stop then, but whether it was because of her request or because of Berserker's hand now tightly clasping itself onto his mouth before the other Servant could go ballistic on him will remain a mystery for the ages.

Lena caressed the amulet, rubbing it carefully as several long, oily, thick tendrils of black began oozing all around her, flowing out from the artifact and spreading across the rough ground, rising proudly and slowly spinning around her, until she gradually cracked a wide, slightly insidious smile that made Issei narrow his eyes in mild alarm. "Yes, this is good..." she said. "I haven't ever felt like this before. I-"

One of the tendrils suddenly darted away into the distance, Eastwards, stretching across the dead prairie like a single black line whipping along until it was lost in the distance. "I can see through them now," Lena said, somewhat stilted, as she tested her new power and felt a faint buzzing in her head. "It still goes and goes, faster than I thought possible, and... and... I think I reached it now. Our limits. That's as far as I can go now, moving through shadows."

"And... exactly _how_ far it is, then?" Karin frowned.

Lena turned her face towards her. "The China Sea."

"Oh goodie, so we won't need a truck anymore, just a boat," Deadpool said. "Well, it was nice having you for the ride for this while, Lau-Lau, but I'm afraid-"

"The money's already in my account," Laura coldly answered. "So I'm not particularly crushed we have to part ways before we intended."

"Well, yes, you were not exactly the greatest of joys to have around either," Fukawa confessed.

"Of course," Deadpool commented then, as Lena's shadows were summoned back to her, the feathered girl giving a long drawn breath that was half sigh and half moan, "lashing out with that long-ass magical thing across at least two countries and a heavily guarded border had to trigger at least a few magical alarms they must be tracking to as we speak, amirite?"

"Uuuuhhhh..." Sakura said.

"Because as I understand," Deadpool continued as Asia also began growing visibly agitated, "if things here are anything at all like they're at Home Sweet Home, each government has its own secret department of magical crap defense and stuff, always keeping watch on the great dangers from the unknown, and at this point, brother, we're much more alien here than anything H.P. could have ever cooked up! Now add to that the Russkies must have kept at least the most basic amounts of Titanium Men around to keep watch on the homefront, and unless I'm guessing wrong, and when do I ever do that, then-"

"Asia-chan!" Issei shouted suddenly, leaping aside and protectively tackling the shrieking blonde against the ground, away from the vehicle. "Look out!"

Then a Titanium Man, with a loud, ear piercing whistle, fell from the sky and landed right at the middle of Laura's currently empty truck, shredding it under his massive feet like so much cheap rusty metal.

"Told ya so!" Deadpool said, the curve of a huge smile pulling up under the fabric of the red mask.

"This," said Laura, "will cost your patrons extra."

* * *

 _Back in another world:  
_  
"See, I told you they hadn't left Japan yet," a vindicated Sailor Pluto smiled, firmly held in the grasp of gigantic vines.

"Oh, good," Sailor Jupiter said, similarly hanging upside down as several strong mutated honeysuckles held her, too, in place. "I guess that still makes them marginally less dumb than us!"

"Mercury better be really appreciative of this, is all I'm saying," Mars gurgled, tightly squeezed by thorny vines from heels to throat.

"Relax," Venus smiled, as she saw the two other figures in Senshi garb step out of the shadows of the botanical garden, coming over to face them, from her advantageous position as the sole intruder still standing free, several mangled vegetal remains scattered all around her. She flipped them a smirking salute. "Hello there, Uranus, Neptune, it's been a while."

Old habits die hard, and despite having the powers of a living sea maelstrom at her avail now, the first thing Pamela Isley, Sailor Neptune, did was leveling a crossbow at Sailor Venus. "What do you want here?"

"Well," Venus said, taking a moment to scratch the upside of her nose, "first of all, we'd like to ask what have you been doing to the garden's staff the whole time you've been holed up here. We were betting against Pluto you wouldn't have the unmitigated gall as to hide in a non-abandoned place!"

"Blame your thriving economy!" Uranus waved a fist at her, her other hand currently holding an even bigger than usual mallet with Uranus' sign emblazoned on it. Whether it was custom made or had somehow come with the powerset, Minako really didn't want to know. "Do you know how much harder is it to find a decent abandoned place here compared to Gotham? What happened to Mercury, by the way?" she pointed at Jupiter, who sneered furiously. "Got shrunk while washing her?"

"Ah, yes, well, Uranus, Neptune, meet Sailor Jupiter," Minako said. "Jupiter, meet Sailor Uranus and Neptune."

"A pleasure," Jupiter growled, the pleasure being how she was imagining pulverizing them already.

Uranus blinked. "Why is the biggest planet the tiniest girl of your bunch?"

"Same reason why the smallest planet was the tallest girl, I assume," Neptune chuckled. "What happened to her, then? Tragically cut down in the line of duty for the sake of an uncaring humanity who fears and despises you? My deepest condolences..." she mocked.

"Bitch, our mugs are on lunchboxes and videogames, don't put us in the same boat as you," Sailor Mars grunted. "You do realize, even tied up like this, I still can set us free with my fire and burn the whole place down, don't you? Same thing with Pluto and her Dead Scream, and Jupiter and her Thunder, really. We let ourselves be caught so you would show yourselves ..."

"... sure, let's go with that!" Mayu faintly said to herself, her plants squeezing her even tighter.

Neptune turned the crossbow's aim at Mars' head. "Can you do that before you have an arrow through your head?"

"Gee, I dunno," Venus in turn pointed a hand to Ivy's head. "Can you pull on that trigger before a Venus Love Me Chain through your skull?"

"You wouldn't...!" Uranus frowned.

"How many Youma and Generals who are just as eloquent and self-aware as any human have we destroyed already, Pluto-san?" Mars looked up at Pluto.

"Two Generals and twenty six Youma so far," Pluto exposited, "Plus thirteen Youma and a General Venus disposed of by herself while in England..."

Uranus blinked again, fondly impressed. "Whoa! Respect! My impression of you gals has skyrocketed now! Maybe we can be pals after all!"

"Please let's not go that far," Jupiter requested between clenched teeth.

"No, no, no, I insist!" Uranus laughed disturbingly, hopping over to Venus and slapping her on a shoulder, much to the other blonde's disgust. "Don't worry about the employees, Red's just got them in a slight trance, so they won't mind us being here, but they aren't poisoned or anything..."

"Yet," Neptune made clear.

"Um, well, yeah, that's good to hear, assuming it's true," Venus warily told them. "Now let's talk about business, Sailor Senshi business. Nice to see you still remember Mercury-chan, because this is about her. And believe me, it's in your own best interests, too, to listen to us now..."

* * *

 **Next: Akira.**

* * *

 **OMAKE!**

* * *

 **Touch.  
**  
"Negi," Mikado very seriously told Negi John once they were alone, "we need to have sex more often."

He blinked. "Of course! I mean... Naturally, I'm not against the idea at all, but... what moves you to ask, Sensei?"

"I've just realized that, even without ever having sex with him, Rito has fondled and groped me four times as much as you have since he moved in with me."

* * *

 **Mirror.  
**  
"Why," Ayase Yue dryly asked Saotome Haruna, "did you tell her?"

Haruna frowned. "Why do you think? Same reason I had to tell Nodoka! I mean, you were posing as her just yesterday, she was entitled to know that, wasn't she? What if she had been asked about yesterday and had replied she hadn't been at classes?"

Yue sighed, then looked back at the other, pale Yue sitting across her at the kitchen table, and tried to smile for her sake. "I'm sorry it had to come to this... Ayase-san," she said, making the other Yue wonder, first and foremost, if she really sounded like that to others, too. "But know that I'm still glad to make your acquaintance, and if you have anything to ask me, then please, just ask."

This world's Yue only could nod rigidly. "I... I think I do have several questions," she said.

The visiting Yue braced herself. "Very well... Start with the most pressing one, then?"

Her counterpart looked around a few times. "Where is the toilet in this house?"

And the visiting Yue felt better inside. _Ah,_ she thought, _I can synch up with her after all..._

* * *

 **Strange Minds...  
**  
"I don't know how we didn't think of this before," Negi John smiled, placing a hand on Negi Tiberius' forehead. "It would have saved us a lot of trouble... well, especially you, I suppose. Are you ready now?"

Negi Tiberius nodded. "Please do it."

"Okay," the younger mage closed his eyes, took a very deep breath, and concentrated on reading his counterpart's mind. "Now, let's see if this reaches into your subconscious."

After a few moments of shared silence between them, Yue asked, "W-Well? Has it worked?"

Negi Tiberius blinked. "Okay, for some reason, I believe I remember everything about Magus Erebus-san now. Wow, that poor fellow. Please promise me you'll never force me into girl's clothes... again... Ah! I remember the Tamamo-no-Mae costume now too! And by association, that Caster-san as well! Wait, why have I just said 'that'? Do we happen to know another Caster?"

Yue facepalmed. "Well. That is _some_ further small progress, I imagine. How about you, John-sensei? Have you-"

John grabbed Tiberius' hands and emotionally told him, "Chisame-san needs it."

Tiberius blinked. "Eh?"

"Please, please keep this in mind. Even if you don't wish to join us, sooner or later you will have to give Chisame-san what she needs so badly, and deep inside you want it too."

"Eh?!"

"And Kakizaki-san as well, I can't believe you're that negligent! And Misora! Those poor, poor young women, suffering because of your short-sightedness! However, perhaps you'd better ignore Anya. I don't know how could you endure her so much though school, if my Anya had been like that, I think I would have killed her."

 _"Don't ever speak ill of Anya!"_ Tiberius sprang up furiously, another piece of the puzzle turning around and up in his mind, and once again Yue couldn't help but bristling at how selective his recovering memory could be...

* * *

 **Pokemon.  
**  
"He is so, so, _soooooo_ adorable!" Makie squealed, tightly hugging Jean Luc and rubbing cheeks with him. "So, are you his Master, Negi-kun?"

"Ah, no, he's actually the Familiar of a recent friend of ours, Collet-san," Tiberius explained. "But somehow he made the leap here with us while she couldn't, so..."

"Ohhhh, you and your friends are Pokemon trainers, too!" Makie was, if anything, only further thrilled, and Negi could swear he briefly saw stylized pink hearts replacing her pupils.

"Ah, no, he's the only Pokemon we've ever seen!" Tiberius said. "You'll see, mages of Mundus Magicus summon their Familiars from other dimensions, and Jean Luc must be from some alternate realm where Pokemon actually exist. But no, in ours, other than him, they don't. They are only a videogame and anime series, much like here..."

"Oh," Makie pouted. "But by default, you are his Master now that girl isn't around, aren't you?"

"Pika," Jean Luc said, pointing a paw at Yue. "Pika pika, pika pi!"

The Yue standing next to Yue blinked. "Me, seriously?! But... why?!"

The Yue who had just been pointed at, however, only sighed and pointed at the second Yue herself. "I believe she's the one you are thinking of, Jean Luc-san."

"Pika!" Jean Luc nodded, his paw now pointing at the second Yue. "Pika pika, pika pi, pika pikachu!"

"I'm your 'Master', and yet you can't tell me apart from her?!" the second Yue asked.

"Well, to be fair, who could?" Tsukuyomi asked, looking back and forth between them. "Of course, were one of you to lack a limb or two, you might be easily told apart. Or one of you could get herself a less terrible hairstyle. Both might work, I suppose, even though I'd be more inclined towards the first..."

Makie smiled at Jean Luc, holding him high. "I wonder, where did you come from originally?"

* * *

"Pikachu!" Ash shouted, pointing ahead now the rest of his Pokemon had fallen. "It's up to you now! Thunder Shock-"

Nothing happened.

"- oh, that's right," Ash muttered. "Good grief."

And so the Legendary squashed him down, then blew the world up.

The anime had to be finally put of its misery, and there was much rejoicing.

 _"Yayyyyy..."_

* * *

 **Whatever Works, Works.  
**  
"You've got to admit it," Tsukuyomi observed, "his methods are more efficient than yours."

Negi Tiberius quietly glared at her.

"I mean," she said, undeterred, "how many people does he have helping him, compared to those you had on your side before meeting us in Kyoto?"

"Good thing, then," the teacher answered, "I don't measure my success by the number of people following me around."

"On what, then?" Tsukuyomi asked. "On how proud you have made your father? Isn't he the one doing exactly what his father told him to do, and already giving him several grandchildren, while you still can't even find your dad?"

Negi blinked, horrified, and then shattered to pieces.

"Something to think about, wouldn't you say so?" she asked the pieces, then merrily whistling and skipping away from them.

The pieces could only hiccup helplessly.


End file.
